


Enchanted Tales with Belle

by Bad_Faery



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Disney World & Disneyland, F/M, Sick Child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-03-29 04:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 155,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13919166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bad_Faery/pseuds/Bad_Faery
Summary: When Gold brings his seriously ill son to Disney World, their little family catches the attention of Actual Disney Princess Belle.





	1. Chapter 1

Gold had his doubts about the wisdom of this excursion, but Bae had pleaded to visit Disney World, and there was little he could deny his boy, not when there were no guarantees that he’d have the child for much longer.

Running his hand over his face, Gold tried to focus on the positives.  Right now, Bae was beaming, his smile nearly splitting his pale face in two as he gazed out the monorail window, exclaiming at everything he saw on the brief journey from the Polynesian Resort where they were staying to the main gates of the Magic Kingdom.  An oxygen tube ran from his nose to the tank slung on his back, which he insisted he was strong enough to carry himself.  Right now, he wasn’t coughing, but Gold was prepared with a backpack filled with handkerchiefs, inhalers, spare clothes, and anything else Bae might need when one of his spells came on him.  His cell phone was in his pocket, fully charged and waiting for a call that might never come.

Bae was next on the list for a lung transplant, but child-sized lungs were hard to come by in the world of organ donation, and none of Gold’s money or influence could help with that.  It was criminally unfair that the one thing he couldn’t buy was the one thing he longed for most— Bae’s health.

All he could do was try to keep his son as comfortable and happy as he could, and if that meant a trip to Disney World, to Disney World they would go.  He would keep an eagle eye on his boy to make sure he didn’t overtire himself, carefully hoarding as many memories he could make in case… Just in case.

Bae was so busy trying to look everywhere at once that he barely noticed the queues they had to wait in to get through security and into the park itself, happily hopping from foot to foot as he tried to point out every single detail.  “Papa, those flowers look like Mickey!  Papa, there’s a train; can we ride it?  Papa, what does that do?”

In the ten minutes they’d been here, Bae had undergone a transformation from the too serious boy he was forced to be to a typical seven year old, albeit one with a tube in his nose.  Gold was quietly grateful that none of the other guests even blinked at the oxygen tank.  

“Let’s ride the train,” he suggested, and Bae opened his mouth to whoop, then closed it again, remembering that loud noises often triggered a coughing fit.  

There was another queue for the train—Gold was beginning to see a pattern here—but it was relatively short, and before long they were chugging away, Bae looking around with wide eyes.  “Can we ride _everything_ , Papa?”

“We’ll see,” Gold allowed.  Bae absolutely refused to be confined to a wheelchair, and between the queues and the frequent stops for rest that his father would insist upon, they were unlikely to ride everything, but they were here for a week.  His plan had been to spend time at each of the four parks, but if it took them all week just to see the Magic Kingdom, that would be fine too.

Gold had a map of the park to study, but he put it aside in favor of watching his son.  Bae’s pale face was aglow with delight at being in the middle of the movies he loved so well.  His health prevented him from running and jumping like other boys his age, so Gold had tried to fill the gap with books, DVDs, and board games instead, resulting in a collection of Disney movies so extensive that Bae even owned a copy of _Song of the South_.  

“Do they have a Beauty and the Beast ride?” Bae asked when he saw the map.  Of all the cartoons, that was his favorite, probably because Belle was a bookworm like him, and she got to have an adventure.  

Gold frowned at the map, wishing he’d thought to bring his reading glasses.  “I think it’s a show, not a ride,” he said, locating ‘Enchanted Tales with Belle’ in the middle of the park.  “We’ll do that later, okay?”

Bae’s strength and endurance were limited, and Gold planned a single sweep across the park from Adventureland to Tomorrowland and then back to the hotel.  They could fit the Belle show in after dinner.

He’d spent months planning this trip, but it didn’t take long for his careful itinerary to fall apart.  He’d had no intentions of riding either the runaway train nor the log flume, not wanting to stress Bae’s lungs more then necessary, but his son refused to skip over anything that he was tall enough to ride.  After enduring countless intimidating medical procedures, a mere roller coaster held no terror for Bae.  His son was brave as a lion.

Gold, on the other hand, was not, but it was so good to see his son as happy and carefree as a healthy child that he almost didn’t mind the sickening drops and turns.  The commercials didn’t lie: Disney World was a magical place.   All the same, he was glad when Bae’s favorite attraction of the morning proved to be the Country Bear Jamboree.  Singing bears were far more his speed than roller coasters, although if it made Bae happy, he’d ride Big Thunder Mountain a thousand times.

“What are we going to do next, Papa?” Bae asked, his son sliding around in his chair as he tried to look everywhere at once, paying little attention to his astronomically priced turkey sandwich.

Knowing his son’s fondness for _Beauty and the Beast_ , Gold had made reservations at Be Our Guest for an early dinner, hoping that the novelty of sitting in a restaurant that looked like it had come straight out of his favorite cartoon would distract Bae enough to keep him sitting down long enough to rest.  So far, it was working.

They’d taken a table in the West Wing, the gloomy atmosphere doing little to dampen Bae’s enthusiasm.  He’d already pointed out the magical rose with its falling petals and called attention to the way the tattered portrait of the prince changed to show the Beast whenever there was a flash of lightning.  At least he was sitting down.

“Do you still want to see the Belle show?”  Gold bit his lip to hide a smile at the look Bae gave him, his son’s expression making it very clear that his papa had asked an incredibly stupid question.  "I’ll take that as a yes.“

Apparently, everyone in the park had also decided to visit Enchanted Tales with Belle, but since the line snaked through an excellent replica of the garden in front of the cottage Belle shared with her father, Maurice, Bae didn’t seem to notice.  Eventually, they made their way into the cottage itself, and Bae looked around Maurice’s workshop, wide-eyed.  "Whoa.   _Look_ at everything, Papa!”

“I’m looking,” he promised, seeking to memorize the awestruck expression on Bae’s face.  He refused to believe that there would ever come a day when his son wasn’t there to light up his life.  Gold couldn’t live in a world that didn’t have Bae in it.

Even he had to gape when the “magic mirror” that he’d thought was a cleverly disguised video screen showing scenes from the animated movie suddenly started to grow, tripling in size and splitting apart to reveal a passageway that led straight to the Beast’s castle.  To him, it was an impressive bit of technology, but to Bae, it was magic come to life.

“I want to live here,” Bae whispered as they made their way into the next room where a large wardrobe awaited them, already chattering away.  

In a world where magic mirrors and talking furniture existed, Bae’s condition could be cured with the wave of a magic wand.  "So do I.“

With the help of a human assistant, the wardrobe was taking volunteers to perform roles in a play they were putting on for Belle.  Bae was nearly beside himself with excitement.  "Can I, Papa?  Can I?  Can I?”

Gold didn’t have the heart to deny him.  "Go ahead.“  If worst came to worst and the play overtired Bae they could always go back to the hotel.

Bae didn’t look tired.  Bae looked triumphant when his very best roar earned him the role of the Beast, and Gold got his camera ready to film after he adjusted the cape they’d tied around Bae’s shoulders to make sure his oxygen line wasn’t constricted.  They couldn’t possibly have missed seeing it.  Surely they wouldn’t have assigned him the part if it was too strenuous.

Still fretting, he was ushered to a seat on a padded bench in the front row of a room decorated to look like a library while Bae was herded off to the side with the other actors.  Bae was too busy gawking at the talking candlestick on the fireplace to pay attention to his father, but when he managed to catch the boy’s eye, his son grinned at him, the sight so beautiful that it brought tears to his eyes.

Once Belle arrived, Gold could have stood on his head and Bae wouldn’t have even looked in his direction.  They boy gazed open-mouthed at the princess in her yellow ballgown, and Gold had to admit that she played her part well even if her accent sounded a bit off and her brown eyes didn’t look quite natural.

He could have forgiven her anything when it was Bae’s turn to perform and she pulled him into a gentle waltz around the library, the pair of them chatting away like they’d known each other for years.  Gold longed to know what they were talking about when Bae suddenly laughed, his son’s face lighting up in a way he hadn’t seen since before his diagnosis.

Too soon the show was over, and each child got to pose with Belle for a picture before she left to meet the Beast and they were herded out of the castle.  "She’s just like she is in the movie!” Bae enthused as he surrendered his cape.

“What did the two of you talk about?”

“Did you take pictures?  I want to see!” Bae demanded, ignoring his father’s question.

With effort, Gold managed to get Bae moving before the rest of the crowd trampled them and handed over his phone once they found a bench.  Bae was as focused on the screen as he’d been on Belle, watching their dance at least four times before he finally surrendered the phone.

“We talked about books.  She likes Narnia too.  Her favorite character is Lucy, just like me.  And she said if I like Narnia, I should read a book about a phone booth.”  Bae frowned at the recollection.

“A phone booth?” Gold repeated, lost.

“No, _tollbooth_ ,” Bae corrected himself.  "The Phantom Tollbooth.  Can I read that, Papa?“

"Of course you can.”  At least he’d heard of that.

“And I told her about the hospital, and she said I was very brave just like a knight, and she said I was handsome and she’s glad I was her Beast.  Wasn’t she pretty, Papa?”

Belle had gotten more out of his normally shy son in sixty seconds than most adults could get out of him in a year.  "She’s beautiful.“  Underneath the costume, wig, and makeup, he wasn’t entirely sure what Belle looked like, but it didn’t matter.  Anyone who could make such an impression on his son was beautiful inside and out.

"Can we do it again?” Bae requested.

Gold winced.  He wasn’t quite sure how the show worked, but he was willing to bet that there was more than one Belle holding court, and if they went through again to find a different actress, some of the magic would be lost.  "Maybe later.  There’s lots of other things to see.“

To his relief, his son didn’t press the matter, and they continued their tour of the park.  Bae seemed to enjoy It’s a Small World, and he cheered mightily when Captain Hook was cornered by the crocodile on the Peter Pan ride, but he continued to mention Belle every third sentence until the end of the day.

” _Please_ let’s go see Belle again,“ he pleaded as they dragged themselves off of the Speedway.  Bae didn’t meet the height requirement to drive a car by himself, forcing Gold to squeeze himself into one of the small vehicles with him, and for an embarrassing moment, he’d been afraid he’d have to spend the rest of his life going around and around on the track because, with his bad knee, climbing out of the low car was a great deal harder than climbing in.

"Tomorrow,” he promised, shaking his head at himself.  Of the two of them, Bae was the fragile one, but he had more stamina than his old man did.  When did he get so old?

“Papa, _please_ …”  There was a touch of a whine in Bae’s voice, a warning side that he was getting overtired, but Gold couldn’t bring himself to deny the boy.  Bae was having a good day, and that was cause for celebration.

“I want you to just sit and watch this time,” he cautioned.  He couldn’t imagine Bae would be picked to play the Beast twice in one day, but it was better not to take chances.  Belle probably met a thousand children a day, and Bae would be heartbroken if she didn’t remember him.  

Once he had Bae’s grudging agreement, they made their way back to Fantasyland, reaching Enchanted Tales With Belle just as one of the workers was fastening a rope across the entrance to the queue.

“Oh _no_ ,” Bae moaned.  "We’re too late!“

"It’s only the first day.  We can come back tomorrow,” Gold tried to comfort him.

“But I wanted to see Belle!”  Bae’s voice broke on a sob that turned into a racking cough.

“I think we have just enough room for two more!” the worker announced in a bright voice as she unhooked the rope, beckoning them in.

“Thank you,” Gold murmured as he guided Bae toward the cottage, trying not to see the pity in her eyes.  No doubt she’d decided to bend the rules upon seeing Bae’s oxygen tank, and the reminder of his son’s precarious health made his heart ache.

By the time they got Bae’s cough under control, it was their turn to enter the cottage, and Gold gently wiped away the flecks of blood on his son’s chin with his pocket square as Bae gazed at the magic mirror in wonder, enjoying the show just as much the second time.

It was a sign of how tired Bae was that he didn’t argue when Gold took the oxygen tank away from him to carry it himself.  Tomorrow would be a lazy day, he decided.  They would sleep late and spend some time splashing in the pool so Bae could recover his strength.  Perhaps they would stay away from the parks altogether.

Bae made a grumbling noise when a small girl was chosen to play the Beast, but he also leaned heavily against Gold’s side as they took their seats on a bench, assuring him that he’d made the right choice in insisting Bae sit this one out.

“There she is,” Bae breathed when Belle made her entrance.  

To Gold’s surprise, it was the same actress they saw before, and she gave Bae an affectionate smile when he waved at her.  He leaned his head against his papa’s shoulder, the breath wheezing in his chest as they watched the brief show.  Yes, tomorrow would definitely be a day of rest.

As Belle took pictures with the children, several people who hadn’t been chosen to perform queued up to get a photo with her, and Bae squirmed.  "Can I go up, Papa?  Please?“

Gold nodded and set to work trying to untangle Bae’s oxygen line, a process that took too long.  Before Bae could stand, Belle was saying her goodbyes, and the show was over.  

Silent tears ran down Bae’s face as he looked dolefully after her.  "She left.”

“She’s had a long day, and she’s probably tired, just like you.  We’ll come back and see her again, and you can get another picture then.”  

It took a few moments for Bae to compose himself, but eventually he managed to drag himself off the bench.  Gold followed, the two of them heading for the exit.

They had just reached the door when one of the attendants stepped in front of them.  "Excuse me, your majesty.  Princess Belle has requested an audience with Prince Bae.“

Bae made an extraordinary sound.  "She remembered my name!”

“If you’d like to have a seat?”  The attendant escorted them back into the library, which seemed smaller now that it was empty.

Once the room was clear, the library door opened and Belle peeked her head around, her face lighting up at the sight of them.  "My Beast!“

She hurried closer and dropped to her knees as she held out her arms, and Gold had just enough time to adjust Bae’s oxygen line before his son threw himself into the princess’s embrace.  

He watched the pair of them breathlessly, Bae held close in a beautiful woman’s arms, her face soft with affection.  It was something the boy had never had before.  Milah had left before he was old enough to toddle, and when Gold called to tell her of Bae’s diagnosis, hoping that it would trigger some kind of maternal instinct, she’d told him harshly never to contact her again.  A stranger dressed up like a cartoon princess showed Bae more genuine love than his own mother ever had.

"Did you have fun today?” she asked as she coaxed him to take a seat on the bench again and sat down beside him.  "What was your favorite thing?“

"Meeting you!”

Belle giggled.  "I’m very flattered.  In that case, what was your second favorite thing?“

Bae considered that for a moment.  "I liked the bear show.”

Staying in character, Belle pretended not to know what he was talking about.  "I’ve never seen bears put on a show.  It sounds wonderful!  What was it like?“

Bae was only too happy to tell her all about it as Gold watched, content to enjoy his son’s happiness in silence.  Belle couldn’t really be interested in hearing a blow-by-blow account of their day at the park, but she listened with apparent fascination, asking questions every time Bae ran out of words.

"It all sounds magical,” she sighed once Bae brought them full circle, telling her that he’d tried to come up and say hello to her after the show, but he’d been too slow.  "I love magic, don’t you?“

When Bae nodded, she smiled and beckoned the attendant closer.  "Speaking of magic, would you like to meet Lumiere?”

“‘Allo, Prince Bae!” the candlestick cried, dazzling Bae and catching Gold by surprise. He’d assumed the small character was a prop, not a puppet.

“ _Wow_ …”  Bae followed the attendant to the fireplace so he could be properly introduced, and before Gold could move to follow him, Belle turned to him.

“He’s a wonderful boy.”  Her voice was softly accented, Australian by the sound of it.  With Bae out of earshot, she’d allowed herself to break character.  

“Thank you.”

Belle scooted a little closer, smiling tenderly at Bae as he interacted with the puppet.  The smile faded as she turned to Gold, her eyes filled with so much sympathy that it made his throat ache.  "Is he terribly sick?“

Gold took a harsh breath.  "Pulmonary hemosiderosis.  It’s rare and… bad.  He’s next on the list for a lung transplant.  I keep hoping.  Then I realize that I’m hoping some other parent…”

He trailed off, the familiar guilt bitter on his tongue.  By hoping for a child-sized pair of lungs for Bae, he was hoping for another parent to endure the tragedy he couldn’t bear to contemplate for himself.

Warm fingers covered his.  "I’m _so_ sorry.  I’ve been thinking about him all day.  He’s so full of light.“

"He’s my world,” Gold admitted.  Without Bae, he would fade away and turn to dust.

“It must be hard for him not to be able to run and play with his friends.  If you think it would cheer him up to talk to a princess, I’d be happy to email or video chat with him in character,” Belle offered.  "Of course, if you don’t want him talking to a stranger, I _completely_ understand.  I don’t mean to overstep.“

Her generous offer rocked him.  "Not at all.  That is _very_ kind of you.”

Her mouth crooked in a wistful smile.  "I just wish I could do more.“

She sniffled a little and rubbed the corner of her eye, then let out a soft yelp.  "Oh no!”

When Gold looked, he found himself gazing into a pair of mismatched eyes— one a slightly artificial brown, the other the most gorgeous blue he’d ever seen.  

Belle gave him an embarrassed smile before combing her fingers over her skirt until she came up with a contact lens.  Looking away, she hastily popped it back into place and when she looked back, her eyes were once again brown.

“I’m glad Bae didn’t see that.  It would kind of kill the illusion.”

It was a crime to hide eyes as lovely as hers, but Gold had sense enough not to say that.  He didn’t even know this woman’s name.  The connection he felt between them was nothing more than shared empathy for Bae.

“What’s your name?”  The words were out of his mouth before he realized he was planning to ask the question.

“Belle.”

His reaction must have showed on his face because she giggled.  "No, it really is.  Well, actually it’s Isabelle.  Growing up, everyone called me Izzy, but after I saw _Beauty and the Beast_ , I made everyone call me Belle.  Playing this character is kind of a dream come true.“

"You’re doing a wonderful job.”  She’d brought magic into Bae’s life, and through the kindness of her heart, she was offering to do even more.

“Let me give you my number.  Do you have a pen?  The dress doesn’t have pockets.”

Gold found a pen and a scrap of paper for Belle to jot down her number and email address.  "Bae says you’re from Maine.  I go to school in Boston when I’m not being a princess.  If there’s ever anything I can do…"

“Thank you,” Gold rasped, feeling like he should be saying more.  

“Papa, come see!” Bae called, gesturing for him to come talk to the candlestick.

He felt vaguely ridiculous as he allowed himself to be introduced to the puppet, but Bae was smiling so widely that it didn’t matter.  

“I love it here,” Bae sighed, looking around the room happily.  "I wish I could live here.“

Belle took his hand.  "Castles are very nice, but I think you would miss your house.”

“It’s pink!” Bae informed her.

“Your papa told me that he knows some magic that will let us talk even when you’re home in your pink house.  It’s called a com-pu-ter.”  She pretended to sound out an unfamiliar word.  "Would you like that?“

"Really?  That’s great!”  Bae looked so happy about the idea of being able to talk to Belle even after they were back in Maine that Gold was half-tempted to offer to pay her to move in with them.  He had no idea how much being a Disney princess paid, but he was certain he could make a better offer.

No doubt, she would find that creepy, so he kept his mouth shut.  

“And I have something for you.”  From behind her skirt, Belle pulled out a small plush Beast and offered it to Bae.  "He likes books too.  He’ll keep you company when you read.“

Bae had a great many toys, but he accepted this one like Belle was offering him the holy grail.  "Thank you.”

Belle let out a surprised laugh when Bae hugged her hard around the waist, then leaned down to kiss the top of his head as she returned the embrace.  Gold blinked rapidly, trying to hold back tears as he wished that Bae could have this every day.  There was so much he wished he could give his son.

“I’m very happy I met you, Bae,” Belle told him as they broke apart.  

She looked up to include Gold in her smile.  "And you too, your majesty.“

Belatedly, Gold realized he’d never given her his name.  "Gold.  Elias Gold.”

Belle raised her eyebrows.  "How apropos.“

"What does that mean?  App-ro-po?” Bae asked.

“Apropos means appropriate.  I have a dear friend whose middle name is Elias,” Belle explained.

It took Gold a moment to get her joke.  After all of the reading he'd done about this theme park, it had never occurred to him that he shared a name with its founder, Walter Elias Disney.  "I never thought about that.  I’m in good company.“

"The best,” Belle agreed with a smile.  

“Are you ready to say good night, Bae?” Gold prompted, aware that if left to his own devices he might well stand here all night talking to Belle.

“Good night, Belle,” Bae said reluctantly.

Another hug from the princess cheered him considerably.  For a moment, Gold was tempted to request one for himself, but sanity prevailed.  "Good night, Belle.“

"Good night, Prince Bae and King Elias,” she said formally before blowing each of them a kiss.  Gold wondered if it was his imagination that she looked as loath to end the evening as he and Bae were.

The attendant escorted them to the door as Belle left the library.  Bae clung to his father’s hand, nearly skipping as they made their way out of the park, the plush Beast held tight in his other hand.  "I love Belle.“

Gold smiled down at his son.  "I do too.”  He’d known her for only fifteen minutes, but she had the kindest heart of anyone he’d ever met.  

“When I grow up, I’m going to marry her,” Bae announced.

His son’s serious tone made Gold swallow a laugh.  Bae, it seemed, had developed his very first crush.

For once, the fear that Bae might not live to grow up was the furthest thing from his mind.  They met a true princess today, and Bae had made a friend.  Gold rather felt that he had too.  "I look forward to welcoming her into the family.“

As he said the words, Gold could taste the truth of them.  He didn’t know how he knew it, but he did— Belle was meant for them.  Somehow, she was meant to be part of their family.


	2. Chapter 2

When Gold thought of vacations, he thought of relaxation.  To take a vacation was to get out of the daily routine and try something new so you could return to everyday life rested and rejuvenated.

Disney World was _not_ a vacation.

He groaned as he came awake, fumbling for his phone to see what time it was.  Since he’d drawn the blackout drapes, it could be midnight or noon for all he could tell from the lack of light in the room.  The phone informed him that it was ten in the morning, and he had to do a double-take to be certain he’d read it correctly.  He hadn’t slept so late in decades, yet he was tempted to roll over and close his eyes once more.  After a single day in the parks, his leg ached from all of the walking and he could feel a knot between his shoulders from carrying Bae’s supplies.  At this rate, he was going to need a vacation to recover from his vacation.

Taking Bae out of school before the official end of first grade was the smartest thing he’d ever done.  Since it was already hot and crowded, Gold couldn’t imagine how much worse it would be next month when summer vacation was in full swing across the country.  Even better, the parks were still closing early.  Nine o'clock was more than late enough for a closing time.  Had they come two weeks later in the season, the Magic Kingdom would be open until midnight, and that was a daunting prospect.

Gold gave his eyes a few minutes to adjust to the darkness, then peered over at Bae, pleased that the boy was still asleep.  After yesterday’s marathon of fun, rest was the best thing for him.  He wanted his son to enjoy himself as much as he could, but he refused to allow him to get run down in the process.  Bae needed to conserve his strength.

So far, his son was cooperating.  Upon their return to the resort the previous evening, Gold had insisted he go straight to bed after his shower, and the boy hadn’t complained.  With his new stuffed Beast clutched tightly to his chest, Bae had been asleep within five minutes, and Gold hadn’t lasted much longer. Had he really slept for ten hours straight?

He had to admit that it had probably done him good.  Sometimes it felt like he hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since Bae got sick.  If he wasn’t up helping Bae through one of his episodes, he was up late worrying about what the future held.  

Gold promised himself that he wouldn’t think about that today.  He was going to live in the moment and not borrow trouble from the future.  Right now, Bae was having the time of his life, and Gold wouldn’t cheat himself out of this present happiness by worrying about what the future.

He sat up and switched on the light beside him, smiling fondly at the rumpled form of his son in the other bed.  Bae’s mouth was open, his stuffed Beast tucked under his chin.  

Belle really was a wonder, Gold reflected as he picked up the room service menu and tried to decide what to order for breakfast.  Her kindness had made a huge impact on Bae, but Gold was unprepared for what it had done to him.  He’d been isolated for so long that he’d almost forgotten how nice it was to have another adult to talk to, no matter how briefly.  

It was generous of her to offer to remain in touch with Bae.  His son got along with his peers, but his illness set him apart from the other children, and Gold had no idea how to bridge that chasm.  He had no talent for making friends himself, so he had no wisdom to share.  He was content to have Bae comprise his entire social sphere, but his son deserved to have more people to talk with than just his papa.  Now, he had Belle.

He retrieved the piece of paper with her contact information and entered it into his phone, then wrote a quick text.  "This is Elias Gold.  Thank you again for your kindness toward my son.“

The words sounded stilted and formal, but Gold wasn’t sure how to remedy that.  The only people he ever texted were Bae’s doctors.  

In a flash of inspiration, he snapped a quick picture of a sleeping Bae, making sure to include the Beast in the shot and sent it to her.  "He loves your gift.”

For some reason, he was surprised when she responded.  "He’s adorable!  I’m glad he liked it.  I’m looking forward to talking more with him!“

Anything he could think to say in reply seemed to be either too much or not enough, so Gold put the phone away without responding.  At some point, they would have to work out the logistics of how Bae and Belle were going to correspond.  They would have to take Belle’s work schedule into consideration, and if she and Bae were going to video chat, she would need advance warning so she could get into costume.  That was a problem for later though.

By the time he’d ordered breakfast, Bae was stirring.  "Morning, Papa.  What are we going to do today?”

“And good morning to you, too.”  Gold kissed the top of his head.  "We’re going to have breakfast, and a little later, we’re going to the pool.“

Instead of looking pleased at the idea, Bae frowned.  "The pool?  What about the park?”

“No park today,” Gold kept his tone light.  "You’ll like the pool.  It has a volcano and a slide.“

"I can swim _anywhere_.  We haven’t been on all the rides yet!”  

Gold recognized the stubborn set of Bae’s mouth and reevaluated.  The boy’s color was good, and he’d gotten a solid eleven hours of sleep.  Perhaps visiting a park wasn’t outside the realm of possibility.  Animal Kingdom was known for its shows, and looking at animals shouldn’t be too taxing.  Due to his health issues, Bae was small for seven, so he wasn’t tall enough for the most thrilling rides anyway.

He gave in.  "All right.  But you have to eat a good breakfast, and if you start getting tired, you have to tell me.  We don’t have to see everything all at once.  We have all week.“

He was a complete pushover, but Bae looked so happy that Gold couldn’t bring himself to care.

By the time they reached Animal Kingdom, he was second-guessing his decision.  Thanks to the monorail, they’d been at the Magic Kingdom’s front gate minutes after leaving their room.  On the other hand, the entrance to Animal Kingdom seemed to be several hundred miles away from the parking lot with relatively little shade along the way.  Gold was sweltering in his suit before they even entered the park.

Bae was quiet, but determined, looking around curiously once they were inside.  "Does this one have a castle?”

“I think it has a tree.”  Gold wasn’t entirely sure where that tree was, but he assumed that one of the paths in front of them would eventually take them there.  

Bae seemed to enjoy the flamingoes they saw along the way, but it wasn’t until they came out of the tangled bit of jungle to find a massive tree in front of them, its trunk carved with hundreds of different animals, that he started to show real enthusiasm.  "Cool!  Look, Papa!“

The day started on a high note with both of them enjoying the 3D movie about bugs that was shown inside of the tree,  From the sounds of screaming in the auditorium when the black widow spiders "attacked”, there were many other children who weren’t as impressed.  The winding queue also allowed for a closeup look at the carved tree, and Bae was dazzled by the plethora of animals.  

“Look at all of them,” he marveled, reaching out to trace a claw with one finger, the only thing he could reach.  "We should bring Belle here.  She’d like this.“

That was an idea.  Gold considered the possibility.  If Belle had a day off that coincided with their vacation, perhaps he could hire her services for the day.  Bae would enjoy sharing the park with his newest friend.

It was definitely something to think about.  "I’m sure she would.”

Their next attraction was a stage show version of _Finding Nemo_ , a movie that Gold was deeply ambivalent about.  Bae loved the film, seeing a reflection of himself in the small fish with the malformed fin.  Gold, on the other hand, saw rather too much of himself in Nemo’s overprotective father.  

Fortunately, Bae didn’t meet the height requirements for either roller coaster, but the dinosaur ride seemed innocuous enough until they actually got on it.  Gold was envisioning a scenic tour of the Cretaceous period, not a bumpy ride through forbidding darkness broken only to show off a terrifyingly lifelike Carnotaur that had decided they were its next meal.

Grateful for his seat belt, Gold grabbed the bar in front of him and held on for dear life as next to him, Bae laughed with glee.  At least one of them was having fun.

Their vehicle “stalled” suddenly as a massive Carnotaur thundered out of the vegetation, lunging for them with a roar.  Gold flinched back from the beast as Bae screamed, the piercing noise dissolving into a coughing fit.  

“Oh no,” Gold breathed as Bae started to wheeze, his son struggling to catch his breath.  A moment later, the ride vehicle swung into the unload area, and Gold unfastened the boy’s seatbelt, picking him up bodily to carry him out as Bae continued to cough.

“It’s okay.  It’s okay.  Papa’s got you.”  With his bad knee, Bae’s weight was too much for him, but necessity lent him strength.  Gold found a shaded bench just outside the building, not letting his reaction show as he took in Bae’s contorted features and the blood on his chin.  

“You’re okay,” Gold assured him as he unzipped the backpack, digging through until he found what he wanted.  He carried enough medication to open up his own pharmacy, and based on the hoarse note in Bae’s cough, he was going to need most of it.

By the time they got the cough under control, the front of Bae’s shirt was covered in blood, and the boy was lying on the bench, his head in his father’s lap as Gold stroked his hair.  "Papa,“ he whimpered.

"I know.”  There wasn’t much else to say.  "I know, Bae-bae.“

That Bae didn’t protest the silly nickname told Gold all he needed to know about his son’s state of mind.  He leaned back, watching the hordes of people streaming past their resting place, parents and children chattering away without a care in the world.  In another life, that might have been him and Bae, and Gold allowed himself a moment to wish that he lived in that alternate universe where they didn’t have to think about pills and inhalers and oxygen tanks.  In that world, Bae could run and yell as much as he wanted, and all a cough would signify was that he might be catching cold.

Eventually, Bae rallied enough to sit up, his face pale and shoulders drooping.  "I _hate_ being sick,” he muttered, staring down at his feet.  "I _liked_ the ride.  It was fun.  It’s not _fair_.“

"No, it isn’t.”  Gold agreed, wishing he could do more than just commiserate with his son.

Even now, Bae’s breath was raspy, and that meant their day at the park was over.  "Can you walk to the car?“

"I want to do the rides,” Bae whined.

“Right now, you need to rest.  We can do more rides tomorrow.”  On this, Gold was resolute.  "Come on.  We’ll go back to the room, and you can have a nap, then we’ll go swimming.  Tonight, we’ll do something fun.“

At that, Bae perked up a little.  "Something fun?  What?”

“It’s a surprise.”  It would be a surprise for both of them because, at the moment, Gold didn’t have the slightest idea how they were going to spend their evening.

The promise of a fun surprise was enough to get Bae to cooperate when Gold pulled a fresh shirt out of his backpack.  Once he no longer looked like he’d met up with an ax murderer, the two of them made their way back to the parking lot, Gold shouldering Bae’s tank.  By the time they reached the Cadillac, his leg was throbbing, and he was going to pay the price for carrying Bae earlier.

Driving from Maine to Florida had been a long haul, but as Gold climbed behind the wheel to see Bae already half-asleep in the back seat, he decided it had been more than worth it.  This way he hadn’t had to worry about any of Bae’s equipment being lost or about the sanitation conditions of what was essentially a flying petri dish of bacteria.  He’d all but sterilized their hotel room upon arrival, but there were limits to what he could do on a plane.

An illness for Bae could spell disaster, so Gold hosed him off once they got back to their room before tucking him into bed with his stuffed Beast.  He’d expected the boy to fall asleep at once, but Bae was restless until his papa sat down next to him to rub his back, the soothing motion as comforting to him as it was to Bae.  Under his hand, he could feel the warmth of his son’s body heat and the rise and fall of his chest, a physical reminder that his boy was still with him.

Once Bae slipped into a rejuvenating sleep, Gold retreated to his own bed to puzzle out what sort of surprise he could conjure up for the evening.  He knew one thing— they weren’t setting foot in another park today, and that limited their options.  A show of some kind?  He wasn’t sure if they’d be able to get tickets at such short notice, and even if they did, they’d done shows this morning.  The last thing he wanted was for Bae to be disappointed.

So, what would Bae like best?

In a fit of inspiration, Gold took out his phone and replied to Belle’s previous text.  "I will pay you to spend time with my son.“

The moment he sent the message, he regretted it.  Although Belle had indicated that she was willing to correspond with Bae, offering to buy her company for the night was treading on dangerous ground.  As an intelligent young woman, she would be wary of meeting up with an old man she barely knew just because he’d offered her money.  He’d probably made things look even worse by offering to pay her.

He continued to fret for several minutes until his phone vibrated in his hand with her reply.  "Not sure what you mean.  Be back in ten minutes.”

Ten minutes was about the length of the little show she did with the children, and Gold couldn’t help but smile at the memory of her dance with Bae.  She would hardly be checking her phone as she performed, and that gave him time to lay out his case and hopefully mitigate some of the damage he’d done with his hasty text.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to put his thoughts in order.  "Bae and I spent the morning at Animal Kingdom, and he talked about bringing you to see the park with us.  After we rode the dinosaur ride, he had a bad episode, and he feels terrible— physically and mentally.  Right now, we’re in our room, and he’s asleep.  After he wakes up, we’re going to go to the pool, but I promised him that we would do something fun this evening.  Unfortunately, I have no idea what ‘something fun’ is going to be.  I hoped you could join us for dinner.  He would love to spend time with you, and I would be happy to pay any sort of appearance fee.  I just want to see him smile.“

Gold read back over the explanation, satisfied that he’d made a decent case for himself.  Now, all he could do was wait for Belle’s response.

It came a few minutes later.  "OK.  I have a 15 min. break.  Give me a sec. to read what you wrote.”

He found himself holding his breath as he reread his own words, conscious that on the other end of the phone, she was doing the same thing.

“Poor little sweetheart!  I feel so bad that he feels bad!  I wish I could do something, but I’m scheduled to work until close tonight.  I have a day off on Sunday, so maybe we could do something then?”

Of course she was working.  Gold shook his head at his own stupidity.  He had the freedom to set his own hours, but Belle had a schedule.  "I understand.  I have Sunday penciled in as our Epcot day, but that’s flexible.“

"That’s perfect!  I love Epcot!  Just let me know what time you want to meet.”

Gold blinked at her response.  It couldn’t possibly be that easy.

A moment later, she wrote again.  "This is unofficial, so I can’t appear in costume.  I can wear something Belle-like, but I’m not going to be Princess Belle.  Will that be a problem?“

He considered that.  Surely, he could find some way to explain the change in her appearance to Bae.  His son wouldn’t really expect her to traipse around the park in a ballgown, would he?  Maybe he could tell him that she was in disguise so she could see the park without being mobbed by royal autograph seekers.  "No problem at all.  Would you like payment in advance or would on the day be acceptable?”

It seemed to take a long time for her to reply.  "No charge.  :-)  I’m not allowed to accept tips or anything like that, but it doesn’t seem right to take money for this anyway.  He’s a great kid.  I’m looking forward to seeing him again!“

Her simple generosity took his breath away.  Belle was giving up her day off to entertain Bae and she wouldn’t even accept payment for it.  Gold shook his head, uncomfortable at the thought of getting something so valuable for nothing.  Somehow, he’d find a way to make Sunday worth her while.

"I am very grateful for your kindness.  I’ll message you with a meeting time on Saturday.”  He hesitated, then pressed his luck.  "In the meantime, do you have any suggestions for what I can do with him tonight?  Something non-taxing?“

Her response was immediate.  "Sure!  Just give me a second to think.”

It didn’t take much more than a second for her to come up with a plan.  "You’re at the Poly, right?“

"That’s correct.”

“Great!  That makes it easy.  Take him for a tour on the monorails.  Do the Epcot loop.  He’ll like that because you can see the park.  You can have dinner at Chef Mickey’s either before or after.  It’s at the Contemporary— a character meal with Mickey, Minnie, etc.  If you can’t get reservations, don’t worry about it.  Just go up to whoever is seating people and tell them that Izzy French is calling in her favor.  They’ll seat you. :-)”

The upbeat tone of her text made him chuckle, and Gold couldn’t help but wonder why Chef Mickey owed Belle a favor.  Perhaps he could convince her to tell him that story on Sunday.

“Make sure you get back to the Poly no later than 8:30 and go down to the beach.  Sit where you can see the castle.  You’ll be able to see the fireworks at nine, but there’s something special in the lagoon before that.”

“Something special?”  He almost felt like a boy again himself as Belle plotted out an adventure for him and Bae.

“It’s a surprise!  One of my favorite Disney things.  You’ll both love it.”

He’d promised Bae a surprise, and he was going to get one himself.  There was something charming about that.  "I can’t thank you enough.  I look forward to our surprise.“

"No problem!  My break is almost over, so I have to go, but let me know about Sunday.  We’re going to have a great time. :-)”

Gold said his goodbyes, feeling lighter in spirit than he could remember feeling in ages.  It was a comfort to have someone to commiserate with, someone who was willing to help him when he stumbled.  Even in the best days of their marriage, Milah hadn’t exactly been supportive, and he’d never had the knack for making friends.  Belle was going to be good for both of them.

He risked leaving his sleeping son alone long enough to visit the food court, returning with coffee and a brownie for himself and a crisped rice treat shaped like Mickey’s head for Bae.  Calories didn’t count on vacation.  

Bae woke up shortly thereafter, his spirits revived enough to eat half of his papa’s brownie in addition to his own snack, and Gold rejoiced to see it although he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or worried that Bae didn’t beg to visit a park.

Instead, he seemed to have a wonderful time splashing in the pool even though the water play area was a little too strenuous for him.  Gold would have enjoyed splashing with Bae, but he didn’t dare move out of earshot of his phone, just in case the call he was desperately hoping for came.  Instead, he alternated between cheering his son on from the side and making sure the boy took regular breaks for oxygen.

The slide was a particular favorite, and Gold had a feeling that he would have an easier time convincing Bae to spend time at the pool now that he’d seen it.  He certainly had a hard time dragging him back to the room, but reminding his son that he still had a surprise waiting for him eventually got him moving.

As Belle had predicted, Bae loved the monorail circuit.  He insisted that they go around three times and was as jubilant at the sight of a deer grazing along a patch of woodland as he would have been had he seen a unicorn.  However, the monorail paled in comparison to Chef Mickey’s.

Dropping the name of Izzy French got them seated with alacrity, but attentive table service was the only thing the restaurant had going for it by Gold’s standards.  The decor was tacky.  The interior was so noisy that he could barely hear himself think, and the food was borderline inedible.

Bae _loved_ it.

Mickey dropped by their table only minutes after they sat down, and if Gold lived to be a hundred years old, he would never forget the look on his son’s face when the big mouse himself made a fuss over him.  Next came Donald, then Minnie, then Goofy, with Pluto bringing up the rear, and each character seemed to be making an effort to outdo the others as to who could make Bae smile the brightest.  Gold wasn’t sure if it was the sight of the oxygen tank or if Belle had put in a good word for them, but they were definitely the center of attention.

“This is the _best_ , Papa!” Bae enthused after Donald sat down beside him and helped him arrange his french fries into designs.  The duck flew into a mock rage when Bae made the outline of Mickey’s head, and Bae laughed so hard that Gold feared he’d have another episode.  

His son beamed at him, his face bright and happy, and in that moment, Bae wasn’t sick at all.  He was an ordinary little boy having the time of his life with some of his favorite characters, and Gold wished he could bottle this experience and keep it forever.  

“So, if this is the best, does that mean it’s better than meeting Belle?” he asked mischievously, wondering if Bae would rate this dinner above meeting his future bride.

Bae scrunched up his face as he considered the question.  "Maybe not best-best,“ he allowed, "But really good.”

He should probably be giving Belle credit for this since the entire evening had been her idea, but Gold assumed she would forgive him for taking the credit himself.  Let Bae think his papa was a genius for a little longer.  Besides, mentioning that he’d talked to Belle might spoil the surprise of their planned day at Epcot.  He wasn’t quite ready to tell Bae about that just yet.  If he did, his son would be so eager to get to Sunday that he wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy anything else in the meantime.

For the same reason, he didn’t say a word about their plans for the rest of the evening until they disembarked the monorail at the Polynesian.  Bae automatically headed in the direction of their room, but Gold caught him by the shoulder.  "I think we should explore a little.“

As he expected, his son didn’t argue.  Everything seemed to fascinate Bae, and he was especially taken with the tiki torches and waterfalls just outside the lobby.  He insisted on getting a picture with every brightly painted creature in the resort’s boutique, and Gold had a feeling that he’d be spending a small fortune in the shop before they left.  

Keeping one eye on his watch, he trailed after Bae, providing a gentle nudge at the right moments to make sure they ended up on the beach by the time Belle had specified.  Quite a few people were already there, their attention focused on the water and the castle in the distance, but there were a pair of lounge chairs calling their names.

At least they were calling his name.  Walking on the soft sand played hell on his knee.  Bae flopped down beside him and spent a few minutes gazing at the castle before he started to squirm.  "Come on, Papa.  Let’s keep looking.”

“If we leave now, you won’t get your surprise,” Gold said mildly.

Bae’s eyebrows went up.  "My surprise?  What is it?“

"It’s a _surprise_.”  Gold hid a smile at the exasperated noise Bae made.  "Sit and watch and you’ll see.“

It was easy to be mysterious when he didn’t have the slightest idea what was going to happen.  He assumed he would recognize Belle’s surprise when he saw it, but as the sky continued to darken with no sign of anything happening at all, Gold started to second guess himself.  They were in the right place, weren’t they?

A fanfare of synthesizer music nearly made him jump out of his skin even as he realized this must be the promised surprise.  No matter how he strained his eyes, he couldn’t see a thing on the dark water until, in the distance, the lighted outline of a long sea serpent suddenly appeared.

” _Wow_!“  Bae’s voice shook with delight.  "Papa, look!”

The sea serpent slowly cruised along as music played.  After a moment, the song changed, and a whale appeared behind it as if they were having a parade.  Next came a turtle that raised and lowered its head, followed by an octopus waving its tentacles.

It had to be a series of flat barges with screens on them, Gold analyzed.  Each creature had some kind of animation, but the bright outlines were quite primitive.  Somehow, that only made them more charming.

He stole a look at Bae, seeing his son watching the water parade with his mouth hanging open in wonder.  He’d sat forward to get a better view, but Gold leaned back, content just to enjoy the moment.

“Dolphins!” Bae shouted as the next float appeared out of nothing, the mammals leaping happily across the water.

The dolphins were followed by a dinosaur which took some of the sting out of the morning’s events.  They were going to make good memories of dinosaurs today after all.  As the next float appeared, Gold chuckled to himself.  A crocodile was hungrily opening and closing its jaws to reveal sharp teeth, and the dinosaur better watch its back.

King Triton and a team of seahorses brought up the rear, and Gold admired the lighted figures slowly crossing in front of them until another fanfare played and the floats abruptly shifted to a patriotic display of the stars and stripes set to a medley of appropriate music until the entire thing disappeared again, the screens going black.

“Make it come back!” Bae demanded.

His son had far too much faith in him.  "I can’t do that, but we can come see it again.“

"Every night.  I want to see it every night.”

“We can do that.”  If Bae was eager to get back to the resort to see the water parade, getting him out of the parks at the end of the day would be much easier.

Bae slumped back with a noisy sigh of contentment.  "I love it here.“

His son looked around, noticing that the crowd around them had grown quite a bit.  "Is something else going to happen?”

As if to answer Bae’s question, all the activity at the nearby pool suddenly ceased as music played through hidden loudspeakers, followed by the castle across the lake lighting up as a man’s voice talked about the importance of chasing one’s dreams.  

The fireworks display was certainly more impressive than anything their little town put together for the annual Independence Day celebration, and Bae was enraptured.  Gold found himself listening to the song that accompanied the show, hoping against hope that he would get the happy ending it was promising its listeners.

Optimism wasn’t in his nature, but in this place it was somehow easy to believe.  Bae _would_ get his new lungs, and his son would be just fine.  

And they would live happily ever after.


	3. Chapter 3

“Come _on_ , Papa!  Hurry!”  

In an attempt to keep Bae by his side as they entered Epcot, Gold took his oxygen tank from him, letting the length of connecting tube serve as a leash.  Even so, Bae was practically jumping up and down as he tried to look in every direction at once.

“Where _is_ she?”

“Calm down, Bae,” he admonished with a shake of his head.  He hadn’t told Bae that Belle was going to be meeting them at the park until they were waiting to board the monorail this morning, and immediately, he’d known he’d made a wise choice.  If left to his own devices, Bae probably would have outrun the monorail in his haste to get to Epcot and see Belle again. If he’d told him the night before, Bae wouldn’t have slept a wink in his excitement.

“She said she’d meet us at the store by the big ball.”  Yesterday, Belle had texted him directions to the exact bench where she was planning to wait for them, and looking around, Gold approved of her thoroughness.  The entrance to Epcot was sprawling, and it was easy to see why she’d refined his “Let’s meet at the front of the park at nine” plan to something more specific.  He had no idea where The Art of Disney was, but he assumed he’d be able to find it.  

Belle was a smart woman in more ways than one.  During the same conversation, she’d asked if there was anything she needed to know about interacting with Bae.  She’d wanted to know if there was anything he was afraid of, anything he was allergic to or shouldn’t do, and if there were any topics of conversation that she should avoid.  Gold had been impressed even as he kicked himself for not thinking to mention any of those things himself.

He thought he’d given her relatively simple guidelines— no talking about mothers or Bae’s illness unless Bae brought it up himself, no encouraging him to make loud noises or engage in strenuous activities, frequent stops for rest, and absolutely no talk of “when you’re older” or “next time”.  He had to admit that the last bit was more for his own peace of mind than for Bae, who often spoke of his plans for the future.  Gold would rather not be reminded that his boy might not have a future at all.

“Remember, she’s going to look different,” he cautioned his son.  According to the map in his hand, they were getting close to the art store where Belle had promised to meet them.  

“Because she’s neat-o,” Bae agreed.

“Incognito,” Gold corrected automatically.  They’d had this conversation on the monorail, and Bae liked both the large word and the idea that Belle would be sneaking around in disguise so she could spend the day with him.

Gold was more concerned with practical matters.  Would they even recognize her?  What did she look like under the dress and the wig?

Even if they didn’t know what she looked like, she knew them.  They might have to wait until she approached them, but Gold would rather be aloof than embarrass himself by approaching a random women who might well not be Belle at all.

Bae’s hand clutched at his suit jacket.  "There she is!“ he said, his voice shaking with excitement.  "Belle!”

Gold followed his son’s pointing finger to a young woman sitting alone on a bench, wearing a short sleeved white blouse under a blue sundress.  Her hair, several shades lighter than the brunette wig, was pulled back in a loose french braid, and Gold recognized her outfit as a play on the practical blue dress that the cartoon Belle wore for most of the movie.  

At the sound of Bae’s shout, the woman looked up, her lovely face breaking into a wide smile.  "My beast!“

Heedless of the dirty pavement, Belle dropped to her knees to embrace Bae, her face shining.  "I’m so happy to see you!”

After a long hug, Belle regained her feet and smiled up at him.  "And I’m happy to see you too, your majesty.“

Gold gazed down at her, aware that something had changed.  Her outfit was different, and her hair was lighter— chestnut as opposed to mahogany.  Her eyes were the lovely blue he remembered from when she lost her contact lens, but none of that quite explained it.

After a moment, he realized what was different.  "You’re shorter.”

It was a rude thing to say, and he cursed the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.  

Graciously, Belle only chuckled at his assessment and held out a foot clad in a black tennis shoe.  "High heels and Epcot don’t mix.  I went for practical footwear today.“

"Very wise,” he praised.  Without her heels, Belle barely came up to his chin, and he wasn’t a tall man.  

Belle turned back to Bae.  "I want to hear about everything you’ve been doing since I saw you last!“

Bae was only too happy to oblige, and Gold followed as his son slipped his hand trustingly into Belle’s and allowed her to lead him deeper into the park.  It was uncanny how much they looked like a matched set.  They were both small, with dark hair and ready smiles, and Belle could very easily be Bae’s mother.  

Bae’s face glowed when he looked up at her, and Gold’s throat closed up as he wondered if he’d done his boy a disservice by not making any effort to find him a mother to replace Milah.  The only female influence in Bae’s life was their rather humorless housekeeper, and that wasn’t fair.  His boy deserved a mother’s love.

Between the time he spent working and caring for Bae, there was no time to find a mate, and Gold reluctantly dismissed the notion.  For today, Bae had Belle.  That was going to have to be enough.

"They have a Nemo ride!” Bae exclaimed as he reached back to catch Gold’s free hand so he was walking between the two adults, arms swinging happily.

“Nemo?  Is that like Captain Nemo?” Belle asked, playing the part of a princess unfamiliar with the modern world.

“Nemo’s a fish,” Bae explained, and by the time they reached the large blue building decorated with colorful cut-outs of the _Finding Nemo_ characters, he’d related most of the plot of the movie to her.  

Gold breathed a sigh of relief as they stepped through the doors into a dimly lit and well air conditioned queue.  Three-piece suits were all well and good in Storybrooke, Maine, but he was starting to question the wisdom of them in Florida.  

The queue snaked through a replica of a beach before leading under the sea where Bae was rapt by the schools of fish that flashed by them on video screens.  

“It’s just like the movie,” he marveled before catching sight of a boat floating over their heads and breaking into sniggering laughter.  "It’s a butt!  I’m gonna touch the butt!“

Gold found himself exchanging an amused look with Belle over Bae’s head as his son giggled.  After snaking around another curve in the queue, they were greeted with the sight of ride vehicles shaped like pink clamshells, just the right size for two adults and one child.  

Boarding the clamshell involved stepping onto a conveyor belt which wasn’t easy for a man who walked with a cane.  Fortunately, Gold had gotten plenty of practice at the trick over the past several days, and he managed to step onto the moving walkway without falling flat on his face before bundling into a clamshell with Belle, Bae between them.

The ride was over almost before it started, but Bae seemed to enjoy it.  For his own part, Gold was rather taken with the pair of manatees floating in a tank near the exit, but Bae only allowed him to watch them for a few minutes before his son was eager to move on to the next thing.

The next thing was a chance to see and speak with Crush the sea turtle.  Bae was herded to the front of the small auditorium with the other children as Gold and Belle claimed spots on a nearby bench.  "I love how enthusiastic he is,” Belle whispered as they watched Bae squirm with excitement as he waited for Crush to appear on the screen.

“It’s our first real vacation,” Gold admitted.  They found plenty of things to occupy them in New England, but this was the first time they’d really traveled together for nothing but pleasure.  He could only hope that it wouldn’t be the last.

“It’s probably doing both of you good.  I can’t imagine how hard it must be.”  The genuine sympathy in her voice made his throat close up.  The medical professionals who worked with him and Bae were kind, but to them, his son was a case study first and a person second.  When Belle looked at Bae, she saw _Bae_.  That made all the difference.

Before he could find a response, Crush swam into view and the child audience went wild.  Gold smiled at Bae’s delight and held up his phone to take video, hoping that the low light levels wouldn’t confound his efforts.

He’d assumed the little show was a cleverly executed video designed to educate the audience about sea turtles, and he mentally applauded Disney for being able to get people to queue up to watch an informational cartoon.  It didn’t take long for him to realize he was wrong.

“Raise your hand if you have a question for Crush,” the attendant instructed, and half the children immediately shot their hands into the air.  Bae raised both for good measure.

“All right, let’s talk to the little dude in the second row— red shell, has both flippers in the air,” Crush directed, describing Bae, and Gold’s jaw dropped when he realized the cartoon turtle could somehow see his son.

The attendant held the microphone in front of Bae’s mouth as Crush asked, “What’s your name, little dude?”

Bae, overwhelmed at being the focus of Crush’s attention, ignored the turtle’s question in favor of blurting out the one he had prepared, “How long can turtles hold their breath?”

Crush swam backwards a few paces and gave Bae a penetrating look.  After a moment, he pronounced, “Interesting name.”

Bae’s face twisted with puzzlement until he got the joke, his face breaking into a wide smile, and Gold found himself laughing along with everyone else at the gentle teasing.  Crush was talking to Bae like he was any other child, and that was a beautiful thing.

“What’s your name, little dude?” Crush asked again, and this time Bae relaxed enough to answer.

“Bae!”

“And what was your question, Bae-dude?  How long can turtles hold their breath?”  Crush got the conversation back on track.

“A really _really_ long time.”  The turtle nodded sagely.  “Like, if I’m just hanging out and not doing much, I can stay under water for up to seven hours without coming up for air.”

“ _Whoa_ …”  Bae seemed deeply impressed by the information.

“You know what’s even more _whoa_?  Some turtles hibernate, and when they do that, they can stay under water for a few _months_ without coming up!”  Crush gave the children a moment to react to that.  “That’s not my style though.  Why sleep when you can surf!”

He gave them a brief demonstration of his surfing skills before returning his attention to the children.  “Nice talking to you, Bae-dude!  Now, who else has a question for the Crush-man?”

When they collected Bae at the end of the show, he was nearly bursting with excitement.  “Crush talked to me!  Did you see, Papa?  Did you see, Belle?  He said my _name_!”

“We saw,” Gold assured him, holding up his phone as evidence.  To his relief, his son didn’t try to snatch it from his hand to watch the replay, since the attendants were trying to clear the small auditorium for the next group of guests.

“You asked a very intelligent question,” Belle praised as she took Bae’s hand to get them moving.

“He’s so funny!”  Bae glanced back over his shoulder to make sure Gold was following.  “Come on, dude!”

When Crush instructed the children to spend the rest of the day saying “dude” as often as possible, promising that their parents would _love_ it, Gold had chuckled.  In hindsight, he should have realized that his son would rise to Crush’s challenge.  By the time they reached the next pavilion, Gold had heard the word “dude” approximately seven hundred times, and he was ready to make turtle soup.

“What are we going to do now, dude?”

This new habit needed to be nipped in the bud as soon as possible.  To that end, Gold ignored Bae’s question completely and looked at Belle over his son’s head.  “The weather is beautiful today.”

His raised his eyebrows slightly, and Belle seemed to understand what he was trying to do.   She played along.  “You know what they say: a bad day in Florida is better than a good day anywhere else.  But aren’t you hot in that suit?  I’m hot just looking at you!”

“Perhaps a bit,”  he allowed.  While he objectively knew that Florida had higher temperatures and humidity than anywhere Gold had lived before, he hadn’t really _understood_ that fact until their first day at the Magic Kingdom.  By then, it was too late.  All he’d packed were suits.

“Aren’t these mosaics pretty?” Belle asked as she indicated the large murals on either side of the pathway leading to the next pavilion.  

By this point, Bae was dragging his heels a bit.  “ _Dude_ …” he whined, tugging on Gold’s hand.

Pretending not to hear, Gold moved closer to the side of the path to get a better look.  “Exquisite.”

“The Land.”  Bae read the name of the pavilion out loud.  “What do they have in here, dude?”

“I’m impressed to find something like this here.  I have to admit that I never equated Disney World with art.”  

“Just wait until we get to the World Showcase,” Belle promised, her eyes sparkling as she very deliberately did not look at the boy practically hanging from their hands.

“What’s in here, Papa?”

That hadn’t taken nearly as long as Gold had expected it to.  Clearly, Bae was trying to be on his best behavior for Belle.  To reward the boy for his compliance, Gold immediately gave him his full attention.  “That’s a good question, Bae.  There’s a boat ride and some kind of hang-gliding ride.”

He was a little fuzzy on the hang-gliding.  He’d read half a dozen different descriptions of the ride, but he couldn’t quite seem to picture it.  All he knew was that there was a movie and it involved sitting down which sounded good to him.

“Who lives here?” Bae asked, his good humor restored now that his adults were paying attention to him again.

Gold took a grateful breath of icy air as they stepped into the pavilion.  “What do you mean?”

Bae tried to explain.  “Like… Nemo lives in the blue building.  Who lives here?”

“There’s a movie with Timon and Pumbaa and Simba, but no one really _lives_ here,” Belle explained.  “Do you want to do that first?”

The movie had a good message about conservation, but Gold didn’t find it particularly enthralling.  Bae was half-asleep by the end of it, so he and his son were clearly on the same page.  The next attraction, a boat ride through recreations of various ecosystems and then through actual greenhouses, was much better received.

Bae enjoyed the robotic animals, but to Gold’s surprise, it was the greenhouses that captured his imagination.  “There’s so many plants!  Do they all make food?  Look, that’s a banana tree!  That pumpkin looks like Mickey!  What’s a miracle fruit?”

“I’ve read about that.”  Belle came to his rescue because Gold didn’t have the slightest idea.  “When you eat the berries, it changes how your taste buds work for a little while.  You could eat a whole lemon, and it would taste sweet to you, and it makes candy taste sour.”

“Really for real?” Bae queried, making sure she wasn’t teasing him.

“Really for real,” Belle confirmed.

From the look on his face, she’d just shaken Bae’s fundamental understanding of the universe.  “ _Cool_.”

Gold made a mental note to find out where one could procure miracle fruit.

“Again!” Bae demanded the second they stepped off the ride.

The line moved fast enough that they were back on a boat in less than ten minutes, and this time, Bae crawled over Belle so he could sit on the outside for a better view, leaving Belle sitting between father and son.

“I don’t think he can fall out,” she murmured to him.

“If he does anything stupid, grab him.  Otherwise, he’s fine.”  Belle’s reflexes were probably faster than his anyway.

Belle double-checked to make sure that Bae was intent on the ride, then leaned closer.  “They do guided tours through the greenhouses every hour.  I think it’s about twenty-five dollars a person, but you get to see everything up close, and they let you try some of the vegetables.  I thought Bae might like it.”

It was kind of her to think to tell him about it and even kinder to make sure not to get Bae’s hopes up by mentioning it in front of him.  “You thought right.  Where do I sign us up?”

It wasn’t easy to drag Bae away from the boat ride without taking a third trip around, but when his son found out about the tour, all was forgiven.  "Do we get to walk around and look at _everything_?“

"Almost everything.  You’ll even get to see some things you couldn’t see from the boat,” Belle promised.

If anyone had asked him, Gold would have said that an hour long tour spent looking at plants and learning about hydroponics sounded unbearably dull.  To his surprise, he found himself enjoying the tour almost as much as Bae did, although he noticed that the tour guide didn’t give _him_ a ladybug to release.  Having an opportunity to feed the tilapia was quite enough for him.

“Are they related to piranhas?” he muttered to Belle as the water frothed angrily from the feeding frenzy.  Apparently, tilapia were _extremely_ enthusiastic eaters.

Next, they were given slices of cucumber that had been grown in the very greenhouse they were touring, and Bae did his best tilapia impression as he downed his sample as well as the slices Gold and Belle shared with him from their own portions.  It was the first time he could remember his son willingly eating vegetables and that alone was worth the price of admission.

The tour was fascinating, but by the halfway point, Gold was starting to lag.  All the walking they’d done was wearing on him, and the ache in his leg combined with the heat of the greenhouses had him feeling a little dizzy.

Belle caught his elbow.  "Take off your jacket.“

He must have heard that wrong.  "Excuse me?”

“I’m sweltering, and I’m wearing short sleeves.  You’re going to give yourself heat stroke.”  The look she gave him brooked no disobedience, and Gold found himself removing his outer layer before he realized he was planning to comply.

With her help, he managed to shuck off his jacket, waistcoat, and tie without the two of them falling too far behind the tour.  As far as he could tell, Bae hadn’t even noticed that he and Belle were missing, willing to follow the tour guide like the Pied Piper.

“Isn’t that better?” Belle asked as she helped him roll up his sleeves to the elbow.  

When she unfastened the first two buttons of his shirt, his head started to clear.  "Much.  Thank you.“

He never allowed himself to look so informal in public, but Gold reminded himself that he was on vacation.  As long as he wasn’t wearing Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, he was fine.  It was possible that his jacket might never recover from being balled up and stuffed into the backpack, but that was a small price to pay for being able to breathe.

"Papa, can we make a greenhouse?” Bae requested as the tour started to wind down.

“I’m sure we can plant something.”  If Bae was picturing them having something like this in Maine, Gold would have to disappoint him, but between the two of them, they should be able to grow _something_.

On the other hand, Bae might eat vegetables that he’d had a hand in growing.  Perhaps he should look into the greenhouse idea.

“We had a garden when I was a little girl,” Belle told him.  "It takes a lot of work, but it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world to plant something and make it grow.

“Really?  What did you grow?  Did you grow cucumbers?  Pumpkins?”  Bae had been particularly taken with the pumpkins.

“We grew all sorts of things: flowers and lettuce and taro and—”

“Taro?  What’s taro?”  

Belle didn’t seem to mind the interruption, and the discussion of her family’s garden lasted them all the way through the queue for the hang-gliding ride.  It wasn’t until the attendant asked how many were in their party and he responded “three” without having to think about it that Gold realized just how natural it felt to have Belle with them.  

That was a disquieting thought.  If it was a toy or a pet that made Bae smile like this, Gold would waste no time in procuring the item, but Belle was a person, not something he could buy.  He could give his son everything else, but Belle was not Bae’s to keep.

For the first time, Gold wondered if he’d made a mistake in arranging for her to spend the day with them.  Bae couldn’t miss what he’d never had.  Now that he knew what it was like to have Belle’s company, the lack of her might create a new hole in his son’s life, and he already had enough of those.  

There was nothing he could do about it now.  She’d agreed to stay in touch with Bae, and that would have to be enough.  For a boy who’d never known a mother’s love, any positive attention had to be better than none.

Despite his attempts to reassure himself, the worry continued to niggle at Gold until it was their turn to board the ride.   It took some doing to secure Bae’s oxygen tank under his seat on the hanging bench, and Gold welcomed the distraction from his thoughts.  

While Gold was dealing with their belongings, Belle got Bae strapped in before fastening her own seat belt.  "I’ve always wanted to fly,“ she told Bae, her eyes shining with excitement.  "I hope it’s not too scary.”

“I won’t let you be scared,” Bae promised, ever fearless.

Gold claimed the seat on Bae’s other side, relishing the chance to sit down for a moment before all the lights suddenly went out.  He could feel himself moving, the row of seats lifting up and forward into a gigantic curved movie screen displaying footage of famous landmarks from around the world.

Wind was blowing in his face as the seats dipped and banked, the simulation of flight startlingly realistic.  Gold’s stomach lurched as he clutched the arm rests and leaned as far back in his seat as he could get, reminding himself that it was just an illusion and they weren’t _really_ about to crash into the Great Wall of China.

Next to him, Bae leaned forward and stuck out his arms like a bird as he crowed with delight, and Gold instinctively shot his hand out to catch him, even though there was nowhere Bae could go with the seatbelt in place.

He’d never been fond of heights.

The ride was a technological masterpiece, and he tried to focus on wondering how they reproduced the various scents he caught a whiff of at key moments in an effort to distract himself from the conviction that he was about to plunge to his death.  At least Bae was enjoying himself, and when he looked past his son, he could see Belle smiling too.  

After what seemed like several hours, but in reality was probably only about five minutes, they landed, and Gold resisted the urge to kiss the ground.  Bae, on the other hand, was bouncing in his seat.  

“That was _awesome_!  It was just like we were really flying!  Were you scared, Belle?  I wasn’t scared, not even a little.”  

“You’re _very_ brave,” Belle praised.  "I was a little scared.  We were awfully high up.“

She looked up at Gold.  "Were you scared?”

Bae snorted.  "Papa’s not scared of anything ever.“

Gold only wished that was the truth.  There were so many things in his life that terrified him that the ride shouldn’t even have been a blip on his radar.  "Maybe a little scared.”

It came as a relief when the next pavilion contained only a slow-moving ride featuring Eric Idle and a rather manic purple dragon that Bae immediately fell in love with.  A stuffed version of the dragon went into the backpack to join Gold’s discarded jacket and the plush Crush that Bae absolutely had to have earlier, and then they were off again.

“Test Track or World Showcase?” Belle asked him as they emerged into the hot Florida sun.

“Test Track is a thrill ride, right?”  When Belle nodded, Gold was relieved that Bae was too distracted by the nearby leaping fountains to voice an opinion on the matter.  His son would demand to do anything death-defying, but Gold had had enough thrills for the time being.  "World Showcase it is.“

Belle pointed to the right with two fingers.  “Onward!”

On the map, the Canada pavilion didn’t look too far away, but in reality, they seemed to walk miles before they reached it.  The expansive gardens were worth the hike, but Bae found them less exciting than the greenhouses.  Before long, he was dragging on Gold’s hand.  “Come _on_ , Papa!  Belle wants to look around.”

Belle chuckled at being used as a scapegoat and led them to the pavilion’s attraction— a clever movie in the round about Canadian culture hosted by Martin Short.  Bae was too young to recognize the actor as anything except Jack Frost, but he giggled at the jokes anyway.

On their way to the next pavilion, Bae stopped short as a group of men in kilts took to an outdoor stage and launched into a rocking rendition of “The Fields of Athenry,” a classic Irish folk tune that Gold had often heard during his childhood in Glasgow.  That was a period of his life he did his best to forget, so he’d never made any effort to introduce Bae to any of that music.  From the ecstatic look on his son’s face, that had been a mistake.

In front of the stage, a handful of children were dancing wildly, and the longing look on Bae’s face made Gold’s heart ache.  Seeing it, Belle caught Bae in her arms and swept him into a silly waltz that wouldn’t overtax his strength.  

They paused when the song ended so Bae could laugh at the bagpiper’s jokes, and Belle leaned up to speak softly in Gold’s ear.  “Was that okay?  You said no strenuous activity, but he looked so _sad_ …”

“You did beautifully.  I’m glad you thought of it,” he praised.  Belle had kept their pace slow enough so that the dancing would hardly tax Bae more than the walking they’d done.  Even better, she’d made him smile and made him feel like he could do the same thing the other children did.

They ended up watching the entire set, with Gold slipping away to buy every CD the band had for sale.  What any of this had to do with Canada, he had no idea, but if it made Bae happy, he was prepared to become the band’s biggest fan.

The band members themselves were gracious enough to hang around after the set and pose for pictures once they’d signed Bae’s new CDs.  “I want to be a bagpiper when I grow up!” he announced to general delight.

Gold did his best to keep his expression neutral, but he must have let something slip because Belle gave his arm a gentle squeeze, wordlessly grounding him in the moment.  She was right.  There was no point in worrying about the future when, right now, Bae was happy and vibrant.

The next pavilion, which was themed to the United Kingdom, had neither a movie nor a ride.  What it did have was a meet-and-greet with Winnie the Pooh and Tigger.  Bae was disdainful.

“Pooh is for _kids_.”

Belle smiled serenely at this pronouncement.  “That’s fine.  If you’re too grown up for Pooh, we don’t have to say hi.”

It wasn’t the way Gold would have chosen to play it, but when Belle moved away from the characters, he could see the wisdom of her strategy.  Bae dragged his feet, casting looks back over his shoulder at Pooh and Tigger that Belle pretended not to see.

“Well… Do _you_ want to meet them?” Bae asked, trying to sound casual.

Hiding a smile, Belle took pity on him.  “I’d like to say hi.  But if you don’t want to, that’s okay.”

“I’ll do it because you want to.”  Bae’s smile was magnanimous.

“That’s very generous of you.”  Belle rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek that made his son turn bright red, and Gold wished he’d had the forethought to video the exchange.  

Despite his scorn, they practically had to drag Bae away from Tigger.  

“The next pavilion is France.  It’ll be just like being home,” Belle enthused as they stepped back out into the hot afternoon sun.

“I’m _sick_ of walking.  It’s _hot_ ,” Bae whined.  

Gold knew that tone of voice only too well.  “Let’s stop for lunch.”

Fish and chips revived Bae a little too quickly.  It was all Gold could do to keep the boy in his seat until he deemed his son had rested sufficiently, and if it hadn’t been for Belle coming to his rescue with a game of I Spy, he never would have won the battle of wills.

“Can we get ice cream?” Bae asked hopefully as they crossed the bridge into the France pavilion to see several people carrying vibrantly colored cones.

“Give your lunch time to settle, then yes.”  Bae had inherited the same sweet tooth that Gold tried not to indulge too often, but this was a vacation.  Ice cream was mandatory.

“What’s going on over there?”  There was a crowd of people at the edge of the lagoon, and Bae wandered closer to see what the excitement was about as Gold and Belle trailed after him.

Suddenly, Belle stopped in her tracks.  “Oh _no_ …”

Gold hesitated, torn between checking on her and keeping Bae within arm’s reach.  “What’s wrong?”

Her eyes were anguished.  “I’m _so_ sorry.  I didn’t _think_.”

Truly puzzled now, Gold scanned the group of people until he saw what she was talking about.  At the edge of the lagoon, a Belle wearing the blue peasant dress was signing autographs and taking pictures with the crowd.

Oh hell.

He made a grab for Bae, but it was too late.  His son had already seen the other Belle.  His small face twisted in confusion as he looked back and forth between their Belle and the interloper.  

“Papa, why are there two Belles?”


	4. Chapter 4

Bae’s question hung in the air between them, and Gold swallowed hard.  In hindsight, he should have seen this coming.  The characters were _everywhere_.  In the past five days, they’d seen at least a dozen different pairs of Chip and Dale, but since the duplicates were never in the same place at the same time, Bae hadn’t realized what was happening.  Now, they had two Belles and a serious problem on their hands.

“Let’s go sit down.  Papa’s leg is hurting,” he suggested, stalling blatantly for time.

To his relief, Bae looked more confused than upset over the situation, but when he glanced at Belle, she looked like she was on the verge of tears.  She’d bailed him out more than once today, but apparently no rescue was coming from her quarter this time.  He was on his own.

Trying to get the other Belle out of Bae’s line of sight, Gold led the way across the walkway to an unoccupied bench opposite a fountain.  Bae took a seat in the middle, and Belle perched next to him, as close to the edge as it was possible to get.  She looked like she was braced to run for her life, and Gold’s mind raced as he struggled to figure out how to explain this.

He took his time getting himself settled on the bench, Bae’s eyes expectantly watching his every movement.  Why did parenting books never discuss situations like this?  It was like the Santa Claus debacle all over again.

Inspiration struck when he made that connection.  "Do you remember when we talked about Santa Claus?“

When Bae nodded doubtfully, clearly not quite sure which Santa Claus conversation his papa was referring to, Gold elaborated, "We talked about how Santa wants to spend time with all the boys and girls, but he’s very busy making toys at the North Pole.  So, he sends his helpers all over to find out what everyone wants for Christmas and collect money to help the people who don’t have enough to eat and things like that.”

He was careful to hit all the main points of the discussion so that Belle would be on the same page when it came to the Official Gold Family Santa Explanation.  "They dress up like Santa because they’re his official helpers and they tell Santa everything.  So, even though the Santa you met at the Christmas party wasn’t _really_ Santa, he was Santa’s friend and he told Santa all about you.“

On the other side of Bae, he could see some of the tension leave Belle’s coiled body, and she relaxed back until she was actually sitting on the bench.  When he caught her eye, she nodded slightly, telling him that she saw where he was going with this.  

Since she wasn’t making any attempt to stop him, Gold plowed ahead.  "Princess Belle is very busy, just like Santa.  There are so many children who want to talk to her that she can’t possibly meet all of them and perform all her royal duties and read all the books she wants to read.  So, she has helpers too.”

“Oh, I get it,” Bae said wisely.  "So, that Belle over there is dressed up because she’s one of real Belle’s helpers?“

Feeling like he’d just successfully crossed a mine field, Gold nodded.  "That’s right.”

Bae turned to Belle.  "Are _you_ Belle?  Like really for real Belle?  Or are you one of her helpers too?“

He probably should have seen that question coming.

When Belle turned desperate eyes on him, Gold shrugged helplessly.  Knowing Bae, there was a correct answer to that question, but he was damned if he knew what his son wanted to hear.  At least she had a fifty percent chance of being right.  

"I…”  He could almost see her flailing for an answer before she reached a decision and met Bae’s eyes.  

“I’m one of her helpers.  I told her all about you, and she sends her love.”  

Bae nodded in satisfaction.  "Okay.“

It couldn’t possibly be that easy.  "Okay?” Gold queried.

For a moment, Bae looked puzzled, then his face cleared.  "Oh!  Thank you!“

Gold realized that Bae had thought his papa was prompting him to remember his manners and shook his head in wonder at his son’s easy acceptance of the explanation.  Ten minutes ago they’d been poised on the edge of disaster and now all seemed well.  

Belle smiled.  "You’re very welcome.”

Apparently finished with the conversation, Bae looked around.  "What are we going to ride now?  Are we still going to get ice cream?“

"I think we’ve earned it,” Gold muttered to Belle, who nodded fervently in agreement.

“What?”  When Bae looked up at him, Gold ruffled his son’s hair.

“I said let’s go get ice cream.”

After a mint chocolate chip cone for Bae, caramel sea salt for Belle, and chocolate orange for himself— he _was_ on vacation— the three of them made their way to the next pavilion, which was themed to Morocco.  One of the advantages of admitting that Belle wasn’t actually a cartoon princess was that she could stop pretending not to know anything about the park, and they suddenly had an expert tour guide.

“Do you see that?” she asked Bae, pointing to a building in the distance that blended in with the Moroccan architecture.  "That’s the Tower of Terror.  They decorated it so it looks like it’s part of Morocco even though it’s pretty far away.“

” _Cool_.“  Bae stood on a bench for a better view as Gold shuddered at the memory of their single ride on the Tower of Terror.  Yes, the ride was a technological masterpiece and Bae probably would have ridden it fifty times if he could get away with it, but Gold’s stomach and free fall did _not_ get along.  One ride had been more than enough.

"That’s one of my very favorite rides,” Belle told Bae as she led them deeper into the pavilion.  

“I _loved_ it.  Papa didn’t like it though.  It made him turn green.”

“Traitor.”  Bae laughed at his papa’s affectionate grumble.

This pavilion was far more his speed.  Earlier, Belle had hinted that he would be impressed with the artwork of the World Showcase, and Morocco was proving her correct.  Gold could have spent an hour exploring the fountains and intricate tile work, but other than snapping a picture with Aladdin and the Genie, Bae didn’t find much to engage him.

“That’s Aladdin’s helper, right?  Not real Aladdin,” Bae asked as they headed for the next pavilion, Japan.  

“That’s right,” Belle agreed.

“But it _is_ really Genie.”

Belle slanted him a look over Bae’s head, telling him wordlessly that she wasn’t touching that statement with a ten foot pole.  

“Yes, that’s really Genie.”  Why not?  

The corners of Bae’s mouth turned down.  "He didn’t do any magic.“

Belle rested a gentle hand on his shoulder.  "He’s probably tired of doing magic.  Remember, he spent thousands of years having to do magic for everyone who rubbed his lamp.  Now that he’s free he only does magic when he wants to.”

Bae considered that, then brightened.  "That makes sense.“

Gold shot Belle a grateful look.  He hadn’t seen that trap coming until he fell into it, but she was quick-thinking enough to save the day.

Bae stopped in the middle of the walkway so suddenly that Gold and Belle took three more steps before they realized the boy wasn’t with them any more.  "Bae?”

“What’s your name?” Bae asked, his gaze fixed on Belle.

His face was distressed.  "Your name isn’t Belle.  What is it?“

Belle ignored the people streaming past them as she knelt in front of him and rested her hands on his shoulders.  "Actually, my name _is_ Belle.”

When Bae pulled a face, she squeezed his shoulders.  "No, it really is.  It’s Isabelle, but that’s too long.  Some people call me Izzy, and some people call me Belle.  I’d like it if you kept calling me Belle.“

Bae digested that for a moment.  "Does anyone call you Isabelle?”

With a conspiratorial look, she leaned closer and whispered, “Only when I’m in trouble.”

Bae snickered at that.  "I’m only Baden when I’m bad.“

"Then I bet you’re _never_ Baden because I can’t imagine you ever being bad.”  She grinned at him.

Gold gave his son’s hair a playful tug.  "Oh, he’s Baden more than you might think.  I remember one summer we took a walk to the fountain in the town square and—"

“ _Papa_!”  Bae looked so outraged that Gold had to laugh.

Belle’s eyes were bright.  "You can’t stop there!“

"I didn’t do anything!” Bae exclaimed.

“Are you _sure_ about that?”

“Well… I sort of did something,” Bae admitted.  "Papa was talking, and I got bored, so I looked in the fountain and I saw money.“

"Ah…”  Belle nodded her understanding.  "I think I see where this is going.“

"Don’t forget the best part,” Gold prompted him, biting his tongue to keep from laughing.

Bae huffed.  "I didn’t want to get my clothes wet!“

Belle placed a hand over her mouth.  "Oh my.”

Gold could picture his four year old son happily splashing in the fountain, naked as the day he was born, as clearly as if it had happened yesterday.  "He made three dollars and twelve cents before I fished him out.“

When Belle burst into giggles, Bae laughed too.  "Papa made me buy my own ice cream cone.”

Gold gave his son an exasperated look.  "Well, _I_ certainly wasn’t going to buy it for you after that!“

Still laughing, Belle regained her feet and took Bae’s hand.  "No wonder you and Crush got along so well.  You’re a sea creature too!”

Stormy mood forgotten, Bae swung Belle’s hand as he regaled her with stories of some of his other misadventures, and Gold trailed after them, content to just watch and listen.  This trip was doing Bae a world of good.  Considering how much time he had to spend at the hospital putting on a brave, grown up face while medical professionals did unpleasant things to him, Bae tended to be too serious.  Here, he could forget all of that and just be a child.

Belle was a big part of that magic, he reflected.  Even now that Bae knew she wasn’t an actual princess, there was still something special about her.  They barely knew her, but somehow she felt like she belonged with them.  It was as though they’d been waiting for years for her to come along, and now that she had, their family was complete.  Gold wasn’t sure what Bae was going to do when they had to return to Maine and leave her behind.

That was a worry for another day.  He took a deep breath and concentrated on the moment, watching Belle and Bae bounce along in rhythm with the drummers who were performing on the upper level of a nearby building.  Bae’s face was glowing, and even if they never saw Belle again after today, she’d given both of them a tremendous gift.

He wanted to do something for her in return.  She’d refused to accept payment for giving up her day off to spend time with Bae, but there had to be something Gold could do to show his appreciation for her generosity.

An opportunity presented itself when Bae spotted a display of Pokemon memorabilia through the window of a shop and insisted on investigating.  As Gold followed him inside, he glanced around the interior of the massive store, seeing everything from clothing and stuffed animals to ornate tea sets and pearl jewelry.

“Pick something out,” he encouraged Belle.  "Anything you want.“

"I can’t think of anything I need,” she demurred.

“I said something you _want_ , not something you need.  There must be something here that you’d like.  Jewelry?  A… sword?”  He couldn’t imagine why anyone would need a katana, but the store had an entire display of them.

Belle giggled.  "I couldn’t be trusted with a sword.  I’m really clumsy.  I’d find a way to cut my own head off.“

"All right, not a sword then.  What about a necklace?  Those pearls would look lovely on you.”  He nodded toward a locked display case to indicate a strand of large, perfectly matched black pearls.

Belle’s eyebrows lifted.  "You’re aware that necklace costs thirteen thousand dollars, right?“

While Gold believed in buying the very best for Bae and himself, he wasn’t the sort of man who flaunted his wealth.  However, if Belle was refusing his gift out of concern for his finances, he needed to set her mind at ease.  "If you like it, money is no object.”

“Since it costs more than my dad's car, I’d be afraid to wear it,” she shot back.  

He was just opening his mouth to point out that she could have the necklace insured, when Belle gave him a crooked smile.  "You don’t have to pay me to spend time with Bae.  I’d do this every day if I could.  I _love_ him.“

Her smile flickered as she reached out to rest a gentle hand on his arm.  "I’m sorry.  I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

“About Bae?” Gold was baffled when she nodded.

“I don’t mean to offend you.”

Had she called his son a bratty monster, he probably would have been offended.  As it was, he couldn’t imagine what she was apologizing for.  "I don’t know why I’d be offended.  As far as I’m concerned, loving Bae just means that you have good sense.“

He hadn’t realized how tense she was until her shoulders relaxed.  "I didn’t want you to feel like I’m co-opting your son.  I know how much he means to you, and I’m not trying to act like I have any idea what you’re going through.  I just really love him.”

If she loved Bae, that meant she would be willing to remain part of his life, and other than new lungs, that was what Gold wanted most for his son.  Belle made Bae smile, and the boy desperately needed that.  "Well, he’s certainly mad about you.  He already informed me that he plans to marry you when he grows up.“

Belle giggled, her eyes suspiciously bright.  "That’s adorable.”

Belatedly, Gold realized Bae probably didn’t want him to tell her that.  "I think that was supposed to be a secret, so if you could refrain from mentioning to him that I told you, I would appreciate it.“

"My lips are sealed,” she promised.

“Thank you.”  In his peripheral vision, Gold could see Bae narrowing down his selection of toys.  Before long, he’d be ready to leave the store, and that meant that he and Belle needed to settle the matter of her gift.

“I would also appreciate it if you would choose something for me to buy for you as a token of my gratitude.”  When Belle looked like she was going to protest, he held up his hand to forestall her objection.  "You’ve been wonderful today, and I want to do something to show my appreciation.  Please.“

"You can be dangerously charming when you want to be.”  Belle’s lips quirked in a small smile, leaving Gold uncertain if she was being serious or teasing him.  "Charming" wasn’t a word that was often applied to him as a descriptor.  

Actually, it wasn’t a word he’d _ever_ heard used to describe him.

“I’ll pick something out,” Belle promised.

“Papa, I want this one,” Bae called out.

As Belle disappeared into the store, Gold moved closer to Bae.  "You already have three Squirtles,“ he reminded the boy.

"But I don’t have _this_ one.”

He couldn’t argue with logic like that.  "Oh fine.“

"And Charizard?” Bae asked hopefully.

“Bae, listen.”  Gold glanced around to make sure that Belle was out of earshot, then rested his hand on his son’s shoulder until the boy looked up at him.  

Bae had seemed to take the revelation that Belle wasn’t an actual princess in stride, but now that they had a moment to themselves, Gold wanted to make sure that his son was as sanguine about the situation as he appeared to be.  "You know that our Belle isn’t the real Princess Belle, right?“

"I know.”  Bae looked more impatient than upset about it.

“Does that bother you?”  If it did, Gold didn’t have the slightest idea what he was going to do about it, but at least he would know.

Immediately, Bae shook his head.  "No, this is way better.“

"Why is it better?”  He’d hoped for acceptance of Belle’s non-royal status.  That Bae would be happy about it had never crossed his mind.

Bae grinned up at him.  "Because if she was really-for-real-Belle, she’d have to stay here with the Beast.  But she’s not, so she can come live with us!“

"Ah.”  This could be a problem.

“You know, it’s a very important job being Princess Belle’s helper.  She can’t just pick up and leave.”  If Bae was picturing them throwing Belle in the Cadillac with the rest of their luggage at the end of this trip, his son was going to be extremely disappointed.

“But she can help Princess Belle in Maine.  She can do story time at the library.” 

Bae looked so confident in his solution to the problem that Gold was at a complete loss.  "You make a valid point.“

He was searching for a way to explain that, although Santa had helpers all around the world, Princess Belle’s helpers were more localized when Belle herself reappeared.  "What are you two discussing so intently?”

“Pokemon,” Gold blurted before Bae could mention that he’d decided that Belle needed to relocate to Storybrooke.

Belle leaned down to examine the toy in Bae’s hands.  "Is Squirtle your favorite?  I like Psyduck.“

"Psyduck’s cool, but Squirtle is better,” Bae informed her as he proffered the toy for her inspection.

“And what did you pick out?” Gold asked, noticing the way she was holding her hands behind her back.

He’d hoped for an expensive piece of jewelry or perhaps an intricate _object d'art._  Instead, Belle held up a small blue and white teacup.  "I’m going to drink my tea out of this every morning and think about you and Prince Bae.“

It might not have been as impressive a token of appreciation as he’d wanted, but Gold couldn’t argue with the sentiment.  "What a lovely idea.”

He plucked it from her hand as he led the way to the cash register, Bae and Belle bickering affectionately about which of their Pokemon would win in a fight as he paid for the items.  At the last moment, he selected a tiny red cat from a display of lucky charms for himself and added it to their pile.

It was a silly superstition, but he couldn’t resist the promise on the sign.  "Will bring you good health for child.“

Belle, reading over his shoulder, squeezed his arm and whispered, "I don’t blame you.”

He was half-tempted to buy all of the little cats and set up some sort of protective ring around Bae’s bed, but that would be ridiculous.  It was a bit of plastic, that was all.  Still, it couldn’t hurt.

Bae either didn’t notice his purchase or didn’t consider it interesting enough to ask about, and for that, Gold was grateful.  "All right, what’s next?“

"The American Adventure,” Belle announced as she led the way to the next pavilion.  "We’re halfway around the lagoon.“

Had Gold been an American, he probably would have appreciated the patriotic presentation more, but the theater was well air conditioned and the seats were comfortable.  He did admire the technology on display that allowed for a seemingly endless array of audio-animatronics to portray historical figures.  Bae, on the other hand, fell asleep within five minutes.

The next two pavilions didn’t have attractions at all, just dining and shopping venues.  Gold could have spent some time exploring the art and architecture of Italy and Germany, but once Bae had posed for pictures with Pinocchio and Snow White, his son was more than ready to move on.

He enjoyed the movie in China, but it was Norway that captured Bae’s imagination.  "They have a Frozen ride!”

The queue was interminable, but Bae was determined, and Gold knew better than to suggest they skip the ride and come back later.  After a quick bathroom break, they joined the slow-moving queue.

“Let’s play Alphabet,” Belle suggested when Bae started to get fidgety less than ten minutes into their wait.

The rules of the game were simple: they were looking for the letters of the alphabet in order on signs and other people’s clothing.  Bae was immediately enthusiastic, and Gold surprised himself by how determined he was to be the first one to spot a G.

After running through the entire alphabet twice, Belle changed the game to listing Disney characters by the first letter of their name.  "A is for Alice in Wonderland.“

Bae’s eyes danced.  "B is for Belle!”

When two expectant gazes focused on him, Gold struggled to think.  "C is for… Cinderella.“

"Good job, Papa,” Bae praised, and Gold frantically tried to count ahead in the alphabet.  If he ended up with X, he was in serious trouble.

They listed Disney characters, types of food, animals, things that were blue, and pizza toppings and were just starting on things found in a kitchen when they rounded a turn and a boat came into view.

“ _Cool_ …” Bae pronounced.  A Viking warrior would have looked right at home on board the longboat.  Fortunately, it didn’t look like they were going to be expected to row.

Out of all the animatronics they’d seen, this group was by far the most impressive.  The robots could have stepped directly out of the movie, and Bae’s mouth hung open as they glided past a dancing Olaf, who invited them to visit Elsa’s ice palace  The awestruck look on his son’s face more than justified their long wait for the short ride.

“I want to do it again,” Bae pleaded before they’d even finished disembarking.  "The ice castle was so pretty!  Do you know Elsa?“

The question was directed at Belle, who nodded.  "And Anna too!  They’re very nice, but Sven accidentally took a bite out of one of my books.”

Gold took advantage of the distraction Belle was providing to steer Bae out of Norway.  He wasn’t opposed to riding again at some point, but there was no way his leg could endure another hour of standing in a queue.  

“What’s that?” Bae asked as the next pavilion came into view.

“Mexico.  They have a boat ride too, only this one has Donald Duck.”  Belle grabbed Bae’s hand and gave him a twirl as they approached what looked like an ancient temple.

Once inside, even Gold was impressed.  Although they were inside a building, the pavilion was themed to make them feel like they were exploring an outdoor market at twilight with a brooding volcano in the distance.  

Bae was perplexed.  "How did it get dark so fast?“

Belle’s eyes sparkled.  "Magic of course!”

Unlike Norway, there was no line at all for this boat ride, and it didn’t take long for Gold to see why.  In contrast to its modern neighbor, this ride felt like it had come straight out of the seventies, complete with primitive animatronics.  Still, there was something charming about it, and Bae certainly didn’t hold its datedness against it.  He was too busy laughing uproariously at Donald’s antics.

“I know it’s not exactly the best ride in the park, but I’ve always loved this one,” Belle admitted as they cruised along through a replica of a Day of the Dead celebration.  

“There’s something very likable about it,” Gold agreed.  Perhaps it was the sheer positive energy of it.  There was nothing scary or dramatic here, just scenes filled with upbeat, happy characters.  The way it was tucked away in a corner of the pavilion made it feel like they’d discovered something when they got on board, and after a day of queuing, that was a refreshing change.

To Bae’s delight, the woman operating the ride allowed them to go around again without disembarking, something that Gold was grateful for as well.  Getting in and out of all of the ride vehicles was starting to play hell on his leg.

After the ride, Bae demanded tacos which gave him a chance to rest for a bit before they were on their way to the next adventure.  "Test Track is next,“ Belle told them, pointing at a large round building from which the sounds of squealing tires and screams periodically erupted.  

Bae, of course, was immediately enthusiastic about anything that involved screaming.  "Awesome.”

“It’s really not scary,” Belle assured Gold as they left the World Showcase behind.  "Mostly, it’s like being in a car— bumpy roads, sharp turns, things like that.“

"I believe I can handle that.”  Whatever was in store for him couldn’t possibly be worse than the Tower of Terror.

The first section of the attraction was practically educational.  The three of them were stationed at a large touchscreen and tasked with designing a car, a job that Bae took _extremely_ seriously.  Gold wasn’t sure his son really understood anything the screen was trying to teach him about wind resistance and energy efficiency, but the boy was having so much fun choosing colors and making the tires as big as possible that it didn’t matter.

“Now we get to take your car for a test drive,” Belle explained as they were herded through the next part of the queue.  

The three of them were given the back seat of a test car with Bae in the middle.  After a quick seatbelt check, they were sent onto the track where Bae’s car was evaluated on how well it did things like climb hills and handle sudden turns.

At least that was the story.  As far as Gold could tell, the whole thing was just an excuse to jolt the riders around as much as possible, but Bae certainly didn’t seem to mind.  The boy laughed at every near-miss and screamed with delight when the car shot out of the building to complete several high speed circuits around an open loop of track.

Gold winced at the sound of Bae’s shriek, hoping against hope that he’d get away with it.  Today had been going so _well_.

For a moment, he thought that his wish had been granted, then the coughing started.  

As the car zipped into the unload area, Gold caught Belle’s worried gaze.  "Help me with him.“

Between the two of them, they got the coughing boy out of the car and found a bench a little further down the exit ramp.  "You’re okay.  Papa’s here.  Lean forward,” Gold encouraged.  The more blood Bae coughed up, the less was left to pool in his lungs.

White-faced, Belle helped Bae lean forward and pulled a tissue out of her pocket to blot his mouth.  Gold could have told her that her efforts were for naught, but he was too busy trying to get the backpack open to get at Bae’s medicine.

“ _Shit_.”  Bae was coughing too hard to notice the curse, but Belle did, looking at him with wide eyes as he rooted desperately around in the backpack to find supplies that had been buried underneath souvenirs and discarded clothing.  

Panic and frustration made him clumsy, and he cursed again as he yanked his jacket out of the bag, the fabric clinging to his hand when he tried to toss it aside.

“I’ve got it.”  Belle knelt down to free him from the jacket and took the backpack away from him, dumping its contents onto the ground.  "Tell me what you need.“

"The inhaler.”

With quick movements, she sorted through the tangle and came up with the inhaler, which she passed to him with the efficiency of a trained nurse.  Gold, focused on Bae, noticed in passing just how much _easier_ it was with two people.  With Belle to assist him, he could give Bae his undivided attention.

“Let me have the orange bottle… now the blue… handkerchief…”  Slowly, the cough was starting to wind down, leaving Bae wheezing.

“There we go… You’re all right.  You’re all right now,” Gold assured his son.

Bae slumped back, drained and miserable, as Belle neatly repacked the backpack, keeping the necessary supplies on top.  That task done, she moved to sit next to Bae and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.  "You’re very brave.“

When Bae snuggled into her side, Belle wrapped her arm around him, her eyes glassy.  Gold looked away before he could meet her gaze, afraid of what would happen if he did.  Bae felt bad enough without seeing his papa cry.

"I think that’s enough park for one day,” he said when he could again trust his voice.

Bae surged back into a seated position, his face outraged.  "No!“

"You need to rest, Bae.”  On this point, Gold was resolute.  It was a shame that their day with Belle had to end like this, but Bae’s health came first.

“I want to see the big ball!  And Elsa again.  And… and…”  Bae was clinging to Belle with both hands, making it clear what his real objection was.

“How about we do a dinosaur ride?” Belle suggested brightly, and Gold’s jaw dropped at her effrontery.  Bae was _his_ son.  It wasn’t her place to override his authority, especially when she was just going to make things worse.  Bae was fragile and needed special care.  Giving in to his demands would only deplete his limited resources.  

“Yes!”  Bae turned pleading eyes on Gold.  " _Please_ , Papa?“

Belle’s face was resolute as she gave him a look over Bae’s head and clearly mouthed, "Trust me.”

Trust wasn’t something that came easily to Gold, particularly when it involved Bae, but in the case, he didn’t see where he had any choice.  "Fine.“  

His tone was less than gracious, but Bae didn’t seem to notice.  Belle gave him a slight nod, then pushed herself off the bench and half-knelt with her back to Bae.  "I feel like giving somebody a piggy-back ride, and Papa’s too big.  Climb aboard!”

Bae hurried to obey, and Belle struggled to her feet once he was clinging to her back.  "Oof!  You’re heavy!“

In spite of himself, Gold had to admire the way Belle was handling things.  Piggy-back rides weren’t something that he could do, and Bae was enjoying the novelty too much to even realize he was being cosseted.

Bae was small for his age, but Belle was tiny.  Gold didn’t have the slightest idea how she was going to carry his son, but once Belle had her hands locked under Bae’s knees, her face betrayed no hint of strain.  

"Here we go!” she announced, spinning in a few circles to make Bae giggle before setting off down the long hallway out of the pavilion.

To ease her load as much as possible, Gold took Bae’s tank away to carry it himself.  The three of them made an odd picture as they lurched along, and the picture only got odder when Belle started to sing.  "Hi-ho, hi-ho, to Universe of Energy we go!“

It didn’t quite scan, but it made Bae laugh.  Belle continued to sing snippets of Disney songs, freely making up her own words, and before Gold knew it, they were approaching an enormous silver building that could only be the Energy pavilion.

As soon as they entered the building, Gold could see the wisdom of Belle’s choice.  The dark interior was lined with padded benches, giving them a quiet place to rest while they waited for the attraction to begin.  After a short movie, they were escorted into a room filled with long blue benches, and the small crowd meant that they had an entire row to themselves, giving them plenty of room to stretch out.

"It’s forty-five minutes long,” Belle whispered to him as Bae looked around.

She’d told him to trust her and proven that she deserved that trust.  She’d found a way to give both him and Bae exactly what they wanted.  His son would have no choice but to sit quietly and rest for almost an hour, and Bae was getting more time at the park.

He should never have doubted her.

The dinosaurs on this ride were far more low-key than the ones at Animal Kingdom, and Bae was half-asleep by the time the long attraction ended.  He perked up a little once they stepped out into the fading sunlight.  "Now what?“

"That’s up to Papa,” Belle told him.  "We’re close to the big ball and to the monorail.“  

Her choice of attraction had put them near the entrance to the park, and Gold took another moment to applaud her cleverness.  From here, getting Bae out of the park wouldn’t be nearly as much of a struggle.  

But they didn’t have to leave just yet.  Bae’s face had regained its color, and the dangerous wheeze had faded from his breathing.  There was no reason they couldn’t stay a little longer.  "I think we have time for one more ride.”

Bae pumped his fist.  "Yes!“

Belle took his hand, keeping their pace slow as she led them toward the giant orb at the front of the park.  "You’re going to get to ride in the big ball just like you wanted!”

“Spaceship Earth,” Bae read aloud as they climbed the long ramp leading up to the entrance to the ball.  "Is it really a spaceship?“

"Nope, it’s a time machine,” Belle told him.

There was a little confusion as they attempted to board the ride.  Each car had two pairs of seats, and somehow Gold ended up sitting in the back with Belle as Bae claimed the front seat for himself.  

“There’s nowhere he can go,” Belle assured him as the car’s doors slid closed.

“Look up, Bae!” she encouraged, calling his attention to a video screen that showed their car as it started to slowly climb a steep hill.  

Giggling, Belle and Bae made faces at each other on the screen while Gold amused himself by refusing to play along.  From there, the car moved past a series of scenes showing the development of technology from the Stone Age to the present day.  Gold was too busy keeping an eye on his son in the front seat to make sure that all was well to really appreciate the ride, but Bae seemed to enjoy it if the number of questions he turned around to ask was any indication.

“Do you know where we are?” Belle leaned forward to ask as their car moved forward into a large dome that reflected a view of Earth as seen from outer space.  "We’re at the very very very top of the big ball.“

"Whoa.”  Bae craned his head to look over the side of the car as though expecting to be able to see the distant ground.

Just the thought of it made Gold feel a little light-headed, and he was relieved when the car turned backwards to glide back down to ground level as a little movie played that transposed his and Belle’s heads onto cartoon bodies to show what their lives would look like in the future.  In the front row, Bae had a movie of his own, and his son seemed very pleased about the idea of having a robotic sidekick.  He and Belle, on the other hand, were apparently destined to take up deep sea diving.

Gold questioned how accurate the cartoon’s predictions would turn out to be, but he had to admit that it was amusing.

By the time they got off the ride, it was almost fully dark, and Bae was yawning.  "I think it’s been a wonderful day,“ Belle told them.  "Thank you for inviting me.”

“Thank you for joining us.”  The words were stilted, not coming close to encompassing everything he was grateful for.

“Come ride the monorail back with us.  We’ll show you the pool.  And there’s a water parade every night.”  Bae tightened his grip on Belle’s hand.

“I’ll walk to the monorail with you,” Belle promised.  "And I’ll show you one of my very favorite things on the way.“

"What is it?”

Belle swung their clasped hands as they started to walk.  "It’s a surprise, silly!“

Her surprise turned out to be a section of sidewalk with fiber optic lights embedded in it, creating a swirling light show.  Bae was rapt.  "It’s magic!”

“It sure is,” she agreed.

Hand in hand, the two of them chased the swirling lights, and Gold’s throat ached as he watched them.  Belle was so good for Bae that he wasn’t sure how his son would be able to get along without her.  Perhaps he should think a bit more about Bae’s suggestion that Belle move to Storybrooke with them.  

Gold shook his head at himself.  Before long, he’d be planning to throw her in the Cadillac’s trunk on the way out of Orlando.  Belle was a _person_ , not a souvenir.  That said, maybe this didn’t have to be the last time they spent together.

“We’re leaving on Wednesday,” he murmured to Belle as they left the park.  "Would you have any more time in your schedule for us between now and then?“

Belle nibbled on her lower lip.  "I’m working all of those days.  I could do breakfast on Tuesday though.  Would that work for you?”

“That’s perfect.  I’ll text you about a meeting place.”  If nothing else, he’d prolonged the inevitable.

“Should we tell him or let it be a surprise?”

If they told Bae, he’d spend all day tomorrow climbing the walls, but the promise of seeing Belle again might be the only thing that would convince his son to let her go home tonight.  "Tell him.“

By the time they reached the monorail station, Bae was dragging his feet.  "I don’t want you to go.”

Belle knelt down to embrace him.  "I had a wonderful day with you, my Beast.  And guess what?  I’m going to see you again Tuesday morning!“

"Really?”  When Belle nodded, Bae hugged her so hard that he nearly knocked her over.

Laughing, she regained her feet and turned to him.  "Good night, your majesty.“

When she leaned up to kiss his cheek, Gold nearly dropped the tea cup he was preparing to hand to her.  "Good night.”

As they climbed up to the monorail platform, Bae kept stealing peeks over the railing, and Belle stayed where she was, waving until the monorail came to take them away.  Even then, Bae kept looking back over his shoulder as Epcot faded into the distance.  "I want Belle to come home with us,“ he said as he snuggled into his father’s side.

Gold wrapped his arm around his son.  "I know, Bae.”  

With a sigh, he admitted, “So do I.”


	5. Chapter 5

“There she is, Papa!”  

Gold looked up from the menu as Bae half-stood on his side of the booth at the Polynesian’s Kona Cafe, waving both arms like an air traffic controller as he tried to catch Belle’s attention.

Beaming, Belle waved back, and Bae watched eagerly as she navigated her way through the crowded dining area to claim a seat next to him.  "Good morning!“ she chirped as she pulled Bae in for a hug, then turned her smile on Gold.

"Good morning,” he returned as he admired the picture she and Bae made together.  Today, Belle had opted for a yellow sundress with her hair done up in a messy knot, a casual play on Princess Belle’s ballgown.  As far as Gold was concerned, she looked even prettier in the relaxed outfit than she did in the ornate princess costume.  It was no wonder that Bae was so taken with her.

“How was yesterday?  What did you do?” she asked Bae, and his son nearly levitated out of his seat.  

“Can I give it to her, Papa?  Can I?” the boy asked eagerly.

“Not yet.  Let her eat first,” Gold recommended.  There was no real reason that Bae couldn’t give Belle the gift he’d selected for her now, but he had a suspicion that Belle enjoyed surprises.  She would appreciate the gift more if Bae could be patient enough to let the anticipation build.

Bae grinned like the Cheshire Cat.  "We have a surprise.“

"I _love_ surprises,” Belle promised him.  She tapped him affectionately on the tip of his nose.  "And I just might have one for you too.“

Bae wriggled with excitement as Belle picked up her menu.  "I’ve never eaten here before.”

Her admission took Gold aback for a moment, then he shook his head at his own foolishness.  Belle was a person, not a cartoon character.  She didn’t actually live in the Beast’s castle in Fantasyland, and there was no reason she would take her meals at the various resorts.  For her, Disney was a vocation, not a vacation.  “I just realized that I’ve been picturing you living at the parks.”

Belle giggled at his confession.  "It’s like when you’re a kid and you see your teacher at the grocery store and it’s _so_ weird.“

"Where _do_ you live?” Bae asked.  

“I share an apartment with three other girls who help the other princesses.  Do you want to see a picture?”  Belle pulled out her phone to show both of them a few shots of a rather small and rundown apartment.  Not for the first time, Gold found himself wondering how much being Princess Belle’s helper paid.

“Which princesses?”  Discovering that the characters in the parks weren’t the “really-for-real” princesses only seemed to have increased Bae’s fascination with them.  

“Merida and Ariel.  And my friend Ana wanted to be a helper too, but she’s too tall to wear the dresses, so guess who she helps?”  Belle flipped through the photos to display a shot of each of her friends as she named them.

“She’s pretty,” Bae pronounced as he examined the picture of a blond girl with full lips and pronounced cheekbones.  "She looks like Bo Peep.“

"Good guess, but no.  She helps Maleficent.”  

Bae’s jaw dropped at this atom bomb of information.  "No way!“

Belle nodded.  "Way.  She has to be careful when she’s making her reports.  If she doesn’t do a good job, Maleficent threatened to put her in an enchanted sleep.”

Bae looked at Ana’s picture with new respect.  "She’s brave.“

Belle’s eyes sparkled as she shot him a glance across the table.  "Ana’s boyfriend, Will, is _very_ good friends with the Queen of Hearts.”

Her comment went over Bae’s head, but Gold got it immediately.  "You’re joking.“  

"You know a lot of women who are six foot two?”  

When she said it like that, it made perfect sense.  Under the large dress and full-face mask, the performer’s gender wouldn’t matter.  "That’s hilarious.“

There was a brief lull in the conversation while the server took their order, then Belle put her phone away and turned back to Bae.  "You didn’t answer my question.  Did you have fun yesterday?”

“We went back to the animal park and saw the bird show and the boat ride and the dinosaurs again,” Bae told her.  

His son had had to do some serious begging before Gold was willing to take him back on that ride, but it had worked out.  Bae had learned his lesson not to scream the hard way, and they’d gotten through the second ride without an attack, which went a long way toward improving Gold’s opinion of it.

“Then we did the safari, and I saw a million animals.  They have _lions_.”  From the tone of Bae’s voice, he would have been content to see nothing else.

“Oh, I _love_ the safari.  Did you see the warthogs?  They’re my favorites.  That and the crocodiles.”

Wide-eyed, Bae nodded.  "We almost fell in.  We were by the crocodiles, and we went over this bridge, and it broke.“

"Oh my.”  Belle’s eyes danced with amusement.  "That sounds _very_ scary.“

"It was a little scary,” Bae allowed.  "Papa was more scared than me.“

Gold covered his mouth with his hand to hide his smile at the blatant falsehood.  It seemed that his son was more than willing to sell him up the river if it meant impressing Belle.

"Well, I think you’re _both_ very brave.”  Belle kissed the top of his head, and Bae squirmed with delight.

“We got to make warthog noises at the Lion King show,” Bae continued his play-by-play.

“It was absolutely repulsive,” Gold agreed.  He might never forget the sound of being surrounded by two hundred other sweaty tourists all grunting like pigs to show their warthog spirit.  Bae, naturally, had had the time of his life.

Bae snorted to demonstrate, making Belle giggle.  So pleased was he at this reaction that he continued to snort until the server brought their drinks despite Gold’s best efforts to stop him.

He moved the cup of chocolate milk out of Bae’s reach.  "Warthogs don’t drink chocolate milk.“  

"Papa…” Bae whined, reaching for it.

“No more snorting,” Gold reproved, waiting until his son reluctantly nodded in agreement before handing him the glass.

Politely, Belle pretended to be very intent on adding exactly the right amount of cream to her coffee until the matter was settled.  Only then did she return her attention to Bae.  "So, what did you do next?“

"We came back and went swimming, then we went to the Star Wars place, but I was too short.”

Belle turned to him with a questioning look.  "Star Tours?“

"Disney Springs,” Gold explained.

“ _Ohhh_ … Gotcha.  I haven’t done that yet.”  

“Neither have we.”  Bae had shrugged off the disappointment fairly easily, but Gold was still bitter about being turned away.  It was worse because he had no one but himself to blame.  A little research would have revealed that Bae was still too young for the virtual reality experience, but he’d skipped that step and gotten his son’s hopes up for nothing.

Hearing his son comfort him by saying, “It’s okay, Papa.  We’ll do it next time,” had nearly broken him.  What if there _wasn’t_ a next time?

Their food arrived a moment later, but Gold had lost his appetite.  Instead, he watched Bae devour his stack of pancakes and tried not to imagine a world that didn’t have his boy in it.

When something bumped his ankle, he glanced at Belle, realizing that she’d gently kicked him to get his attention.  "Right now, he’s okay,“ she mouthed, her eyes sympathetic.

He took a deep breath and repeated her words to himself.  Right now, Bae was fine.  That was what mattered.  "Thank you.”

Bae, oblivious to the adults’ silent discussion, was still chattering away, describing the offbeat little shop where he’d found half a dozen of the ugliest wind-up toys Gold had ever seen.  Gold, wanting a memento of his own of this trip, had selected an artistic representation of the planet Mercury in glass paperweight form containing ash from Mt. St. Helens that would look just right in his office.

It was while they were waiting to pay for their selections that Bae had spotted the display case of jewelry, and Gold hoped Belle would like her surprise.  If not, he could honestly say that he’d had nothing to do with it.  The bracelet had been Bae’s idea from start to finish; all Gold had done was pay for it.

Before his son could spoil the surprise, Gold redirected the conversation.  "Tell Belle about the Legos.“

"They have Lego _everything_.  Even a dragon!”  Bae had stared at the life-sized Lego sea serpent that resided in the lake outside the store for so long that Gold had feared his son had taken root.  

“I think we bought half the store,” he chuckled.  Bae could play with the building sets to his heart’s content without tiring himself, and Gold appreciated anything that could capture his son’s imagination like that.  There were so many things that Bae couldn’t do that when he found something his son could enjoy, he tended to go a little overboard.

Discussion of the various Lego sculptures carried them through the rest of the meal, and the moment Belle pushed her plate away, Bae drummed his hands on the table.  " _Now_ can I give it to her?“

"Yes, you may give it to her.”  He slipped his hand into his jacket pocket for the box, which he slid across the table to Bae.

In his enthusiastic haste, Bae practically flung the box into Belle’s lap.  "I picked it out all by myself!“

When Belle glanced at him, Gold held up his hands.  "The boy speaks the truth.  This was entirely his idea.”

At Epcot, Belle had refused to allow him to buy her anything expensive, but she couldn’t reject a gift from Bae.  With his innocent generosity, Bae had outmaneuvered her, proving that he was very much his father’s son.  

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” Belle told him as she lifted the lid off of the box to reveal an asymmetrical silver bracelet set with a variety of semiprecious stones.  The piece was bright and cheerful without being gaudy, and Gold had to approve of his son’s taste even if he would have chosen something smaller and simpler if the gift was coming from him.

“It’s beautiful!” she exclaimed, and Bae bounced in his seat.  

“Isn’t it pretty?  I knew you’d like it!  Put it on!”

“Help me?” Belle requested, offering the boy the bracelet and her wrist.

It took Bae several minutes of fumbling with the small clasp, but he eventually managed to hook it around her wrist, and Belle held her arm up so all three of them could admire the bracelet.  "I _love_ it.  Thank you so much.“

She pressed a kiss to Bae’s cheek, then turned a rueful smile on Gold.  "Thank you.  You didn’t have to do this.”

“Bae did it all,” he reminded her, his spirit lifting at his son’s happy smile.  The boy had such a good heart.  He was as delighted to give a gift as he was to get one himself.  

“Would you like your surprise now?” Belle asked.

When Bae nodded, she reached into her purse and pulled out a small wrapped package.  "For you.“

Gold started when she pulled out another package and offered it to him.  "And for you.”

“For me?” he queried, half-expecting the present to disappear like a mirage if he reached for it.  No one but Bae had given him a gift in longer than he could remember.

“Of course for you!  I just hope you like it.”  Her smile flickered a little.

Bae ripped into his present with glee to reveal a book.  "Her Handsome Hero,“ he read aloud.

"It’s my very favorite book in the whole world,” Belle explained.  "It’s about a very brave young man named Gideon who has adventures.  I was about your age when I read it for the first time, and I hope you like it as much as I do.“

Bae hugged the book to his chest for a moment, then threw himself into Belle’s arms.  "Thank you!”

At a more sedate pace, Gold opened his own present, his fingers identifying it as a book as he did.  He carefully freed each piece of tape so he could unfold the paper, finding himself holding a copy of _The Little Book of Mindfulness._

“I thought, maybe, it would help,” Belle said softly.

The subtitle promised him less stress and more peace, and Gold couldn’t imagine anything he needed more, other than new lungs for Bae.  "Thank you.  I hope it does.“

"Are you coming to the park with us?” Bae asked Belle.  

He’d been afraid of that.  "Now, Bae, we talked about this.  Belle has to go help Princess Belle, so she can’t spend all day with us.“

"But she did Epcot with us,” Bae reminded him.  He turned pleading eyes on Belle.  " _Please_.  It’ll be really fun.  You can ride the monorail with us, and we’re going to do all the best rides over again.“

Belle sighed.  "I wish I could.”

After a quick glance at her watch, she found a compromise.  "I think I have time to ride the monorail and do one ride before I have to go help Princess Belle.“

"Thank you,” Gold mouthed as he hurried to pay their bill and gather their things.  There seemed to be no end to Belle’s generosity, and that would only make the inevitable goodbye all the harder.

Gold watched Bae cling to Belle’s hand as they made their way to the monorail platform and wished he could bottle this moment.  Belle was good for Bae.  She brought him out of his shell and provided the female influence that was missing in their household.  He could try to be all things to his son, but a mother’s love was irreplaceable, and Belle was the closest thing Bae had.  

There were times that Gold wondered if he would have been a different man had his own mother not walked out on her infant son.  He rather thought he would have been a better one.  Was it so wrong to want that for Bae?

“I want to live here.  I don’t want to go home tomorrow,” Bae announced as they boarded the monorail.

“Tell me about your pink house,” Belle requested, skillfully redirecting him.  "What does your room look like?“

It was a clever conversational gambit.  By getting Bae to think about home in a positive light, she was taking some of the sting out of their imminent departure, and Gold applauded her strategy.

"I have stars,” Bae told her proudly.

Gold blinked, surprised that his son mentioned the stars first.  "I hired a painter to do constellations in glow-in-the-dark paint,“ he explained.  During the day, the ceiling was plain white, but at night, the stars shone above Bae’s bed.

"That sounds _amazing_.  Do you know all the constellations?”

“I know _some_ of them,” Bae allowed.  "Papa knows them all.“

"Papa is very smart,” Belle praised, and Gold found himself flushing at the compliment.  

“My walls are green, and one of them is all books.  I have a table with paint and crayons and pencils, and a stuffed elephant that’s as big as me.”  In truth, Jumbo hadn’t been bigger than Bae in over a year, but Bae didn’t seem to have noticed yet.

“It sounds wonderful.  I’d love to have a book wall.  Or to be able to paint.”  Belle’s smile was rueful.

No doubt her rental agreement precluded such things.  Perhaps he could buy the building as a token of his appreciation.  Once the deed was in her hand, Belle could do whatever she wanted with her living space.

Gold shook his head at himself.  Or perhaps he should just consider himself lucky she accepted the bracelet.  Buying her a building would be… odd.

“And I have a playroom with a _castle_!”  Bae’s voice made it clear that he’d saved the best for last.

“A castle?  A whole castle just for you?  If I had a castle of my very own, I’d never leave my house!”  Belle twirled Bae around as they made their way down the ramp from the monorail platform to the entrance to the Magic Kingdom.

“You’ll need a ticket, won’t you?”  Gold cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner and glanced around for a ticket booth.

“Nope.”  Belle waved a hand at a sign labeled “Cast Member Entrance”.

“I’ll meet you inside the gates,” she promised, taking a moment to ruffle Bae’s hair before darting off.

It took them a few minutes to get through security with all of the medical paraphernalia, and Gold was so distracted by trying to juggle all of their supplies that he didn’t notice how quiet Bae had gotten until they reunited with Belle.

“Belle?”  He tugged on her hand.

Instantly, Belle knelt down so they were eye to eye.  "What’s up?“

"Will you come live with us?”  Bae’s eyes were pleading.

“Oh!”  Belle darted a glance at him, and Gold winced.  He should have seen this coming.

He rested a hand on his son’s shoulder.  "Belle has a very important job here.  She can’t just move to Maine.“

"But she can help Princess Belle where we live,” Bae argued.  "You can have your own room, and you can have my castle, and Papa will make you a book wall.  Please?“

"Oh, Bae.”  Belle looked like she was trying not to cry.  

“There’s lots of room in the car.  We can watch movies and play Alphabet.  It’ll be fun.”

With a strangled sob, Belle pulled Bae into her arms, hugging him hard.  "I love you.“

"I love you too.  Please?” he begged, and Gold had to look away before he broke down.

This wasn’t _fair_.  It wasn’t fair that Bae had met Belle only to lose her days later.  She’d promised to stay in touch, and Gold was certain that she would, but phone calls weren’t enough.  Bae _needed_ Belle.

When he dared look at them again, Belle’s eyes were glassy but she was smiling.  "You are _very_ persuasive.  I promised Princess Belle that I would stay here and help her all summer though.  I can’t break my promise.“

"Perhaps Belle would be willing to come and visit us when she’s done helping Princess Belle.”  It was an underhanded thing he was doing.  It was the height of unfairness to put Belle on the spot like this.  There was no way she could say no with Bae’s pleading eyes fixed on her.

Gold was well aware of all of that, but he forged ahead anyway.  It was unfair, but it was for Bae.  For Bae, he would fight dirty.  "I’ll be happy to arrange a plane ticket for you at the end of the summer and make sure you get to Boston in time for your classes to start.  And I’m more than willing to compensate you for your time.“

It would be the easiest thing in the world to get Belle out of her lease and whatever contract she’d signed with Disney.  Midas would probably enjoy the challenge.  Yet, Gold was leery of pushing too hard too fast.  A visit was one thing, but if he tried to manipulate Belle into surrendering her entire life after less than a week of knowing them, she might balk, and Bae would be left with nothing.  

Fortunately, Bae seemed content with the promise of a visit.  The boy nodded eagerly.  "Yes!  As soon as you’re done, you can visit.  I’ll show you all my toys.”

“I…”  If Belle was looking for a way to say no, he couldn’t really blame her.  She loved Bae, but she barely knew him.  For all she knew, he was serial killer laying a very elaborate trap.  

“Please say yes,” Bae begged.  "Please, please, please!“

"If you want to run a background check, I will provide whatever information is necessary,” he told her stiffly.  Gold couldn’t remember the last time he’d actively had to court someone else’s approval.  As a general rule, people had to fight to get into his good graces, but for Bae, he would sacrifice his dignity.

Belle shook her head.  "I’m a pretty good judge of character.  I trust you.“

Her simple declaration took his breath away.  To Gold, trust was a hard-won thing, but Belle was giving hers to him without even making him work for it.

"I’d love to come visit you in your pink house!” Belle told Bae, and if she felt any compunctions about accepting the invitation, she didn’t let it show.

Bae hugged her so hard that he nearly knocked her over.  "When are you coming?“

Belle glanced up at him.  "Mid-August?  Does that… fit your schedule?”

When she nibbled on her lower lip, her eyes shadowed, Gold realized what she was really asking him.  It wasn’t his schedule that concerned her.  Rather, Belle wanted to know if it would be too late if she put off the visit for three months.  She was asking how much time Bae had left.

The reminder of his son’s mortality was a knife in the ribs, but Gold didn’t let it show.  Instead he concentrated on the reminder she’d given him earlier— right now, Bae was fine.  Three months was a long time, but there was no reason to believe Bae would dramatically deteriorate between now and then.  It was true that his son was sicker now than he’d been when he was diagnosed at age five, but Bae was staying strong.

“That should be fine.  Whatever works for you works for us,“ Gold assured her.

“Then I’ll come see you in August,” Belle promised Bae, and Gold found it easier to draw a full breath now that she’d promised to visit the boy.  Today’s parting was no longer goodbye for good but only goodbye for now.  It might not be exactly what Bae wanted, but it was far better than nothing.

"I’ve never been to Maine,” Belle told Bae as she regained her feet and took his hand to lead him deeper into the park.  "What’s it like?“

"It snows _all_ the time,” Bae informed her.

“Even in August?”

Bae considered that for a moment.  "Probably not, but maybe.“

"It does not snow in August.  We don’t live in Antarctica.”

“It _might_ snow.  Just because it doesn’t doesn’t mean that it won’t.”

It was impossible to argue with that logic.  

“So, what are we going to ride?” Belle asked before Bae could argue his point further.

Bae looked around for inspiration, then looked up at him.  "What’s your favorite ride?“ Gold asked, curious as to what her answer would be.  For some reason, it seemed important to know which ride Belle liked best.

"Mine is the Haunted Mansion.”  She ruffled Bae’s hair.  "Scary!“

Bae pulled a face.  "That’s not scary.  Not much.”

Considering the way Bae had plastered himself to Gold’s side during their ride on the Haunted Mansion, the boy had found it scarier than he wanted to admit, but Gold kept his secret.

“And Bae’s favorite is the Country Bears.”  That was something Bae had told her that very first night, and Gold was impressed that she remembered.

She turned to him.  "What about you?  What’s your favorite?“

"I…”  Gold frowned when he realized he didn’t have the slightest idea.  He’d spent this entire trip focusing so much on what Bae liked that he hadn’t paid much attention to what he enjoyed.  If a ride gave Bae pleasure, Gold liked it too, with a few exceptions of the thrill ride variety.

Belle was looking at him like she genuinely wanted to know, so Gold put some thought into it.  If he had to pick one ride in the park, which one would it be?

“The blue train thing in Tomorrowland,” he decided, realizing just how boring that choice made him sound.  The ride was little more than a moving couch on an elevated track, providing a birds-eye view of the land.

Belle’s eyes lit up.  "I love the PeopleMover!  It’s so much fun to look down and watch everyone.“

“I liked it when we went in the dark and saw the astronauts,” Bae agreed.

“Then I think we’ve made a decision.  To the PeopleMover!”  Belle pointed dramatically in the direction of Tomorrowland, then caught a giggling Bae by the hand and led the way.

One of Gold’s favorite things about the PeopleMover was that there was never a line for the ride, and this time was no exception.  He settled himself on the opposite side of the car from Belle and Bae, watching the way they leaned into each other, their heads close together as they talked.  Anyone seeing them together would think they were mother and son, and his heart ached with longing for the illusion to be true.  

“I like this part,” Bae announced as their car plunged into darkness as they entered Space Mountain.

“Did you ride Space Mountain?”

“No.”  Bae’s voice was aggravated.  “I was too short.”

“Well, you’re seeing all the best parts from here,” Belle consoled him.

“We’re going to come back next year, and I’m going to be tall, and I’m going to ride it then.”  

Since there had been no discussion about a potential return trip to Disney World, Bae was pulling this plan out of thin air.  Gold made no effort to correct him.  If his boy was well enough for Disney this time next year, he’d be glad to bring him back.  He’d take Bae anywhere he wanted to go so long as the boy _lived_.

All he had to do was survive.  Gold asked nothing more of the universe.

“What about Buzz Lightyear?” Belle asked as they passed a window overlooking the brightly-colored ride.

“I got a better score than Papa!”

That was certainly true, although Bae was leaving out the part where they’d had so much trouble aiming the laser cannons mounted on their ride vehicle that neither one of them had performed particularly well.  It was a good thing that Mr. Lightyear wasn’t _actually_ relying on them to save the galaxy, because if he was, the galaxy would be in serious trouble.

All too soon, their car completed the circuit, and Gold bit back a sigh as they neared the station.  It was time to say goodbye, and he wasn’t sure how Bae was going to be able to let Belle go.

Belle gave him a sad smile as she smoothed her hand over the boy’s hair.  “Let’s go around again,” she suggested as the unloading area came into view.

The trick was accomplished with a simple wave to the attendant, and they were off again.  This time, Gold was blind to the sights of Tomorrowland.  All he could see was the way Bae’s face glowed when he looked up at Belle.

Of the three of them, Bae was the only one who didn’t seem to feel the pressure of the approaching goodbye.  The boy chattered away, happily pointing out landmarks and asking questions until they pulled into the station a second time.  Gold wished he had his son’s gift of living in the moment because the only thing he could think about were the tears that were sure to come when Belle had to leave them.

Belle’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes as she climbed out of the car and followed Bae onto the moving walkway that would take them back to ground level.  

“Let’s ride Buzz!” Bae suggested, tugging on her hand.

“We made a deal— one ride,” Belle reminded him gently.  “I have to go help Princess Belle.”

“No, you don’t,” Bae argued.  “Papa, tell her she doesn’t!”

Before Gold could find an answer, Belle knelt down to hug Bae.  “I want you to call me from your pink house, and we’ll read books together, okay?  And at the end of summer, I’ll come and visit you, and you can show me your room and your castle and all your toys.”

Bae clung to her.  “I don’t want you to go.”

“I know.  I don’t want to say goodbye either, but it’s only goodbye for a little while.  Come on.  I’ll show you something _really_ cool before I go.”  Belle pulled back to smile at Bae, who took the bait.

“Something cool?”

“Really cool,” she confirmed, taking his hand and starting to sing as she steered them toward Fantasyland, “Zip a dee doo dah, zip a dee ay!  My oh my, what a wonderful day…”

The song got Bae moving, and by the time they reached their destination, the boy was actually smiling, although the look faded into confusion when he saw their destination.  “A door?”

There was nothing at all special about the door.  It was painted to match the wall of the building it was part of, and if Belle hadn’t called attention to it, Gold would never have noticed it was there.  

“It’s a very special door,” Belle promised, all appearances to the contrary.  

“What are you standing on?” she asked Bae.

His son looked down at his feet.  “The ground?”

“Nope!”  Her eyes sparkled.  “You’re standing on the roof of a tunnel!”

Bae glanced around, baffled.  “No way.”

“Yes way.  There are tunnels under the _whole_ park, and this door leads down to them.  If I’m down in the tunnels, I can go all the way from Splash Mountain to Buzz Lightyear without coming up!”  Belle took hold of Bae’s hands and swung them from side to side.  “Isn’t that cool?”

“What do they look like?  Are they like caves?  Do bats live there?  Can we go down?”  Bae’s questions came rapid-fire.

Belle laughed.  “No bats, but there are some very big mice down there.”

Gold chuckled as he caught her joke, which went over Bae’s head.  “I often wondered where those mice came from.”

“I want to see the mice!” Bae begged.

“I’m not allowed to take you down, but I’ll give you a tiny peek if you promise never to tell anyone.”

“I promise!”

Cautioning Bae to stand back, Belle pushed the door open and took a quick look around before stepping out of the way just enough to let them see the forbidden entrance to the tunnels.  It was rather anticlimactic, looking more like a staircase found in a factory than something that led to Wonderland.

Bae didn’t seem to mind.  “ _Cool_!”  

Belle pulled the door shut again once they’d gotten a good look.  “It’s time for me to go down in the tunnels and get ready to help Princess Belle.  You should look around while you’re doing the rides and see if you can find more doors like this.  They’re all over.”

“I bet I can find all of them.”  Bae readily accepted her challenge, not realizing that Belle was distracting him from their goodbye.

Belle beamed at him.  “I bet you can too.”

She pulled Bae into her arms and landed a kiss on his cheek.  “Have fun with Papa!  I want to hear all about your adventures!”

To Gold’s surprise, Belle embraced him once she released Bae, her lips warm against his cheek.  “I’ll be thinking about you.  Call any time.”

“We’re going to miss you,” he murmured.  It felt as wrong to be leaving Orlando without Belle as it would have felt to leave Bae behind.

“I’ll miss you too,” she vowed as she stepped back, her eyes a little too bright.  Reaching down, she ruffled Bae’s hair, keeping her voice deliberately light.

“I’ll see you soon, my Beast!”  She blew both of them a kiss before disappearing behind the door.

The smile fled Bae’s face as the door closed behind Belle, the boy looking up at him with doleful eyes.  

Belle had gone to such lengths to make their parting easy that he couldn’t let her efforts go to waste.  Putting on his best smile, he reached for Bae’s hand.  “Let’s go look for more doors.  Later, we can call Belle and tell her how many you found.”

To his relief, Bae allowed himself to be distracted, but before they’d gone more than five steps, the boy stopped walking and started jumping up and down.

Gold blinked, wondering if this was some kind of tantrum.  “What are you doing?”

Bae looked at him like it should have been obvious and pointed at the ground.  “Belle’s in the tunnel.  I’m making noise so she hears me.”

“Ah.”

A small face looked up at him.  “Do you think she heard me, Papa?”

Gold rested his hand on his son’s shoulder.  “I’m sure she did.”

The idea that he’d said an extra goodbye seemed to comfort Bae, and Gold allowed himself to be foolish for a moment.  Following his son’s lead, he rapped his cane against the pavement and let himself pretend that, somewhere beneath their feet, Belle heard the farewell.


	6. Chapter 6

“Oh come _on_ ,” Gold muttered under his breath as he attempted to answer Belle’s video chat request.  When they arranged a time for her to speak with Bae, she’d told him the exact application she would be using, and it had taken him almost four hours to download the thing and get it set up.  He’d thought he was prepared for this.

“Papa, Belle’s calling!” Bae said impatiently, as if he didn’t already know.

“I’m working on it,” he promised his son, his hands shaking.  There was no reason to be nervous, but for some reason, he was.  Belle didn’t seem like the type of person who would take such offense at her call not being immediately picked up that she would decide the Golds weren’t worth bothering with, but dire possibilities filled his mind anyway.

“Give it to me.”  Without so much as a ‘please’, Bae plucked the phone out of his hand and started pushing buttons at what looked to Gold to be random.  Marvelous.  The boy was going to hang up on Belle, and then he’d have to deal with the fallout of Bae being deprived of the conversation he’d been looking forward to for the past four days.

“There’s my Beast!” Belle exclaimed as her face miraculously appeared on the small screen.  Apparently his seven year old son was more technologically savvy than his papa.  That was a bit embarrassing.

“Hi, Belle!” Bae yelled into the phone, holding it so close to his face that Gold doubted Belle could see much more than his son’s nose.

“Here, let’s try this.”  He pried the phone out of Bae’s hand and propped it up against the salt and pepper shakers on the kitchen table.  Bae knelt on a chair so he could lean closer to the screen, his son’s brilliant smile lighting up the room.

“I know you’re there, your majesty!”

Feeling awkward, Gold pulled a second chair close to Bae and sat down.  When she frowned at him, he immediately regretted his decision.  Belle was calling to speak with Bae, not with him.

“I can only see half of you.  Scoot over a little.”  When he tried to comply with her instructions, Belle shook her head.  "No, the other way.  More.  There!“

By the time she had him positioned where she wanted him, Gold’s face was flaming.  His fresh-out-of-first-grade son was more of an expert with the phone than he was.  Belle was going to think he was ridiculous.  

If she noticed his embarrassment, she was kind enough not to call attention to it.  Instead, she focused on Bae.  "How was the ride home?  Did you see anything neat?”

That was enough to get Bae going, and as Gold listened in on the conversation, he took a moment to be grateful that things were going so smoothly.  He’d spent the last few days fretting that the dynamic between Belle and Bae would be irrevocably changed now that they were no longer able to speak in person, and the thought of Bae losing the closeness he’d established with her had pained him.

He’d made a list of a dozen different topics to spark discussion should the conversation lag, but it didn’t look like he was going to need any of them.  Bae was as at ease as he would have been if Belle was sitting at the table with them.  

It would be nice if she was, Gold reflected.  When he suggested she come to Maine, he’d thought only of how happy Bae would be to be reunited with Belle.  He hadn’t given any thought to what her presence could mean to him.  Belle would be another set of eyes to keep track of Bae’s health.  She’d be able to tell him if she noticed any changes in the boy’s coloring or breathing and talk him down from a ledge on those days when Gold worked himself into a panic over some perceived symptom that turned out to be nothing.  If Belle was here, he would no longer be alone in this fight.

He swallowed a sigh, aware that he was being selfish.  Belle was interested in Bae, not in him, and that was fine.  His son’s needs far outweighed Gold’s own.  In Belle, Bae had a playmate and confidant.  She could make the boy smile when he was down and nothing was more important than that.  It was unfair to expect her to be all things to both members of the family.

“So, are you happy to be home?” Belle asked once Bae finished telling her about the drive.

Gold glanced down at his son, curious as to what his response would be.  For all the complaining Bae had done about having to leave Florida, he’d been in good spirits since they got home.

“I’m a little glad.  I want to hang out with you and do rides, but I missed my room.  And I don’t have to carry a tank here!”  Bae held up the long tube that connected him to the oxygen concentrator on the second floor and snapped it like a bullwhip.  

“That does sound like a big improvement,” Belle agreed.

“It’s really long, so I can go anywhere in the house.”  It had taken some practice to figure out how to navigate the house with an oxygen line tethering him to the concentrator in a corner of his bedroom, but Bae had learned fast.  To Gold’s surprise, the boy even seemed to regard the tube as a kind of toy.  He once caught Bae making a circuit from his bedroom to his playroom through the bathroom that connected the two rooms and out into the hallway before reentering his bedroom, going around and around in circles until he ran out of line like a dog chasing its tail around a tree it had been chained to.

Whatever make believe game Bae had been playing, he seemed to enjoy it because he laughed himself silly when he finished tying himself up in a knot, then reversed the circuit to tie himself up again in the opposite direction.  Gold didn’t get it, but anything that made Bae laugh was all right with him.

“Do you want to see my room?” Bae asked as he seized the phone off the table.

“I’d love to see your room!”

“Come on!”  With Belle in hand, Bae took off for the second floor, and Gold followed at a more sedate pace.  

By the time he reached Bae’s room, his son was showing off his collection of stuffed animals, making sure she saw that the little Beast she’d given him had pride of place on his bed.  From there, he moved to his art table, then his book wall, the boy apparently intent on showing Belle everything he owned.

It was a good thing Belle had had the sense to arrange this call on her day off, Gold decided as he sat down on the edge of Bae’s bed to watch.  At this rate, Bae wouldn’t stop talking until dinner time, and Belle seemed happy to listen.

“But where’s your castle?  I want to see your castle!” Belle prompted.

Instantly, Bae was off and running, leaving Gold to limp after him.  "Slow down!“

” _Papa_ …"  

“Papa’s right.  You don’t want to get out of breath,” Belle backed him up.

“Okay, okay,” Bae’s tone made it clear that he thought the adults were being ridiculous, but he walked the rest of the way to the playroom.

“Look!”  He stopped in front of the massive playhouse and thrust out the hand holding the phone so Belle could see it.

On the other end of the line, Gold heard a noisy gasp.  "Holy sh—  I mean, wow!“

Gold leaned against the doorframe and tried to see the castle through Belle’s eyes.  The fiberglass walls of the two-level playhouse were shaped and painted to look like medieval stone.  On the first level, various child sized nooks and crannies invited exploration and play, and a wooden ladder led to the towers and battlements of the second level.  A slide from the left tower would bring Bae back to the floor when he was done playing, and the walls of the playhouse blended perfectly with the _trompe l'oeil_ mural on the back wall, making the castle look even larger and more impressive.

"Isn’t it cool?” Bae asked as he crawled into one of the hidey-holes, bringing Belle with him.

“It’s _awesome_!  And it’s a lot bigger than I was expecting.”  

With effort, Gold managed to lower himself to sit on the floor, his bad leg stretched out awkwardly in front of him.  The position wasn’t exactly comfortable, but at least this way he was still part of the conversation.  "What were you envisioning?“

"A playhouse!  Like…”  Belle used her hands to indicate a structure about two feet tall.  

Bae laughed at the idea.  "I have a play castle too, but this is my real castle.“

"It certainly is.”  Belle still looked a little shell-shocked.

If nothing else, he’d convinced her that she hadn’t put any financial strain on him by accepting Bae’s bracelet.  He’d spent a small fortune having the playhouse built, but Gold considered it money well spent.  If Bae couldn’t run and play like other children, he needed a place where he could test the limits of his imagination, preferably within easy reach of his oxygen line.

“You can play with it when you come visit,” Bae promised.

“I’m looking forward to it.  I want to try that slide!”  

“I’ll show you now.”  Bae crawled over Gold to leave the castle, and Gold plucked the phone out of his hand as he did.  

“You can have it back once you’re up the ladder.”  He was being overprotective, but better that than risking a fall because Bae tried to climb one-handed.

“If I had something like that, my parents never would have gotten me out of the house,” Belle told him when he lifted the screen to look at her.

“I deeply resent being too big to play in it,” he admitted.  In truth, it was his bad leg that limited him more than his size—he’d never been a tall man—but there was no point in calling attention to his disability.  

“I’m sorry about before.  When I almost swore,” Belle whispered, looking stricken.

Gold waved off her apology.  "No harm done.  He didn’t notice.“

"Notice what?” Bae asked as he held his hand imperiously over the battlements for the phone.

Gold took his time dragging himself off of the floor to come up with an answer, then he realized it was staring him right in the face.  He handed the phone up to Bae.

“That Belle is wearing your present.”  He’d spotted the bracelet adorning her wrist immediately.

Bae plastered his face to the phone to see for himself, then beamed.  "You’re wearing the bracelet!“

"I wear it every day,” Belle told him.

“I’m glad.  I knew you’d like it.”  Bae took his place at the top of the slide and held the phone out so Belle could see the bottom.  "Hold on!“

Gold chuckled as he watched his son’s antics.  No matter how many thousands of miles were between them, Bae had a new best friend.

"Can I see your room?” Bae asked.

“Sure.  It’s not as much fun as yours though,” Belle warned him.

Gold claimed what he thought of as his reading chair and pulled Bae onto his lap so both of them could watch as Belle slowly panned around a small and impersonal bedroom containing a pair of twin beds, two nightstands, one piled high with library books, and a desk with a laptop.  The only flash of personality on display was a painting of a beach and several framed snapshots on the desk.

He found himself craning his neck to get a better look at the pictures, but Belle allowed them only a quick glimpse before continuing her video tour.  Bae wriggled on his lap.  "Where are your toys?“

"I’m too old to play with toys,” Belle said gently.

“No, you’re not.  Papa has toys, and he’s way older than you.”

“Thank you, Bae,” Gold murmured.

The boy didn’t notice his wry comment.  "Papa has banks that move and do things and puppets and all sorts of stuff.“

"Those are _antiques_.  I collect them.” Gold reminded him.  It wasn’t as though he sat up at night playing with the marionettes.

“I move around a lot so I don’t have very much stuff,” Belle explained.  

“Why?”

“Well, sometimes I live here in Florida and help Princess Belle, and sometimes I live in Boston and go to school.  That means I can only have as much stuff as fits in a suitcase or two.”

It sounded like an unpleasant way to live to Gold.  During his impoverished younger years, he’d owned next to nothing, and while there was something to be said for being unencumbered, he far preferred being surrounded by beautiful things.

Bae, on the other hand, couldn’t relate at all.  " _Two_ suitcases?  That’s it?“  

He’d taken more than that on a week long vacation, and Gold could practically see his son’s mind working as he tried to figure out how many of his belongings would fit into two suitcases.  

"That’s it!” Belle said cheerfully.

“It’s a good thing you picked the bracelet to be Belle’s present.”  In hindsight, it was no wonder she’d selected something small and practical as her souvenir at Epcot.  

“You need more stuff.”  The expression on Bae’s face was deadly serious, and it was all Gold could do not to laugh.

“Someday when I live in the same place all the time, I’ll get more,” Belle promised, her dimples showing her amusement.

“So, you live at Disney in the summer and you go to school in Boston…”  Bae trailed off as he worked out the logistics, then he brightened.

“I go to the doctor in Boston all the time!  Can I come see your school when I’m there?”  

“Of course you can!” Belle promised.

“What kind of school do you do?  Do you have to wear a uniform?  I do.”  

Considering all the school Bae missed for doctor’s appointments, Gold was seriously considering pulling his son out of his expensive private school and hiring a home tutor.  Only the knowledge that Bae wouldn’t like the change held him back.  A tutor would do wonders for his education, but Bae would miss his classmates.  

No matter how often he thought the situation over, he couldn’t come to a decision.  He never seemed to know how to walk the line between making Bae happy and trying to prepare his son for the future.  How important should education be to a boy who might not live past his tenth birthday?  On the other hand, if Bae got his new lungs, he might have an adult life to look forward to, and he needed to be ready to live it.  Should Gold err on the side of indulgence or discipline?  Should he concentrate on making these years as wonderful as possible or assume that he was attempting to raise a productive adult and act accordingly?

So lost was Gold in his musings that he failed to register anything Belle said about her schooling until Bae accidentally elbowed him in the stomach in his excitement.  "That’s _so_ cool!  Isn’t that cool, Papa?“

"That’s very cool,” he agreed, hoping no one would ask him to expound on that before he picked up enough clues to figure out what they were talking about.

“What’s it about?  Can I read it?” Bae asked eagerly.

“I think it’s probably a little too grown-up for you right now.  I don’t think it will make much sense to you until you go to college.”  Belle shot him an apologetic look through the screen for breaking the “no talking about Bae’s future” rule.

Bae squirmed.  "I guess.  But you should write another one that I can read now.“

With that, Gold was able to put the pieces together.  Belle had written some sort of story or book, and Bae wanted to read it, but it was aimed at adults.  His son was right: that was extremely impressive.

"I’ll try, but it takes a long time to write a book,” Belle cautioned him.

“That’s okay.  I don’t mind if it takes a while.”  

Belle smiled at his generous pronouncement.  "I’ll do my best.“

During the brief lull in conversation, the grandfather clock in the hall chimed the hour, and Gold had to look at his watch to make sure he’d heard correctly.  It felt as though they’d only just started talking with Belle, but they’d been on the phone for almost three hours.

"It’s nearly dinnertime, Bae, and I’m sure Belle has things she needs to do.  Why don’t you say goodbye?”

“ _Papa_ …”  Bae looked up at him with aggrieved eyes.  "I didn’t even show her my little castle yet.  And I want to see the rest of her house.“

"You can show me next time,” Belle promised.  

“But I want to do it _now_.”

“I have a surprise for you!” she chirped, neatly heading off a potential whine.  

“A surprise?”  Instantly, Bae’s mood improved.

“I’ll email it to Papa as soon as we say goodbye.  I think you’ll like it.”  

The promise of a surprise was probably the only thing that would entice Bae to say goodbye to Belle, and even then, the farewell was lengthy.  Gold restrained himself to simply telling her that it had been a pleasure talking to her, a comment that he immediately regretted when he realized it made him sound like a damned telemarketer.

“I’ll talk to you soon, my Beast.  And to you, too, your majesty.  I hope you have a nice dinner!”

“Bye, Belle!” Bae yelled into the phone, waving so hard that Gold feared his hand would fall off.

It took Gold a few attempts to end the call, and when he did, Bae tried to grab the phone back.  "What’s the surprise?“

He dodged the attempted theft and opened his email, discovering a message addressed to him with the subject line "FOR BAE!”

When opened, the email proved to be a link to a video featuring a dazzling array of Disney characters all sending love and greetings to Bae.  Even the characters like Donald and Goofy, whose masks prohibited them from talking, held signs with the boy’s name.  Belle must have enlisted every one of her coworkers to bring some joy into Bae’s life, and the video brought tears to Gold’s eyes.

Bae was even more overwhelmed.  "Look, it’s Mickey!  And Chip and Dale!  And Cinderella’s sisters!  Hi, Ariel!  Who’s that?“

"Clarabelle.”  Gold identified the anthropomorphized cow after a moment’s thought.  

“They’re saying my _name_.”  

“Belle must have told them all about you.”  He adjusted the boy more comfortably on his lap to watch the rest of the video.  

The moment it was over, Bae replayed it, and Gold wasn’t able to reclaim his phone until the boy had watched it a solid five times.  Even then, he only had time to dash off a quick reply to Belle thanking her and telling her that Bae had loved the video before Bae was asking to watch it again.

“After dinner,” he promised.

With the video to motivate him, Gold expected his son to bolt his food down in five minutes, but to his surprise, Bae was pensive at the dinner table.  "Papa?“

"Yes, Bae?”

“I think we should go back to Disney.”  Bae presented this suggestion as though it was the result of long hours of careful deliberation.

Gold tried not to smile.  "And why do you think that?“

"Cause Belle’s there, and she might get lonely without us.  We should go back and keep her company.  And I can see everybody and talk to them in person and say thank you for being nice.”  

Gold was rather impressed by his son’s argument.  "You make a strong case.  I’m sure Belle would love to see you again so soon.  Unfortunately, we can’t go back just yet.  You have a lot of appointments coming up, and Papa has to work.“

He was able to complete most of his business from home while Bae was sleeping, but he still had responsibilities.  The doctor’s appointments were even more important.  Bae was slowly approaching the point where he might be eligible for a set of adult lungs, and if a doctor deemed his chest large enough to accommodate them, that would open up a whole world of new possibilities when it came to organ donation.

Bae glared down at his dinner.  "I hate going to the doctor.  I want to go to Disney World.”

“I don’t blame you at all, but sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do.  Fortunately, you can talk to Belle on the phone, so she won’t get lonely, and in August, she’ll come here.”  Gold would move heaven and earth to make sure that planned visit happened.

“I wish it was August now.”

“Don’t wish time away, Bae!”  The words came out far more severe than he’d intended, but Gold couldn’t help it.  It pained him to hear his son wish away any portion of a life that might already be far too short.  

To take some of the sting out of his words, he tried to find something Bae could look forward to that was closer to home than Orlando.  "We could stop off on our way home from your appointment and go to Storyland.  You love Storyland.“

The small children’s theme park wasn’t exactly Disney-caliber, but Bae enjoyed the rides, and New Hampshire was considerably more convenient than Florida.

Bae’s grumbling noise showed what the boy thought of that suggestion.  Maybe an amusement park wasn’t the right way to go.  Compared with Disney, none of their local attractions would measure up.

So, what would Bae like best?  

An idea occurred to him, and Gold explored it for a moment.  Bae had been begging for a dog for ages, but pet dander might well aggravate his condition.  They already had an extensive air filtration system, but it would be foolish to make the boy’s lungs work harder than they absolutely had to.

A smaller pet, however, might be just what Bae needed.  "I think you need a new friend.  Why don’t we go to the pet store tomorrow and you can get—”

“A dog!”

“A hamster,” Gold overrode his excited son.

That wasn’t quite what Bae wanted to hear, but Gold could see the exact moment Bae decided that a hamster was better than not having a pet at all.  "Okay.  Yes.  I want a hamster.  Can it sleep in my room?“

"The playroom, I think.”  Such a small animal shouldn’t produce that much dander, but better safe than sorry.

Bae was happily distracted for the rest of the evening making plans for his new pet.  By the time Gold tucked his son into bed, he’d narrowed down his list of names to only a dozen possibilities, and he could still hear Bae mumbling to himself as he turned out the light.

He retired to his own bedroom and spent a few minutes making a list of the supplies they would need before shaking his head at himself.  If Bae had pouted any longer, he probably would have broken down and bought his son the coveted dog.  When did he become such a pushover?

The question was a disquieting one.  Was he coddling Bae too much?  The boy was seven years old.  Perhaps he should be letting him manage his own disappointments instead of distracting him with trips and toys and pets.  

He propped himself up against his headboard, staring blankly into space as he puzzled over the issue.  By the standards of his own upbringing, he was definitely spoiling the boy rotten.  Had he dared whine about one of his own father’s plans, Malcolm Gold would have backhanded him or worse.  

When Bae came into his life, Gold had vowed to be nothing like his father, but maybe he had taken it too far in the opposite direction.  He was too close to the situation to know, and there was no one he trusted enough to ask.

That wasn’t quite true.  There was one person whose opinion he could trust.  Before he could second-guess his decision, Gold picked up his phone and sent a quick text to Belle.  "Do you think I spoil Bae too much?“

He regretted it immediately.  Belle had given Bae hours of her time this afternoon, and to ask more of her was selfish.  He couldn’t expect her entire life to revolve around Bae the way that his did.  Hell, she probably wasn’t even home.  A young woman like her would want to be out with her friends on a day off, not holding his hand through a parenting crisis.

When his phone rang, he nearly dropped it.  Instead of responding to his text, Belle had opted to call him, and for an insane moment, he was tempted to shove the phone under his pillow and ignore it.  It was one thing to talk to her with Bae around to carry the conversation, but she could have no interest in a one-on-one discussion with him.

After a deep breath, sanity prevailed.  If Belle was generous enough with her time to call him, the least he could do was answer the phone.  "Hello?”

“Hey!  I got your text.  What brought that on?”  Her voice was cheerful and upbeat, betraying no hint that she was annoyed with him for intruding on her personal time.  In the background, he could hear what he presumed was music.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening.”

“You’re not interrupting anything— same club, same people, different day.  I needed some fresh air anyway.  Is everything okay?”

There was so much honest concern in her tone that Gold found himself telling her everything.  In a matter of minutes, he’d replayed the entire dinner conversation for her and the way he’d chosen to handle Bae’s disappointment at not being able to return to Disney by offering to get the boy a pet.

“I feel like I shelter him too much.  I never want him to be unhappy or disappointed or upset, but I’m not sure I’m doing him any favors by indulging him.  I don’t want him to grow up to be selfish and entitled, but there are no guarantees that he’s going to grow up at all.  If he doesn’t have that much time, shouldn’t that time be as happy as possible?”  He could hear the fatigue in his own voice.  On this matter, he was a dog chasing its tail.  He wore himself out and never got any closer to an answer.

On the other end of the line, Belle hummed softly, and her silence was more comforting than any words could be.  She wasn’t spewing platitudes like another person might have chosen to do.  Instead of offering him empty comfort, she was giving real thought to his concerns.

“I think that life is a combination of good and bad,” she said at last.  "There’s a lot of bad in Bae’s life because he’s sick, so you’re making sure to give him a lot of good to balance it out.“

He’d never thought of it that way before, but he could see the wisdom of her words.  "That makes sense.”

“I think I get what you mean about being afraid you’re coddling him.  It’s a 'hope for the best, plan for the worst’ thing in a way.  The best case scenario is that Bae has a transplant and lives to a ripe old age, so you want to make sure to raise him to be a responsible adult.  But at the same time, you want to make the most of this time in case…”

She trailed off, and Gold closed his eyes to hide his tears.  "Just in case,“ he whispered.

"Yeah.”  Even two thousand miles away, Belle sounded choked up.

She took a shaky breath.  "Look, he’s a _great_ kid.  He’s sweet and thoughtful and kind.  Yes, sometimes he gets pouty, and he likes to see what he can get away with, but it’s not like you never set _any_ limits with him.  When you put your foot down, he listens.“

"He was on his best behavior with you,” Gold admitted.  

Belle giggled.  "It still counts!  He knows how to behave, and he knows that you’re in charge.  He’s obviously very sheltered and maybe a little young for his age, but I don’t see where that matters.  Kids grow up too fast these days.“

When she put it like that, Gold had to agree.  What was the point of pushing Bae to grow up quickly?  Either he would have time to do it slowly or it wouldn’t matter.  

He clenched his fist at his side, hoping against hope that Bae would live to long enough to call his papa to task for all the mistakes he made in raising him.  

"He doesn’t have an easy life.”  All the money in the world couldn’t change that.

“So, you’re trying to ease his way as much as you can.  I don’t see any harm in that.”

It felt as though she’d lifted a thousand pound weight from his shoulders.  "Thank you.“

"I’m happy to help.  I just wish there was more I could do.”  He could clearly picture her wistful smile.

“You’ve done more than I have any right to ask.”  Belle owed him nothing, yet she’d taken the time to talk him down off the metaphorical ledge.  Just having someone else who cared about Bae to talk to meant the world to him, and she’d gone above and beyond.

In the background, he heard a male voice shout, “Hey, Izzy!  Where are you?”

“I’m on the phone!” Belle called back, her voice distorted like she’d moved the phone away from her mouth.  

A moment later, Gold could hear her clearly again.  "Sorry about that!“

"I don’t mean to take you away from your friends.”  No doubt the man was her boyfriend, and Gold didn’t want to stir up trouble there.

“I think Luke was just making sure I didn’t get abducted by aliens or something.  He was in the video I sent you and Bae.  He plays Gaston.”

Gold risked teasing her.  "Princess Belle and Gaston?  I thought you had better taste.“

On the other end of the line, Belle hooted with laughter.  "You want to hear a _really_ weird couple?  His boyfriend, Josh, plays Pluto in the parade.  Picture that— Gaston and Pluto.”

Gold found himself laughing helplessly.  "I may never get that picture out of my head.“

"Disney makes for some seriously strange bedfellows,” Belle chuckled.  

After they’d both laughed themselves out, she asked softly, “Are you feeling better?”

“Much.  Thank you.”  This was the best he’d felt about things in quite some time.  

“You’re welcome.  I meant it, you know— you can call me any time.  Good night, Elias.”

“Good night, Belle.”

He and Bae were lucky to have a friend like Belle, Gold thought as he ended the call.  There was something magical about her.  No one else had ever been able to set him at ease the way that she could.  One conversation with her had done more to settle his nerves than endless sessions with the hospital’s therapist ever had.

Much as Gold hated to wish away any time with his son, he had to admit that Bae had a point— August couldn’t get here soon enough.


	7. Chapter 7

Gold looked critically at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.  He was no longer a young man, but in the past two years, time had caught up with him.  Deep worry lines were etched around his eyes and mouth, warring with the smile lines that Bae had put there.  It seemed appropriate that his son’s impact on his life could be seen so clearly on his face— the highs and the lows.

Fortunately, things had been on an even keel over the past few months.  Bae was climbing the walls with excitement over Belle’s impending visit, and that had been a useful bit of leverage.  Whenever Bae insisted on doing something that Gold deemed bad for his health, like participating in an impromptu soccer game at the park, Gold had been able to distract him by conjuring up a task that had to be done in order to make sure the house was ready for Belle.

So far, they’d redecorated the guest room, had an _en suite_ bathroom installed for Belle’s private use, and rearranged the furniture to suit three people instead of two.  They were as ready for her visit as they were ever going to be.

Gold was aware that he’d gone slightly overboard in preparing for this, but the project had developed like a snowball rolling downhill.  Somehow the realization that the guest room was too much of a storage area to be fit for human habitation had led from him deciding to move a few boxes and buy new bed linens to painting the entire room and hiring a contractor to install a private bath.  He’d gone off the rails somewhere, but he still wasn’t quite sure where.

Bae was under orders not to tell Belle that they’d had the bathroom put in solely for her visit.  There was no reason to make her uncomfortable by letting her know they’d renovated the house just to make her week-long visit more pleasant.  Really, there’d been no alternative.  There was no way she would be comfortable using the _en suite_ bath attached to his bedroom, and he couldn’t have her tripping over Bae’s tub toys while she was trying to shower.  Gold supposed she could use the downstairs bath, but forcing her to run up and down a flight of stairs should nature call in the middle of the night seemed uncivilized.

Besides, additional bathrooms added to a house’s resale value.  When he thought about it like that, he’d made a completely rational decision.

If he was honest with himself, Gold had to admit that he was nervous about the upcoming visit.  The plan was for Belle to spend a week with them before leaving for Boston to begin her semester, and a week was a very long time for two people who were basically strangers to co-exist.  He was self-aware enough to know that he wasn’t particularly good with people, and that concerned him.  If he ruined this visit for Bae, Gold would never forgive himself.

Everything had to be _perfect_.  If it was, Belle might be willing to visit again, and Gold couldn’t think of anything that would make Bae happier than that.  On the other hand, if things went to hell, she might well refuse to ever set foot in Storybrooke again.  She might even choose to end her visit early, and Gold couldn’t bear to think what that would do to Bae.  His son had such a lengthy list of things he wanted to do with Belle while she was here that they probably couldn’t accomplish all of them even if she stayed a month.  If she left early, it would break his heart.

He would just have to make sure that things went well, he decided as he ran a comb through hair still damp from the shower.  Towel around his waist, he made his halting way into the bedroom, one hand on the wall for support.  

Most of his attention was focused on choosing his suit for the day.  He and Bae had a handful of errands to run, but for the most part, today would be a play day.  It would do them both good to have some quiet time together before the excitement of Belle’s visit.

He’d just let the towel fall to the ground so he could put on his boxers when his bedroom door slammed open.  

“He’s in here!” Bae said cheerfully, the phone in his hand already aimed in Gold’s direction.

“ _Bae_!”

“Oh!”

“Papa!  Put some clothes on!”

His face threatening to catch fire, Gold scrambled for his towel and hastily held it in front of his unmentionables.  On the phone’s screen, Belle was covering her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking.

Bae just looked annoyed.  "Belle wants to ask you a question.“

"Out.”  

Belle peeked around her hand, then covered her face again.  Gold refused to look down for fear of what he would discover.  If something was hanging out, he’d rather not know about it.  It was already going to be impossible to ever make eye contact with her again.

“It’ll only take a second,” Bae promised.  "Go ahead and ask him.“

"Go out in the hallway and wait for me to tell you to come in.”  He was proud of how even his voice sounded.

“But can I get a Mickey head?”

“ _Hallway_.”  They were clearly going to have to have a very serious conversation about knocking.

With a frustrated noise, Bae complied, and when the door closed behind his son, Gold’s legs nearly gave out.  He’d fretted about Belle’s visit for nothing.  After this misadventure, she was never going to even come near this house.

“Are you dressed yet?” Bae shouted through the door.

This was another one of those moments that the parenting books never talked about, Gold reflected grimly as he dressed.  He didn’t generally bother with an undershirt during the summer, but he opted for one today.  Right now, he felt like he needed all of the layers he could get before he could be expected to face Belle.  A suit of armor wouldn’t be unwelcome.

“You may knock,” he called to Bae once he verified that everything was perfectly buttoned and tied.  For some reason, he still felt naked.

His son gave a perfunctory rap on the door before pushing it open, and Gold held up his hand.  "Try again.  Knock and wait for me to tell you to come in.“

” _Papa_ …"  From the tone of Bae’s voice, he considered waiting for permission to enter the room a cruel and unusual punishment.

When Gold pointed at the open door, his son slouched back through it.  With an exaggerated sigh, Bae pulled the door shut, then gave three loud and deliberate knocks.

“You may come in, Bae,” Gold called.

His son pushed the door open and stepped into the room.  "Belle wants to know if I can have a Mickey head.“

Gold held his hand out for the phone.  "Let me talk to Belle.  Why don’t you go give Olaf fresh water?”

“Don’t hang up.  I want to talk more,” Bae cautioned before relinquishing the phone and going to take care of the winter white hamster they’d adopted three months ago.

It took all of Gold’s strength to lift the phone.  "I’m terribly sorry.“

"It’s okay,” Belle assured him, but her color was still high.  

“You shouldn’t have had to see… that.”  Clearly he’d tied his tie too tightly because the knot was threatening to strangle him.

“It’s _okay_.  The changing rooms in the tunnels are kind of a madhouse.  I’ve seen it all.”  She waved a careless hand like she was physically brushing the embarrassing incident away.

She might have seen it all, but until today she’d never seen _his_ equipment, and Gold would have preferred to keep it that way.  Unfortunately, Bae had rendered that wish moot.  

Continuing to harp on the issue would only make both of them uncomfortable.  "Bae said you had a question?“ he said in a strangled voice, trying to break the tension.

"Yes!”  She sounded as relieved as he felt to be talking about something else— _anything_ else.  

“I asked Bae if there was anything he wanted me to bring him from Disney, and he asked for a Mickey head.  You know, one of those crispy rice things with the chocolate ears.  Is that okay with you?”

After all of this drama, Gold was tempted to forbid Bae desserts for the next month.  

After a deep breath, sanity prevailed.  Saying such a thing might make Belle feel as though she’d done something wrong, and that wouldn’t be appropriate.  It wasn’t _her_ fault that his son had no manners.  "Yes, he may have one.  Thank you for asking.“

"Okay, great!  That’ll be easy to pick up.  Is there anything else I can bring with me?  Like a souvenir you wish you’d gotten or a treat you liked or anything like that?  I mean, it’s not like I can stick an ice cream cone in my suitcase, but I could bring candy or something like that.  I’m addicted to the fudge at the Main Street Confectionery, so I always buy about five pounds when I leave.”  She was speaking just a little too fast, her voice pitched a bit higher than normal.

Her obvious nervousness made it clear that Belle still wasn’t sanguine about the peep show he’d inadvertently put on, but Gold didn’t have the slightest idea how to rectify matters.  He’d already apologized.  

All he could think to do was behave as normally as possible and hope things would blow over.  "If you’re going to be stopping at the Confectionery anyway, I’d appreciate it if you would bring me one of those pecan patties.“  

The last thing his diet needed was a disk the size of his head of pecans bound together with caramel and smothered in chocolate, but it wasn’t as though he ate things like that on a daily basis.  Besides, after this morning, Gold rather felt that he’d earned a treat.

"I can do that.”  Belle took a breath, seeming calmer now that she had a task to look forward to.  Gold could relate.  When the world was falling apart, having a plan always made him feel better.

“Thank you very much.”  Bae would be back in a matter of moments, but there were still a few loose ends that needed to be tied up.  "Do you have all of your flight information?“

"Oh!  Yeah, I meant to say something about that.”

He tried to keep his expression neutral even as his mind raced, presenting all sorts of different possible problems with Belle’s travel plans.  If she wanted to delay the visit, Bae would be inconsolable.  His son had been counting the days for the past month.  "Yes?“

Belle leaned a little closer to the screen, her eyes serious.  "I wasn’t expecting you to fly me first class.”

He waited for the other shoe to drop, but that seemed to be the extent of her lecture.  Relief made him chuckle.  "If it’s good enough for Bae and me, it’s good enough for you.“

"Elias!” she scolded, and the easy way she said his name took him aback.  Since Milah left, no one else in his life called him by his given name.  

“I’ve never flown first class in my life!  I don’t know what to do!  Should I dress up?  Do I tip?”

Her anxious questions reminded him of Bae’s first time on a plane, the memory warming him.  "You’ll be fine.  Dress as you normally would.  You’ll see everything from sweatpants to suits.  Tipping isn’t expected, although if you decide to share a few pieces of your fudge, I’m sure you’ll be the most popular person on the plane.“

Belle nibbled on her lower lip.  "I think I can handle that.  I just don’t want to embarrass myself.”

“Don’t be silly.  You’re a princess,” he reminded her.

She giggled, the last of the tension draining out of her.  "That actually helps.“

"Are you done talking to Belle yet?” Bae called from the hallway.

“Did you wash your hands?”  Gold answered his son’s question with one of his own.  Dr. Whale had given the hamster his reluctant blessing, but he’d emphasized the importance of thorough hand washing before and after handling the pet.

“With soap _and_ I counted to twenty.”  Bae’s voice made it clear that he thought his Papa’s caution was unreasonable.

“Good lad.  Yes, you may have Belle back.”  He glanced down at the phone.  "I’m sorry.  Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?“

She shook her head.  "I don’t think so.  Anything else, we can talk about in person.”

“That’s right.”  It felt odd to know that in a matter of days, they would be in the same room again, this time in Maine instead of Florida.  For the first time, Belle would be out of her comfort zone, and he just hoped the visit would be a success.

He said his goodbyes to Belle before turning the phone back over to Bae.  "Come find me when you’re done.“

Gold took advantage of Bae’s distraction to make a few necessary calls from his office, and he was just hanging up from speaking with Midas when Bae came to return his cell phone.  "Can we play a game?”

“In a minute.  I want to talk to you first.”

“I didn’t do it!” Bae said quickly.

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Gold agreed, making a mental note to track down whatever it was that Bae didn’t do.  

“Come sit with Papa,” he invited as he came around his desk to sit on the office’s leather couch.

Bae climbed up to join him, his eyes wary.  "Am I in trouble?“

"We need to talk about knocking.”

A noisy sigh answered him.  "Okay, okay.“

"It’s _important_ , Bae.  Especially when Belle is here.  Both of us were very embarrassed today when you walked in on me getting dressed.  If a door is closed, you must knock _and_ wait to be invited in before entering.”  He didn’t want to think about Belle’s reaction should Bae barrel in on her while she was indecent.

“You come in my room without knocking,” Bae pointed out.

Hell.

His first instinct was to say that since he was the parent, he could do anything he wanted, but Gold sensed that might be counterproductive.  If he wanted to reinforce the notion that everyone deserved privacy, he couldn’t say that children were the exception.

“You’re right.  I do come in your room without knocking.  Would you prefer it if I knocked first?” he asked.

Bae shrugged.  "If I have to knock, you should have to knock too.“

There was a logic to that.  At the same time, Gold was leery of giving the boy _carte blanche_ to leave his papa cooling his heels on the wrong side of a closed door while he got himself into trouble.  "You make a valid point.  However, as your papa, it’s my job to keep an eye on you.”

Bae looked outraged.  "I keep an eye on you too!“

Chuckling, Gold wrapped his hand around the back of his son’s neck and pulled him closer to land a kiss on the top of his head.  "Yes, you do.  You take good care of your old papa.”

Mollified, Bae snuggled into his side.  "Why don’t we make a deal?“ Gold suggested.  "I’ll knock as long as you only close your door when it’s very important.”

After a moment’s thought, Bae nodded.  "Okay.“

Although everything seemed to be resolved, something was still niggling at Gold.  He gave himself time to think his proposed scenario through, trying to figure out what was bothering him about it.

An image of Bae collapsing behind his closed door, blood frothing from his mouth, appeared in his mind’s eye, sickeningly vivid.  Gold closed his eyes, trying to will it away.  "If I knock and you don’t answer me, I’m going to come in though,” he warned.

Bae scrunched up his face.  "Why?“

He was never sure how much of the truth to tell in these situations.  It wasn’t fair to make Bae carry the weight of his papa’s worries on top of his own, but if he downplayed the seriousness of his illness too much, Bae might not realize the importance of taking proper precautions.  It was a fine line to walk between treating his illness too casually and raising the boy to be neurotic.

"What if you get sick?” he asked calmly, letting his son fill the blanks in for himself.

“You’d hear me coughing,” Bae pointed out.

That was true, but Gold couldn’t stop himself from picturing worst case scenarios.  "Then we’ll make a rule.  When we hear a knock, we have to answer, even if it’s just to say ‘wait a minute’.  If we don’t answer, the other person can open the door.“

It wasn’t quite as satisfying as being able to instantly lay eyes on his boy, but it would do.  As Bae got older, he would require more privacy, not less.

A vague impression of what his son would be like as a teenager flitted across his mind, and Gold smiled wistfully as he hoped they would make it that far.  Bae was a wonderful boy, and he’d make an even better teenager.  It would be the height of unfairness for the universe to refuse to let him grow up so much.

"Does Belle have to follow the rule too?”

“We will tell Belle about the rule,” Gold promised.  There were any number of rules she was going to have to follow, starting with not being allowed to see Bae at the airport.  His son was _extremely_ unhappy about that, but Gold wouldn’t be moved.  Their reunion would have to wait until she’d showered and changed clothes to get the germs from the plane off of her.

Fortunately, Belle hadn’t balked at anything yet.  Playdates had been an issue for Bae since his friends’ parents were inclined to see Gold’s rules as unnecessarily restrictive.  Belle, on the other hand, realized that he was just trying to protect his son, a goal she shared.

It was nice not to have to fight an uphill battle for once.  Hopefully, Belle’s presence in Bae’s life would make up for all the friends he’d lost since becoming ill.

“She’s coming the day after tomorrow, right?” Bae asked.

“That’s right.  The day after tomorrow.”  Bae probably knew when she was coming down to the minute, but he still liked the reassurance.  

“And I’m coming with you to the airport to get her.”

Gold shook his head at his son’s attempt at manipulation.  "You are going to wait here while I go get her, and you can say hi as soon as she freshens up.“  

He didn’t blame the boy for not wanting to stay with the housekeeper, but it couldn’t be helped.  Bae needed to be protected from germs, and airplanes were full of them.

"What if I don’t hug her?  What if I just talk to her?” Bae bargained.  "You can spray germ stuff on her before she gets in the car.“

If he went after Belle with a can of Lysol immediately upon her arrival in Maine, she’d probably jump right back on the plane.  "I promise that I will bring her straight here.  I’m sure she’s as eager to see you as you are to see her.  We just have to be careful with you.  You’ll enjoy her visit more if you’re not sick.”

Even Bae couldn’t argue with that, although Gold could tell that his son would dearly like to.  "All right,“ he grumbled.

A moment later, he perked up.  "Can I make a card for her?  You can give it to her at the airport.”

“That’s a wonderful idea,” Gold praised.  They’d been mailing Bae’s cards and drawings to Belle for the past three months, and she’d sent back pictures of how she had his artwork displayed in her apartment.  

“And I want to get her flowers.”

“We can put them in her room.”  If Belle saw him waiting for her with a bouquet, she might take it the wrong way, and things could get very awkward very quickly.

“I wish our flowers grew.  She would have liked them.”  Bae’s interest in horticulture had survived the trip back to Maine, but unfortunately, their little garden had been an unmitigated disaster.  Rabbits ate the vegetables, and bugs devoured the roses.  The sum total of their harvest had been a handful of radishes and a rather sad looking cabbage.  Apparently, neither of them had been born with a green thumb.

“We’ll go to the florist tomorrow, and you can pick the prettiest flowers for her,” he promised.

“Do you think she’ll like it here, Papa?” Bae asked.

“I’m sure she will.”  Gold did his best to sound confident.  Being a guest in someone else’s house was always an uncomfortable feeling, but they’d done their best to make her feel at home.  Through their frequent conversations, Bae had learned a great deal about Belle’s preferences, which had been very helpful.  The boy had chosen the guest room’s color scheme based on her favorite colors, and Gold had instructed the housekeeper to buy foods that they knew she liked.

She’d been impressed by Bae’s book wall, so they’d made sure there was a bookcase in the guest room, and Bae had enjoyed selecting books for her.  Gold had slipped a few of his own choices onto the shelves, guessing that Belle’s reading tastes might be a little more sophisticated than Bae’s, but it was the thought that counted.

“Maybe, if she likes it here, she’ll want to stay.”

Bae’s optimistic words made Gold’s chest hurt.  In hindsight, he should have realized that Bae was hoping that Belle was coming for more than just a visit.  He was picturing her becoming a permanent resident of the pink Victorian, and Gold hadn’t helped by going to such lengths to renovate the guest room.  

“Even if she wants to stay, she’ll still have to leave at the end of the week,” he reminded Bae as gently as possible.

“Because she has to go to school,” Bae agreed.  "But she can come home on weekends.  You can go to Boston to get her, and I can come too because it’s a car, not a plane.“

"I think Belle’s school keeps her pretty busy.  Let’s wait and make sure we all enjoy this visit before we start planning the next one.”  

“I guess.”  Bae didn’t seem entirely pleased with Gold’s attempt to be reasonable, and he cast about for a change of subject.

He nudged his son gently in the ribs.  "I bet I can beat you at Toilet Trouble.“  

Although Bae thought the miniature toilet was hilarious, Gold found the game rather vulgar, an opinion that wasn’t helped by the fact that he always seemed to be the one to get sprayed.  The things he did for his son.

"I bet you can’t.  You _always_ lose,” Bae taunted him.

As he’d hoped, the game distracted Bae.  Was _he_ this fascinated by bodily functions when he was seven?  Try as he might, Gold couldn’t remember.  Then again, the fact that there was a mass produced game called Toilet Trouble indicated that most children went through a stage like this.

He couldn’t say that he would be sorry when Bae outgrew it.

After Toilet Trouble, they moved on to other games, letting the planned errands wait until tomorrow.  This was more fun.  

Even when Bae was tiny, Gold had never seen the point of letting his son win.  A victory meant nothing if the battle wasn’t fairly fought.  He wasn’t a ruthless Chutes-and-Ladders competitor, but he did believe in making Bae work for it.

There wasn’t much in life that was better than this, Gold reflected as he watched his son consider his options.  Right now, the biggest problem in Bae’s life was deciding how to move his playing piece.  Any moment, he would look up and smile at his papa, then ask one of the random questions that always caught him totally flat-footed.

It would be different when Belle was here.  Gold would no longer have his son’s undivided attention.  Instead of two people playing the games, there would be three, and he wasn’t sure what that change in dynamic would mean.  Perhaps Bae would discover that he liked Belle more than his papa.

That was his own father talking, Gold reproved himself.  For Malcolm Gold, love had been a zero-sum game.  His father loved himself so much that there were no tender feelings left for young Elias.  Bae was _nothing_ like the grandfather he’d never met.  His son’s heart was big enough to love both Belle and his papa.  There was no reason for Gold to worry.

“Papa, why don’t we have any palm trees here?“

Gold supposed that thoughts of Belle had reminded Bae of their trip to Florida and its native flora.  Often, Bae’s questions seemed to come completely out of left field, but this one he felt almost prepared for.  "Palm trees don’t like it when it gets cold, so they can’t live up here.  They have to live places where it doesn’t snow.”

“If we got a palm tree, could it live in the house?  It’s always warm in the house.”

“I don’t think so.  Palm trees need lots of sun.  I don’t think enough sun comes in through the windows to make a tree grow.”  

“Oh.”  Bae digested that for a moment.

“Besides, we’re not very lucky at growing things,” he reminded his boy.  Their garden had been a disappointment, but the thought of killing a tree seemed far more depressing for some reason.

“Why do palm trees need lots of sun but evergreen trees only need a little sun?” Bae asked.

“Well, they’re different types of trees.”  With that, Gold had largely exhausted his horticultural knowledge, so he hoped Bae would accept his answer without further question.

“I _know_ that, but _why_?”

He should have known better.

If he really wanted to, he could look up the answer on his phone, but that felt like cheating.  Right now, Bae thought his papa knew everything, and Gold hated to disillusion the boy.  Instead, he fumbled through an explanation of photosynthesis, calling on information he didn’t realize he remembered from his own school days.

When he was finished, Bae nodded sagely.  "Wouldn’t it be funny if palm trees lived here and evergreen trees lived at Disney?  We’d have to use a palm tree for a Christmas tree!  All the ornaments would be up at the very top with the coconuts and we’d wrap lights all around the trunk.  Wouldn’t that be funny, Papa?“

Gold chuckled at Bae’s imagination, wondering where the boy came up with these things.  "I guess if palm trees always lived here, we would be so used to seeing them that we wouldn’t think anything of it.  We’d think that evergreen trees looked strange and wonder how anyone managed to decorate a Christmas tree with such sharp needles.”

Bae hooted with laughter.  "We’d say 'Why is your tree so pokey?  Where are your coconuts?’“

"And instead of putting a star on the top of the tree, we’d put a monkey or a shell up there.”  The more they talked about it, the more clearly Gold could picture the beach-themed Christmas decorations.  Prior to Bae’s birth, his imagination had been an underused thing, but his son forced him to exercise the formerly atrophied part of his mind.  No matter what he saw in the mirror, Gold knew the truth: his son kept him young.

“If Belle comes for Christmas, can we get a stocking for her?”

Gold smiled fondly at the boy.  "Of course we can.“

At least he’d said 'if’.  With that in mind, Gold couldn’t bring himself to remind Bae that Belle probably had family Christmas traditions of her own.  They could cross that bridge when they came to it.  It was only August, after all.  Anything could happen in four months.

For some reason, he wasn’t as nervous about the upcoming visit now.  If seeing him in the altogether hadn’t frightened Belle off, nothing would.  Tomorrow, he and Bae would put the finishing touches on the guest room, and the day after that, Belle would be here, playing games and having silly conversations with them.

It would be different, but different wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.  As long as Bae enjoyed it, that was all that mattered.  

Gold jumped when his phone vibrated.  As always, his heart skipped a beat with the wild hope that this was it— new lungs were waiting for Bae.  The hope died when he saw only a text from Belle.

"Looking forward to see you!”

The text was followed by a picture of her holding up Bae’s coveted Mickey head and the pecan patty Gold had requested.  She was making a ridiculous face, a tuft of cotton candy poking out of her mouth, and he chuckled at the sight before passing the phone to the picture’s intended recipient.

Bae laughed uproariously, his fingers flying as he texted Belle back.  "Isn’t she funny, Papa?“

"She’s very funny,” he agreed.  If she could make Bae laugh like that, it didn’t matter if her visit turned their entire household upside down.  It would be more than worth it.  

Gold had a feeling that this week would prove that different could be a very good thing indeed.


	8. Chapter 8

Gold inhaled slowly through his nose and held the breath for a moment before letting it out again.  That was a trick he’d picked up from the book on mindfulness that Belle had given to him during their last day together at Disney, and he called upon it often when his worries started to overwhelm him.  He repeated the trick, resisting the urge to check his watch for the fourth time in as many minutes.

Leaving Bae at home with the housekeeper while he retrieved Belle from the airport was the responsible thing to do.  An airplane was a veritable petri dish of germs, and Bae’s precarious health needed to be protected from such things.  On the other hand, leaving Bae at home also meant that he and Belle would be alone together for the duration of the forty-five minute drive, and Gold could foresee awkwardness in his future.  What would they talk about for that long?

When his bad leg twinged, he shifted his weight, bracing himself on his cane.  If Belle had luggage, he wasn’t going to be much help.  Perhaps it would have been wiser to arrange for a driver for her instead of coming himself.  Considering the eyeful of him she’d gotten the other day, Belle might well prefer not to be alone with him.  

It was probably too late to change plans.

Even as he had the thought, a fresh wave of people started to pour down the arrival ramp.  Gold scanned the crowd, catching sight of a familiar tumble of chestnut curls.  It was _definitely_ too late to change plans.

He did his best to arrange his face into a look of welcome, careful not to let his nervousness show as he watched Belle navigate through the horde of people.  A moment later, she spotted him, and his polite mask of welcome fell away to be replaced by a genuine smile when Belle’s face lit up at the sight of him.

“Elias!” she shouted, her carry-on bag bumping along behind her as she picked up her pace, all but running.  

“Oh, it’s _so_ good to see you!” she enthused as soon as she was within easy earshot.  She released the handle of her suitcase and reached up as if asking for a hug.

At the last moment, she froze.  "Wait.  Is it safe to hug you?  I pretty much bathed in hand sanitizer.“

Her enthusiasm made him chuckle even as he struggled to wrap his mind around the idea that she wanted to embrace him.  "It’s safe,” he assured her.  

“Good!”  Her arms went around his neck, her curls tickling his nose as she pressed her body against his.  

Gold nearly dropped his cane as he tried to figure out what to do with his hands.  Belle was hugging him like they were long-lost friends, and it would be the height of rudeness not to return her embrace, but it had been so long since he’d done this that his body didn’t seem to know how to respond.

Finally, he managed to wrap his arms tentatively around her waist, not daring to apply any real pressure.  Belle squeezed hard enough for the both of them, her affectionate touch wiping away all of his misgivings.  With her arms around him, Gold couldn’t even remember what he’d been so worried about.

After a long moment, she released him, and Gold immediately let his hands drop.  Belle, however, didn’t step back.  Instead, she allowed her hands to rest on his shoulders as she gazed into his face, her eyes warm with sympathy.  "How are things going?“

Her honest concern touched him, and when he spoke, his voice sounded rough to his own ears.  "Things are… all right.  It’s been a good summer.  Bae’s doing well.”

She gave his shoulders a squeeze.  "And how are _you_?“

For an embarrassing second, Gold was afraid he was going to cry.  He couldn’t remember the last time someone had been concerned about his wellbeing.  For that matter, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been concerned about his _own_ wellbeing.

His initial impulse was to brush off her concern, but with Belle looking up at him, her face so tender and open, the truth came spilling out.  "It’s _hard_.”

Belle pressed her lips together like she was fighting tears and nodded.  Instead of speaking, she embraced him again, and this time Gold’s arms knew exactly what to do.  He wrapped them around her waist as he leaned into her, his body seeking the warmth and comfort of hers.  How long had it been since someone last held him like this?  

He would have liked to stay in that wonderful moment forever, but he was dimly aware of people streaming around them.  They were standing in the middle of the walkway, and his innate distaste for being the center of attention had him stepping back long before he was ready.

“You’re _such_ a good dad,” Belle told him as she released him, her voice ringing with conviction.  "Bae’s lucky to have you.“

"Thank you,” he rasped.  Nothing was more important to him than being a good father, but most of the time, he felt like he was flailing around in the dark.  There were no easy answers when it came to parenthood.  He could never quite tell if he was doing a good job or scarring Bae for life—however long it was.  Belle’s approval went a long way toward soothing his fears.

“I’ll do anything I can to help,” she promised as she took a step back and reclaimed her carry-on.  

“Bae’s wild to see you.  I’m surprised he didn’t try to stow away in the trunk.”  It wasn’t much of a joke, but it made Belle giggle.  Gold was relieved to hear it.  Things had been feeling just a little too honest for his comfort.

“And he’s going to be terribly upset with me.”  Gold reached into his jacket pocket to retrieve Bae’s card which he held out to Belle.  "He made me promise to give this to you the very first thing.  I wasn’t even allowed to say hello.“

” _Oh_ …"  Belle’s eyes went shiny as she admired the card that Bae had slaved over.  It showed a picture of the three of them, along with Olaf, who was sitting on Bae’s shoulder, standing on the upper level of his castle.  Privately, Gold didn’t think he had nearly as much gray in his hair as Bae had opted to depict, but he couldn’t argue with the wide smiles his son had put on all of their faces.  

She glanced up at him with a smile.  "That’s so sweet.  I promise I won’t tell him about your lapse.“

"I appreciate that.”  

The two of them fell into step as easily as if they traveled together every day of their lives, and Gold wondered why he’d worried so much about her visit.  This was _Belle_.  With her, everything always went right.

That was a childish thing to think, he realized as they waited to claim her checked bag.  Belle was no fairy tale princess with a magic wand she could wave to make every problem evaporate.  Yet, somehow, he couldn’t shake the feeling that while Belle was here, all would be well.  Something about her made him feel safe.

“I want you to know that you’ve completely ruined me,” Belle announced.

Apparently, her feelings for him weren’t quite as fond as his were for her.  “Excuse me?”

When he looked at her, her eyes were sparkling with merriment.  “I will never be able to fly coach again.”

She was teasing him, he realized with relief.  “I take it that first class agreed with you?”

The look she gave him said clearly that he was understating the matter.  "I think all three of us could have fit in that seat.  The bed in my last apartment wasn’t that comfortable.  And the _food_ …!“

Gold chuckled.  "I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

The humor faded from her expression.  "It was very generous of you.  Thank you.“

Her gratitude made him uncomfortable.  "It was nothing.”

“It was _kind_ ,” Belle corrected him.  

Fortunately, the conveyor belt chose that moment to start moving, and the oncoming parade of luggage saved Gold from finding a response.  He wasn’t accustomed to being praised, and in this case, he’d done nothing to deserve Belle’s approbation.  Anyone could buy a plane ticket.

“Will you watch my bag?” Belle asked before diving into the fray surrounding the conveyor belt.  A few minutes later she reappeared, triumphantly towing a battered canvas suitcase that was nearly as big as she was with a scrap of glittery blue material fastened around its handle.

She gave him a crooked smile.  "Sorry.  I know I don’t travel light.“

Since she apparently had to carry all of her worldly goods with her wherever she went, Gold was inclined to disagree.  He could scarcely imagine living life so unencumbered that a mere two suitcases would sustain him.  Bae’s supplies alone would fill an entire bag.

For half a second, he envied Belle’s footloose lifestyle, a sensation that he quickly squashed.  "Not at all.  Allow me to help you with that.”

He reached out, meaning to relieve her of the large bag, but Belle took a step back.  "Oh no, that’s fine.  I’ve got it.“

Gold didn’t miss the quick glance she darted at his cane, and he felt a flash of irritation.  Not sure if he was annoyed with her or with his own handicap, he pressed the matter.  "I insist.”

Now, it was a point of pride to prove that he was capable of carrying the bag for her.  The damned thing was on wheels.  Surely he could manage that.  It was bad manners for a gentleman to expect a lady to carry her own bag.

“I’d rather you wrangled the carry-on for me,” Belle countered with a smile before she tapped the side of the large bag with her foot.  "This thing has a wonky wheel, and I’m the only person on the face of the Earth who can get it to move.  My roommates couldn’t do it.  My dad couldn’t do it.  Luke— you know, Gaston— practically gave himself a hernia trying to drag it.  I’m the only person who can manage this suitcase.“

She was either giving him a gracious out or telling the truth.  Either way, Gold knew when he was beaten.  "I can’t say that I fancy the idea of giving myself a hernia.”

The carry-on was a bit wobbly, but it was manageable, even with his cane.  As Belle fell into step beside him, he made a mental note to examine the luggage once she’d unpacked and see if he couldn’t make a few small repairs.  

“Bae would never forgive me if I let his papa get hurt,” Belle agreed.  On every third step, she kicked the bottom of the suitcase she was towing, giving credence to the idea that she’d been telling the truth about being the only person who could get it to move.  

“As long as you brought the Mickey head, Bae would forgive you anything,” Gold said drily, aware that his son would happily step over his father’s fallen body to get at the promised treat.  

“I did bring the Mickey head, but I’d rather not tempt fate.  I also have your pecan patty and a couple of surprises,” Belle promised.  

“Just let me know what I owe you.”  

“They’re _gifts_ , Elias,” Belle informed him, looking exasperated.  “I’m not expecting you to pay me back.”

If he’d known that, he wouldn’t have requested the pecan patty.  It was an uncomfortable feeling to be in someone else’s debt.  Still, it was too late to say that now.  The damage was done.  “Thank you.”

Belle snickered.  “You’re not very good at accepting gifts, are you?”

He’d thought he’d been perfectly polite.  “Excuse me?”

“You sound like I brought you a bag of cow chips.”

At his blank look, she elaborated, “Cow patties?  Dried manure?”

Gold couldn’t stop himself from pulling a face at the mental image that conjured up, and Belle laughed aloud.  “Tell you what.  If it’s such a burden for you to accept a gift, I’ll eat the pecan patty myself.”

“I don’t think we need to take things to that extreme.”  With her teasing him, the situation seemed less dire.  Belle wasn’t giving him a gift so she could hold it over his head or use it to pull his strings.  She’d brought him candy because she was being thoughtful.  That was the kind of person she was.

“That’s better.”  When she gave him a pleased smile, Gold’s chest felt warm.

“This is it.”  They’d reached the Cadillac, and he unlocked the trunk as Belle maneuvered her oversized bag.  

It took both of them to get the bag into the trunk, and Gold felt oddly pleased at this chance to be useful.  He might not be able to carry her luggage for her, but at least it was something.  Once the bags were stowed away,  he opened her car door for her before getting in himself, finding Belle looking around the car’s interior with fascination.

“Is something wrong?”

“I was just thinking that this is _exactly_ the car I would have expected you to drive.  I mean, I’m not a car person, so it’s not something I thought about, but if I had, this would be it.  It looks like you.”

He had no idea what to make of that comment.  There was nothing flashy or stylish about the Cadillac.  “Old fashioned and dull?”

Belle laughed as she gave his arm a faux slap, clearly assuming that he’d been making a joke.  “Stop it!  No, I mean that it’s… solid.  Elegant.  Sorry, that probably sounds really stupid.”

Actually, it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said about him.  “Not at all.”

“So, what’s the plan for today?” she asked as he pulled the car out of the parking lot.  

“The plan?”

“You seem like the kind of man who always has a plan.  I mean, I know that I have to shower and change before I can see Bae, but what do you want me to do after that?”

The way she was taking the various rules in stride was encouraging.  Not so much as a twitch of her expression indicated that she thought he was being overbearing or overprotective of Bae.  “I haven’t given it any thought.  Once Bae gets ahold of you, any plan I made would go out the window.”

“I can’t wait to see him,” Belle sighed, her face soft.

“The feeling is very much mutual.  He’s been climbing the walls for weeks.”  That gave him pause.  “Actually, there _is_ something I’d like you to do.”

“Of course.  Anything,” she agreed easily.

No one else he knew would have agreed to a task without even knowing what it was.  Most of his acquaintances would have required a written contract and a team of lawyers before they’d even consider it.  Belle was a breath of fresh air.

“Bae is very excited to see you, and when he gets too worked up, it can lead to an attack.  If you could try to keep things calm and quiet until he gets used to having you there, it would be beneficial.“  So far, Belle had proved quite adept at managing Bae, so he hoped he wasn’t asking too much of her.

“I can do that.”  Belle looked more thoughtful than daunted by the request.

“Thank you.”

She turned in her seat to face him more fully.  “What else can I do to help while I’m here?  Is there anything special you want me to do with Bae?”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with is fine with me,” he assured her.  It was enough that she’d come to visit at all.  It wasn’t his place to start making demands of her.  

“I thought maybe we could bake cookies.  I always enjoyed that when I was a kid.”

“He’d love that.”  It was a maternal thing to do, and his heart skipped a beat with longing for Belle to be Bae’s mother in truth.  The boy’s life would be better for her influence.

“And I was thinking… If you’re looking forward to getting some time to yourself—“

“No!”

He practically shouted the word, and Gold winced as it hung in the air between them.  “I apologize for my outburst.”

Belle rested her hand on his forearm.  “No, don’t apologize.  I’m sorry.  Of course you don’t trust me to be alone with Bae.  I don’t blame you.  I’m practically a stranger.”

There were very few people in the world that Gold trusted with his son.  The housekeeper was trained in how to handle Bae’s illness in case of an attack when Gold wasn’t at hand, as were key personnel at Bae’s school, but those practical matters had little to do with why he disliked being away from the boy.

The last thing he wanted to do was bare his soul, but he couldn’t have Belle thinking he was suspicious of her.  “No, that’s not it.  I trust you completely.  It’s just… I don’t know how much time he has left.  I don’t want to miss a single minute.”

When his voice broke, Gold pressed his lips together in a tight line, refusing to blink as he stared at the road ahead.  Belle gave his forearm a gentle squeeze and looked politely away, feigning a rapt interest in the passing scenery.  

“Tell me about Bae,” she requested after he’d had time to compose himself.

When Gold glanced at her, she smiled.  “I want to know all about him.”

She meant it, he realized with wonder.  Belle was as taken with Bae as the boy was with her, and her genuine interest in his son meant the world to Gold.  There was no one else in his life with whom he could share all the heartwarming moments and funny little stories that came with parenthood, but Belle actually cared.

He had no shortage of stories to tell, and the miles flew by until they were pulling into the house’s driveway.  Belle’s mouth opened in wonder at the sight of the Victorian, and he paused before parking the Cadillac in the garage to let her look her fill.

“It’s beautiful,” she said after a moment.  “It’s like something out of a fairy tale.”

“I’m glad you like it.”  It was a good thing Bae wasn’t here to hear her praise.  His son would take her admiration of the house as a sign that Belle would be eager to move in with them permanently.

They dragged her luggage out of the car and up the back staircase, Belle trying to look in every direction at once to see the house.  It was a trick that Bae often attempted himself, and Gold was once again struck by the similarity between them.

“I promise I’ll give you a proper tour later,” he told her as they reached the second floor.  To his relief, the doors to Bae’s playroom and bedroom were closed, indicating that the housekeeper had been successful in keeping the boy sequestered as he’d requested.  It wouldn’t be fair to let the boy see Belle and refuse to let him embrace her.

“In the meantime, this is your room.”  Belatedly, he realized he should have called it the guest room.

Belle gasped as she stepped into the room, and Gold tried to see it through her eyes.  The Queen Anne bed, vanity, and dresser were mahogany, but the robin’s egg blue walls kept the room from being too dark and contrasted nicely with the apple green linen duvet.  The bathroom he’d had installed cut into the bedroom’s square footage, and the laden bookcase didn’t help matters, but Gold hoped she would consider the room cozy instead of cramped.

Too late, he remembered Belle’s laptop and realized she probably would have preferred a writing table to the vanity, but it was too late now.  Besides, she was only going to be here for a week.  It wasn’t like she was moving in.

“If it doesn’t suit you, we can—“

“It’s _gorgeous_!”  Belle ran her fingers over one of the bookcase’s shelves with a fond smile as she read the titles.

“Bae had fun picking out books he thought you would enjoy.”

“Does Bae read a lot of Jonathan Carroll?” she asked with an arch smile.

Gold chuckled.  “I may have helped a bit.”  Based on what he knew about her reading preferences, he thought she would enjoy Carroll’s take on magical realism.

“And flowers!” she exclaimed as she spotted the vase of cheerful sunflowers dotted with blue delphinium and sprigs of lavender on the dresser.

“A tremendous amount of thought went into choosing that arrangement.”  Yesterday, they’d spent over an hour in the florist’s shop while Bae smelled every flower in the place at least twice.  

“They’re lovely.  Thank you, Elias.”  

“I wish I could take credit for them, but Bae did all the work.”  If she knew the flowers were from Bae, it would prevent any awkward misunderstandings.  

“Then I’ll be sure to thank Bae too,” she promised.

It was selfish of him to keep her standing here talking when Bae was counting the minutes until their reunion.  “If there’s nothing you need, I’ll leave you to get freshened up.  I’m afraid the door doesn’t have a lock, but Bae and I had a very serious conversation about privacy and knocking after what happened the other day.”

“I’ve already forgotten all about that.”  Belle’s blush belied her words.

He’d been hoping that Belle hadn’t seen enough to _need_ to forget about it, but he’d take what he could get.  “My bedroom is next door, and Bae’s playroom is across the hall.  We’ll meet you there whenever you’re ready.”

“It won’t take me long.  I’ll see you soon!”

Gold pulled her door closed behind him before making his way to his own bedroom.  Quickly, he washed his hands and face and changed his clothes before crossing the hall to the playroom.

“Come in!” Bae yelled the moment he knocked on the closed door.

His son’s face fell at the sight of him.  “Where’s Belle?”

“She’ll come and see you as soon as she’s done with her shower,” Gold reminded him and nodded a farewell to the housekeeper.

The moment they were alone, Bae all but pounced on his father.  “Did you give her my card?  Did she like the flowers?  How long have you been home?”

“She loved your card, and she loved the flowers, and we’ve been here about twenty minutes,” he answered, claiming his reading chair, which now had a companion for Belle’s use.

Bae made a growling noise.  “What’s _taking_ her so long?  I could have taken ten showers by now.”

“Belle has more hair to wash than you do.”  Gold playfully tugged on a lock of his son’s hair.

“I made signs for her.”  Bae said proudly, calling Gold’s attention to the pieces of construction paper taped haphazardly to the walls.  Each one was covered with pictures of stars and balloons and read ‘Welcome home Belle!!!’

“I’m sure she’ll be very pleased.  Now sit down and wait quietly.  You don’t want to start coughing.”  That was the only thing that could ruin today.

With a huff, Bae flopped down on the other chair, his feet drumming impatiently.  “How much longer?”

“As long as it takes.”  Once he was certain that Bae understood the concept of privacy, he’d better start working with the boy on patience.

After what seemed like several hours, but was in reality probably less than thirty minutes, Belle’s voice floated in.  “Where’s my Beast?”

“Belle!”

Belle, clad in the same blue sundress she’d worn on their Epcot adventure, her wet hair pulled up in a casual twist, poked her head around the playroom door with a smile.  “There he is!”

Bae charged at her, and she met him halfway, falling to her knees to wrap the boy up in a hug.  “I’m so glad to see you!”

“Did you like the card?  And the flowers?  Did you see the books I picked for you?  I’m so happy you’re here!”  Bae was talking so fast that Gold could scarcely understand his son.

Belle kissed the top of the boy’s head.  “The flowers are beautiful!  Thank you so much for picking them out for me!  The card was very impressive; you’re quite an artist.  I can’t wait to read all of the books with you!”

“I made signs for you,” Bae informed her, pulling back so he could gesture to them.

“You’re making me feel very welcome!”  Belle’s eyes looked a little glassy.

He tugged on her hand.  “Do you want to meet Olaf?  And look at my castle!”

“I want to see _everything_!  But first, I have something for you and Papa.”  Belle guided Bae over to the chair next to Gold and sat down before pulling the boy onto her lap.  Bae snuggled into her, his hand clinging to her skirt.

For the first time, Gold noticed the gift bag she was carrying.  “I believe someone requested a Mickey head?”

She pulled the coveted treat out of the bag and offered it to Bae, who grinned.  

“Wait until after dinner,” Gold cautioned.

Bae groaned.  “Just one ear?” he pleaded.

“Just one,” he relented.  He was a pushover.

“And for you.”  Belle handed him the pecan patty as Bae unwrapped his Mickey head and sunk his teeth into the chocolate-covered ear.

“Thank you.”

“I have something else for you too.”  Belle withdrew a square cardboard box and handed it to him with an embarrassed smile.  “I hope you like it.  At the shop, it seemed like a cute idea, but now it feels kind of stupid.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it.”  He wasn’t accustomed to getting presents just because someone wanted to make him smile, and that novelty alone would make him appreciate Belle’s gift, whatever it was.

He opened the box and pushed aside the tissue paper to reveal a pink and yellow coffee mug.  On one side of the mug was a picture of the cartoon Belle holding the enchanted rose, and on the other side was a picture of Lumiere.  In between the two illustrations were the words ‘Enchanted Tales with Belle.’

“They sell them in the gift shop.  I thought it would be funny to get one for you since you bought me a teacup, but now it seems kind of egotistical.  You don’t have to use it.”

“Let me see, Papa,” Bae demanded, and Gold held the mug so Bae could see Princess Belle’s picture.

“I like it very much.”  The mug was nothing he would ever have chosen for himself, but it brought back good memories of a magical evening.  He might look silly drinking out of a pink mug with a princess on it, but what of it?  There was enough somberness in his life.  A bit of frivolity would do him good.

“Oh good.”  Belle looked more relieved than pleased at his reaction.  “But seriously, you won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t use it.”

“ _I_ like it.  I’ll use it,” Bae volunteered.

“Could I enjoy my present for five minutes before you start plotting to steal it?  I don’t help myself to your presents.”

Bae stuck an unrepentant tongue out at him as Belle giggled.  Gold placed the mug safely on the floor beside him.  “Thank you.  I plan to drink my coffee out of it tomorrow morning.”

He waved a warning finger at the pair of them.  “And if either of you decides to help yourself to my mug, there will be consequences.”

Neither of them seemed to take his threat at all seriously, and Belle was smiling again, any embarrassment she’d felt waning.  Turning her attention to Bae, she reached into the bag again.  “And for you!”

Bae took the book from her hands.  “Howl’s Moving Castle,” he read aloud, tracing the smile on what looked like a picture of a grinning fireball on the book’s cover.

“Have you read it?” Belle asked.

“I’ve never even _heard_ of it!”

“Then you’re in for a treat!”  Belle adjusted Bae more comfortably on her lap and looked to Gold.  “Do we have time to read a chapter?”

She was doing exactly what he’d asked her to do.  If left to his own devices, Bae would be dragging Belle all over the house trying to show her everything he owned.  By bringing out the book, she was forcing him to sit quietly without Bae ever realizing that she was managing him.  “Absolutely.  I’m looking forward to hearing it.  I’ve never read this one either.”

Bae looked back at him over his shoulder.  “I thought you’ve read everything.”

“Apparently, I’ve only read almost everything.”

“Almost everything is still pretty impressive,” Belle assured them.  

Gold plucked the Mickey head out of his son’s hand before Bae could get any ideas about finishing it and ruining his dinner.  By the time Belle finished the chapter, Bae should have settled down enough for it to be safe for him to show off Olaf and his castle and everything else he wanted Belle to see.  If not, Gold could take a turn reading a chapter himself or Belle could find something else to distract Bae.  She seemed to have a knack for that.

“In that case…”  Belle held up the book so they could both see the cover art, then opened it with a flourish.  “Chapter one— In which Sophie talks to hats.”

Bae gazed up at her, a look of pure joy on his pale face, and Gold swallowed around a knot in his throat.  This was what had been missing from the boy’s life, and he shook his head at himself that he’d ever had second thoughts about Belle’s visit.  She was exactly what Bae needed.  Now, Bae had two people to love him and read to him and play with him.  Belle had been here less than an hour, and she already fit into their family as perfectly as if she’d been made especially for them.

Gold leaned back in his chair to listen to Belle read and tried to just enjoy the moment without worrying about the future.  Right now, they were together and all was well.  They had all week to enjoy each other’s company, and he was certain that it was going to be a wonderful week.

He tried to concentrate on the charming tale she was reading, trying not to hear the little voice in the back of his mind whispering that a week wasn’t going to be enough time.  


	9. Chapter 9

“This is Olaf,” Bae said proudly as he led Belle over to the massive cage in the corner of his playroom that housed his recently acquired pet.

Gold was impressed by how well Belle was managing Bae.  After reading him the first chapter of _Howl’s Moving Castle_ , she asked Bae to show her his castle.  As soon as Bae started breathing hard from climbing all over the structure with her, she’d had him help her unpack her things, which largely entailed Bae sitting on the guest room bed and asking questions while Belle put things where she wanted them.

From there, it was time for a rather late dinner, and afterward, Bae had taken Belle on a tour of the house before she derailed his attempt to show her his swing and outside toys by asking him to introduce her to his pet, keeping him from getting too wound up before bedtime.

While Gold was aware that his son was on his very best behavior for Belle, he wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that Belle was wrangling the boy so effortlessly when Bae usually fought _him_ tooth and nail.

“He’s adorable!” Belle praised.  The small ball of white fluff peered up at her with placid eyes.  

“I’m teaching him to do tricks.  Watch.  Sit, Olaf!”

Considering how short the hamster’s legs were, Gold couldn’t tell if Olaf had obeyed the command or not, but Bae seemed satisfied.  “Good boy!  Roll over!”

Bae frowned when the hamster didn’t move.  “Roll over, Olaf!”

“He’s thinking about it,” Belle said optimistically.

“He doesn’t do it all the time yet,” Bae explained.

“Has he _ever_ done it?”  Gold stifled a laugh when Bae glared at him.

“He did it once.  Sort of.”

“Well, this kind of thing takes time.  You’ll just have to keep working with him.”  Belle put a consoling hand on Bae’s shoulder.

“It’s not your fault.  I don’t think hamsters are very bright,” Gold commiserated.

“Olaf is _really_ smart!  He knows lots of things!”

He held his hands up defensively in the face of Bae’s impassioned defense of his pet.  "I stand corrected.“

"I like his name.  You named him after Anna and Elsa’s snowman, right?”  Belle was clearly trying to redirect the conversation, and Gold appreciated her efforts.

When Bae nodded, Gold risked teasing him.  "That wasn’t his first choice for a name.  Tell her your other suggestions.“

Bae’s face went pink.  ” _Papa_ …"

“Oh, now I’m curious!  What did you want to call him?”

Bae’s mouth twisted into a mutinous line, but eventually he leaned up on his toes and whispered, “Fart-head.”

“And?” Gold prompted.

“Pizza-butt.”

Belle sunk her teeth into her bottom lip, a muffled snort escaping her before she regained control of herself.  "I think Olaf suits him better.“

"I wholeheartedly agree.”  To this day, Gold wasn’t sure if Bae had been serious or just trying to get a rise out of his old man, but there was no way anyone or anything named Fart-head was ever going to live in this house.  Compared to that, Pizza-butt was almost acceptable, but he had to draw the line somewhere.

“And on that note, I think it’s time to start getting ready for bed.”  Even during summer vacation, Gold was strict with his son’s bedtime.  Bae’s fragile health meant that he needed a great deal of rest, and that didn’t change just because the sun set at a later time.

“I’m not tired,” Bae protested.

He’d seen that coming.  "Perhaps Belle would be willing to read another chapter from your new book?“

"I’d love to!”  She darted a look at Gold.  "Should I put my pajamas on?“

"We’ll have a pajama party!”

If Bae would willingly get ready for bed, Gold would wear whatever his son wanted.  "Pajamas it is.“

His pajamas and robe were no more revealing than his suits, but Gold still felt odd after he’d changed out of his regular clothing.  Since Milah left, no one but Bae had seen him in his nightclothes, and he didn’t imagine it was an appealing sight.  Then again, Belle had seen him in nothing at all, and she hadn’t run screaming, so perhaps he was overthinking things.

He returned to Bae’s room to oversee the boy’s nightly ablutions.  If he left his son to his own devices, his teeth would probably have moss growing on them, so Gold had gotten very good at the detective work required to figure out if Bae had actually brushed his teeth or merely wetted the brush before replacing it in its holder.

"Open your mouth,” he instructed, leaning down to take a quick sniff of his son’s breath in the hopes of smelling toothpaste.  When did this become his life?

Wonder of wonders, he actually smelled mint this time, so either Bae had gotten better at covering his tracks or the boy had decided to celebrate Belle’s visit with voluntary oral hygiene.  "Ladies like it when our teeth are clean.“

"They do?”  Based upon the look on his face, this nugget of information was a revelation to Bae.

Gold nodded sagely.  "There’s nothing they hate more than stinky breath.“

Actually, he was certain there were a great many things women disliked more than foul breath, but right now, tooth brushing was his cause of the day.

Bae nearly knocked him over in his haste to get at the sink, and he applied twice as much toothpaste to his brush as necessary, but Gold counted it as a win.  As he watched his son brush enthusiastically, foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog, he decided that there were a great many advantages to having Belle as a guest.

By the time Bae had completed his nightly routine, Belle was already sitting on the edge of his bed, flipping through the book in her hands.  She was clad in floral cotton pajamas topped by a short and rather faded green robe embroidered with pink roses.  With her face shiny and her hair pulled back into a loose braid, she appeared to be only a few years older than Bae.

Since Bae occasionally had trouble sleeping through the night without his papa beside him, Gold had long since upgraded the boy to a larger bed, and now he was grateful for it because it meant there was room for all three of them, plus Bae’s thirty favorite stuffed animals.

Belle leaned against the headboard on the other side of Bae and opened the book.  "Chapter two— In which Sophie is compelled to seek her fortune.”

Despite Bae’s claim that he wasn't tired, the excitement of the day caught up with him by the time that Sophie had her run-in with the Witch of the Waste.  The boy snuggled into Belle’s side, and Belle wrapped her arm around him without missing a beat.  

“My teeth are clean,” Bae informed her when she paused for breath.

Belle ruffled his hair.  "That’s good.  Teeth like to be clean.“

"Papa says girls like clean teeth.”

Out of context, that comment probably sounded bizarre.  "Let Belle read.“

Belle hummed as she considered Bae’s statement.  "Papa is right.  I can’t think of any girl who wouldn’t prefer clean teeth to the alternative.”

“And that is why you must always brush your teeth,” he informed Bae, as much to assure Belle that he wasn’t a serial killer with a tooth fetish as to cement the moral in Bae’s head.

“Tooth brushing is important,” Belle agreed.  "Don’t you like to brush your teeth?“

"I brush my teeth all the time!” Bae bared his clean teeth at her as evidence.

“All the princesses brush after every meal _and_ they floss.”  Belle was laying it on thick, but if it worked, Gold was all for it.

“I love to floss!”

The blatant lie made Gold chuckle.  Pretty soon, Bae would be swearing up and down that he cleaned his room without being nagged and always ate his vegetables.

Belle plunged back into the book, probably in an effort to talk about something other than teeth, and by the time she reached the end of the chapter, Bae was half-asleep.  Even so, the boy stirred when she closed the book.  "Read another one.“

"I’ll read another one tomorrow,” she promised.  "How about a song instead?“

To Gold’s surprise, instead of a lullaby or a something from a Disney film, Belle chose a Beatles song.  " _Blackbird singing in the dead of night_ …”

Bae sat up a little more as she sang, his eyes wide.  "I don’t know that song.“

At her questioning look, Gold shrugged helplessly.  "I’ve never been much for modern music.  Bae’s education in that area is sadly lacking.”

Belle giggled.  "Modern?  It’s older than both of us!“

"Older than you certainly.”  If his math was right, he’d been toddling when that album came out.

Belle thumped Bae’s nose with her finger.  "Tomorrow, I’m going to teach you about the Beatles.“

"Teach me now,” Bae begged.

When Belle hesitated, Gold came to her rescue.  "I’m sure that Belle is tired from her long trip, and you’ll enjoy tomorrow more if you’re well rested.  Now say good night, Bae.“

"Good night, Bae,” his son sassed back.

“I’ve got a future vaudevillian here,” Gold sighed.  "Say good night to Belle and I’ll tuck you in.“

Bae hugged Belle hard enough that he threatened to strangle her, then reluctantly released her.  "Good night, Belle.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“I look forward to it.”  Belle landed a kiss on the top of his head before sliding off the bed and excusing herself from the room.

Once the door had closed behind her, Bae looked up at him.  "Papa, how old do you have to be to get married?“

Unlike most of Bae’s questions, Gold knew exactly where this one had come from.  "Well, it depends.  As a general rule, you have to be at least eighteen, but most people wouldn’t think of getting married until they were at least in their twenties.”

Clearly, that wasn’t the answer Bae had been hoping for.  "Oh.“

"Why do you ask?”  As if he didn’t already know.

“If I marry Belle, she’ll have to stay here.  But I can’t yet.”

His heart ached for his son.  After only a day, Belle had already become indispensable to him, and he didn’t know how the boy would be able to part with her at the end of the visit.  "No, I’m afraid you can’t.“

Bae flopped back on the bed with a huff.  "I’ll have to think more about that.”

No matter how many times it happened, it never ceased to amaze Gold when he heard his own words coming out of his son’s mouth.  No matter how much it seemed otherwise, Bae was always listening to him.  "You think about it.“

Belle had already given Bae a bedtime story, but Gold couldn’t resist reading one of his own to his boy.  This was a part of their bedtime routine that he cherished, and he would be devastated when Bae outgrew the ritual.

_If_ Bae outgrew the ritual.

He refused to allow himself to dwell on such dark thoughts right now.  Instead, he read the story and kissed his son goodnight, adjusting his blankets and stuffed animals just so before turning on the nightlight.  "Good night, Bae.  I love you.”

His son’s sleepy voice answered him.  "Love you, Papa.“

Although Gold knew that he needed to teach Bae independence, it was never easy to leave him alone in his room.  The boy had a bell if he took ill in the night and couldn’t call out, but worries for his son’s health were only part of the issue.  If he only had limited time with the boy, Gold hated to miss a single minute.

Spending the night in a chair watching the boy sleep wouldn’t be good for either of them, so Gold stepped out into the hall and pulled Bae’s door halfway shut.  He’d expected to find the door to Belle’s room—to the _guest room_ —closed, but it stood wide open, the room beyond it dark.

For half a second, the wild thought that she’d seized the first opportunity to flee the house crossed his mind, then he heard the soft sounds of movement coming from the kitchen.  He’d expected her to sequester herself in her room once her responsibilities to Bae were done for the day, but Belle seemed to be making herself at home.

She might well want some time to herself, but Gold couldn’t shake the worry that she might want a snack or a cup of tea and was struggling to find what she needed.  It would be far more rude to leave her to fend for herself than it would be to inflict unwanted company on her.  If she gave the slightest hint that he was bothering her, he would leave her in peace.

Far from looking bothered, Belle’s face lit up when he stepped into the kitchen.  "Hey!”

“Hey,” he replied, feeling awkward.  He’d interrupted her as she opened and closed cabinets, inspecting the contents, but he detected no hint of urgency in her search.  Whatever she was looking for couldn’t be that important to her.

Belle blushed.  "Sorry.  I guess I should have asked you before I started snooping around.  I just thought that if Bae and I are going to make cookies, I should see how your kitchen works.“

Gold waved off her apology.  "Not at all.  Make yourself at home.”

“I kind of already did,” she admitted, nodding to the blue and white teacup sitting on the countertop.  "I swear that I usually have manners, but you and Bae made me feel so comfortable that I just sort of settled in without asking.“

"I’m glad you did.”  Earlier, Gold had stashed his new mug in the cupboard, and now he retrieved it, placing it next to Belle’s teacup.

Belle smiled at the sight of it.  "I’m glad you took that in the spirit it was intended.“

Proving that she’d learned her way around, she opened the cabinet that housed the glassware and selected a tumbler to fill from the water dispenser on the refrigerator.  Gold frowned at her action.  If Belle was going to be staying with them, she needed to feel free to eat or drink anything she pleased, and he couldn't imagine anyone drinking water if they had other options.  "Help yourself to anything you’d like.  There’s soft drinks and juice… lemonade… wine…  At least I think there’s wine.”  

She shook her head.  "Flying makes me thirsty.  Do you want anything?  I guess that’s a stupid question since this is your house, but I’m closer to the fridge.“

"Nothing for me, thank you.”  There was something sweet about her offer.  It was nice to have someone who took an interest in his needs, even if it was as simple as offering him something to drink.

Belle took a seat at the island, her feet swinging.  "What does your nighttime routine look like?  Am I keeping you from anything?“

Without realizing that he’d planned to move, Gold found himself joining her.  "I usually work in the evenings.  When Bae is awake, I try to devote my time to him, so I have to take advantage of his sleeping hours.”

“Oh!  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to make you feel like you have to entertain me.”

Oddly, the desire to be hospitable had little to do with why he’d chosen to join her.  He’d opted to sit with Belle because she seemed to welcome his company and it was a pleasant novelty to have another adult to talk to.  "It’s nothing that can’t wait until later.  I tried to clear my schedule for this week.“

"What is it that you do?” she asked curiously.  

“Land development mostly.”  It was a vague answer, but he wasn’t quite sure how to tell her that he owned the vast majority of Storybrooke.

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

Her question caught him off guard, and Belle seemed to misinterpret his look of surprise.  "I know, I know.  I work at a theme park, so I’d probably be way out of my depth, but I can type and file and do things like that.“

"That’s very kind of you.”  For the life of him, he wasn’t sure what else to say.  "I didn’t bring you here with the intention of putting you to work.“

Belle giggled.  "I didn’t think you did!  But I like to keep busy, so if there’s something I can do, I’m happy to help.  I get the feeling that you don’t really have a lot of backup.”

Being a single parent was both the hardest thing he’d ever done and the most rewarding, but she was right.  Even before Bae got sick, things hadn’t been easy, and now that his son was fighting for his life, Gold felt like he was drowning.  He just hadn’t realized how pervasive that feeling was until she called attention to it.

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry.”  Belle covered his hand with her own.  "I didn’t mean to offend you.“

"You didn’t.  You’re right.”  It was hard to talk around the lump in his throat.

“It was still probably rude to say it.  I didn’t mean it like that.  I just meant that you don’t seem to have much of a support system, and that has to be hard, so I’d like to help.”  Belle winced and bit her lip.  "I think I’m just digging myself a bigger hole.  Can we start over?“

Gold chuckled, the sound hoarse and rusty, and turned his hand over so he was lightly clasping hers.  "I’m not offended.  I’m touched by your concern.”

“I’ve been reading up on Bae’s condition.  I can only imagine how hard this has been on you.  How old was he when he was diagnosed?”  To his surprise, Belle left her hand in his grasp.

“Five,” Gold rasped.

Belle pressed her lips together, looking like she was trying not to cry.  "Poor sweetheart…  He’s got such a great spirit.  He doesn’t let it get him down at all.  I think a lot of that is due to you.  You make sure he gets the chance to just be a kid.“

"I don’t think he fully understands what’s at stake.  He knows that he’s very sick and he needs new lungs, but I don’t think he realizes that he… he….”  When his voice broke, Belle squeezed his hand.  

“He doesn’t need to know.  No child needs to live with that.  If it was me, _I_ wouldn’t want to know.”

Gold concentrated on his breathing, trying not to cry.  Her words were a comfort.  More than once, he’d wondered if he was being unfair to Bae by not making sure the boy knew just how limited his time might be, but he hadn’t been able to bear the thought of telling him such a horrible truth.  Instead, he’d carried the weight of the uncertain future for both of them.

“Why scare him with something that might never happen?”  Belle was obviously trying to be optimistic, and Gold appreciated her effort even as his own cynicism reared its ugly head.

“Child-sized organs are in short supply.”  Intellectually, Gold knew that was something to be grateful for.  While he longed for the call that would tell him new lungs were waiting for Bae, he preferred not to think about where they would be coming from.

“In time, he might be eligible for adult lungs.  They can be cut down.  But he’s such a little thing.  His wee little chest just isn’t big enough yet.”  Hearing Dr. Whale gently tell him that Bae still hadn’t grown enough to make an adult donor a viable possibility had nearly destroyed him.

Belle stroked the back of his hand with her thumb, the touch soothing.  Gold, who hadn’t meant to unload any of this on her, found himself unable to stop talking, the words spilling out of him like poison from a wound.  "Even if he gets the lungs, there’s no guarantee.  This damned disease might come back and ruin the new ones.  I spent a year in court just to get him on the child’s list because of that.  They were going to let him die.“

"I can’t even _imagine_.”  Belle clutched his hand.  "Bae is _so_ lucky to have you.  You fought for him.  You never gave up, and now he has a chance.“

He’d fought, but to what end?  Even though Bae was on the transplant list, it might be for naught.  He might be holding out hope that was destined to come to nothing.

"You said the disease _might_ come back if he gets new lungs.  Does that mean there’s a chance it won’t?”

“Aye.”  That was the only reason he’d won his court case.  "There have been cases where the transplant cured the disease.“

Belle exhaled shakily.  "Then there’s still hope.  We have to hold on to that.”

It was the uncertainty that was the hardest to bear.  The agony of not knowing was a constant ache in his chest.  Gold was a man who liked answers, and all he had were questions.  Would Bae live until lungs were found for him?  Would those new lungs cure him or only delay his death by another handful of years?  Would he see his son become a man or watch as death claimed him?

“He’s all I have.”  His voice was a shaky, broken thing.

Belle scooted her stool closer and pulled him into her arms.  Gold collapsed against her, his head pillowed on her shoulder.  He closed his eyes as she stroked his hair, feeling the prick of tears against his closed lids.  Inhaling deeply through his nose, he forced the feelings back down.

“You know, I won’t think less of you if you cry,” Belle said softly.

“If I start, I may never stop,” he admitted.  He didn’t have the luxury of falling apart when Bae was counting on his papa to be strong for him.

“Okay.”  Her fingers never paused in their soothing strokes through his hair until he regained control of himself and sat up.  

He cleared his throat, finding it difficult to meet her eyes.  “I apologize.  I didn’t mean to burden you with all of that.”

“Your feelings aren’t a burden,” Belle assured him.  "It’s not healthy to bottle things up.“

She was probably right, but Gold couldn’t bring himself to let go.  It wasn’t the fear that she would think him weak if he did.  On the contrary, he had the feeling that Belle would be tenderly solicitous of him should he break down.  He simply… couldn’t.

"I appreciate your concern.”  

The words were stuffy and pretentious, but Belle didn’t seem to take offense.  Instead, she patted his hand.  "I’m here if you ever want to talk or cry or punch things.“

The last suggestion surprised a laugh out of him.  "Punch things?”

She grinned at him.  "It’s amazingly therapeutic.  I took a kickboxing class one semester, and I’ve never felt saner.  I highly recommend it.“

He couldn’t imagine Belle killing a fly, much less punching someone.  He couldn’t deny that there were times he was tempted to take his cane to everything he owned, lashing out at the universe that was threatening to take his son from him, but he feared indulging the baser side of his nature.  His father had been a violent man, and Gold would _not_ follow in his footsteps.  

Belatedly, he realized he hadn’t responded to Belle’s last conversational gambit, and now that the silence between them was becoming awkward, he wasn’t sure how to break it.  Once again, she came to his rescue.

"Can I see your toys?”

Gold blinked at the change of subject.  "Excuse me?“

"Bae spilled the beans that you have toys— puppets and banks that do stuff, I think he said.  Would you show me?”

She’d sensed that he was uncomfortable in the deep waters they’d waded into and was navigating them back to safer ground.  He’d worried so much about her visit, but now Gold knew that he’d been a fool.  It was _easy_ to be with Belle.  "I’d be happy to.“

Belle either had a genuine interest in antiques or she was a brilliant actress because she seemed fascinated with each piece that he showed her.  None of the mechanical banks were particularly valuable, but they amused him.  More importantly, they amused Bae, which was why they had a place of honor in the living room.  

"I used to go antiquing every week.  I started collecting these to give Bae something to look for.”  His son had been bored stiff by the vintage glassware and household goods, but the banks were something he could enjoy.

Belle smiled as she ran her finger over the trunk of a trumpeting elephant that stood ready to accept a coin.  "That sounds like fun.“

"It was an adventure.  We never knew what we were going to find.”  Bae had amassed quite a collection of toys from the 1970’s and 1980’s, a small price to pay for a hobby Gold could share with his son.

“You don’t do it any more?”

“Not since Bae was diagnosed.  We just… got out of the habit.”  There was no reason that Bae couldn’t bring his tank to the shops or a flea market, but somehow there always seemed to be other things that were more important.  Although Bae didn’t mind antiquing, he was too young to enjoy it the way that Gold did.  Asking his son to waste what might be limited time indulging his papa’s hobbies was selfish.

Belle nodded.  "I understand.“

Turning her attention to the next bank on the shelf, she asked, "What does this one do?”

Gold fished a quarter out of his pocket.  "I’ll show you.“

The bank depicted a pair of frogs.  The smaller of the pair lay on its back in front of the larger one, and Gold balanced the coin on its belly.  When he pressed the lever, the large frog’s mouth opened as the smaller one flicked its leg, kicking the coin into the large frog’s mouth.

"That’s _awesome_.”  Reaching out, Belle carefully worked the lever, making the little frog kick.  She giggled, glancing up at him with bright eyes, and for a second, Gold found himself tongue-tied.

“That’s not _fair_.”

From the living room doorway came the sound of Bae’s aggrieved voice.  When Gold turned to look, his pajama-clad son was pouting.  "You’re supposed to be asleep.“

Bae’s hair was ruffled, his eyes bleary, so clearly he’d been asleep at some point.  It just hadn’t stuck.  "How come you and Belle get to stay up and play when I have to go to bed?”

Gold exchanged a helpless look with Belle.  As a general rule, after Bae went to bed, he either worked or did research on his son’s condition, neither of which held any appeal for Bae.  Spending time with Belle, however, was something Bae would definitely resent being forced to miss out on for something as mundane as sleep.

“We were talking about grown-up things.”  Gold attempted to defuse the situation.  

Bae folded his arms across his chest.  "No, you weren’t.  You were playing with the banks.“

"Busted,” Belle murmured.

When Bae moved further into the room, she met him halfway, kneeling down in front of him.  "I remembered you telling me about Papa’s banks, so I asked him to show them to me.“

Bae’s pout grew to epic proportions.  ” _I_ wanted to show you.“

"Tomorrow, you can demonstrate all of them for Belle,” Gold promised.

His son still looked stormy, a clear sign that he was overtired.  "I want to show her _now_.“

Belle lifted a hand to her mouth to hide a yawn.  "I’m sorry, Bae.  Do you mind if we wait until tomorrow?  I’m really tired.”

Silently, Gold applauded her cleverness as Bae shifted his weight from foot to foot.  "Well…"

Belle yawned again, needing both hands this time.  A moment later, Bae yawned too, proving the contagiousness of her act.  Gold was chagrined to find himself tempted to follow suit.

“I think we’re all tired.  It’s been a busy day.”  

When he attempted to chivy Bae out of the living room, Belle caught the boy’s hand to lead him back upstairs.  Gold followed behind them, smiling at the picture they made walking hand-in-hand in their pajamas.  Belle had been here for less than twelve hours, and already she looked perfectly at home.

“I need another story,” Bae announced once they reached his room.

Gold knew this game all too well.  After Bae got his story, he would need a drink of water.  Then he would need to use the bathroom.  After that, he’d be wide awake again and need another story, which would make him thirsty again, and before long, it would be two in the morning.  "You’ve had two stories, and two stories is one more than you usually get.“

” _Please_ …" Bae begged.

Bile rose in Gold’s throat.  If he gave in, he was setting a bad precedent, but how could he say no?  One day, Bae might not be here to ask for another story, and how would he be able to live with the memory of this night if he heartlessly refused?

“I have a better idea,” Belle announced.  She led Bae to his bed and waited for Gold to tuck the boy in before turning off the light.  Above them, the ceiling glowed with stars.  

“Show me your favorite constellation,” Belle requested.  

Bae pointed.  "That one.“

"Which one?  What’s it called?”  Belle punctuated the question with another yawn.

Bae yawned as he considered his answer.  "Orion.  It’s the one with the three stars.“

"Why is that one your favorite?”  Belle’s voice was softer now as she started to hypnotically stroke the boy’s hair.

“Cause it’s easy to see.”  This time, Bae’s yawn was unprompted.

Belle kept asking questions, her voice getting lower each time until she was barely murmuring, and the pauses before Bae’s answers kept getting longer until the boy was snoring softly.  Only then did she cease her ministrations.

On silent feet, Gold and Belle slipped out of Bae’s room.  "That’s a brilliant trick,“ Gold whispered, afraid to speak louder for fear of waking his son.

"I wasn’t sure if it would work,” Belle admitted with a rueful smile.  

She yawned suddenly, clapping a mortified hand over her mouth.  "Sorry!  I think I put myself to sleep too.“

Gold chuckled.  "You’ve had a long day.  Get some rest.  If you need anything, I’m right next door.”

Belle leaned up to kiss his cheek.  "Good night, Elias.“

He could still feel the warmth of her lips after she stepped away.  "Good night, Belle.  Sleep well.”

He waited until she closed her bedroom door behind her before he moved.  Gold pushed open the door to Bae’s room enough to see his son’s outline and hear him breathe.  For a moment, he lingered there, drinking in the tangible evidence that Bae was still with him.  From behind him, he could hear the quiet sounds of Belle readying herself for bed, little domestic noises that were somehow comforting.

Only when he saw the light under her door go out did Gold retreat to his own bedroom, content that all was well with his world tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

Gold leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath of the night air, listening to the chirp of the crickets and rustle of leaves in the warm breeze.  Taking some time just to relax at the end of each day had never been part of his routine, but now that Belle had instituted the policy, he had to admit that he felt better for it.

“Here you go.”

He smiled his gratitude as he accepted the pink and yellow mug from Belle’s hand and inhaled, enjoying the scent of rose petals and lemongrass, a blend Belle claimed to have invented that helped her sleep.  As far as Gold could tell, it hadn’t had any impact on his own sleep habits, but he did enjoy the flavor.

With a sigh, Belle sank into the chair beside him, her blue and white teacup in hand.  "It’s a pretty night.“

The balcony off his bedroom had a pleasant view of the backyard and the woods beyond it, but none of that was visible at the moment.  He tilted his head back to look up at the stars she was admiring.  "Yes, it is.”

On Belle’s very first night in Storybrooke, they’d fallen into the habit of sitting together at the end of the day, and as the week progressed, they’d refined their ritual.  Belle would read Bae a story and say good night before leaving father and son to finish up the bedtime routine while she went downstairs to make tea.  Once Gold was satisfied that Bae was resting comfortably, he would cross the hall to his own bedroom and wait for her on the balcony, where they could enjoy the evening air without being out of earshot should Bae need them.

“What did you think about his breathing today?”

As far as he was concerned, the best thing about having Belle there— other than seeing how happy she made Bae— was that he had a sounding board.  Belle was paying as much attention to Bae’s health as he was, and having another pair of eyes watching over his son was a relief.  He no longer had to obsess over whether the hitch he’d heard in Bae’s breath was a sign of impending doom because Belle was listening too.  She could tell him if he was making too much of a insignificant change or concur that a symptom needed to be watched.

“I thought he sounded a little hoarse this morning, but I didn’t notice it after lunch.”  Belle took a sip of her tea, her eyes focused on the stars.

Her perceptions dovetailed neatly with his own.  "I thought the same thing.“

"Great minds think alike,” she announced with a smile, holding her teacup out toward him.

Chuckling, Gold clinked the top of his mug into the rim of hers.  "Indeed.“

He was going to miss her when she left.  Gold’s brow furrowed as the thought crossed his mind.  There were only two days left of Belle’s visit, and he had no right to complain when Bae would feel her absence far more sharply, but he _would_ miss her.  It was nice to have another adult to talk to in the evenings.  For the first time since he became a parent, Gold had a partner.  It was going to be hard to let her go.

"May I borrow your car tomorrow?”

Her question came out of nowhere.  "Of course.  Where did you want to go?“

Belle turned her head against the back of her chair, her face relaxed in the dim light.  "To the hardware store.”

The answer gave him pause.  Try as he might, Gold could think of no reason that Belle would need to visit that particular shop.  "Why?“

Her eyes were shadowed, not letting him see if he’d offended her.  Belle was his guest, but he had no right to question or attempt to control her movements.  Hastily, he tried to backtrack.  "You’re welcome to take the car wherever you want.  I was just curious.”

She waved off his not-quite apology with ease.  "It’s a surprise for Bae.  I asked Marco to put aside some oversized cardboard boxes for me, and I want to pick up a quart of yellow paint.“

If anything her answer only left him more in the dark.  "All right.”

Belle giggled and hummed a few bars of a song that he immediately recognized as “Yellow Submarine” by the Beatles.  She’d been giving the boy quite an education in the music of the 1960’s, and Bae had fallen madly in love with the tune, listening to it twenty times a day.  Gold wasn’t quite ready to tear his hair out, but it was a close thing.

Sensing that Belle wanted him to solve the mystery for himself, he attempted to assemble the clues.  What did cardboard boxes, yellow paint, and a Beatles song have in common?

“You’re going to build him a submarine?” he guessed after an embarrassingly long time.  In his defense, it had been quite a while since he was a five year old boy building a fort out of a refrigerator box.  If he recalled correctly, his father had torn it apart and thrown it on the rubbish pile two days later, but for two days, young Elias had had a safe little nest of his own.

“Ding-ding-ding!”  There wasn’t a hint of mockery in Belle’s smile, but the expression faded quickly.  "Is that all right with you?  I know it’s going to be a mess.“

It would be a huge mess, and Bae would love every minute of it.  "I can think of nothing I’d rather do tomorrow than build a yellow submarine.”

“We all live in a yellow submarine…” Belle sang softly.

Gold shuddered theatrically.  "I’m going to have that song stuck in my head for the rest of my life.“

"Let’s just hope that if he decides to sing a song in public, it’s that one,” Belle countered.  

“Good point.”  Out of all the songs Belle had played for him, Bae had taken a particular liking to “Yellow Submarine” and Bob Seger’s “The Fire Down Below.”  Considering his condition, Bae couldn’t sing much, but he often broke out with snatches of the lyrics.

Gold would bet everything he owned that Bae didn’t have a clue what the Bob Seger song was _about_ , even though the boy knew every word by heart, but it would definitely be better if he stuck to “Yellow Submarine” in mixed company.  To her credit, Belle had been mortified when she realized what she’d inadvertently taught Bae.

“I really am sorry about that,” she apologized again, her train of thought running on a track parallel to Gold’s own.

It was his turn to wave off her apology.  "Think nothing of it.  It’s not like he knows what he’s singing.  Someday it will hit him, and we’ll all have a good laugh.“

He took a hasty sip of his tea to cover his consternation when he realized what he’d said.  There was a strong possibility that Bae wouldn’t live long enough to realize that one of his favorite songs was about prostitution, and it wasn’t like him to be optimistic enough to forget that, even for a moment.

Belle reached over the arm of her chair to squeeze his forearm.  "You’re thinking positive.  That’s good.”

“Is it?” he asked hopelessly.  "I’m afraid to get my hopes up too much.  It’s like I’m daring fate to do its worst.“

If he allowed himself to imagine a future where Bae was strong and well, it would only hurt more if the opposite came to pass.  The universe enjoyed kicking Elias Gold in the teeth, and he couldn’t risk forgetting that.

"You’ve still got the cat,” Belle reminded him.

The little red plastic cat that he’d bought in Epcot promised to bring good health to his child.  It was nothing more than a cheap trinket, but the sight of it on his dresser always lifted his spirits.  This family could use all the good luck it could get.

They finished their tea in a comfortable silence before Belle said good night, leaning down to kiss his cheek before retiring to her own room.  Gold took their cups down to the kitchen and washed them so they’d be ready to go in the morning.  That was his half of their evening ritual, and the small task pleased him.  It felt good to have a shared ritual with Belle.

They had a great many shared rituals, he realized the next day as they moved around each other to prepare breakfast.  Belle measured out the ingredients, and he whisked up the pancake batter.  He dolloped the batter onto the griddle, and she sprinkled in the chocolate chips to make smiley faces.  Working together, everything went twice as fast and seemed ten times as easy.  They were a team.

“What are we going to do today?” Bae asked as he poured an obscene amount of syrup onto his pancakes.

Belle’s eyes smiled at him over the rim of her teacup.  "It’s a surprise.“

When Bae discovered that the surprise entailed Belle going for a drive without him, he was quite put out.  "But _why_ can’t Papa and I come?”

“Because you have an important job to do while I’m gone.  I need you to put down lots of newspapers on your playroom floor and change into clothes that can get messy.”  

When Bae shot him a doubtful look, Gold nodded.  "I have a whole pile of newspapers you can use.“

"Weird,” Bae muttered, but the mystery intrigued him enough that he allowed Belle to leave without putting up a fight.

They watched as she pulled the Cadillac out of the driveway and waved cheerfully at them before pulling out onto the road to make the short trip into town.  The moment she was out of sight, Bae tugged on his hand.  "I want Belle to stay.“

"She’ll be right back,” Gold assured him.  "Come on.  We have a job to do.“

Bae followed him upstairs, the boy dragging his feet.  "I mean I want her to _stay_ ,” he repeated.

When Gold looked at him blankly, Bae threw his head back and sighed noisily.  "I don’t want her to go to Boston.  I want her to stay here with us forever.“

"She has to go back to school, Bae,” Gold reminded his son, his heart aching for the boy.  If he was going to miss Belle, his son would feel her loss even more keenly.

Bae’s lower lip wobbled, his eyes filling with tears.  "But I want her to stay.“

Over the years, Gold had seen many different kinds of tears from his son.  There had been tears of frustration and anger and sadness, tears of laughter and tears of pain.  Occasionally, Bae put the teary lip wobble to good use when he was trying to make his papa feel guilty in an attempt to manipulate him.  He was never sure whether to be proud or horrified when that happened.

Gold thought he had seen every kind of tear Bae was capable of producing, but he’d never seen the pure misery on his son’s face that he was seeing now.  His own eyes burning, he enfolded the boy in his arms.  "It’s going to be okay.”

That only made Bae cry harder, and Gold rubbed the boy’s back soothingly, afraid that the outburst would trigger an attack.  He’d been having a good week, with only two coughing fits to mar his time with Belle, and he hated the thought that Bae might take ill when Belle had such a fun activity planned for their day.

“Take deep breaths,” he urged, sighing in relief when Bae cried himself out without anything worse happening.

The boy’s eyes were swollen, his expression stormy when he stepped out of his father’s arms.  “It’s not fair.”

“What do you like best about Belle?”  Belle wasn’t a thing he could procure for his son, but if he understood what drew the boy to her so strongly, perhaps he could arrange for some kind of replacement or compromise.

“I like everything best.”  Bae’s reply was not particularly helpful.

“Can you be more specific?”

Bae thought about it for a moment.  “She’s nice to talk to, and she makes everything fun.  It’s like Mary Poppins.  Even things that aren’t fun are fun when she’s here.  Like flossing.”

Gold nodded his understanding.  Somehow, Belle had managed to turn flossing into a game, and his son’s oral hygiene had never been better.  Unfortunately, he had no idea how to replicate the qualities that Bae so admired.  A magical nanny wasn’t something that could be ordered online.

“I wish I could marry her.  Then she would have to stay.”

He gave his son’s shoulder a consoling pat.  “I know you do.  Come on.  Let’s get you cleaned up before Belle gets back.”

A cool washcloth fixed most of the damage, and as he and Bae put down the newspapers, Gold’s mind raced.  Bae adored Belle, and having her undivided attention for a week had been like catnip to the boy.  He’d been a fool to think that Bae would take their parting easily.  From the moment his son was born, Gold had done everything in his power to shield Bae from that which would hurt him, but losing Belle would definitely cause him pain, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Or could he?

Inadvertently, Bae had given him an idea.  Perhaps there _was_ a way to keep Belle here.  Bae certainly couldn’t marry her, but that wasn’t the only option.  His idea was far-fetched, but if he made it clear that he expected no more from her than what she’d already been doing this past week, she might agree.

Belle loved Bae, that much was obvious.  Did she love him enough to put her own life on hold and stay?  Was that something that _he_ could live with?  Having her in the house was pleasant, but right now, she was a guest.  Having her live with them on a permanent basis would be an enormous change.  

So far, she fit into their life like she’d been made specifically for them, but Gold was aware that, comfortable as they were together, they were all on their best behavior.  What would happen when he was surly from a headache, and Bae was acting out, and Belle was irritated with both of them?  This perfect bubble they were living in wasn’t sustainable.  Eventually, all of the warts would come to light.

And even if they really could go on as happily as they’d started, did he want that?  Gold was accustomed to having Bae’s undivided attention.  For the past five days, he’d been sharing Bae with Belle.  He didn’t begrudge that, but he also knew that this situation was only temporary.  If Bae only had a short time left, did he want to share those precious moments with someone else?

He was a selfish beast, Gold admitted to himself.  Once again, he was thinking about love like a zero sum game.  Belle made Bae happy, and anything that made Bae happy was good.  If she agreed to stay permanently, she would bring love and happiness with her, meaning that there would be plenty to go around.

They both loved Bae, and Bae loved both of them.  That was something to be celebrated, not feared.

One thing was certain: he couldn’t tell Bae what he was planning to ask Belle.  No matter how carefully he explained that there was no guarantee she would accept his proposal, Bae would consider the matter settled.  If Belle refused— which she probably would— it would hurt Bae far more to know that he’d _almost_ had something he wanted so badly, only to have it taken away at the last moment.

To that end, Gold kept his plans to himself.  When he invited her to visit, he’d done it in front of Bae, using his son to manipulate her into accepting.  However, what he was planning to ask of her now was far more complicated than a week long visit.  Belle would need time and space to think his offer through without Bae applying well-meaning pressure.

“I’m home!” Belle called from downstairs, and Bae rushed to greet her, stirring up the newspapers that they’d laid out so carefully on the floor.

Gold followed at a more sedate pace, laughing at the baffled look on Bae’s face when he saw the cardboard boxes lying flat on the kitchen floor.  "What are we doing?“

"You’ll see.”  He and Belle exchanged a smile before the three of them set to work hauling the boxes up the stairs.  Between Bae’s fragile health and his own bad leg, it was slow going, but they made it eventually.  Only then did Belle reveal the yellow paint she’d purchased.

“I think we need a yellow submarine,” Belle announced as she called up the song on her phone.

Bae’s eyes lit up.  "Yes!  A big one with room for all four of us!“

"Four?” Gold repeated, wondering what he’d missed.

Bae gave his father an impatient look.  "You and me and Belle and Olaf.“

"Of course, Olaf.  How could I forget Olaf?”  His mind raced as he tried to figure out how this was going to work.  Even if they made a little compartment for the hamster, he could probably just chew through the cardboard and escape.

“I’ll be the captain, and Olaf can be the first mate.  Belle, you can be… uh…”  Bae trailed off, having exhausted his nautical knowledge.

“I’ll be the navigator,” Belle suggested.  "And Papa can be the quartermaster.“

"Quartermaster,” Bae repeated several times, the boy clearly liking the sound of the long word.

“It’s the quartermaster’s job to look after the crew,” Belle explained.  

In that case, the role was perfect for him.  "I shall endeavor to carry out my duties with an impartial eye.“

"What does that mean?” Bae piped up.

“It means I won’t play favorites.”

His son pouted.  "Okay.  But you have to like me best.“

Chuckling, Gold kissed the top of the boy’s head.  "I’ll always like you best.”

He glanced up to see Belle aiming her phone at the pair of them.  She turned it so he could see the picture she’d taken of him and Bae, and Gold’s breath caught in his throat.  While he had countless pictures of Bae, candid shots of the two of them together were rare indeed.  "Will you send that to me?“

"Already am.”  For a moment, Belle looked puzzled at the hoarse note in his voice, then understanding dawned in her eyes.  

Even though constructing the submarine had been Belle’s idea, Bae took the project over with the confidence that only a seven year old could muster.  They spent the day folding, cutting, taping, and painting, leaving them with something that looked a bit like a submarine and a lot more like a huge banana slug with a periscope made out of discarded paper towel tubes.

Bae was ecstatic.

“We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine…” he chanted as he went to retrieve Olaf from his cage, holding the hamster in both hands as took his place near the front of the submarine.  

“Awaiting orders, Captain!” Belle chirped.

“Dive, dive!”

An epic sea adventure followed, involving pirates, aliens, a giant squid that nearly drowned them all, and a stunning display of heroism from Olaf, who saved the day and graciously accepted a carrot chip as his reward.  

By the time they resurfaced, Gold’s ribs ached from laughing, his heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time.  Bae was so exhausted that he put up only a token fight at bedtime, falling asleep before Gold got anywhere near the end of his second bedtime story.

He put the book aside and took a moment to just look at his son.  On days like this, it was impossible to believe that Bae’s days might be numbered.  Today, laughter had brought color to his son’s pale face, and the sound of music and excited chatter had drowned out the wheeze in his breathing.  Every day should be like today.

Gold smoothed his son’s hair off his face and leaned down to kiss Bae’s forehead, lingering there to revel in the boy’s warmth.  "I love you, Bae,“ he whispered, careful not to wake him.

By the time he managed to drag himself away from his son’s side, Belle was already sitting in her chair on the balcony, her teacup in her hands.  Gold’s mug was waiting for him on the low table between their chairs, and the domesticity of the scene soothed his soul.

"Today was fun,” Belle sighed once he’d claimed his seat.  "I took a bunch more pictures of the two of you.  I’ll send them to you before I go to bed.“

"That’s very kind of you.  Thank you for today.  You had a brilliant idea, and Bae loved it.”  Gold had always enjoyed playing with his son, but he had no trouble admitting that Belle was the more creative playmate.  She’d brought an enormous amount of happiness to this house just by being herself.

He took a sip of his tea to help him swallow down a sudden burst of nervousness.  By this time, he knew Belle well enough to be fairly sure that his question wouldn’t offend her, but Gold was equally sure that she would refuse him.  It would hurt to fail Bae, but it would hurt even more to know that he’d been too afraid to even try to get her to stay.

“Belle, I have a very important question to ask you.”

He must have sounded even more foreboding than he thought because Belle sat up straight, turning to look at him with wide eyes.  "Yes, Elias?“

Cursing himself, he tried to modulate his voice so he sounded more friendly and less like he was planning to play judge and jury over her.  "This week has been wonderful.  You’ve brought so much happiness to Bae, and I can never repay you for that.”

Belle beamed at him.  "I _love_ Bae.“

"I, too, have greatly enjoyed your visit.  I’d forgotten how nice it is to have another adult to talk to.”  In a way, he was learning that for the very first time.  He’d never made friends easily, and having a trusted confidant was a new experience for him.  Gold quite liked it.

“I’m glad I can be here for you.”  Belle’s voice rang with sincerity, her generous nature putting him to shame since he was about to attempt to take advantage of it.

“I understand that you’ll need some time to think over the implications of my question.  I don’t expect you to answer me at once.  Take all the time you need.  And I want you to know that I won’t be angry or offended if you decide to refuse my proposal.”

Belle nodded, her breath coming fast.  "Yes.“

He’d done all he could do to lead gracefully into the question.  All that was left to do was ask it.  "Would you consider becoming Bae’s nanny?”

“Oh!”  Belle jumped like he’d pricked her with a pin, then leaned back in her chair, turning to survey the dark outlines of the garden.

It wasn’t an encouraging response, but at least she hadn’t immediately told him to go to hell.  Gold, contrary to his nature, tried to be optimistic.  "I’m not asking you to do anything you haven’t already been doing this week.  I don’t expect you to provide hands-on care or anything like that.  Really, ‘nanny’ is probably the wrong word.  I want you to be Bae’s companion.“

Asking her to be Bae’s nanny implied that he expected her to become some sort of household drudge, but nothing could be further from the truth.  "Companion” was a much better descriptor of the role he envisioned for her in Bae’s life: that of playmate and friend.

“I see.”

Try as he might, Gold couldn’t get a read on her tone of voice.  He couldn’t tell if she was considering his offer or if she’d already decided against it.  "I know that I’m asking you to make an enormous sacrifice.  You’d be giving up your schooling and your job at Disney.  You’d be uprooting your entire life to move to this backwater town.  If you choose to accept, I’ll have my lawyer draw up a contract so you have every possible legal protection.“

Belle turned her head to look at him, her eyes shadowed.  "What are you saying?”

Although Gold had questioned whether they would even get this far into negotiations, he’d put some thought into his offer, just in case.  "I’ll pay you ten thousand dollars a month to do exactly what you did this week— play with Bae, read to him, make him smile.  Obviously, room and board will be provided, and I’ll pay any other incidental expenses you might accrue.  While Bae is in school, you may do as you like.  Perhaps you could complete your classes remotely?  However, when he’s home, I expect you to be at his disposal.“

He winced.  That last sentence made it sound like he was thinking of her as a toy or pet for Bae to play with at will.  "I probably worded that badly.  I just mean that I want you to spend time with him.”

Instead of responding, Belle pushed herself out of her chair and walked forward to lean her hands on the balcony’s railing, staring blindly into the backyard.  Gold held his breath as he watched her, not certain what he should be doing.  As far as he was concerned, Belle could name her price, and he would gladly pay it.  Ten thousand dollars a month was only a starting point for negotiations.

When she spoke, her question wasn’t what he’d expected.  "For how long?“

The question felt like a knife to the ribs.  "I don’t know how to answer that.  I suppose… For as long as Bae needs you.”

She nodded, still not looking at him.  "I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this.“

Gold clenched his teeth, wondering why her refusal hurt so much when he’d known it was coming.  "I  completely understand.”

“Accepting money to play with Bae seems wrong.”  Belle wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold, although the August evening was pleasantly warm.

Her words made him blink.  "Excuse me?“

She shrugged.  "He’s a sick little boy.  What kind of monster looks at him and asks for money to keep him company?  I don’t think I could do that.”

His own mother was that kind of monster, Gold thought bitterly.  Affection for Bae wouldn’t have brought Milah back into the family, but if he had offered to throw a few million her way, she would have happily played the doting mother.

There was no way that Belle wanted to hear about his marital strife.  "Don’t think of it as taking money in exchange for playing with Bae.  Think of it as compensation for what you’d be giving up— your education, your friends, your independent life, your dream job…"

Belatedly, Gold realized that if he was trying to convince her to agree, he was making a remarkably poor case for himself, but he couldn’t seem to stop.  "You have no idea how hard it is not to know what’s coming.  The floor could drop out from under us at any moment.  Tomorrow, Bae could have an attack and hemorrhage, and it’ll be over.  Or I could get a text saying that new lungs are waiting for him.  He could live five days or five years or five decades.  I don’t _know_.  It’s a roller coaster that I didn’t choose to ride, only I can never get off.“

Gold pressed his lips together hard when his voice broke.  He breathed deeply until he’d regained control of himself, conscious that Belle still wasn’t looking at him.  Even though her gaze was focused on the landscape, he was somehow certain that he had her full attention.

"I’m not paying you to play with Bae.  I’m paying you to get on the roller coaster with me.”

If Belle truly loved Bae, he was asking her to do the impossible.  Who in their right mind would willingly choose a life filled with heartache and emotional turmoil that was very likely to end in tragedy?  If she was smart, Belle would keep her distance.  Occasional visits and phone calls would assuage any guilt she felt about leaving Bae, and it would protect her heart from pain should his condition worsen.  

Losing Bae would destroy him.  Belle still had the chance to save herself.

“I don’t know what to say,” Belle admitted.

“Neither do I.”  Anything he said about how much she meant to Bae would only come across as him pressuring her, and that wasn’t fair.

“I won’t hold it against you if you say no.  You’ve already been incredibly generous to Bae and to me, and I’ll always be grateful for that.  This week has been a gift for both of us, and I’ll never forget it.”  Gold leaned back in his chair, suddenly exhausted.  He’d tried.  Later, when Belle was gone, he would be able to comfort himself with that.

“I’ll do it.”

Her quiet words were as much of a shock to his system as a bucket of cold water would have been.  “What?”

Belle turned to look at him, attempting to smile.  “I couldn’t live with myself if I said no.”

“Belle, wait.  Don’t give me an answer tonight.  Think it over.  This is a huge decision, and you don’t have to make it now.  Talk it over with your parents and friends.  Make a list of pros and cons.  There’s no rush.”  Even as he heard himself talking, Gold wondered if he’d lost his mind.  He had to be insane to be trying to talk her out of doing exactly what he wanted her to do.

Belle’s poor attempt at a smile blossomed into a real one.  “I’m not much for logical decision making.  I tend to be pretty impulsive.  You’ll notice that if you haven’t already.”

Her approach to life was the antithesis of his own.  “Maybe you should try logic this time?”

At that, she laughed outright.  “Impulsiveness has gotten me this far.  I’ll stick with it.  Consider my fate decided.”

Gold gaped up at her, wondering what on earth he was supposed to say now.  Belle had agreed to move in permanently, and he couldn’t wrap his mind around the massive sea change that was about to come over his life.

“Bae is going to be so happy,” he managed to get out at last.

Belle tilted her head to the side, giving him a considering look.  “What about you?  Are _you_ happy that I’m staying?”

Only then did Gold realize how rude he was being.  “I’m not unhappy.”

He shook his head at the words that had just come out of his mouth.  “Forgive me.  I mean I’m very pleased that you decided to stay.”

Belle smiled at him, and he found himself smiling back helplessly, unable to control his expression.  He probably looked like an idiot, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Your school!” he blurted as his mind started to work again, reminding him of all the things that would have to be done.  “We’ll have to arrange for you to take your classes remotely or take a leave of absence from your studies.  If you would prefer, you could transfer to another school closer to Storybrooke.  Do you already have an apartment lined up?  We’ll have to break your lease.  Are there any changes that you want to make to your room that will make it more comfortable for you?”

“Elias?  Breathe.”  Belle gave him a crooked smile.  “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather wait until tomorrow to iron out all the details.  I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”

“Of course.  My apologies.”  

Her lips twitched.  “I wasn’t expecting the Scottish Inquisition.”

It took him a moment to get her joke, then he found himself chuckling.  “No one expects the Scottish Inquisition.”

“Your chief weapon is surprise… surprise and fear… fear and surprise…”  She frowned.  “No not fear.  I’ll have to think about that some more.”

For the first time, Gold had a firsthand view of what Bae had been talking about earlier.  Belle could turn Bae’s chores into games, and now she was taking a rather difficult conversation and turning it into a Monty Python sketch.  She made the world brighter just by being herself.

“I’m glad you’re staying.”

He froze after saying the words, hoping that he hadn’t overstepped, but Belle only gave him a fond look.

“Me too.  Good night, Elias.”  She leaned down to kiss his cheek, and Gold risked patting her hand when she caught her balance on the arm of his chair.

“Good night, Belle.”

Contrary to all of his expectations, he’d managed to secure the one thing Bae wanted most: Belle’s continued presence in the house.  Part of him was tempted to go wake the boy up just so he could see him smile at the good news, although he dismissed the idea an instant later.  They would tell him together, maybe over breakfast.

Gold leaned back in his chair, marveling at how much his life had changed in the past hour.  Belle was now a part of their family.

It was a very good night indeed.


	11. Chapter 11

“Belle and I have something to tell you,” Gold informed his son the following morning as the boy was finishing his pancakes.

Bae stopped dragging his fork through the remains of the syrup on his plate to make designs and looked up, his eyes wary.  "What?“

As Bae looked back and forth between him and Belle, Gold realized that they hadn’t decided how they were going to tell him that Belle was planning to stay in Storybrooke.  Should it come from Belle or from him?  Nor was he certain whether to tell Bae that Belle was his new nanny.  Having a label for her would prevent confusion if Bae tried to introduce her to anyone, but Gold still wasn’t satisfied with the word "nanny” as a descriptor for the role Belle would play in Bae’s life.

One thing was certain: Bae didn’t need to know that he was paying Belle.  Since the boy was still too young to understand how the adult world worked, learning that Belle received a salary for being his playmate would only hurt him.

Belle looked to him, silently settling the matter.  As both of them watched expectantly, Gold patted his mouth with a napkin and took a sip of coffee out of his pink and yellow mug to ease his suddenly dry throat.  "Belle has decided that she wants to stay with us.“

Bae’s loud whoop made him tense, his muscles primed to rush to the cabinet where he stored Bae’s medical supplies.  They kept a stash on each floor as well as in the Cadillac, meaning that the supplies were always within easy reach should an attack occur.

To Gold’s relief, no coughing fit followed Bae’s joyous outburst.  The boy’s fork hit the floor as he shoved his chair back from the table and lunged at Belle, who caught him with a laugh.  The force of Bae’s affectionate assault knocked her backwards, her chair balancing precariously on two legs until she managed to right herself.

Gold’s hand, outstretched to catch the back of the chair should it tip, hovered in the air for a moment before he let it fall, his heart swelling as he watched the two of them.  Bae was laughing and talking a mile a minute, telling Belle how happy he was and reeling off all of the things they were going to do together now that she was going to stay.  For her part, Belle was beaming even though tears were running down her cheeks.

It wasn’t until he felt wetness against his own lips that Gold realized he was crying too, Bae’s happiness so intense that it was almost painful to see.  For just a moment, he allowed himself to feel proud that he’d done this for Bae.  He’d given his boy that which he wanted most, and even seeing his son’s eyes light up on Christmas morning paled in comparison.

"I’m going to show you my school!  And we can make leaf piles and jump in them and carve pumpkins!  And we can go to Storyland!”  Bae was wriggling all over like an excited puppy as he listed everything they would do together.  "And now you can get stuff!“

He looked up at Belle to gauge her reaction to that suggestion, and Belle kept smiling even though she looked a little confused.  "I can get stuff?”

Bae nodded.  "You said you didn’t have much stuff because you move a lot, but you’d get more once you lived in the same place all the time.  Now, you live here all the time.  So, you can get more stuff.“

Belle giggled.  "I can’t believe you remember I said that!”

It took Gold a moment to place the conversation Bae was referring to.  During their very first phone conversation with Belle after leaving Florida, Bae had been horrified to learn that all of her worldly belongings could fit into only two suitcases.  Now, the boy was clearly eager to rectify matters.

“You’ll discover that Bae never forgets _anything_ ,” Gold informed Belle.  "Other than his bedtime and daily chores, of course.“

His son had a knack for remembering an off-the-cuff remark his papa had made two years ago at the most inopportune moment.  Now, Belle was going to be on the receiving end of that trick as well.  The sooner she got used to it, the better.

"I’ll keep that in mind.”  Belle sounded amused, and Gold took another sip of coffee to hide his smile.  She’d learn.  The memory of his son loudly telling Mayor Mills that his papa thought she was a nasty piece of work was funny now, but at the time, it had been mortifying.  At least now he wouldn’t be the only person taking the brunt of Bae’s particular brand of honesty.

“Let’s do that today.  Let’s do that _right now_.  Let’s go get you some new stuff.” 

Bae suggested the shopping excursion with as much urgency as if he was proposing they go slay a dragon that was terrorizing Storybrooke, and Gold had to think for a bit before he managed to follow his son’s train of thought.  If Belle’s few possessions meant that she could pick up and leave at a moment’s notice, then owning more than would fit in her two suitcases would be a tie keeping her here.  Whether he was conscious of it or not, Bae was trying to ensure that Belle didn’t change her mind about leaving.

Belle ruffled the boy’s hair.  "I can’t think of anything I need.“

When Bae turned distressed eyes to him, Gold came to his son’s rescue.  If buying things for Belle would help Bae feel more secure, Gold would buy out the contents of a shop for her.  "I’m sure we can find something for you.”

Clearly, Belle wasn’t picking up on the undercurrents of the conversation because she gave him a polite smile as she shook her head.  "No really, I’m fine.  The only stuff I need is right here.“

She gave Bae a cuddle that the boy was too worked up to appreciate.  "But I _want_ to get you stuff,” he protested.

When Belle looked at him in confusion, Gold raised his eyebrows and nodded at Bae, trying to explain the situation without actually saying anything.  He doubted that Bae even realized why it was so important to him to buy something for Belle, so he couldn’t blame her for not understanding the boy’s motivations.  

Belle glanced down at Bae and nodded doubtfully back at him.  Hoping that meant that she was agreeing to go along with the boy’s plan, Gold nodded again, feeling like one of those toys with the oversized heads.  "Surely, you can think of something you’d like to have?“ he prompted.

Still looking baffled, Belle followed his lead.  "I’d like… books?”

He’d been envisioning something larger, like a really fancy coffee machine or a car, but it was a start.  Bae scrunched up his face.  "Books?  I thought you already had lots of books.“

Belle shifted him so the boy was sitting more comfortably on her lap.  "I do have lots of books, but they’re all ebooks.  I read them on my phone.  I like real books though.  I like the feel of the pages and the way they smell.  I could never have lots of real books because they’re so heavy.  But now I can.”

Bae nodded enthusiastically, warming to the idea.  "We’ll get you _lots_ of real books.  We’ll get you a whole library!“

"You might need another bookcase to fit all of them.”  Gold frowned as he pictured the layout of Belle’s room.  If they crammed much more furniture into it, there might not be room for her.

“You can have a book wall like me!” Bae suggested.  "That guy can do it.“

"What guy?” Gold asked idly as he considered Bae’s idea.  Having a wall of shelves installed would be a more efficient use of space than multiple bookcases, so his son was probably on to something.

“The one who made Belle’s bathroom.  Oops.”  Bae winced.  "That was a secret.“

Belle looked down at Bae and then over at Gold.  "Wait.  You had a bathroom put in for me?”

She seemed disquieted by the idea, so he tried to play it off with a small lie.  "Your visit was the impetus, but I’ve been planning to have one installed for years.“

As usual, Bae refused to allow him to get away with it.  "No, you weren’t.  You never said anything about that ever.”

His son was _not_ helping.  "I don’t tell you everything I’m thinking.“

"Yes, you do,” the boy countered.

Belle snickered, and to Gold’s relief, she didn’t press the matter.  "Let’s not argue.“

" _I’m_ not arguing.  Papa is arguing.”

The only way to win this game was not to play.  "If you want to go buy Belle books, you have to brush your teeth.“

Bae made a rude noise, but he climbed off of Belle’s lap.  "Okay, okay.”

Once the boy was out of earshot, Belle turned to Gold.  "You planned from the start to ask me to stay, didn’t you?  This visit was just an audition.  I wish you would have told me.“

She didn’t look happy with him, and Gold hastened to defend himself.  "I had no such ulterior motives.  I admit that I hoped you would come back for another visit if this one went well, but I didn’t think to ask you to stay on permanently until yesterday.  Bae gave me the idea.”

At her searching look, he continued, “I asked him what he liked best about you, and he said you were like Mary Poppins— you made everything fun, even flossing.”

Her lips curved into a fond smile, offering him encouragement.  "That’s when I had the nanny idea.  But I swear that yesterday was the first time I thought of it.“

Belle looked at him closely, apparently examining his expression for any hint that he was trying to mislead her.  Gold concentrated on meeting her eyes, feeling guilty even though he’d done nothing wrong.

"Okay,” she relented.  "I believe you.  I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.  I just have a thing about people making decisions for me without involving me.  I _really_ hate that.“

"I don’t blame you.”  At this point in his life, that wasn’t a position Gold often found himself in, but there was a time when he’d been at the mercy of others, and he didn’t miss those days.

A furrow appeared between Belle’s eyebrows.  "So, you had a bathroom installed for a week long visit?  You’re either the most thoughtful person on the planet or you blow your nose with money.“

He was reasonably sure that she was teasing him, but he was still relieved when Bae reappeared before he had to come up with a reply.  "Are we ready to go?”

Between Bae’s tank and his son’s inability to ever find his shoes, it was another thirty minutes before they managed to leave the house.  "Can we go to the pizza place?“ Bae requested as he climbed into his booster seat in the back of the Cadillac.

"You just finished breakfast,” Gold reminded him.

“I want to play games and see the band.”  Storybrooke had a library but no bookstore, and the closest one was a forty minute drive away, housed in the same shopping plaza as a chain restaurant that sold truly dreadful pizza.  Bae, naturally, loved it, mostly for the arcade games and the animatronic animal band.

“We’ll see.”

Bae’s smile was smug as he informed Belle, “That means yes.”

When they reached the bookstore, Gold caught Belle’s arm as he held the door for her and whispered, “Pick out as many books as you can and anything else that catches your eye.”

At her baffled look, he nodded to Bae, who was already examining a display of Harry Potter merchandise.  "It’s important to him.“

"Okay,” she murmured back, then flashed him a mischievous smile.  "As many books as I can?  You have _no_ idea what you’re in for.“

Gold chuckled as he released her.  "Do your worst.”

Her worst ended up filling the trunk of the Cadillac, and Bae seemed even happier about that than he was about the bag of books and toys he’d selected for himself.  Gold’s contribution to their haul was a murder mystery, although he already knew how it would end.  He would read the first two pages half a dozen times before falling asleep, and then the book would gather dust on his nightstand until their next trip to the bookstore when he would buy its successor.  He liked to think that someday there would be a time when he could laze around with a book and a glass of wine, but that time was somewhere in the distant future, long after Bae had his new lungs.  

As Bae had predicted, their next stop was the pizza place, and for the first time, Gold appreciated just how much help Belle was going to be.  Unlike him, she actually understood the arcade games, meaning she could steer Bae toward things that were appropriate for his skill level and give him tips that would improve his scores.  She was also a damned sight better at air hockey than Gold was, meaning that Bae finally had a worthy competitor.

Thanks to Belle’s guidance, Bae won a record number of tickets that he traded in for a rubber dinosaur that probably wasn’t worth anywhere near the fifty dollars he’d spent playing the games.  At least he’d enjoyed himself.

Compared to Disney’s animatronics, there was something a bit unsettling about the robotic band’s jerky movements, but Bae didn’t seem to notice.  Instead, he applauded every song and corny joke with gusto as he devoured a slice of pizza that Gold was willing to bet was at least eighty percent cardboard.  Belle bounced along with the songs too, so maybe he was just jaded.

By the time Bae finally allowed them to leave, Gold had half a headache, and it was easy to let Belle carry the conversation as he drove them home.  Bae and Belle’s chatter washed over him, leaving him feeling warm and content.  He was still the father and absolute authority of the family, but with Belle at his side, he no longer had to do everything by himself.  He could be quiet and just enjoy the moment as she entertained Bae.

His son was happy, and that meant that all was right in Gold’s world.  

“Can we read all my new books tonight?” Bae requested as they pulled into the driveway.

“We’ll read some of them,” Belle promised.  "You don’t want to read all of them at once though.  It’ll be more fun if you save some for later.“

Delayed gratification wasn’t something that Bae understood yet, and Gold applauded Belle’s effort to teach him even though he knew it would ultimately fail.  Unless she was made of sterner stuff than he was, she would spend the evening reading herself hoarse.

"And we need to find places to put your stuff.”  Bae sounded like he was looking forward to the prospect.

“After you shower and change your clothes.”  On this matter, Gold was prepared to be strict, and Bae didn’t argue.  This was one fight his son knew he couldn’t win.  

Dragging all of their bags into the house took some effort considering just how many books they’d purchased.  While there was still some room on the bookcase in Belle’s room, Gold doubted that all of her new books would fit, and that was going to be an issue until he could have her book wall installed.

He shook his head at himself, realizing that he was still thinking of her as a guest and not a resident of the Victorian.  "Whatever doesn’t fit on your bookcase, you can put on the shelves in the living room.  Just move whatever is in your way.“

Belle bit her lip at the suggestion.  "Maybe I can keep them under my bed.”

The only thing that would make Bae happier than Belle having ties to Storybrooke would be to see those ties prominently displayed.  Bae’s things were everywhere, as were Gold’s own, but now the house had three residents.  "I’d rather you didn’t.  If you’re going to live here, you need to _live_ here.  This is your home too.“

His words made her look no less uncertain, but Belle nodded bravely.  "I’ll try.  It’s funny.  I felt so comfortable here right from the start, but now it’s just… weird.”

“It’s a big change.  I’ll have keys made for you.  Maybe that will help.”  She would hardly feel at home here if she couldn’t even let herself in.

“I’m sure it will.  It’ll just take time.”  She smiled up at him.  "You’re being very kind to me.  Thank you.“

He dismissed her gratitude with a wave of his hand.  "It’s nothing.”

“I disagree.”  

Her bright gaze made him uncomfortable for some reason.  "Do you have the information I requested?“

He’d asked for the contact information for her school and the apartment complex she was supposed to be moving into tomorrow.  Belle dug through her purse and came up with a scrap of paper which she handed to him.  "What are you going to do?”

He chuckled.  "Nothing illicit.  I’ll just make sure that you don’t face any negative consequences for choosing to stay with Bae.  Have you decided what you’d like to do about your classes?  Take them remotely?  Transfer?  Take a leave of absence?“

Belle took a deep breath.  "I think I’d like to take this semester off until we get into a routine.  Then maybe in the spring I can take a class or two online and see how that goes?”

She looked at him like she was waiting for him to voice an opinion, and Gold wasn’t sure what to make of that.  "Whatever you want to do suits me.“

"But do you think it’s the right thing to do?” she pressed.

When he failed to respond in a timely manner, she gave him a rueful smile.  "If I’m going to be part of your life, I’m going to expect you to take an interest in mine.“

His first instinct was to argue that he didn’t have the time or energy to take an interest in anything except Bae, but even as he opened his mouth to say the words, Gold realized that they were unfair.  Belle wasn’t asking him to hold her hand and cosset her through the decision making process.  She was asking him to interact with her as more than just Bae’s nanny.  

She was asking him to treat her like a friend.

They already were friends, Gold realized with some surprise.  Belle had been providing him with emotional support since the day they met.  She expressed interest in his thoughts and feelings, and she was willing to listen and offer advice and comfort when he needed to talk to someone who wasn’t a seven year old boy.  The very least he could do was attempt to return the favor.  He didn’t have the emotional reserves to offer her the kind of support that she gave him, but he had a feeling that Belle knew just how depleted he was.  She wouldn’t ask for more than he had to give.

Forcing himself to concentrate, he considered the matter.  "I think you’re making a wise choice.  Taking a semester off will give you time to adjust to being here and you’ll get a sense for how much free time you’ll have.  In the spring, you can take a class and see how it goes, and from there you can adjust your schedule accordingly.  Maybe one class will be too much work or maybe you’ll be able to do two at a time.”

There was no reason for her to rush to finish her schooling since whatever career she’d envisioned for herself was on hold for the foreseeable future.  Still, he could appreciate the satisfaction that came from accomplishing a goal, and seeing Belle taking her education seriously would set a good example for Bae.

She nodded.  "That’s exactly what I was thinking.  Thank you for talking it through with me.  It helps to have a sounding board.“

He’d done almost nothing, but Belle thought that he’d helped.  Maybe friendship was something that he could handle after all.  "You’re welcome.  I’m happy to help.”

She gestured to the stairs, looking a little shy.  "I’m going to go put some books away.“

"And I’ll make some phone calls.”  

Gold felt light-hearted as they went their separate ways in the house.  Belle had done so much for Bae that it felt good to do something for her in return, even if it was just to validate a decision that she’d made.  In asking her to be Bae’s nanny, he’d wanted only for her to be a friend to his son, but he’d found a friend of his own as well.

Breaking her lease took next to no time, and dealing with her school was only slightly more complicated.  He found paying off Belle’s student loans quite rewarding.

Once his self-assigned tasks were complete, he followed the sound of laughter to Belle’s bedroom, finding Bae rolling around on her bed as she unpacked her large suitcase, the one that only she could maneuver.  "I thought you had already unpacked.“

"I just unpacked the things I’d need for the week,” she explained.  "If I’m going to live here, I might as well find a place for all of it.“

From what he could see, she had plenty of drawer and closet space for her clothes, but her laptop was perched in the center of the vanity.  "Would you rather have a desk than the vanity?”

Belle turned to follow his gaze.  "I kind of like the vanity.  It makes me feel like I’m gothic heroine.“

Gold chuckled.  "Since it’s Queen Anne furniture, you’re several hundred years out of date.”

“I stand corrected.  Anyway, I like the vanity even though I feel like I should have an ink well and a quill pen and not a computer.”  She turned to the landscape that hung opposite the windows.  "But would you mind if I took that down?“

He thought the painting was inoffensive, but if she didn’t like it, it would go.  "Of course not.”

Careful not to crowd her in the small room, Gold approached the painting and lifted it from its hook.  "Better?“

With careful hands, Belle unfolded a pile of sweaters to reveal the painting of a beach that he’d seen when she gave them a video tour of her apartment.  A moment later, she hung it where the landscape had been, fussing with it until it was straight.

"That’s the beach near where I grew up,” she told Bae, who crawled down the bed to examine it.

“Cool,” he pronounced.  "Are there sharks?“

"Oh yes.  One of my friends almost got bit.”

Gold found himself sitting on her bed next to Bae as she told the story, not quite sure how he’d gotten there.  It was inappropriate for him to be lounging on her bed, but Belle didn’t seem to mind and there was no other place to sit and be out of the way as she continued to unpack.

“Needless to say, I never went surfing again,” she concluded, humming the theme from _Jaws_ as she held her hand like a shark and made it swim towards Bae, nipping at his feet.

Yelping, Bae scrambled away and nearly fell off the bed.  Gold moved to haul him back to safety before he realized that his son was enjoying hanging upside down over the edge.  "Who are they?“

Bae was pointing at a trio of framed snapshots sitting on the top of Belle’s dresser.  "Pictures of my parents and my friends.”

She picked up the frame on the right and held it so Bae could see.  "Look, there’s Ariel and Merida, and that’s Ana.  Do you remember who she helps?“

"Maleficent.  I want to see the other ones.”  Bae held his hand out for the next frame.

“And these are my college friends.  We did a play together.  That’s why everyone is wearing costumes.”  Belle handed him the frame on the left so Bae could examine it.

Bae insisted on hearing all about the play and the costumes and learning all of her friends’ names before he surrendered the picture.  An imperious finger pointed at the central frame.  "Now that one.“

Belle darted a quick glance at Gold before smiling nervously.  "That’s my parents.”

She held the picture closer for Bae to see, clearly intending to only give him a quick look, but Bae grabbed it out of her hands.  "They look nice.“

"They are nice,” Belle agreed.  

When she tried to take the frame from Bae, the boy rolled back onto the bed, out of her reach.  He tilted the frame so Gold could see the portly middle aged man and the lovely woman in the shot.  "Don’t they look nice?“

"They look very nice,” Gold agreed, careful to show the barest amount of curiosity in hopes that Bae would lost interest himself.  The boy couldn’t miss what he’d never had, but hearing about Belle’s mother might stir up feelings of resentment that he had no maternal figure of his own.

“Do you want to help me put my new books on the shelves?” Belle asked, clearly thinking the same thing.

Bae refused to be distracted.  "What’s your papa’s name?“

"His name is Maurice, but I don’t call him Papa.  I call him Dad,” Belle explained.  "He’s an inventor.“

Bae nodded, his eyes fixed on the picture.  "What’s her name?”

“Colette.”

“Bae, Belle asked you to help her with her books,” Gold prompted.

“She’s pretty.  I don’t have a mom.”  Gold wasn’t sure what to make of his son’s tone.  

“I’m sure she’d be with you if she could,” Belle told him.

The sheer rage that filled him at her callous words took Gold’s breath away.  How _dare_ she?  What right did Belle have to imply that he was keeping Milah away from Bae?  He’d all but turned himself inside out in an effort to get her to take an interest in her infant son, and later when Bae received his diagnosis, he’d practically begged her to at least call, all to no avail.  

He plucked the picture from Bae’s hand and tossed it to the foot of the bed.  "Come on, Bae.  Let’s go read one of your new books.“

"I want to help Belle,” Bae protested.

“Belle’s tired,” he bit out.  He glared at her, daring her to disagree, and Belle went pale.

“Yes, I’m tired.  I think I’ll go to bed.  Good night, Bae.”  Belle returned Bae's hug when he embraced her, never taking her eyes off of Gold.

Bae looked back and forth between the two of them as Gold herded him out of Belle’s room and closed the door behind them.  After Bae was asleep, he would have to decide what he was going to do about her.  For Bae’s sake, they were going to have to work this out, but she needed to learn that this kind of insubordination wouldn’t be tolerated.  It wasn’t her place to pass judgement on a situation she knew nothing about.

Bae clearly felt the tension because the boy was fractious, fighting Gold every step of the way as he tried to cajole the boy through his nighttime routine.  "Why did Belle say that?“ he demanded, giving up any pretense of listening to the story Gold was reading.

"She’s confused.”  It was the kindest explanation he could think of.  

“Why don’t I have a mom?”

They’d discussed this a dozen times, but Belle’s careless words had opened up old wounds.  "Not everybody knows how to be a parent.  Your mother knew that she wasn’t very good at it, so she went away and let me do it because I liked it.“

"But if she kept trying she might have _learned_ to be good at it.  You can’t give up just because you’re not good at something right away.”

On one hand, Gold was pleased that Bae had internalized his lesson about the importance of never giving up.  On the other hand…

“Sometimes there are things people just can’t do, no matter how hard they try.  I could never win a race because my leg doesn’t work right.  Something inside your mother doesn’t work right.  She knew that she could try and try, and she would never be able to be a mother.  And she knew that would make you sadder than not having a mother at all, so she did the right thing and gave you to me.”  Praising Milah’s decision made him taste bile, but he couldn’t let Bae think— even for an instant— that it might be his fault that she’d left.  

Bae considered that for a while.  "Okay.“

"Okay?”  Gold knew his son well enough to know that the boy was still processing what he’d said.  Later, there would be more questions, but for now, he would just be grateful that the damage Belle had done seemed to be minimal.

Gold sat by his son’s bedside for a long time after Bae finally went to sleep, struggling to reign in his anger.  Tempting as it was to storm into Belle’s room and start shouting, that would accomplish nothing.  He needed to handle this calmly and logically so she truly understood just how out of line she’d been.

Although he succeeded in banking the fire of his anger to embers, it flared back to life when he stepped into his bedroom to see Belle sitting on the balcony, her teacup in hand.  "Go to bed.“

When she didn’t move, he stepped onto the balcony and drew the french doors shut behind him, not wanting Bae to hear if this argument turned ugly.  "I am in no mood to discuss this now.  Go to your room.”

Belle rose shakily.  "Elias, I’m sorry.  I didn’t know what else to say.“

"So, you chose _that_?”  He took a deep breath and ruthlessly shoved his rage down when he heard his voice rising.

“It was the most innocuous thing I could think of!”

“Innocuous?  How is telling Bae that I’m keeping his mother from him an _innocuous_ thing to say?”  Clearly, she had no idea what that word meant.

Belle took half a step back.  "What?“

"You told him that she’d be with him if she could,” he reminded her, just in case she’d forgotten what a dreadful thing she’d said.

Belle nodded, looking totally lost.  

She wasn’t striking back at him or making any effort to defend herself, and that gave Gold pause.  If Belle was judging him for the failure of his marriage, she should have something to say about the matter.  Instead, she just looked confused, and for the first time, he wondered if they’d gotten their wires crossed.

“Why do you think Bae’s mother isn’t here?”

Wrapping her arms around herself, Belle looked down at her feet and shrugged a little before looking up at him again.  "She… she passed away, didn’t she?“

Gold staggered as the weight of the miscommunication hit him.  Belle thought Milah was dead.  Taken in that context, her comment truly had been innocuous. 

He stumbled to his chair, tasting guilt and relief in equal measure.  Belle wasn’t a snake in the grass waiting to strike at him for past mistakes, but that meant he’d raged at her for nothing.  "Where did you get that idea?”

Belle watched him warily as she perched on the edge of her own chair.  "Bae _never_ talks about her.  And he talks about pretty much everyone he knows, so he obviously doesn’t have any kind of relationship with her.  If you were divorced, there would be a custody arrangement, and he’d see her sometimes, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.  It’s like she doesn’t even exist.  So, I assumed she passed away before he was old enough to remember her.“

It was a logical enough explanation from a woman who was too kind of heart to even imagine that a mother might abandon her child.  Gold leaned back in his chair and stared up at the stars, hating to disillusion her.

"But that’s not right, is it?” Belle asked softly.

“Milah never had any use for Bae.  We divorced when he was ten months old.  He’s had no contact with her since then.”  Not that Bae had had much contact with her prior to the divorce.  For all intents and purposes, Gold had been a single parent from the first day of Bae’s life.

“That’s awful,” Belle murmured, sounding disturbed.  "Does she _know_?  That he's—"

“I called her after he was diagnosed.  She told me never to contact her again.”

“Oh my God…”  He turned his head just enough to see Belle flop back in her chair.  "That’s _horrible_.“

"My ex-wife is not a pleasant person.”

“She’s a selfish cow.”

Her assessment of Milah made him laugh, the sound rusty.  "I don’t disagree.“

"How could she just walk away from Bae?  How could _anyone_ walk away from Bae?”  Belle shook her head and gestured at the stars as though she was asking them for an answer.

“I have no idea.”  How anyone could look at Bae and not instantly make him the center of their universe was beyond Gold.

“And I told him she’d be with him if she could.  No wonder you were so angry.  Oh, that was _stupid_.  I’m sorry.”  Belle rocked forward and buried her face in her hands.

Reaching out, Gold placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.  "It was a misunderstanding.  No harm done.  I’m as much to blame for not telling you the truth about her from the start.  It’s not something I enjoy talking about.“

"I thought it was strange you didn’t have any pictures of her, but I thought maybe it was too painful for you to be reminded of her.”

“Well, you weren’t wrong.  Just… not in the way you thought.”  Apparently, Belle had spent the last several months thinking he was a grieving widower.  He wondered if knowing that he just had incredibly poor taste in women would change her perception of him.

He let his hand fall as Belle sat back in her chair and gave him a rueful smile.  “I guess that means I get half credit.”

Her smile faded.  ”If Bae asks me any questions, what do I say?“

Gold sighed.  “I’ve always told him that Milah didn’t know how to be a parent, so she left him with me because I did.  It’s getting to the point where he’s not satisfied with that though.  When he asked me why she couldn’t learn to parent, I told him there was something inside her that didn’t work right that kept her from learning.”

He held his breath, waiting for her to point out all of the flaws in that explanation.  Belle’s brow furrowed as she considered his words.  “Okay, I can work with that.”

Somehow, he’d been expecting more.  “Can you think of a better way to explain it to him?  I have to admit that I was tempted to tell him that she _was_ dead.”

Belle shook her head.  “I don’t think that lying is ever the right answer.  You’re telling him the truth in an age appropriate way.  I certainly can’t think of a better way to explain it.”

“How do you tell a child that his mother wants nothing to do with him?” Gold asked, hearing the bitterness in his tone.

“You tell him the truth: something inside of her doesn’t work right.”  She huffed a small laugh.  “This is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be.”

“Welcome to parenthood,” Gold said drily, freezing when he realized what he’d said.

To his relief, Belle chose to overlook the awkward comment.  “Will you forgive me for earlier?”

“It was an honest mistake.  There’s nothing to forgive.”  On the contrary, it was him who owed her the apology.  Had he been more open with her, all of this could have been avoided.

Belle’s eyes were still shadowed, so he tried again.  “I’ll forgive you if you forgive me for losing my temper and not sharing important information with you.  Do we have an accord?”

She extended her hand to him.  “It’s a deal.”

He shook it to seal the bargain, realizing that they’d successfully navigated their first major conflict.  “Deal.”


	12. Chapter 12

Gold examined his supplies, double-checking that he had everything he would need for his upcoming project.  Belle had given him her blessing to attempt to fix her contrary suitcases, although from the look on her face when she did so, she wasn’t expecting him to have any success.

“Bae!  Come here!” he called from the corner of the living room that he’d turned into a makeshift workshop.  Gold had always enjoyed working with his hands, appreciating the satisfaction of fixing something that had once been broken, and Bae was getting to the age where he could share the process with his son.

Bae appeared from upstairs a few minutes later with Belle just behind him, a book in her hands.  She gave him a wave as she passed through the living room on her way to the backyard, intent on enjoying the warm fall day.

Had Bae not had a serious attack yesterday, Gold would have been tempted to find an outdoor adventure for the three of them before the new school year started tomorrow, but Bae needed rest, and he felt the need for some one-on-one time with his son, a request that Belle had accepted with no apparent offense.

“What are you doing?” Bae asked, and Gold was relieved not to hear a wheeze in his voice.

“ _We_ are going to do something nice for Belle.  Her suitcases need fixing, and I think we’re the men for the job.”  Bae’s small fingers should be just the right size for the fiddly parts.

To Gold’s surprise, Bae’s face fell at the suggestion of doing something nice for Belle.  "I don’t want to.“

Since his son usually expressed an interest in anything he was doing, Gold was perplexed.  "Excuse me?”

“I don’t _want_ to,” Bae repeated, a little more loudly the second time, as if he thought his papa was going deaf.

“And why is that?”

Bae glared at the suitcases.  "Belle doesn’t want her suitcases any more.  We should throw them away.“

Gold mentally kicked himself for being so obtuse.  Of course Bae wouldn’t want to fix Belle’s suitcases.  To him, the suitcases meant that she might be leaving again.  He should probably consider himself lucky that Bae hadn’t attempted to drag the suitcases out to the garbage.

Arguing would do no good.  He’d just have to try another approach.  

Gold pretended to consider the matter.  "That’s too bad.  I guess she’ll just have to stay home the next time we go to Disney World.”

Bae looked so offended that it was all Gold could do to keep a straight face.  "Why?  I want her to come with us!“

"How can she come with us if she doesn’t have any suitcases to put her things in?”  He shook his head sadly.  "Oh well.  I guess we can bring a Mickey head back for her.“

The reverse psychology worked perfectly.  Looking like a warrior going into battle, Bae grabbed a screwdriver and advanced on the first suitcase.  "I’m going to fix it.  I’m going to fix it really good.”

The task was easier said than done, but they eventually fixed the smaller suitcase’s wobbly wheel and got the larger one into some semblance of working order.  Gold could still feel a catch as he pulled the empty bag back and forth, but at least now it rolled without needing to be kicked.  

“I want to try!”  Bae grabbed the handle out of his hand and yanked, nearly sending himself and the bag sprawling in his enthusiasm.

“You were a good helper,” Gold praised.  Fixing things was satisfying, but fixing things with Bae was better yet.  He could envision a lifetime full of teamwork like this, Bae getting more confident with each project until his mechanical abilities surpassed even his papa’s skills.  

Hopefully, that future would come to pass.

“Can I show Belle?” his son asked eagerly.

“Of course you may.  They’re _her_ bags after all.”  

Bae was off and running at once, returning a few moments later with Belle in tow.  "See?  They work really good now.  I fixed them for you.“

Belle gave each bag a test pull to see how well they rolled, then swept Bae into an embrace.  "They work great!  They’re going to be so much easier to pull now.  Thank you!  Did you fix them all by yourself?”

Bae scuffed his foot against the floor.  "Well… Papa helped a little.“

"Well then, I’ll thank Papa too.”  She leaned up to kiss his cheek in gratitude.

“It was nothing,” Gold dismissed, feeling himself blush.  Belle had always been demonstrative, but he couldn’t quite get used to her casual displays of affection.  

“You proved me wrong,” she admitted.  "I didn’t think you’d be able to do it.  This bag is possessed.“

Conscious of Bae’s eyes upon him, Gold made an extravagant gesture.  "I have the magic touch.”

For some reason, Belle’s face went pink at his remark, making him wonder if she’d gotten a touch of sunburn.  Before he could ask if she needed aloe, Bae piped up, “Do the thing!”

Over the past month, Belle had introduced them to some of her favorite childhood movies, and Bae had become obsessed with _Labyrinth_.  He was particularly fascinated by the way David Bowie was able to roll crystal balls across the backs of his hands in defiance of gravity.  To humor Bae, Gold had ordered acrylic crystal balls for all of them and a DVD that promised to teach them the obscure art of contact juggling.

So far, he was the only one who had mastered even the most basic of tricks, but Bae had broken three vases and a window practicing, and Belle had nearly broken her ankle trying to catch her ball before it rolled down the stairs, so it clearly wasn’t for lack of effort on their part.  Gold had had no idea that juggling could be so hazardous to one’s health.

He’d taken to keeping his ball in his jacket pocket to play with at odd moments, and at Bae’s demand, he took it out and tossed it gently into the air.  By carefully positioning his fingers, he was able to catch it on the back of his hand, and Bae and Belle both applauded the simple trick.  Concentrating, he rolled the ball down the back of his hand and across his wrist before rolling it up the back of his other hand and catching it with the tips of his fingers.

He held the crystal up with a flourish and soaked in the enthusiastic applause.  With another ten years of practice, he might eventually get good at this, but even if he never progressed beyond this point, at least he could dazzle his family.  

“You’re like a wizard,” Bae said with approval.

“The goblin king has _nothing_ on you,” Belle agreed.

“I want a maze.  A big maze all made out of bushes like Sarah had.”  Bae looked up at his papa expectantly, apparently believing that Gold could simply will the desired maze into existence.

“We could do a corn maze,” Belle suggested.  "It’s too late to go today, but maybe next weekend?“

"It is _not_ too late.”  

Gold couldn’t help but find it a bit satisfying that Bae had started arguing with Belle.  Being on his best behavior for three and a half weeks was apparently the boy’s limit.

Belle didn’t even blink.  "If we go today, we’ll get lost.  We have to practice first.  I’ll print some mazes off the computer and we can solve them so next weekend we’ll know just what to do.“  

From the way Bae scrunched up his nose, it was obvious that the boy didn’t care for Belle’s plan.  

Inspiration struck.  Scientists were constantly getting mice to run mazes, and a hamster wasn’t that much different.  "Why don’t we make a maze for Olaf?  You can teach him how to find his way through.”

“Yes!  We’ll make a big maze and when he wins, he gets a prize.”  Bae held his hands out to indicate that he wanted a maze approximately ten feet in diameter.  Gold hoped he wouldn’t fuss too much about scaling it down.

“We have some cardboard left over from the submarine,” Belle suggested.

“We’ll make it look just like the one in the movie.”  Bae headed for his playroom, his mind clearly intent on the upcoming project.

When Gold moved to follow him, Belle hesitated.  "Should I go back to my book?“

"Join us.  I have a feeling we’ll need your artistic abilities for this.”  Earlier, he’d wanted to be alone with Bae, and he’d enjoyed the one-on-one time, but it had felt odd not to have Belle with them.  Instead of intruding on his relationship with his son as he’d feared, Belle fit into place like a missing puzzle piece.  She wasn’t an imposition on their family, rather she completed it.

Creating Olaf’s maze took the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening.  Once they were finished, it didn’t look a single thing like the one ruled over by David Bowie, but Bae didn’t seem to notice.  

“You have thirteen hours to solve the labyrinth,” he informed Olaf as he placed the hamster at the starting line.

Olaf, clearly not concerned about the time limit, didn’t budge.

With one finger, Bae poked the hamster.  "Go on!  You have to find the end.“

A pair of small black eyes peered up at them as Olaf continued to not move.

"Why don’t we put a treat at the end so he knows where he’s supposed to go?” Belle suggested.

Bae retrieved the bag of yogurt chips and put a few at the finish line, which had no appreciable impact on Olaf’s level of motivation.  "He’s not doing anything.“

"He doesn’t understand what you want him to do.  How can you show him?”  Gold caught Belle’s eye and gave his head a tiny shake, hoping that she would understand that he didn’t want her to give Bae any other ideas.  It was important that his son learn how to problem-solve.

“Get the treat, Olaf!” Bae directed.  When that didn’t work, he gave the hamster another poke.

“Be gentle,” Belle reminded him.  

“He’s usually lots smarter than this.  Come on, Olaf!  Go find your treat!”  Bae turned frustrated eyes to him.  "Papa, make him do it.“

"He’s _your_ pet.”

“I bet a dog would do it,” Bae muttered.

Gold pretended not to hear as he gave the boy a hint.  "Maybe the treat is too far away for him to smell.“

Bae brightened.  "I know how to make him do it!”

He picked up a yogurt treat and held it in front of the hamster’s nose.  When Olaf reached for it, Bae moved it further away, guiding him into the maze.  

“Now he’s got the idea!  Go, Olaf!” Belle cheered the hamster on as Bae led him through the little archways they’d cut in the cardboard.

With Bae’s guidance, Olaf navigated the maze and set to work stuffing his reward into his cheek pouches.  Bae didn’t look entirely satisfied with his pet’s success.  "I wanted him to do it by himself.“

"You have to teach him how first.  If a flying saucer picked you up and plopped you down in the middle of a maze, I bet you’d be confused too.”  Belle ruffled his hair, laughing at Bae’s outraged expression.

“I would not!  I’d do the whole maze, and then I’d make the aliens take me to Mars.  I’d make them teach me how to fly their ship, and I’d go all over the place and see _everything_.”  

Gold looked fondly at Bae.  "Hopefully, you’d fly home to visit your old papa every once in a while.“

Bae considered that for a moment.  "I’d fly home and pick up you and Belle and we could all fly around and have adventures together.”

“That sounds like fun.”  Belle smiled wistfully.  

“On that note, it’s time for someone to get ready for bed.  Tomorrow is a big day.”  Gold couldn’t help but resent the start of the school year that would take Bae away from him for long hours at a time.

“The first day of second grade!  Are you excited?” Belle asked him.

Bae scrunched up his face.  "I think so.  But I’m worried about Olaf.“

Gold glanced down at the hamster that was currently grooming itself.  "What’s wrong with Olaf?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_ with him, but he’ll be alone all day, and I’m worried he’ll get lonely.”  

As long as the hamster had food and his wheel, Gold didn’t think it would notice if the humans suddenly moved to Mars.  "I’m sure he’ll be fine.“

"Papa and I will keep him company,” Belle promised.

Other than his concerns for his pet, Bae seemed sanguine about the first day of school, a feeling that Gold wished he shared.  Last week, he’d met with Bae’s teacher and the school nurse to make sure that everyone understood Bae’s limitations and how to handle emergencies, but he hated to let the boy out of his sight.  He knew from experience that the only thing worse than sitting home worrying about Bae was getting a phone call that an ambulance had been called for his son.

A wakeful night left him feeling like he’d been hit by a truck the following morning.  Gold splashed cold water on his face to mitigate the worst of the damage and concentrated on projecting a positive outlook for Bae.  At the moment, his son liked school, and he didn’t want to do anything to change that.

“You look so handsome!”  

For half a second, Gold thought Belle was talking to him before he realized she was admiring Bae’s school uniform.  The navy blazer and tie _did_ make the boy look quite dapper.  "He’s going to break all the girls’ hearts.“

Bae stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry.  "Girls are yuck.”

“Belle’s a girl,” Gold reminded him.

“Belle’s not a girl.  She’s a _princess_.”

Laughing, Belle leaned down to kiss the top of his head.  "Handsome _and_ charming!  A dangerous combination.“

She looked at him with amused eyes.  "You taught him well.”

“I didn’t teach him _that_.”  He’d never had much skill with women, so Bae certainly hadn’t taken that lesson from him.

Belle made shooing motions toward Bae.  "Go stand with Papa so I can take your picture.“

That was one of his favorite things about having Belle living with them.  Although he had a million pictures of Bae, pictures of the two of them together had been scarce until she came along.  Belle snapped at least half a dozen pictures of them every day and made sure to pass all of them along to him.

"Now your sign,” she prompted.

Beaming, Bae held up a chalkboard on which Belle had written the date, his age, his teacher’s name, and that it was his first day of second grade in colorful chalk.  It was a clever idea, and Gold wished he’d thought of it when Bae started kindergarten.

He did have one first day of school ritual.  After Belle had finished taking pictures, he beckoned Bae over to the door frame where he marked his son’s growth.  "Let’s see how much taller you are than last year.“

"I grew a _lot_.  I bet I grew a whole foot!”  Bae was squirming so much that it was all Gold could do to get an accurate measurement.  

“You grew that much.”  Gold showed his son the two inch change in his height.

“That’s almost a foot,” Bae said optimistically.

Chuckling, Gold ruffled his hair.  "Almost.“

"Pretty soon you’ll be as tall as me!” Belle told him.

The innocent conversation sent a jolt of pain through Gold’s chest.  Between his illness and his genetics, Bae was small for his age and growing slowly.  At this rate, he wouldn’t be big enough to qualify for adult lungs until it was too late.

With determination, he shoved that thought aside.  Today was Bae’s first day of second grade, and that meant it was a time for celebration.  The book on mindfulness that Belle had gifted him had a great deal to say about the importance of focusing on the moment, and in this moment, all was well.

Despite his intention to live in the moment, Gold kept one eye on the clock as they ate breakfast and made sure that Bae had everything he needed for his first day.  "If we don’t leave now, we’ll be late.“

Bae shouldered his tank, leaving his backpack for Belle to carry.  She picked it up, pretending to stagger under its weight.  "What do you have in here?  It weighs almost as much as you!”

“School stuff and stuff to show my friends,” Bae explained.

“Just as long as you didn’t sneak Olaf into that bag.”  As he said the words, Gold felt a sudden urge to go check the hamster cage.

He darted a look at Belle, who was clearly thinking the same thing.  "Oops, I forgot my bracelet!  You two go get in the car, and I’ll catch up.“

Gold took the backpack from her and gave it a shake, listening for any tell-tale squeaking or scrabbling.  When he heard nothing, he escorted Bae to the garage and was just getting him settled with his tank when Belle came running in.

"I found it.  It was right where it was supposed to be.”  She held up her wrist to display her bracelet as she gave Gold a meaningful look.

“I’m very glad to hear it.”  He had no desire to deal with being called in to the principal’s office to deal with a stowaway hamster on the first day of the year.  He had even less desire to deal with a Bae who was distraught over having a squished pet.

Since Storybrooke wasn’t large enough to have a private school that met Gold’s exacting standards, the drive took them just over thirty minutes.  Gold always treasured the time spent chauffeuring his son back and forth to school.  It gave them time to talk about everything under the sun with no distractions beyond the demands of the road.

The dynamic was different with Belle there, but he discovered that he enjoyed the change.  With her contributing, the conversation flowed even more freely.  She thought about the world in a totally different way than he did, and that fresh point of view sparked new ideas in Bae.  With Belle, he could see a side of his son that he’d never had access to before, and that was the most precious gift he could ever receive.

Too soon, they reached the school, and Gold pulled the Cadillac into an empty space near the entrance.  He’d made a point of arriving early so they could take the oxygen concentrator he’d bought for the school for a test run after the long summer vacation.

Bae dragged his feet a bit as they entered the building, but he perked up once he saw that the door to his new classroom was decorated with a _Star Wars_ theme.  "Cool!“

As he’d hoped, they were the first family to arrive.  Bae’s teacher, Miss Gale, was seated behind her desk when they opened the door, and she jumped to her feet, putting her coffee aside.  "Good morning!  It’s nice to see you again, Mr. Gold.  And this must be Bae!  I’m happy to meet you!”

“Your door is cool,” Bae informed her.

“Thank you!  Do you like _Star Wars_?  I’m a big fan.”  She glanced from Bae to Belle, and Gold could practically see her doing mental calculations.

“And you must be Mrs. Gold,” the teacher hazarded, holding out her hand.

“This is Miss French,” Gold corrected, opting not to explain anything else.  Miss Gale could draw her own conclusions about Belle’s role in their family.

“She’s a princess, and she lived at Disney World, and she knows Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_ , but she lives here now,” Bae explained, probably only confusing the teacher further.

“You have a wonderful imagination!” Miss Gale praised.

When Bae’s face turned stormy, Gold opened his mouth to correct her, but Belle beat him to it.  "Actually, that’s all true.  I used to be a face character at Disney World.“

"Really?  That’s _awesome_.”  The teacher’s professional mask fell away as she looked at Belle with new interest.

Bae, sensing a kindred spirit, nodded enthusiastically.  "Isn’t that cool?“

"That’s _super_ cool!”

Clearly Bae and Miss Gale were going to get along just fine.  

Satisfied that the year was off to a good start, Gold took Bae’s tank from him and handed him the nose piece that attached to the concentrator.  "How’s that?“

Bae took one deep breath before darting off, exploring the classroom under the guise of making sure that the line would stretch anywhere that he wanted to go.  "It’s good!”

A quick check of the concentrator’s settings assured him that all was well.  "And you have the backup tanks?“ he verified with the teacher.

She opened the closet door to reveal a week’s worth of tanks for recess and out of the classroom activities.  "Right here.  And you said the company will switch out the used ones every week?”

He nodded.  "Call me if you have any questions or issues.“

To his eyes, Miss Gale looked a little nervous, but she smiled brightly.  "I’m sure we’ll be just fine!”

“I hope so,” Gold muttered as the next family arrived.  Well-meaning as she might be, he was acutely aware that he was trusting his son’s health to a virtual stranger.

“Hi, Mikey!”

Belle came to join him as Bae broke off his tour of the classroom to greet the new arrival, a boy several inches taller than himself.  "His teacher seems nice.“

"She does,” he agreed as he watched Bae and Mikey talk for a moment before another child arrived, turning the pair into a threesome.

He clenched his hand into a fist, his nails digging into his palm as Mikey and the new child moved off to play together, leaving Bae trailing after them.  Next to him, Belle was quiet, and he wondered if she was seeing the same thing that he was.  

More and more children poured into the room as the start of the school day approached, and although everyone greeted Bae, no one lingered to talk with him.  Instead, Bae drifted from group to group, always on the outside.

His son was the smallest of the children, and the tube in his nose set him apart from the rest of the class.  Considering how many days of school he missed for his treatments and the way his illness kept him from running and playing like the others, it would have been more surprising if he _was_ accepted as an integral part of the group.  Still, seeing his son being left out made Gold feel like he’d swallowed broken glass.

It was only the first day, he reminded himself.  The other children weren’t shunning Bae or being cruel.  Once they got to know him, they’d realize he would be a wonderful friend.  Anyone with half a brain could see how special Bae was.

When he glanced down at Belle, her determined smile didn’t reach her eyes, and her face looked pinched.  He wasn’t imagining things.  She saw it too.

Miss Gale clapped her hands.  "All right!  It’s time to get this party started!“

She smiled politely in the direction of the lingering parents, and Gold swallowed a mouthful of bile.  "I suppose that’s our cue to leave,” he murmured to Belle.

“Yeah.”  Her voice sounded ragged.

Although the other children simply returned their parents’ waves, Bae ran to hug them.  "Bye, Papa.  Bye, Belle.“

His son’s eyes were bright, betraying no hint that Bae felt his outsider status, but Gold felt it for him.  He hugged Bae tightly and tried to smile.  "Have fun today.”

“And learn a lot,” Belle directed as she claimed her own hug.

“I will!” he chirped before reclaiming his seat, waving at them until the classroom door swung shut behind them.

Belle stared blankly at the closed door, her shoulders slumping.  "Now what?“

With a hand on her arm, Gold escorted her back to the car.  "Last year, I spent the whole first day sitting in the parking lot.”

“That works for me.”

She looked as distraught as he felt, and for some reason, that helped.  Just having a partner in his misery was a comfort.  "Come on.  There’s a cafe nearby.  We’ll get coffee.“

He felt like a zombie as he made the two block drive, and from the look on Belle’s face as she took a seat opposite him in the corner booth, she didn’t feel much better.  "The first day is always the worst,” he assured her, not sure if he was trying to convince her or himself.

Silent tears started to run down Belle’s face, and he winced.  "It’s okay.“

She sucked in a shaky breath through her nose, the tears stopping for less than a minute before she started to cry again.  "Sorry!  I’m sorry,” she whimpered.

“Belle…”

“Is everything all right here?”  A middle-aged blond waitress had materialized at their booth, her pen impatiently clicking against her notebook.

“Yes, we’re fine.  Could you—?”

The death glare the waitress shot him brought him up short.  Once he was silent, she turned her attention to Belle.  "Are you okay, honey?“

Gold could only imagine what the waitress thought was happening in this booth.  Whether she thought he was Belle’s husband, father, or employer, she’d definitely identified him as a threat to his companion, and he wasn’t sure whether to laugh at the misunderstanding or be offended.

Belle sat up a little straighter and tried to smile.  "I’m fine.  It’s just… it’s the first day of school.”

Instantly, the waitress’s demeanor changed.  Her body relaxed as she took half a step back to give both of them sympathetic looks.  "Say no more.  I’ll bring you some pastries.  You guys want coffee or tea?“

"Coffee, please,” Gold requested, and Belle nodded her agreement.

The waitress left just long enough to fetch a pile of napkins for Belle before disappearing again, and Gold reached across the table to pat her hand as she again dissolved into tears.  "Sorry!“ she gasped.  "I’m probably making you feel worse.”

In truth, her tears eased the constriction in his chest.  He supposed that made sense: if both of them were shouldering the burden of worrying about Bae, it was lighter to carry.  "Quite the contrary.  If you’re crying, that means I don’t have to.“

If he was alone, he would have nothing to do but sink into a morass of miserable worry, but with Belle to comfort, he had a purpose.  

"He looked so _small_ ,” she murmured.

“He’s a wee little thing,” Gold agreed.  Trying to smile, he reminded her, “But he’s two inches taller than he was last year.”

Belle let out a watery chuckle, then grabbed a handful of napkins to hide her face as she sobbed.  

“Oh, honey,” the waitress sighed as she reappeared with two cups of coffee and a plate of cinnamon rolls.  "I know it’s hard to let go, but it’ll be okay.  You’ll be picking your little one up before you know it and…"

She glanced at Gold.  "…she?“

"He,” he corrected.

“And he’ll tell you about all the fun he had today.”  She patted Belle’s shoulder.

Belle mopped her face with the napkins.  "I know.  I _do_ know.  I just worry.“

The waitress nodded.  "That never goes away no matter how big they get.  Being a mom is a hard job.”

Belle blushed as she looked across the table at him.  "Thank you,“ she whispered.

The waitress gave her shoulder another pat before going off to find other patrons in need of counsel, and Belle let out a nervous giggle as soon as she was out of earshot.  "I didn’t know what to say!”

Ten minutes ago, Gold had felt as though he would never laugh again, but now he found himself chuckling.  "It’s a good thing you just went with it.  We’d be here until midnight if we tried to explain.  And she meant well.“

"She did,” Belle agreed as she helped herself to a cinnamon roll.

“We’ll have to taunt Bae by letting him know we went out for cinnamon rolls without him.”  The boy would be outraged by the betrayal.

“That’s _mean_.”  Belle’s smile proved that she was taking the teasing in the intended spirit.

“I suppose we could bring one back for him to make up for it.”  

Belle’s smile faded as she tapped her fingers against the table.  "Everybody at the school seemed nice, but… I don’t know.  It’s like…"

“Like he doesn’t fit in,” Gold finished for her when she trailed off.

Belle sighed.  "I was hoping I was imagining it.“

"The oxygen line sets him apart, and he misses so much school…”  Gold shook his head.  "I’ve tried to do playdates, but it hasn’t worked out.  There’s so much he can’t do, and the other parents don’t want to be responsible in case…"

“Yeah.”  Belle swirled a spoon through her coffee and looked moodily into its depths.

“I’ve thought about pulling him out and hiring a tutor, but he _likes_ school.  I’m not sure he’s noticed that he doesn’t really fit in.”  Bae often spoke about the other children, whom he considered his friends.  If he was aware that something set him apart from his classmates, it didn’t seem to upset him.

“I guess if it doesn’t bother him, it shouldn’t bother us.”

Gold blinked at Belle’s statement.  When she put it like that, the answer seemed obvious.  If Bae was content with his relationship with his peers, that should be enough to satisfy him.  It wasn’t what he wanted for his son, but if Bae was happy, he should be too.

He shook his head, marveling at how easy it was.  "You’re absolutely right.  If it gets to the point where he’s unhappy, we can make a change then.“

"We could hire a tutor or homeschool or transfer him somewhere else.”  Belle gave him a lopsided smile.  "I guess we have plenty of time to decide.  And maybe we won’t have to.  Maybe we’re worrying for nothing and by the time we pick him up, he’ll have five new best friends.“

"I hope so.”  Had Belle not been with him, he would have spent the day stewing over this.  Instead, they’d talked it out and formulated a plan before their coffee even got cold.

If this was what having a best friend was like, he was going to enjoy it.

“I did want to talk to you about something.”  Belle addressed the remark to her coffee cup, putting Gold’s nerves on edge.  Whatever she wanted had to be serious if she couldn’t even look at him.

“I’m listening.”

“My parents want to meet Bae— and you, of course!  I was wondering how you’d feel about us doing a video chat with them some time.”  

The question caught him off guard.  While he was aware that Belle actually seemed to like her parents, he’d given less than no thought about what that might mean for him and Bae.  "I don’t know how I feel about that.“

Belle nodded.  "I understand.  I think they’re picturing themselves as sort of honorary grandparents, and I wasn’t sure you wanted to open that can of worms.  I’ll explain it to them.  They’ll understand.”

The concept of grandparents was an alien one in Gold’s life.  He’d certainly never known his.  Hell, he’d barely had a relationship with his parents, let alone _their_ parents.  Milah’s family was a nonentity, and he would set rabid dogs on Malcolm Gold and Fiona Black if either of them ever tried to get within a hundred yards of Bae.  

It might be nice for Bae to have grandparents—honorary or not.  If nothing else, it would be two more people who cared about him, and if they were anything like their daughter, they were sure to be wonderful.  "He might like that.“

Considering the Milah situation, it might do the boy good to see a healthy maternal relationship.  Besides, his son had Belle now, and while she wasn’t his mother, she was a fine replacement.  Bae didn’t need Milah if he had Belle.  

Belle picked at her cinnamon roll, letting him work through his feelings on the matter for himself.  "I can’t see any reason not to introduce them.  We’ll do a video chat and see how it goes.  If they hit it off, we’ll take it from there, and if not, meeting your parents won’t do him any harm.”

If Belle’s parents wanted to love Bae, he’d be a fool to stop them.  His son could use all the friends he could get.

Belle’s brilliant smile told him that he’d made a good decision.  "They’ll be thrilled.  I’ve told them so much about you—both of you.“

"I look forward to meeting them.”  No doubt their interest in him was only perfunctory, but Gold couldn’t fault them for that.  Of the two of them, Bae was by far the more interesting.  He had to admit that he was curious to meet the people who’d shaped Belle into the person she was today.  Obviously, they’d excelled at parenting, and perhaps he would be able to glean a few tips from them.

“But not tonight though,” she decided aloud.

“No, not tonight.  Bae will be tired from his big day, whether or not he wants to admit it.”  Meeting Belle’s parents would be far too much excitement for a school night.

“We should do something special for him tonight.  Make his favorite dinner or get him a present or something like that.”  Belle’s eyes sparkled as she voiced her idea.

“That’s a good idea.”  Bae would enjoy the special treatment, and it would give them something to focus on other than their worries.

“Oh!  And we can make a welcome home banner for him and make it look like Olaf did it!”  Belle drew on the table with her index finger, demonstrating what she meant.  "We can make the letters out of little footprints like we dipped his paws in paint.“

This first day of school, that had once seemed interminable, suddenly felt like it wouldn’t be long enough to accomplish all of their goals.  "He’ll love it, but we’d better get moving if we want to get everything done.”

Belle downed the remainder of her coffee in a single swallow.  "I’m ready when you are.“

Gold signaled for the check, exchanging a smile with Belle across the booth as they waited for their waitress’s return.  With Belle beside him, all of his worries seemed more manageable.  Taking care of Bae was never going to be easy, but with her help, he felt like he could navigate all the bumps in the road.

He was going to like having a best friend.


	13. Chapter 13

“So, what do you think?” Belle asked Bae as the three of them stood in the center of her college’s largely deserted quad.

Bae turned in a complete circle as he surveyed the grassy expanse.  "It’s big.  Where is everybody?“

She laughed as she ruffled his hair.  "At eight in the morning?  Either in class or asleep.  Mostly asleep.”

“But I wanted to meet your friends,” Bae protested.

Belle exchanged an amused look with Gold.  "My friends are _definitely_ still asleep.  Juniors know better than to take classes that start at eight in the morning.“

"Can we look around?” Bae requested, the boy clearly determined to make the best of things even though he’d been denied the chance to meet Belle’s classmates.

“That’s why we’re here,” Gold reminded him.  Bae had an appointment with his specialist in Boston this morning, and the boy had requested a tour of Belle’s school while they were in the city.  Knowing that a one hour appointment could easily turn into an all-day affair if Whale decided that Bae needed more tests, they’d opted to visit the campus first.

“Follow me!” Belle chirped as she started the tour, pointing out the dorm she’d lived in during her freshman year, the dining hall, the student center, and the gothic-style building where most of her classes were held.

“It looks like a vampire lives there,” Bae observed, his tone making it clear that he approved.

“This is where I spend most of my time— the library!”  The imposing columns on the front of the building lent it a Grecian air, and Gold’s leg ached at the sight of the steep marble steps leading up to it.  Hopefully, Bae would be content to admire the library from the sidewalk.

“I want to see!”  Heedless of his papa’s handicap, Bae was off and running, tackling the stairs with the vigor of youth, his tank bouncing on his shoulder.

“Slow down, Bae!” Gold called as Belle sprinted after the boy.

His knee throbbed as he climbed the steps after them, but the pain vanished when he heard the first wracking cough.  Cursing under his breath, he hurried up the rest of the stairs in time to see Belle guide Bae over to a stone bench near the library’s entrance.

Once Bae was sitting down, she coaxed him to lean forward, rubbing his back as Gold limped over to them.  As soon as he reached them, she hopped to her feet to make room for him on the bench so he could comfort his son as she dug through the bag of supplies he’d been carrying.  

“Inhaler,” she murmured, passing it to him.

By this point, the two of them were a well-oiled machine when it came to nursing Bae through an attack.  Belle sat on the ground in front of the bench, humming snatches of Beatles songs to distract Bae as she passed bottles of medication to Gold to administer.

Eventually, the coughing fit passed, leaving Bae wheezing, tears trickling down his pale cheeks.  Feeling like he was on the verge of tears himself, Gold pulled his son into his lap, cuddling the boy close.  "It’s okay, Bae-Bae.  You’re okay.“

Belle replaced the supplies in the bag and took a seat next to him.  Her face was pinched as she leaned closer to speak to Bae.  "It’s okay now.  Papa and I are here.”

A gentle hand clasped his thigh and squeezed, and Gold sucked in a shaky breath at the silent expression of support.  It was Bae who needed comfort right now, but it was a relief to have Belle at his side, sharing her strength with him.

“I wanna see the library,” Bae mumbled, his voice thick.

Wincing, Gold pulled out his pocket square and dabbed at the blood bubbling out of the corner of his son’s mouth.  "You can see the library later.  You just rest for now.“

He looked at Belle over the top of Bae’s head, and her anguished expression told him everything he needed to know.  It wasn’t his imagination that Bae’s attacks had been more frequent over the past several weeks, and they were getting steadily harder to curtail.  

He was getting worse.

They huddled together on the bench until the horrible wheeze faded out of Bae’s breath.  With a sigh, Gold glanced down at his watch.  "We’d better get back to the car.”

Bae nodded, looking exhausted, and that was more disturbing than the attack itself.  It wasn’t like Bae to be quiet and tractable.  Under normal circumstances, he’d insist on exploring the library and start a campaign to stay on campus until they’d seen every last inch of the college and met every single person that Belle knew.  That he was willing to leave after such a short visit wasn’t a good sign.

“I think someone needs a piggy-back ride!” Belle announced with false cheer.

She kept her smile fixed in place as Bae wrapped his legs around her waist, his head drooping against her shoulder.  As she led the way back to the car, she continued to point out the sights, and Gold was grateful for the distraction from his own dark thoughts.

“That’s the black box theater.  I spend a lot of time in there.  And over there is the Perking Lot.  I eat there almost every day.  They make an _awesome_ peanut butter milkshake!”  

Bae turned his head to follow her pointing finger with dull eyes, but when he didn’t demand a milkshake, Belle’s smile dimmed.  She continued to play tour guide, but Gold couldn’t focus on a single word she said, and it was obvious that Bae wasn’t really listening either.

It was a relief to get back to the car.  Bae climbed into his booster seat and immediately closed his eyes, the boy asleep before he’d finished buckling him in.  Gold rested his hand on his son’s head, feeling the softness of his hair and the warmth of his body as he tried to tell himself that Bae was just having a bad day.  

With effort, he forced himself to step back and turned to look for Belle, finding her several yards away from the Cadillac, her back to the car.  "Belle?“

She fumbled in her purse for a tissue and thoroughly wiped her face before she turned to face him, her smile once again in place.  "Are we ready to go?”

This was hurting her too, Gold realized as he opened the car door for her.  She wasn’t the boy’s parent, but Belle loved Bae.  Seeing him suffer couldn’t be easy for her.  

He should say something to her, but no words came to Gold’s lips.  How could he comfort someone else when he felt like he was drowning?  His son was sick, and the pain and terror that came with that was all encompassing.  Gold couldn’t comfort himself, let alone anyone else.

This was why he was paying her ten thousand dollars a month, he reminded himself.  He’d warned her that it wouldn’t be easy and all but begged her to think carefully about her decision.  Belle _chose_ this, and that was a luxury he’d never had.

She turned around in her seat to look at Bae as Gold pulled out of the parking space.  "Poor sweetheart,“ she whispered, careful to keep her voice low so as not to disturb the boy.  "I’m glad we’re going to the doctor.”

This was her first time accompanying them to an appointment with Dr. Whale, and it was obvious that she didn’t yet realize just how frustrating these visits could be.  There would be more tests— there were always more tests— and another barrage of treatments and prescriptions that would work for a little while or not at all.  

Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to disillusion her.  Soon enough, she would see for herself that there was no magic pill that would cure what ailed Bae.  The lung transplant was his only hope, and even that came with no guarantee of success.

Bae slept the entire way to the hospital, and Gold tried to be thankful for that.  Rest was the best thing for the boy, but it was chilling not to hear his chatter from the backseat.  His son had been looking forward to this trip, eager to see Belle’s college and show her his own favorite things in Boston.  It was too chilly to play in the fountains today, but they could ride the carousel and visit the Puppet Showplace Theater.  

He took a deep breath, trying to follow the advice in Belle’s book and live in the moment instead of wishing things were different.  It would be wonderful if the three of them were in Boston for a day trip to the zoo or the aquarium.  They’d play all day, and Bae would fall asleep in the back because he was tired from their adventure, not because he was drained from an attack.  They would be a normal, happy family, and everything would be perfect.

Unfortunately, they _weren’t_ a normal family and none of the things Gold dreamed about were within his grasp.  All he could do was try to make the best of the situation in front of him.  Dr. Whale was the best specialist in the country, and he had to believe that the doctor would be able to do something to help.  The alternative was unthinkable.

“It’s time to wake up, Bae,” he called softly as he parked the car outside the hospital.

Bae stirred with a grumble, and Gold held his breath.  If the boy didn’t have the energy to walk, they could easily push him in a wheelchair, but that felt like it would be setting a very dangerous precedent.  If he accepted that Bae’s health had declined to the point where he needed a wheelchair, what else would he have to accept?

Fortunately, Bae’s eyes were brighter when he opened them.  The boy looked around, his nose wrinkling.  "I don’t want to go to the doctor.  I want to see the rest of Belle’s school.“

Never had a whine been more welcome.  If Bae felt well enough to be contrary, his son had to be on the mend.  "We’ll see more of Belle’s school next time we come to Boston.”

“ _Papa_ …”  

Belle beamed at the boy.  "Now it’s your turn to play tour guide!“

It was depressing to think that Bae spent enough time at this hospital to be an expert, but he seemed pleased to be able to show Belle around.  The three of them lingered over the fish tank in the entranceway while Bae showed her all of his favorite fish, and he pointed out the lab where he had his blood tests on their way up to Dr. Whale’s office.

"They use a _really_ big needle,” he informed Belle, holding his hands a foot apart to show her just how large it was.

Belle shuddered theatrically.  "I wouldn’t like it if they stuck _me_ with that!  You must be very brave.“

"Brave and prone to hyperbole,” Gold muttered, unable to hide his amused smile.  If Bae felt well enough to exaggerate, perhaps things weren’t as dire as he’d feared.

Once they checked in, Bae opted to sit between him and Belle instead of playing with the available toys while they waited.  When Belle took out her phone to show him a video some of her princess friends had made, the boy watched with interest, but it was clear that he still wasn’t feeling right.

“Baden?”  A nurse stood in the doorway separating the waiting room from the exam rooms, a clipboard in hand.

Gold and Bae stood automatically at the summons, but Belle didn’t move.  She caught his wrist when he moved to step past her.  "Do you want me to come with you or wait here?“

"Come with us.”  Although he appreciated her attempt to give Bae privacy, it was pointless.  If she was going to be involved in taking care of the boy, she needed to know what was going on, and it would be better to have two sets of ears listening to Whale.  Invariably, the moment he left this office Gold thought of a question he should have asked the doctor.  With Belle at his side, maybe those oversights could be averted.

“Let’s see how much you weigh.”  The nurse stopped in front of a scale in the hallway, and Bae hopped onto it, leaving Gold to hold his breath as he waited for the verdict.

For an adult, losing two pounds in three months was insignificant, but Bae was supposed to be growing.  If he didn’t grow, he would never qualify for adult lungs, and his chances for survival would be that much lower.

“Am I taller?” Bae asked when she checked his height.

“A little bit,” the nurse lied kindly.

“I told him that he’ll be as tall as me in no time,” Belle told her with a smile.

“Taller!” Bae vowed.

“As tall as Papa?”

Even Gold had to chuckle at the dumbstruck look on Bae’s face when Belle asked him that question.  It was clear that the idea of being taller than his father had never occurred to Bae before, and the boy seemed to be having some trouble processing it.

“Just as tall,” he finally decided, still looking a little doubtful.

There was nothing Gold would like more than to see his boy grow tall and strong.  It would be strange to have to look up to meet his son’s eyes, but if Bae lived long enough to tower over him, he would be nothing but delighted to do so.

The nurse escorted them to an exam room and waved Bae into a seat so she could take his pulse and blood pressure.  Instead of following, Gold lingered in the doorway and indicated for Belle to remain beside him.  By this point, he and Dr. Whale’s staff had a system in place.  The original nurse struck up a conversation as she took Bae’s vitals, distracting him so Gold could speak to another nurse about his own observations of Bae’s condition.  He pulled out the notebook that he used to record details about Bae’s attacks and anything else that seemed relevant, relaying the information to the nurse.

“Is there anything else?” she asked once he’d finished.

“He had an attack this morning.”  Belle pressed her lips together as soon as she said the words and looked up at him in apology.  "Elias will tell you about it.“

Once he finished telling the nurse about the episode outside the library, she left them to update Bae’s chart, and Gold glanced down at Belle.  "Is something wrong?”

“I just don’t want to overstep,” she explained.

“By all means, speak up.  If I forget to mention something or if you have a question, don’t hesitate.  Two heads are better than one.”  It was a cliché, but in this case, truer words had never been spoken.  The more people who were paying attention to Bae’s health the better.  Gold didn’t want anything slipping through the cracks.

“I wasn’t sure if it was my place to say anything,” Belle admitted.  "I know you know a lot more about this than I do.  I’ve been studying, but you’re living it.“

"You are too now,” he reminded her.

Belle’s lips quirked in a humorless smile.  "That’s true.“

"Your place is with Bae and me.  If you have a question, ask it.  That’s how I learned.  Nothing is too small or too obvious.  You might notice some tiny thing and have it make a huge difference.”  Since it was a tiny detail that had led to Bae’s diagnosis, Gold wasn’t inclined to write any symptom off, no matter how minor.

“I can do that,” she promised, trying to smile.  

They rejoined Bae to wait for Dr. Whale, and Gold watched his son out of the corner of his eye, noticing how pale he was.  The harsh fluorescent lights in the exam room weren’t flattering to anyone, but Bae was white as a sheet.

By the time Whale joined them, Bae was drooping, his head pillowed against his papa’s shoulder.  The boy sat up at the doctor’s entrance so he could return the handshake that Whale always offered him.  That was one of the things that Gold liked about the specialist.  Whale always interacted with Bae like he was a person, not just an interesting case study.

“It’s nice to see you again, Bae.”  Once he’d greeted the boy, he turned to Gold.  "You too, Mr. Gold.“

His eyebrows lifted slightly as he extended his hand to Belle.  "It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

His voice carried the tiniest hint of a question, and Gold took pity on him.  "This is Miss French.“

"You can call me Belle,” the woman in question invited, and that didn’t sit quite right with Gold.  That was what he and Bae called her.  It wasn’t appropriate for the doctor to be on a first name basis with Belle when Whale called him Mr. Gold.  

“Victor Whale,” the doctor responded politely before taking a seat on a rolling stool and scooting it closer to Bae, his attention focusing on the boy.

“How have you been feeling?” he asked, his voice kind.  

Bae squirmed a little.  "Okay, I guess.  I was coughing this morning.“

As Bae spoke, Whale’s sharp blue eyes examined him, missing nothing.  "I’m sorry to hear that.  Do you know what set it off?”

When Gold looked down at him, the boy admitted, “I was running.”

“I understand.  Sometimes it’s hard to go slow.”  Outwardly, Whale never judged anything that they told him, and that made him easier to talk to than Gold’s primary care physician.  He’d been lying to his own doctor about his eating and sleeping habits for years, but it was easy to be open with Whale.

“Hop up on the table and let’s take a look at you,” Whale invited.

He watched the doctor examine his son, his eyes focused on Whale’s face, searching for any hint of concern that foreshadowed bad news to come.  Was the doctor spending more time listening to Bae’s lungs than he usually did or was it his imagination?

When Belle’s hand slipped into his, he jumped, and she gave his fingers a squeeze.  Not sure if she was offering him comfort or asking for it herself, he squeezed back, unable to look away from Whale and his son.  

“Thank you, Bae.”  When the exam was over, Whale helped the boy down.  As Bae reclaimed his seat, the doctor made a few notes on his chart, then turned to Gold.  "Do you have any plans for this afternoon?  If you have time, I’d like to schedule a few tests.“

Gold clenched his jaw.  He’d learned the hard way to make Bae’s appointments in the morning and never to make other plans for the day, but it was still disheartening to find out that Whale thought more testing was necessary.  Just once, it would be nice if the doctor told them that everything looked wonderful and sent them on their merry way.  "Our schedule is open.”

Bae didn’t look surprised by the prospect of yet another test, and that broke Gold’s heart.  This was the only life his son knew, and that was a terrible thing.  Bae’s entire existence revolved around hospitals and tests and managing his illness.  It wasn’t fair that he never got the chance to just be a child.

“In that case, we’ll do a bronchoscopy and a chest x-ray.”  The doctor scanned through Bae’s chart.  "We got the blood work from last week… the anemia has gotten worse, so a red blood cell transfusion wouldn’t be a bad idea.“

Bae groaned.  "I’m sick of needles.  I _hate_ needles.”

Whale smiled in sympathy.  "I don’t blame you, but I bet you hate feeling sick a lot more.“

That explained why Bae was so pale.  When Whale looked to him, Gold nodded his agreement to the doctor’s proposed course of action.  "Do it.”

Every hospital visit was the same: long periods of sitting around interspersed with hectic activity, and this visit was no exception.  They were allowed to stay with Bae while he received the transfusion and while the nurses got him ready for his tests, but they couldn’t be in the room when the bronchoscopy was done.

Shamefully, Gold was almost grateful for that.  It was hard enough to look at his son lying in a hospital bed while his IV delivered the much needed red blood cells.  Having to watch as Whale slid a probe down Bae’s throat to examine his lungs might be more than he could bear.

The only thing worse than having to watch the procedure was sitting in the waiting room while it happened behind closed doors.  This wasn’t the first time Bae had undergone such a thing, and he’d always come through with flying colors, but Gold could never shake the fear that _this_ time would be different.  This time everything would go to hell, and he would be powerless to do anything to help his son.

In the chair beside him, Belle was playing with her phone, and the sight made him grind his teeth.  The least she could do was pretend to be concerned about Bae instead of texting her friends or playing games or whatever she was doing.

“Ice cream is safe,” she announced suddenly.

Gold blinked at her, wondering if she was speaking in code.  "Excuse me?“

"Oh!” she giggled.  "Sorry, that was vague, wasn’t it?“

She held up her phone so he could see the screen, and Gold was instantly ashamed of himself.  While he’d been mentally condemning her for not paying enough attention to what was happening, Belle had been researching the procedure Bae was undergoing.

"I was trying to think of something we could do to cheer him up because he’s probably going to feel kind of crappy after this.  Ice cream is supposed to soothe his throat, so I thought we could pick up special ice cream for dinner on the way home.”  

Her smile flickered as he stared at her.  "I’m sorry.  It was just a thought.“

Gold shook his head.  "No, _I’m_ sorry.  That’s a good idea.  I’m just… distracted.”

Instantly, Belle scooted closer and put her hand on his knee.  "Don’t apologize.  I understand if you don’t want to talk.“

She mimed locking her lips and tossing away the key, and Gold found himself smiling in spite of himself.  "I know I’m rotten company right now, but I’d appreciate it if you talked to me.”

It was selfish to ask her to distract him and offer her nothing in return, but Belle nodded readily.  "I can do that.  Do you want me to talk about anything in particular or just ramble?“

"Tell me about your garden,” he requested.  Bae had inherited his black thumb, but if Belle was good at gardening, next spring they could try again.  

That was if Bae was in any condition to garden by the time spring rolled around.

Gold resolutely shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind and tried to focus on the story Belle was telling him about being a little girl and helping her mother pick snap peas in their garden, but it was all he could do to process one word out of five.  There was definitely something in there about her falling out of an avocado tree, which took him by surprise.  He’d never given any thought to just where avocados came from.

She was talking about finger limes when Dr. Whale came to join them.

“It went great,” the doctor said, soothing Gold’s frayed nerves.  "They’re taking Bae to the recovery room, and you can go see him in a few minutes.“

This time when Belle grabbed her phone, Gold looked over her shoulder instead of jumping to conclusions and discovered that she was preparing to take notes.  "What did you find?”

Although the news that Whale had found more blood-stained fluid and iron buildup in Bae’s lungs than the last time the boy had undergone the procedure didn’t surprise him, it still knocked the air out of his own lungs.  Even knowing that it was hopeless, Gold still foolishly hoped for a miracle every time.  

“The good news is that the x-ray is only showing a minor worsening of the fibrosis,” Whale informed them.

Belle bit her lip.  "What does that mean?“

Whale sat down next to her.  "Bae’s condition leads to scarring of the lungs.  The more scarring he has, the less lung volume he has.  The scarring has only gotten a little worse since his last x-ray, which is great news.”

It was a sign of how dire Bae’s condition was that hearing his lungs were only _slightly_ more scarred than they’d been three months ago was a cause for celebration.  

“What do you recommend?” Gold asked as Belle jotted down the information Whale had given them.

He was pleased to discover that Whale only wanted to adjust some of Bae’s dosages instead of insisting that the boy spend a night in the hospital to be pumped full of medication.  They would all be sleeping in their own beds tonight, and that meant that it had been a good appointment.

Bae was groggy when they joined him in the recovery room, but he smiled at the sight of them.  "Papa,“ he rasped.

"Don’t try to talk,” Gold admonished as he hurried to take his son’s hand.  

Belle moved to sit at his other side, carding her fingers gently through his hair.  "You’re all done now.“

"I wanna go home,” Bae mumbled.

Gold’s eyes burned, and on the other side of the bed, he heard a stifled sob from Belle.  "Very soon,“ he promised, hoping he was telling his son the truth.

It was another three hours before they were allowed to leave, and Bae dozed through most of that time.  Gold, his back aching from sitting in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to his son’s bed, wasn’t as fortunate.  

"I _hate_ hospitals.”

Belle, who’d been staring blankly into space, smiled wryly.  "I hear you.“

It was comforting to have her with him.  Belle centered him, keeping him from spiraling into frenzied worry.  The appointment had been difficult, but with her at his side, it had been bearable.  For the first time, he had someone to support him the way that he supported Bae.  

Belle was a beacon of light and strength, and it pained him that he had so little to offer her in return.  True, he paid her a generous salary, but that was cold comfort for a woman who loved his son as much as Belle loved Bae.  He had to try to be a better friend to her, he decided as he got Bae settled in the Cadillac.

"I’m glad you were here today,” he told her, breaking the silence as he turned the car onto the highway that would take them back to Maine.  Bae had fallen asleep almost instantly, and that meant they could talk freely.

“Is it always like that?”  Belle waved her hand like she was groping for words.  "So… I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.  Difficult?  Exhausting?  I don’t mean to complain.  I know Bae had it a lot worse than I did.“

"Actually, this was one of his better appointments.”

He chuckled at the face she made.  "I know exactly what you mean, and I don’t think you’re complaining.  It’s _hard_ , and it never gets any easier.“

If Belle was regretting her decision to yoke herself to the Gold family, she kept her thoughts to herself.   Gold groped for words that would in some measure repay her for the support she’d given him today.  The least he could do was say something nice to her after all she’d done for him.  "I appreciated the way you took notes on what Whale said.”

He winced.  Was praising her secretarial skills really the best he had to offer?

Taking a deep breath, he tried again.  "It meant a lot to me to have you with me.  Bae’s condition is very… isolating.  Your support helped a great deal.“

Belle reached out to squeeze his forearm.  "I’m glad I could be here for you.”

“You mean the world to my son,” he added.  Belle had brought music and laughter into their home, and for that he would never be able to thank her enough.  

The mention of Bae made her glance back over her shoulder to look at the sleeping boy, her face tender.  When she looked back at him, her eyes were soft and somehow expectant.

For the life of him, Gold wasn’t sure what she was waiting to hear, but an expression of gratitude couldn’t come amiss.  "Thank you for everything you did today… for everything you do every day.“

Belle’s smile flickered a little, then she turned to look at the passing scenery.  "I’m happy to do it.”

She didn’t sound entirely happy, and that concerned him.  If Belle decided that their arrangement wasn’t working out, she might decide to leave Storybrooke, and Bae would be devastated.  Whatever was wrong, he had to find a way to make it right, but Gold was at a loss.  

Before he could find the right words, she spoke again.  "I was worried you’d be upset with me.  If I hadn’t gotten him all wound up on campus, he wouldn’t have run, and he wouldn’t have had an attack.“

Gold sighed in relief that the problem was so easy to solve.  "It never crossed my mind.  Bae’s excitable, and no matter how hard we try to keep him calm, we’ll never manage completely.  If it wasn’t your library, it would have been something else.  It wasn’t your fault.”

Belle sighed.  "Thank you.  That makes me feel better.“

Gold risked reaching out to pat her knee, hoping she wouldn’t think he was taking a liberty.  "You didn’t do anything wrong.  Bae loved seeing your school, and I thank you for sharing it with him.  I’m just sorry we had to cut our visit short.”

She put her hand over his, reassuring him that he hadn’t offended her.  "Maybe we could try again some other time?“

"We’ll plan a day trip.  Once Bae is feeling better, we’ll drive down and spend the day playing tourist.”  Just giving voice to his idea made Gold feel lighter.  They might not be a normal family, but they could still have the adventure that he’d daydreamed about earlier in the day.  

Belle beamed at the idea.  "Yes!  That’s a _wonderful_ idea.  We won’t have to worry about going to the doctor or anything like that.  We can just have fun together.“

They shared a smile, each of them feeding off of the other’s excitement, and Gold had never felt closer to another adult.  "We’ll go to the zoo.”

“And ride the duck boats!” Belle suggested, her eyes sparkling.  "And I bet Bae would enjoy seeing the dinosaurs at Harvard.“

Gold chuckled.  "I think _I_ would enjoy seeing the dinosaurs.  Oh, and we could try the chocolate buffet at the Langham.”

“ _Yes_ …”  Belle’s throaty purr told him that he’d had a brilliant idea, and her approval made his stomach flip over.  Perhaps he wasn’t as useless a friend as he’d feared.  

“What are you talking about?”  Bae yawned the words more than he spoke them, but Gold could still hear the hoarseness in his voice.  There would be no school for Bae for the rest of this week.

“Ice cream,” Belle said cheerfully, darting a look at him out of the corner of her eye.

Much as he wanted to tell Bae about their upcoming adventure, Gold couldn’t argue with Belle’s decision to keep the plan to themselves for the time being.  Later, they could all sit together and make a list of everything they wanted to do, but for now, it was best to keep things low-key so Bae could concentrate on regaining his strength.

“Are we getting ice cream?”  A glance in the rearview mirror showed him that Bae’s eyes were sleepy, yet bright.  Clearly, his son was feeling better.

“We certainly are.”  The day had been stressful, but Bae had gotten a good report from Dr. Whale.  A celebration was in order.

“Can I get sprinkles?” Bae requested.

“Bae, you can have anything that you want.”  After his procedure, his son had more than earned sprinkles.

Bae’s eyes went wide.  " _Anything_?“

Belle snickered, and Gold realized that he’d probably miscalculated, but he was in too good of a mood to care.  Let Bae order the biggest, stickiest thing on the menu.  What harm could ice cream do?  "Anything.”

A calculating expression came over Bae’s face, his son apparently trying to determine how many scoops of ice cream a single cone could support before collapsing under its own weight.  Gold chuckled, pleased to see the boy acting more like his normal self.  All evidence to the contrary, it had been a good day.

Maybe he would get sprinkles too.


	14. Chapter 14

Gold held up his right hand, smirking to himself when the Han Solo action figure hit his palm with a satisfying smack.  

“Good catch, Papa!”

A quick glance at the plastic figure showed him that Captain Solo’s head was turned completely around as if he was starring in a scene from _The Exorcist_ , so he righted it before tossing the action figure back to his son to reload into the miniature trebuchet he was building with the assistance of Maurice French, who was beaming at the boy through the screen of Belle’s phone.

“He flew even further this time!  Now do yours!” Bae urged his surrogate grandfather.

On the other side of the world, Belle’s father loaded a plastic mermaid into his own trebuchet and launched it.  The doll flew out of frame, followed almost immediately by the tinkle of broken glass.

“Moe!  I liked that vase!”  Off screen, Belle’s mother scolded her husband.

Gold and Belle exchanged an amused look as her father defended himself.  "Bae did it!“

Colette appeared long enough to drop the mermaid doll in front of Maurice and blow a kiss to Bae.  "Bae would _never_ do such a thing.”

“Oh yes, he would,” Gold corrected her.  He’d lost count of the number of things Bae had smashed since the day he learned to walk.

“Not on purpose,” Bae said, which was true enough.  Bae never _meant_ to break things.  It just happened.

“Why can’t you build something nice?  Like an airplane or a dinosaur, something like that?”  Colette shook her head.

“And leave Sunny alone,” Belle added.  "Mum, save her!“

When Colette reclaimed the mermaid doll, Bae protested.  "Kiki, we’re using that!  Sunny doesn’t mind.  She likes to fly.”

As Gold watched the French family playfully squabble with Bae, Gold shook his head in wonder that he’d ever worried about introducing his son to Belle’s parents.  From the first call, Maurice and Colette French had proven to be as wonderful as their daughter, and Bae had taken to them like a duck to water. 

Gold had agonized about what Bae should call the older couple.  Mr. and Mrs. French seemed too formal, but calling them by their first names would be completely inappropriate.  Bae, as was his wont, had solved the problem himself.  One day Maurice, who went by Moe in his everyday life, and Colette had been MoMo and Kiki to his son.  He still didn’t have the slightest idea where the names had come from, but Moe and Colette seemed delighted with their nicknames.  

Belle’s inventor father, in particular, adored Bae.  With the time difference between Maine and Melbourne, it wasn’t always easy to schedule time for them to talk, but when they managed it, the two got along like a house afire, working on building projects together through the wonder of technology.  The trebuchet was the latest and greatest of their shared accomplishments.

Seeing Bae have so much fun was almost enough to distract Gold from his worries.  In recent weeks, Bae’s cough had become more regular, his breathing more labored, and the cold weather couldn’t be blamed for all of it.  

If he was honest with himself, Bae had never entirely bounced back after the bronchoscopy he’d endured two months ago.  Since the procedure, the boy tired too easily and didn’t eat nearly enough to satisfy Gold.  Even now, his small face was pinched and pale despite his happy smile, and Gold could hear the wheeze lurking in his breath as he chattered away to Moe and Colette.

As the conversation continued, Bae’s flagging energy grew even more obvious.  The boy propped his head up on his hand so he could keep talking, the trebuchet largely ignored.  When Belle moved to sit next to him, Bae leaned against her side, yawning.

“You can talk to MoMo more later,” Belle suggested.  "Why don’t we go upstairs and read a story before dinner?“

That Bae didn’t protest confirmed Gold’s fears.  It was time for another call to Dr. Whale.

"Do you mind if I talk to your papa for a minute?” Moe requested of Bae as they said their goodbyes.

Belle passed the phone to Gold, shrugging at his quizzical look.  Apparently, she had no more of an idea what Moe wanted to say to him than Gold did, so hopefully that meant that she hadn’t told her father anything dreadful about him that the older man would want to confront him about.  Worry for Bae always frayed his temper, and Gold was aware that he hadn’t been the best company over the past month or so.

Once Belle escorted Bae out of the room, Moe spoke directly to him.  "How are you holding up?“

The honest concern in the other man’s voice made Gold’s throat close up.  He had no illusions about Belle’s parents’ interest in him.  To him, he was Belle’s employer and Bae’s father, but they were unfailing kind.  Colette even slipped little treats for him into the care packages she regularly sent Belle and Bae.

"I’m hanging in there,” he rasped.

“I don’t pretend to know what you’re going through; Belle was healthy as a horse as a child.  But I can imagine how I would feel if that hadn’t been the case.  I’m sure you’d rather talk to my girl than to me, but if you ever want to talk father-to-father, I’m happy to listen.”  Moe gave him a look so filled with sympathy that Gold couldn’t look at him.

Moe wasn’t pushing him to talk, and that made it easier to open up.  "He’s my world.  I would be dust without him.“

Belle’s father nodded his understanding.  "That’s the thing about kids.  Once you have them, your heart isn’t yours any more.”

Until Bae’s birth, Gold’s heart had been a well-armored thing.  Now, it was walking around in the form of a fragile seven year old, and no amount of money or power was enough to keep it safe.  "I can’t do anything for him.“

"That’s not true.  You’re giving him a happy life.  That’s the best anyone can hope for.”  

There was truth in Moe’s words, but a happy life paled in comparison to a happy future, and that was something he couldn’t offer Bae.  "It’s not enough.“

Moe gave him a crooked smile, one that Gold often saw the echo of on Belle’s lips.  "Nothing ever is.”

The older man didn’t have to say any more to convince Gold that he understood perfectly.  Both of them shared the same desire to wave a magic wand and ensure that their children never experienced anything except perfect health and happiness, and they both knew the world didn’t work that way.  What they wanted could never be.

By the time he hung up from talking to Belle’s father, Gold felt a bit more centered.  Even though there was nothing Moe could do— there was nothing anyone could do— it helped just to know that he wasn’t alone.  

He climbed the stairs to the second floor, straining his ears for the sound of Belle’s voice as she read aloud.  Instead, there was only silence, and that sent a chill down his spine.

When he entered the playroom, he spotted Belle sitting in one of the castle’s archways with Bae’s head resting in her lap.  The book was abandoned beside her as she stroked the boy’s hair.  At his entrance, she looked up, her eyes red.  "He fell asleep before I finished the first page.“

"I’m calling Whale.”  Gold hesitated, realizing that he was hoping that Belle would tell him that he was being silly and it was perfectly normal for a growing boy to need a nap so badly that he fell asleep on the floor.

Instead, she nodded.  "I think you should.“

He returned her phone and pulled out his own, retreating to his bedroom to make the call in privacy.  The last thing he wanted was for Bae to wake up and overhear his conversation with the doctor.

For the past two years, Whale’s private cell phone had been the first number on his contact list, and as the phone rang, Gold tried to put his thoughts in order.  If Whale was going to help Bae, Gold needed to present the facts as clearly and concisely as possible.

When he picked up, the doctor didn’t waste time greeting him.  "What’s going on with Bae?”

“He’s coughing more.  He’s had an attack nearly every day for the past week, and when he isn’t coughing, his breathing sounds labored.  He’s also very run down.  Belle was reading him a story, and he fell asleep before she finished the first page.  I also think he looks pale.”  Gold inhaled slowly through his nose, proud that he’d gotten all of that out without his voice breaking.

On the other end of the line, Whale hummed to indicate that he was thinking, and just that small noise helped ease Gold’s tension.  He’d put the matter into the expert’s hands.  If anyone could help Bae, it would be Whale.

“Does he have a fever?”

“I’ll check.”  As Gold went to fetch the thermometer, he mentally kicked himself for not thinking to check sooner.  

Belle took the thermometer from his hand as he was trying to figure out how best to crouch down to reach Bae and swiped the probe over the boy’s temple.  "One hundred point eight.“

He relayed the information to Whale, cursing himself.  It took less than five seconds to take Bae’s temperature, and his son didn’t even need to be awake for the process.  There was no reason that he couldn’t track the boy’s temperature on a daily basis, but it had never occurred to him to do so.  Now, Bae was dealing with a low-grade fever, and he didn’t even know how long the boy had had it.

"Probably a minor lung infection,” Whale diagnosed over the phone.  "I’ll call in a prescription for antibiotics.

“You don’t want us to come in?”  Gold had already been making a mental list of what they’d need to take with them for an overnight trip to Boston.

“If he’s not better after two days of the antibiotic or if he gets worse, then I’ll want to see him.  Let’s try this first.”  On the other end of the phone, Whale sighed ruefully.  "It’s not like we don’t know what’s wrong with him.“

Things like this were part and parcel of Bae’s illness  It wasn’t the first time he’d had a lung infection, and—barring tragedy or a miracle—it wouldn’t be the last.  Unfortunately, repetition didn’t make it any easier to deal with.  "I understand.  Thank you.”

Belle looked up at him as he put his phone back into his pocket.  "He thinks Bae has a lung infection.  He’s calling in a prescription for antibiotics.  If we don’t see improvement in two days, he wants us to come in.“

She leaned down to kiss Bae’s forehead.  "Poor little guy.”

Feeling like he wanted to take his cane to something that would make a satisfying smash, Gold settled for clenching his hand around the handle as he limped over to his reading chair, all but collapsing into it.  "This is my fault.“

Belle’s eyebrows lifted.  "How do you figure that?”

“I should have been taking his temperature every day.  I should have called the second I suspected something was wrong.  How long has he been fighting this?”  Bae had suffered because his papa wasn’t doing his job and advocating for him.

“Two hours ago he was using a trebuchet to launch his action figures across the room.  Yes, he’s been coughing more, but mostly, he’s been _fine_.”  Belle gave him a stern look.  "Stop being so hard on yourself.  No child has a more attentive father than Bae does.“  

Despite everything, Belle’s staunch defense comforted him.  "We should take his temperature on a daily basis.”

“We can do that,” she agreed easily.  

“We should have been doing it all along.”  If they’d taken that simple step, maybe they would have caught the infection sooner.

“And if we’d thought of it, we would have.  It never occurred to me, and obviously you didn’t think of it until now.  I certainly don’t remember Dr. Whale mentioning it, so it’s not like you’ve been ignoring doctor’s orders.  You can’t think of everything, Elias.”  Belle shifted so she could face him more fully, her expression stern.

Gold gazed down at his son sleeping in her lap.  "I have to.  I need to do better for him.“

Bae needed his papa to watch out for him.  If Gold couldn’t do that, the boy didn’t have a chance.  One mistake could cost his son his life, and if that happened, he’d never be able to live with himself.

"Bae needs me to do better for him.”

Gold didn’t realize he’d spoken the words aloud until Belle glared at him.  "Bae needs you to stop being so hard on yourself.  Torturing yourself isn’t helping anyone!  No matter what happens in the future, this time with him is precious.  If you don’t stop fixating on the bad, you’re going to miss all the _good_!“

When Bae stirred, Belle looked down guiltily at the boy in her lap.  "What’s everyone yelling about?” he demanded sleepily.

“I’m not yelling.  I’m just speaking emphatically,” Belle denied.

“Em-fat-it-lee,” Bae sounded out.

“Emphatically.  It means with _emphasis_!”

Belle spoke with enthusiasm, making Bae giggle.  The boy sat up, wincing as he turned his head.  "My neck hurts.“

Before Gold could panic, Belle squeezed Bae’s shoulder.  "That’s because you were sleeping on the floor, silly.”

“Oh yeah.”  Bae looked a little confused about why he’d been napping on the floor of his playroom, but the boy shrugged it off.  "Can we play a game?“

"I can go pick that up while you and Bae play,” Belle suggested, looking to Gold.

“Pick what up?”  Bae never missed anything.

“Dr. Whale wants you to take some new pills,” Gold explained.

Bae rolled his eyes.  "More pills.“

"They’ll make you feel better,” Belle reminded him.

“I feel _fine_.”

At Belle’s knowing look, Gold forced himself to let go of the guilt.  She was right.  Hearing that Bae had a lung infection hung a spotlight on all the clues that he’d missed over the past few days, but those clues had been subtle.  In the future, he would try to be more observant, but he couldn’t blame himself for not realizing that something was wrong with Bae when Bae himself didn’t seem to notice.

“What do you want to play?” he asked as he pushed himself out of his chair.

Bae grinned.  "Toilet Trouble!“

"Oh God…  Maybe _I_ should go pick up the pills.”

Belle snickered as she breezed past him, refusing to have mercy.  "Too late!  I already said I’d do it.“

Despite his protests, Gold didn’t really mind the vulgar game.  Doing anything with Bae was a pleasure, and Belle had been absolutely right: if he didn’t stop obsessing about what might be, he was going to miss out on what was right in front of him.

Maybe it was time to get out that mindfulness book again.  He needed a refresher course.

It was easy to enjoy the moment when Bae was smiling and laughing, and nothing made him laugh harder than seeing his father be squirted by the game’s miniature plastic toilet.  For the pleasure of that sound, Gold would have endured far worse humiliation.

Since dinner had been delayed by his son’s nap, they had a picnic in the playroom when Belle returned from picking up Bae’s prescription, and even the new pills didn’t dim the boy’s enjoyment of the novelty of being able to eat on his castle’s battlements.  Although she could easily have climbed to the second level with Bae, Belle opted to remain on the floor beside Gold, the pair of them pretending not to notice that Bae was slipping bits of crust to Olaf.

A shadow fell over the light-hearted evening when Bae started yawning an hour before bedtime.  "I think it’s time for bed,” Gold suggested.

He didn’t realize how badly he’d hoped Bae would argue with him until the boy nodded his agreement without even a token protest.  The boy wasn’t coughing, but this fatigue was almost worse.  At least there were things Gold could do to ease the cough.  He was helpless in the face of his son’s exhaustion.

As he tucked Bae in, he tried to tell himself that it was just the infection that was making the boy tired.  Once the antibiotics kicked in, Bae would feel like his old self again.  There was no reason to assume that this was the beginning of the end.

After reading Bae his nightly chapter, Belle kissed his forehead and slipped out of the room, leaving father and son alone.  Apparently, that was the opening that Bae had been waiting for because he looked up with dark, worried eyes.  "Papa?“

"I’m here, Bae-Bae,” Gold assured his son, fear squeezing his throat in anticipation of what the boy might say.  It was one thing for him to worry about the future, but hearing Bae admit that he was getting worse would make it all far too real.  

“Mikey’s birthday party is Saturday at the pizza place.”

Bae’s words were so far removed from what Gold had expected to hear that it took him a moment to process them.  While he’d been panicking about his son’s health, Bae was worrying about buying a birthday present for a friend.  Gold wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to cry.

“We can stop at the store tomorrow,” he promised, relieved that Bae’s problem was so easy to solve.  "Do you know what he wants for his birthday?“

Bae shook his head, his pearly teeth worrying at his lower lip, a habit that Gold rather thought his boy had picked up from Belle.  "I’m sure we can find something nice,” he assured his son.

“He didn’t invite me,” Bae whispered.

Gold winced as he realized what Bae was trying to tell him.  For the first time since he started the school year, his son had become aware of his status as an outsider, and this was a problem that his papa couldn’t fix for him.

Maybe he could, Gold considered.  He could make a phone call to Mikey’s father and demand that his son receive an invitation to the party.  That would solve the immediate problem, but it was possible that interfering would only make things worse in the long run.  If Mikey didn’t want Bae at his party, being forced to include him might strain their relationship further.  It was bad enough that Bae was left out.  The boy suffered enough without being bullied too.

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” he said, doing his best to keep his voice level.  "Did you want to go?“

It was a stupid question.  If Bae wasn’t upset, the boy wouldn’t be bringing it up.  Unfortunately, he had no idea what else to say.

Bae shrugged a little, his fingers pinching his duvet to make tiny accordion pleats.  The boy wasn’t meeting his eyes, and Gold took a deep breath, wishing that Bae hadn’t waited until Belle left the room to bring this up.   _She_ would know what to say.

"Not everybody can go to every party.  Mikey was probably only allowed to invite a few friends, but I’m sure he would have liked to invite everyone.  You’ll be able to play with him some other time, and we can go to the pizza place whenever you want.”  Despite his attempt at commiseration, Bae still didn’t look convinced.

“We had plans for Saturday anyway, so it’s probably for the best you’re not going to the party,” he invented desperately.  If he couldn’t cheer Bae up, at least he could distract him.

It worked.  

Bae’s eyes lit up.  "What are we doing?“

Surely, he and Belle could come up with _something_ in twenty-four hours.  In the meantime, Gold stalled.  He reached out to ruffle his son’s hair.  "It’s a surprise.”

Bae seemed content to accept that on faith, his good humor restored.  "Can MoMo and Kiki come to my birthday party?“

"We will absolutely invite them, but I’m not sure they’ll be able to come.  They live _very_ far away.”  If nothing else, they could arrange to video chat during the celebration.

“Belle will be there.  And Olaf,” Bae said happily.  

It broke Gold’s heart that Bae’s list of friends was so short, but he tried not to let it show.  "We’ll make Olaf wear a party hat.“

"Yes!”  Bae was so delighted with the idea that it was all Gold could do to keep him in bed instead of hopping out to make a tiny hat for Olaf.

Eventually, the boy settled in to sleep, but Gold remained at his son’s side for long minutes, his mind racing.  Since meeting Belle, Bae’s list of true friends had lengthened, but did it count when everyone on that list was either an adult or a hamster?  Bae needed friends his own age, but Gold didn’t have the slightest idea how to make that happen.  He’d never had any luck at making friends himself, and it seemed that his son took after him.

It wasn’t _fair_.  His hand clenched into a fist as he glared at the wall.  Bae was funny and bright and wonderful.  He should have a million friends.  Instead, he had only his papa, Belle and her parents, and his hamster.  

There was nothing Gold hated more than feeling helpless, but in this case, there was nothing he could do.  He couldn’t force the other children to accept Bae.  He’d arranged for playdates and for Bae to join activities, but with his son’s health issues, nothing ever worked out.  Bae was different, and there was no getting around it.

Leaning heavily on his cane, he made his way out of Bae’s room.  No doubt Belle was waiting for him on the balcony, but right now, the last thing he wanted was a cup of tea.  What he wanted was to wave a magic wand and solve all of Bae’s problems, but in this world, there was no such thing as magic.  Barring that, he wanted something that would numb the pain, if only for a moment.

He found himself in front of the freezer without ever consciously deciding to go downstairs.  As if watching from outside of his body, Gold saw his hand wrap around the pint of ice cream he kept hidden in the back.  Ben and Jerry did more to help him manage his emotions than Dr. Hopper ever had.

The next thing he knew, he was hunched over the kitchen table, a spoon stabbing into the depths of the carton.  As the taste of chocolate and peanut butter filled his mouth, some of the misery receded, buried under a blanket of empty calories.  He was useless, helpless to protect his son from the bumps and bruises of social interaction or from the disease that was slowly killing him, but if he concentrated on nothing but the taste of the ice cream, he could block all of that out.

“There you are.  Your tea is getting cold.”

He half-turned at the sound of Belle’s voice behind him, a spark of humiliation catching fire in his gut at being caught like this.  Half the ice cream was already gone, the container dented by his desperate grip.  Shards of chocolate-covered almond were embedded in his teeth, and he could feel a cold trickle of melting ice cream running down the side of his chin.  He was a pathetic sight, and mortification made him lash out like a cornered animal.

“Fuck the tea.  Get out.  I don’t want you here.”

Belle, who’d crossed to the microwave with his pink and yellow mug in hand, turned to stare at him, her blue eyes wide.  After a moment, she spoke, “I don’t think I deserved that.”

Her voice was even, and her calm response to his childish tantrum only made him feel smaller, his face growing hot under her steady gaze.  To distract himself, Gold shoved another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, nearly choking when he tried to swallow around the huge lump in his throat.

He dropped the spoon to the table with a clatter, a strangled sob escaping him.  Instantly, Belle was behind him, her hands warm on his shoulders.  "Can you breathe?“

The almonds scraped his throat as he forced himself to swallow, his muscles straining.  "Yeah,” he mumbled, feeling suddenly exhausted.

“Okay,” she murmured, and when her hands lifted from his shoulders, the loss of her warmth nearly broke him.

Swiveling in his chair, he caught her hand in his sticky one.  "Belle, I’m sorry.  I am.  I’m sorry.  That was uncalled for.“

Her face softened at whatever she saw in his expression.  Without pulling her hand out of his grasp, Belle claimed the chair beside him, her fingers warm around his.  "I forgive you.  What’s wrong?”

“Mikey’s having a birthday party.  Bae’s not invited.”  Said out loud, the problem seemed so minor that Gold had to bite back the insane urge to laugh.  Belle probably already thought he’d lost his mind.  There was no point in compounding the issue.

Belle sighed in sympathy.  "Poor kid.  It’s no fun being the one left out.“

"He always is.  He doesn’t have any friends, and I can’t fix that.  I can’t make them like him.  I can’t make him fit in.  I can’t make him well.  I can’t do _anything_.”  He realized he was squeezing her hand hard enough to break her fingers and forced himself to let go.

“So, you’re eating your feelings?” she asked.  She was smiling a little, but it was a smile of understanding.

Gold looked down at the half-empty container.  "I suppose.“

"Well, there are far worse coping mechanisms.”  Reaching out, Belle swiped her index finger over his chin to mop up the melting ice cream.  

Bewildered, Gold watched her pop her finger into her mouth to lick it clean.  "I always wondered what you did as a stress reliever.  Now I know— you sneak down here and eat ice cream in the middle of the night.“

"I _never_ do this.”  His behavior tonight was a shameful anomaly.

Belle shrugged.  "Maybe you should.  It might do you good.“

"If I ate sweets every time I felt stressed, I’d weigh five hundred pounds.”  He was too familiar with his own addictive personality to indulge his sweet tooth on a regular basis.  The occasional ice cream cone or pecan patty was one thing, but if he made a habit of this, he’d lose all self control.  

“Okay.”  Belle gave his hand a gentle pat, then handed him his spoon.

At her urging, he took another bite, forcing himself to eat like a human being and not a wild animal.  As he did, he felt his muscles relaxing.  It wasn’t fair to burden Belle with all of his worries and mood swings, but it was so much easier to carry his load with her at his side to help him shoulder it that he couldn’t stop himself.  

“I thought this year might be different, but it’s just the same.  He doesn’t fit in, and I can’t help him.  I’ve never been any good at making friends.  I don’t know how to teach him.  I’ve tried, and I’ve failed.”  The universe had made a mistake when it gave Bae to him.  His son deserved far better than his halting efforts.

“It’s not your fault,” Belle contradicted him.  "If you want to blame something, blame his illness.  That’s what sets him apart.“

"How do we get around that?”  Belle had the gift of friendship that he lacked, surely she would have an answer.

“I don’t know.  I wish I did.”

She sounded so miserable that he found himself holding the ice cream out to her without even thinking about it.  Instantly, he cursed himself for his stupidity.  She was hardly going to want the dregs of a pint he’d already decimated.  The least he could do was offer to get her a dish of her own and a clean spoon.

Instead, Belle lifted his spoon to her mouth and took a bite of melting ice cream, humming in appreciation.  "You’re right.  This is way better than tea.“

It wasn’t funny, but a snorting laugh escaped him anyway, echoed by a giggle from Belle.  Suddenly, they were both laughing, the sound tinged with hysteria.  Gold slapped his hand over his mouth, trying to muffle the noise for fear of disturbing Bae, and Belle followed suit.  This was _ridiculous_ , and that only made him laugh all the harder.

By the time the storm passed, they were slumped against each other, the ice cream carton between them.  Gold’s head ached, but the dark cloud that had been hovering over him since he left Bae’s room was gone.  Maybe there _was_ magic in the world because thirty minutes ago, he’d felt like he’d never be able to smile again.  Belle was a wonder.

Belle took another bite of ice cream and handed the spoon back to him.  For some reason, sharing the utensil felt like the most natural thing in the world.  They took turns until the carton was empty, and Gold reluctantly set it aside.  

"I’m very sorry that I snapped at you.  I was in a foul mood and took it out on you.”  He’d apologized before, but it was important that Belle understand that she’d done absolutely nothing wrong.  

“It’s already forgotten.  Actually, I owe you an apology too.”  

For the life of him, he couldn’t imagine what she felt the need to apologize for.  "I don’t believe that you do.“

She shook her head.  "For earlier in Bae’s room when I got on your case.  I have no business lecturing you about how you interact with your son.  I was completely out of line.”

“You were also completely correct.  I _do_ worry too much, and that distracts me from seeing what’s right in front of me.”  By focusing on his fears for what the future might hold, he missed out on precious moments with Bae.  He was lucky to have Belle to remind him not to get lost in his own head.

Belle sucked in a breath through her nose and nodded eagerly.  "Yes.“

Gold risked reaching out to rest his hand on top of hers.  Both of them were sticky from the ice cream, and that detail made him smile.  "I’m glad you’re here.”

To his eyes, Belle looked a little flushed.  "So am I.“

"You’re not sorry that you agreed to stay?”  It wasn’t until he asked the question that he realized how much the nagging worry that Belle regretted her choice had been bothering him.

Instantly, she shook her head.  "Not at all.  It’s harder than I thought it would be, but in some ways, it’s easier too.  I’m glad I can be here for you.  And Bae.“

Her eyes were warm and soft, and for half a second, Gold felt the insane urge to kiss her.  The impulse passed as quickly as it had come, and he hastily sat back, putting more distance between them.  "I’m glad.  I don’t know how we got along without you.”

That reminded him of the promise he’d made to Bae.  "I told Bae that we had plans on Saturday—the day of the party.  Can you think of something fun to do?“

For a moment, a shadow darkened Belle’s eyes, then her smile returned as she sat up a little straighter.  "I’m sure we can come up with something.”

“And he wanted to know if your parents would come to his birthday party.”  Now, that request seemed more endearing than heartbreaking.  Belle, Moe, Colette, and Olaf might be unconventional friends, but they were true ones.  

“ _Oh_ ,” Belle’s tender smile told him everything he needed to know about how she felt about her place in this family.  

“His birthday isn’t until April, so we have some time,” he assured her.  "If they’re willing, I’ll pay for everything.“

"I’ll run it by them.  Dad isn’t as adventurous as he used to be, but he might be up for it if it means getting to hang out with Bae.  I _know_ Mum would go for it.”  Her eyes shone.  "It would be nice to see them in person again.  I don’t get to do that very often.“

Gold wondered what it would be like to have parents that he was as close to as Belle was to hers.  In order for that to happen, Malcolm and Fiona would have had to have been entirely different people, but in a world where they were the selfless, loving people that Belle’s parents seemed to be, it would have been wonderful to have such a relationship.

He’d gotten a taste of that for himself earlier today when Moe reached out to him, and he had Belle to thank.  Never in his life had he known the comfort and support of a loving family, but now he had one, even if he was only borrowing them.

He’d been a wealthy man for a long time, but Belle had enriched his life in the only way that mattered.  "You’re my best friend.”

When she blinked at him, Gold realized that, from her perspective, the statement had come completely out of the blue.  "I mean…"

Belle took his hand and squeezed, cutting him off.  "You’re my best friend too.“

It was a kind lie, and he was happy to accept it.  That Belle considered him a friend at all was enough for Gold.  He’d never had the knack for making friends, but he’d somehow managed to do enough that Belle considered him worthy of her friendship.  

Maybe he shouldn’t worry so much about how many friends Bae had.  If Belle had taught him anything, it was that one friend—the right friend—was enough.


	15. Chapter 15

“How are you holding up?”

Gold jumped at the sound of Belle’s voice, looking up to see her smiling gently down at him, her hand extending his mug of tea.

“I don’t know,” he admitted as he took the mug from her, watching as she moved to turn on the space heater that made the balcony bearable on this early December evening.  He’d been so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even feel the cold.  

He waited until Belle had taken her seat beside him before taking a sip of tea, the feel of the hot liquid sliding down his throat calling his attention to just how chilled he was.  

Another sip warmed him enough that he stopped shivering, but it did nothing to soothe his emotional turmoil.  "We have to pull Bae out of school.“

Today had been dreadful.  They hadn’t even made it halfway to school before Bae was coughing, and Gold had turned the Cadillac around at once, hoping that a quiet day of rest would restore his son’s strength.  Bae had spent the day napping and watching Disney movies, but the rest hadn’t helped as much as Gold had hoped.  The boy had had two more attacks over the course of the day, each harder to quell than the last.

He ground his teeth, cursing Robyn Greene and cursing himself for despising a seven year old girl.  It wasn’t her fault that she’d given Bae her cold.  The blame for that lay squarely in the lap of her wretched mother who apparently didn’t care that her daughter’s illness could easily kill his son.  Worse, she wasn’t the only parent who thought that way.  No matter how many letters Gold had Bae’s school send to his classmates’ parents, begging them not to send their children to school when they had a contagious illness, few of them bothered to keep their children home, and it was Bae who paid the price.

Gold was torn between envying every parent who didn’t have to be terrified that a childhood case of the sniffles could kill their child and plotting to sue them for everything they were worth.  Just once, it would be nice not to be the only one trying to protect Bae’s health.

Belle pressed her lips together in a tight line and gazed into her mug of tea as if trying to read the future written there.  "He likes school.”

“He likes breathing a lot more,” Gold snarled.

Without looking up, Belle reached out to pat his arm, and Gold took a deep breath, suddenly ashamed of himself.  She was on his side, and she didn’t deserve his ire.  "Sorry.“

"I’m mad too,” she told him, although she was doing a better job of modulating her voice than he was.  "It isn’t fair.  Bae _likes_ school.  He shouldn’t have to miss out just because other people are inconsiderate.  Why don’t people _think_?  We’re not asking for the moon; just don’t send your kid to school when she’s sick.  It’s common decency.  Don’t they realize how fragile Bae is?“

"They don’t care.”  It had been a bleak day when Gold realized that.  Bae’s health was a priority to no one but him and Belle.  If given the choice between risking Bae’s life and inconveniencing themselves, the other parents would risk Bae every time.

If Gold had his way, each of Bae’s classmates would need a doctor’s note to certify that they were in good health before they entered the classroom each day, but unfortunately, he couldn’t institute that policy any more than he could control what the other parents did.  If he couldn’t protect Bae in school, the boy was going to have to stay home where he would be safe, whether he liked it or not.

“We have to protect him.  With cold and flu season coming up, it’s too dangerous.”  Every attack damaged Bae’s lungs more.

“He won’t like it.”  Despite Belle’s warning, Gold didn’t have the sense that she was disagreeing with him.

“Do you have a better idea?”  The words came out in a more challenging tone than he’d intended.  More than anything, Gold wanted her to say yes and outline an idea that would allow Bae to stay in school while still keeping him safe from illness.

“No.”  The softly spoken word dashed his hopes.  

“I don’t like it either,” he admitted.  It wouldn’t do for Belle to think that he was looking forward to taking away something that Bae enjoyed.  "His world is small enough.  I don’t want to make it smaller.  If there was any other way…"

Raising Bae was a constant high wire act, and Gold always felt as though his feet were slipping.  It went against his instincts to deny Bae anything that made him happy, but he couldn’t risk the boy’s health.  

Belle nodded, then squared her shoulders.  "We’ll find a way to make it work.  Maybe there are some home-schooling groups around that we could plug into.  That way, he could still spend time with other children and make some new friends.“

Her show of confidence heartened him.  It wasn’t as though they planned to lock Bae in his room instead of sending him to school.  They could find new ways to make sure he got to interact with other children.  They would just have to get creative.  Belle was right: they’d make it work.  "He’ll like that.”

From behind them came a faint sound that made the hair on the back of Gold’s neck stand on end.  He held his breath, straining his ears in an attempt to decide if he’d heard the mundane noise of the heat coming on or if he was hearing the start of another coughing fit.

A moment later, a wracking cough split the silence, and Gold cursed as he heaved himself out of his chair, not feeling the pain in his leg as he hurried to his son’s side, Belle right behind him.  

“Not again,” she moaned, sounding as distressed as he felt.

His stomach rolled as he clicked on Bae’s overhead light to illuminate his son sitting up in bed, the front of his pajamas and his sheets soaked in blood.  "Oh god.“

Belle darted around him, racing for the supplies, and by the time he reached Bae’s bedside, she was back, holding out the inhaler with a steady hand.  

"Breathe in, Bae-Bae,” he urged the boy, holding the inhaler to his lips.  "You just breathe.  Papa’s here.  It’s okay.  Papa’s got you.“

Belle crawled onto the bed to hold Bae from behind, helping support him as Gold administered the various medicines that would ease the horrible cough.  "You’re okay.  Papa and I are here.  We’re going to take good care of you.”

By the time they finally got Bae’s cough under control, the boy was crying, weak tears sliding down his cheeks, and his bed looked like a murder scene.  

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Gold said with false cheer.  As he led Bae into the bathroom, Belle set to work changing the sheets, her face grim.  

“My chest hurts,” Bae complained, his small face pinched.

“That’s because you’ve been coughing a lot.  A good night’s sleep will make you feel better.”  He got Bae into fresh pajamas and washed the sticky blood from his face.  A bath would be better, but neither of them had the energy for that right now.

A quick swipe with the thermometer told him that Bae’s temperature was normal, a small mercy.  "Other than your chest hurting, how are you feeling?“

Bae considered that for a moment.  "I’m tired.”

“Let me hear you breathe.”

Obediently, Bae took a few deep breaths, and although his breath was thick, Gold was relieved to hear no rattle in his chest.  Even so, he’d be calling Dr. Whale as soon as he got Bae tucked back in.

Belle was waiting for them in the bedroom when they emerged from the bathroom, the bed turned invitingly down.  "Hey,“ she said gently, reaching out for a hug.

Bae leaned against her, his body limp, and Gold inhaled sharply, pain shooting through his chest at the sight.  He wondered if that was the same kind of pain that Bae felt and wished he could bear it for his son.  After a moment, Belle released the boy, and the two of them tucked him into bed before sitting down on either side of him.  

"Do you want another story?” Gold asked softly.

Without opening his eyes, Bae nodded.  Gold groped for the first book that came to hand, finding himself holding _Goodnight Moon_ , a book that Bae had outgrown years ago.  "In the great green room there was a telephone and a red balloon…"

When Bae smiled a little at the familiar words, Gold reached out with his free hand to cling to his son.  On his other side, Belle leaned down to kiss the top of his head, her hair falling forward to hide her face.

“… good night, stars.  Good night, air.  Good night, noises everywhere.”  As soon as he reached the end of the book, he flipped back to the first page and began again, driven by a compulsion that he didn’t quite understand.  "In the great green room…"

By the end of the second read through, Bae was asleep, his breath still carrying a hint of a wheeze even though his face had lost its pinched look.  The boy was resting comfortably.  Gold flipped back to the start and read again, “In the great green room…”

When he reached the end of the book for the third time, Belle reached across Bae to touch his wrist.  "He’s asleep.  You should rest too.“

She was right, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.  "I’ll just read it one more time.”

“Okay,” she whispered, then leaned down to kiss Bae’s forehead before sliding off of the bed.  She retrieved Bae’s bloody pajamas from the bathroom and added them to the pile of sheets, carrying the mound of fabric with her as she left the room.

Gold read the book twice more before putting it aside to gaze down at Bae, watching his son’s chest gently rise and fall.  Over the course of his life, he’d done nothing to deserve a priceless treasure like Bae, but the universe couldn’t truly be so cruel as to take the boy away from him, could it?  Gold might not deserve his son, but Bae deserved the world.  He deserved a long life filled with nothing but happiness, and he’d already suffered more than anyone should.  Bae had to survive.  He _had_ to.

Feeling as though he was on the verge of a breakdown, Gold tore himself away from his son’s side, reaching for his phone the moment he was on the other side of the door.  Without having to look, he dialed Whale’s number.

The doctor answered after two rings.  "What’s up with Bae?“

As clinically as he could, Gold told the doctor about the day’s events, culminating with the recent hemorrhage, before concluding, "He’s sleeping now.”

“Bring him in first thing in the morning,” Whale instructed.  "I’ll probably want to keep him for a couple of days.“

The high doses of steroids that Whale pumped into Bae at irregular intervals made the boy swell up like a balloon, but they also got the cough under control.  Like everything, it was a balancing act.  "He’s getting worse,” Gold said, the words bleak.

“You know that he has good days and bad days,” Whale reminded him.  "You can’t lose hope.“

It was hard not to when his son seemed to be fading away before his eyes.  "You have to fix him.”

“I’ll do what I can,” the doctor promised.

Gold laughed bitterly.  "Will it be enough?“

On the other end of the line, there was a long pause before Whale sighed.  "I’ll do what I can.”

Gold hung up and shoved the phone back into his pocket without saying goodbye.  It wasn’t fair to be angry with the doctor.  Whale was _trying_ , but it wasn’t enough.  They needed a miracle worker, not a mortal man, and miracles were in short supply.

Bae was going to die, and there was nothing anyone could do.

He spent his life trying not to think about that possibility, but now it hit him like a sledgehammer.  Bae was going to die.  His son was going to die.

The words whirled through his head, making him dizzy.  Gold lurched into his bedroom and staggered to the attached bath before falling to his knees in front of the toilet to lose the contents of his stomach.  Even after vomiting up everything he’d eaten that day, his stomach continued to roll, leaving him spitting out mouthful after mouthful of bile.  

Bae was going to die.

He slumped against the porcelain as a sob tore itself out of his throat.  Even at his lowest points, Gold never allowed himself to cry for fear that if he started, he’d never stop, and his fears were realized as more sobs followed the first no matter how hard he clenched his jaw to hold them back.

As if a dam had burst, the anguish came pouring out of him in harsh tears and violent retching.  He clung to the toilet as if it was the only thing holding him to the surface of the Earth.  One hand reached out to grab a handful of his hair, yanking as hard as he could in a effort to use physical pain to numb his emotional turmoil, but nothing helped.  No matter what he did, he couldn’t stop crying, animalistic noises falling from his lips.

“Hey, hey, hey…”  Gentle hands came to rest on his shoulders, then Belle was wrapping herself around him from behind, her lips against his ear.  "That’s good, that’s good.  Just let it out.“

Too miserable to even be embarrassed about his loss of control, Gold spit out another mouthful of bile as Belle crooned to him, her hand rubbing his back in firm strokes that grounded him.  "Let it go.  You’ll feel so much better.  You’re doing so well.  Just let it all out.”

He let out an agonized wail, then subsided into tears.  Belle pulled him into her arms, letting him bury his face against her throat as he cried like a child.  Gold clung to her, pressing as close as he could get in a desperate need for comfort.  Belle’s body was warm and inviting as she cradled him, her softness easing some of the anguish.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” she crooned as she ran her fingers through his hair.  "I’m here.  I’ve got you.  You’re safe.  Let it out.  Oh, my darling… I’ve got you.  I won’t let go.“

"Belle…” he moaned, begging for something that he didn’t understand.

She kissed his temple.  "Yes, darling.  I’m here.  I’m not going anywhere.  Go ahead and cry.  It’s the best thing for you.“

He couldn’t have stopped if he’d wanted to.  For what might have been hours, he sobbed in her arms as she rocked him, keeping up her soothing litany until he’d cried himself out.

"There you go,” she murmured once he was slumped against her, barely able to hold himself up.  "You needed that.“

His head was pounding, and he felt utterly drained, as if all the strength had been leeched out of his body.  Despite Belle’s assurance that he’d needed to fall apart, Gold felt worse than he had before he started crying, his body aching and his soul frozen with hopeless misery.  "Oh god…”

Belle pressed another kiss to his temple.  "It’s not healthy to bottle things up like you do.  Come on, you’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep.“

With her help, he managed to drag himself off the floor, but Gold shook her off when she tried to lead him into the bedroom.  "I need a minute.”

Instantly, she released him.  "Of course.“

Belle waited until he was leaning on the vanity before stepping out of the room, and Gold just stood there for a moment to gather his strength before he splashed a few handfuls of water over his face to wash away the tears and mucus.  Brushing his teeth got the taste of death out of his mouth, but it did nothing to dissipate the cold, gray haze that fogged his mind.

When he staggered through the door, Belle was there to catch him, tucking herself under his arm to offer him her support.  "Better?” she asked sympathetically.

She looked so hopeful that he couldn’t bring himself to disillusion her.  Instead, he ignored her question. “Whale wants us to bring Bae in first thing in the morning.”  

She nodded at once.  “Want me to set an alarm?”

“I’ll wake up.”  

Considering how utterly dreadful he felt, Gold reconsidered his words as soon as he said them.  In the state he was in, he might well sleep the day away if he didn’t take precautions.  Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he hastily set the alarm before tossing it onto his nightstand.  

“You need to sleep,” Belle told him as she gently pushed him down to sit on the side of the bed.  He’d long ago abandoned his jacket and tie, but he was otherwise fully clothed, something he didn’t quite notice until her hands went to work undoing the buttons on his shirt.  

Belle undressed him with the same tender care she would show a child, and Gold was content to simply sit and let her cosset him, her gentle touches permeating the dark fog that clouded his mind, letting in some light.  How long had it been since someone last took care of him like this?  Had anyone _ever_ cared for him like this?

He shrugged off his shirt when Belle directed him to do so, then watched as she dropped to her knees to remove his socks.  Her fingers caressed the tops of his feet as she did so, and Gold shivered, a shock of sensation running down his spine.  Her touch was warm and pleasant, a stark contrast to the numbing cold that gripped his body and spirit.

“Can you take it from…?”  She glanced up, trailing off at whatever she saw in his expression.  With a rueful smile, she reached out to unfasten his belt.  “You look totally done in.”

“Do I?” he asked idly.  He didn’t _feel_ tired.  He didn’t feel anything.  

Gold watched as if from outside his body as Belle undid his trousers and coaxed him to lift his hips as she helped him take them off, leaving him sitting in front of her clad only in his boxers.  For some reason, he wasn’t the slightest bit embarrassed about that.  She’d already seen him in nothing at all.

Her hands were warm.

Belle draped his discarded clothes over a chair before returning to his side and tugging down a corner of the bedclothes.  “You’ll feel better in the morning,” she promised as she put one arm around his shoulders, giving him half of a hug.

When she embraced him, the cold fog dissipated, but it descended on him again when she released him.  With a muffled cry, Gold instinctively reached out to wrap his arms around her waist to pull her against him, craving her warmth.  

Her fingers delved into his hair, making him shudder.  "Elias?“

Beyond words, Gold rubbed his face against her belly, hating the robe that kept him from feeling the warmth of her skin.  He was cold, so very cold, but Belle was warm.  She was soft and warm and sweet, and he needed more of her.  When she touched him, he was safe.

"My poor darling…” Belle crooned as she gently scratched his scalp.  "You’re okay.  It’s okay.“

Usually, Gold hated platitudes.  It _wasn’t_ okay.  His son was dying, and that could never be okay.  Yet, somehow when Belle said the words, he found himself believing that everything would turn out right in the end.  

"Please,” he begged, not sure if he was asking her to keep talking to him or to keep holding him or for something else entirely.  She would know.  Belle always knew what he needed.

Her hands moved to cradle his jaw, and she tilted his head back so she could look into his face.  With a faint smile, she leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to the tip of his nose.  "You’re exhausted.  Lie down, and I’ll tuck you in.“

For some reason, he couldn’t tear his gaze away from her soft pink lips.  He gazed up at her in mute supplication, aware that Belle was watching him in turn, a small furrow between her eyebrows.  "Elias?  Do you feel all right?”

She pressed her hand against his forehead to check for fever, and Gold moaned as her touch sent a wave of heat through his body, melting the cold and leaving only simmering pleasure in its wake.  In a world where everything was cold and gray and miserable, Belle’s touch felt like heaven, and he _needed_ that.  He was tired of feeling awful.  Was it a crime to want to feel good for once?  To forget, even for a moment, just how cruel the universe was?

He just wanted to forget.

Before he knew what he was doing, Gold had caught hold of Belle’s wrist.  Ignoring her startled exclamation, he tugged, forcing her to lean down until her face was only inches from his.  

“Are you—?”

Whatever she was going to ask was lost as he slanted his mouth over hers, groaning as he thrust his tongue past her lips.   _This_ was what he needed.  He could taste chocolate on her lips, betraying that she’d helped herself to ice cream earlier in the evening, and he moaned in approval.  His favorite treat had never tasted better.

Belle’s hands fluttered lightly over his back, then came to rest on his shoulders.  She wasn’t pulling him closer, but she wasn’t pushing him away, and that was encouragement enough for Gold.  He tightened his grip on her, bringing her to stand between his thighs, wanting her closer.  He _needed_ to be closer to Belle, needed to be as close as he could possibly get.  He needed her touch and the sweet taste of her mouth to drown out the voice in his head reminding him that Bae was dying.  

It had been years since he last kissed a woman, and he’d never been particularly skilled at it, but Gold did his best to offer her pleasure.  After everything she’d done for him, it was the least he could do for her.  He lapped hungrily at her mouth, searching for any sign that he’d found a sensitive place, but Belle stood like a statue in his arms, accepting his attentions but not responding to them.

With a low moan, he pulled away, looking up into her flushed face with desperate eyes.  "Belle.“

A shaking hand cradled his cheek as she tried to curve her swollen lips into a smile.  "You’re overwrought.  It’s been an awful day.  Go to sleep, Elias.”

“Belle, _please_.  I need this.  I need you.”  It was the height of unfairness to ask more of her after everything she’d already given him, but Gold wasn’t thinking about that right now.  All he could think about was the desperate need to be close to her and lose himself in her warmth because Belle could make it stop hurting.  She was the only one who could.

“ _Oh_ …”  Her eyes were brilliant in the room’s dim light.  An instant later, the light faded from her face, and she bit her lip.  "You’re upset.  If we do this, you’ll be sorry in the morning.“

Gold didn’t give a damn about the morning.  They were here now, and he needed her.  The morning could sort itself out.  He’d done enough worrying about the future to last him a lifetime.  "I don’t care.  Belle, please.   _Please_.  Let me touch you.  I _need_ to touch you.”

Belle made a little noise in the back of her throat, then she stepped back, pulling herself away from him.  Gold clenched his fists as he let her go, feeling the cold sweeping back in to numb him the moment he lost contact with her.  

Instead of fleeing the room, Belle unknotted the belt of her robe and let it fall to the floor, leaving her standing before him clad in floral pajamas.  She reached for the hem of her pajama top and hesitated, pinning him with an intense blue gaze.  "You’re _sure_?“

"I’m sure,” he rasped.  No doubt, this was a mistake, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.  If he regretted it in the morning, so be it.  For tonight, he just wanted to _feel_.

Belle pulled her pajama top off over her head, and Gold moaned at his first sight of her soft curves.  Her breasts were small and perfectly shaped, making him long to bury his face between them and never come out again.

Her color high, Belle reached down to push her pajama pants off her hips and let them fall, stepping out of the puddle of fabric.  The gentle curve of her hips made his mouth go dry, and Gold reached for her helplessly, pulling her down onto the bed with him when she stepped back into his arms.

Belle laughed breathlessly, and he found himself echoing her for no reason at all before he buried his face against her throat, breathing in her scent.  Greedily, he pressed himself closer to her, his body drinking in her warmth.  He was so cold.  He’d been so cold for so long, but Belle was warm, and she was sharing that warmth with him, little as he deserved it.

Any technique he’d ever had was gone.  All he could do was grasp and clutch, running his hands over every inch of her as he tried to soak in her warmth.  He was safe here in Belle’s arms.  Her touch pushed everything else away, soothing his worries and quieting his tortured mind.

“My darling…” Belle murmured as she brought his mouth to hers again.  This time she was no statue, but a living woman who made breathless noises in the back of her throat as he plundered her.  Her tongue twined with his, inviting him deeper, and Gold rolled her onto her back, covering her with his own body as he sought to drown in her.

His focus narrowed, Gold’s universe shrinking until this bed filled it.  For the first time in too long, he was able to let thoughts of doctors and scar tissue and hemorrhages fade from his awareness to be replaced with the taste of Belle’s skin and the sound of her soft moans filling his ears.

He was hard, achingly so, and he rubbed himself against her hip with a groan, pure animal pleasure blotting out everything else.  Tearing himself away from Belle’s mouth, he kissed his way down her throat, worrying at her skin with his teeth in an attempt to hold himself together.  He wanted the fierce pleasure of his climax, but more than that, he wanted this to go on forever.  He wanted to spend forever in this safe haven where Belle was soft and willing and nothing hurt.  

Frantic noises were tearing themselves out of his throat, and he was dimly aware that he was biting too hard, but Gold couldn’t bring himself to stop until Belle’s fingers plunged into his hair, gently easing him away.  "It’s okay, it’s okay,“ she murmured, drawing him up for another kiss.  

He grunted as he thrust his tongue into her mouth, desperate for more.  If she stopped him, the real world would come flooding back, and that was the last thing he wanted.  Clutching at a handful of her hair, he tilted her head back, changing the angle so he could drink her in more deeply.  With a groan, he pressed his aching length against her belly, wishing he could simply crawl inside of her body and let her shelter him from the harsh reality that lurked outside of this bed.

"Easy, easy…” Belle murmured to him before pulling him against her again, trying to gentle the kiss.  He was being rough, he realized, but Gold couldn’t seem to stop.

“Hush, darling, it’s all right.  Here, lie back.  Let me take care of you.”  The pressure of her hands on his shoulders forced him away, and Gold whimpered as Belle eased him back until he was lying beside her instead of blanketing her body with his own.

“That’s right…”  Belle moved to straddle his thighs and leaned over him, her hair falling in a curtain around his face that blocked out everything except for her.  Her crooked smile lit up his world.  

Belle took hold of his wrists, guiding his hands to her breasts, and Gold groaned in the back of his throat as he squeezed gently, loving the way they perfectly fit his hands.  With a gasping moan, Belle arched her head back, pressing herself into his grasp.

“That feels _wonderful_ , my darling.  Let me make you feel good too.”  Leaving his hands where they were, Belle set to work exploring his upper body, soothing him with long strokes and inflaming him with little scratches and pinches, finding places that had been neglected for decades.  

He was arching into every touch, grunts spilling from his lips, but Belle only smiled at his frenzy and leaned down to brush a soft kiss against his lips.  "God, you’re so gorgeous.“

That was the last word he would ever use to describe himself, but even knowing that Belle was being kind, her white lie still went straight to his groin.  He groaned, his hips thrusting helplessly in a fruitless search for friction as he rubbed his thumbs over her nipples, trying to give her a tenth of the pleasure that she was giving him.

"I don’t think you need these any more, do you?” Belle asked as she reached for the waistband of his boxers.

Gold made a strangled noise in response, lifting his hips to help her when she climbed off of him long enough to remove his final article of clothing.  His cock sprang free with embarrassing eagerness, his hard length already flushed dark red and dripping even though they’d barely done anything.

He was braced for her laughter, but Belle sighed at the sight, her eyes huge and dark.  "Gorgeous,“ she repeated, her voice husky.

This time he almost believed her.  Belle reached down, swiping up a bit of moisture with her index finger and bringing it to her lips.  The feather-light touch alone nearly drove him out of his head, but when Belle wrapped her pink lips around her finger, it was all Gold could do to keep his sanity.  ” _Belle_ …" he growled.  

“Yes.”  An instant later, she was straddling him, her hand wrapping around his length to line them up.  Slack-jawed, Gold stared at the glistening curls between her thighs, scarcely able to process the sight.  His performance up until this point had been lackluster at best, but somehow, Belle was aroused.  

She lowered herself slowly onto him, her wet heat grasping his tip like a vice, and Gold’s eyes rolled back in his head.  Arching his neck back, he ground the back of his head into the pillow, a harsh groan tearing itself out of his throat, echoed by a breathy noise from Belle.

“Yes, oh _yes_ , that’s good.  Oh, that’s _wonderful_.  You feel so good.”  Her soft words of praise aroused him almost as much as the feel of her body welcoming him deep, and the last of the ice melted from Gold’s soul as Belle joined them completely, leaving him bathed in blissful sensation.

Mouth dry, Gold moved his hands from her breasts to her hips to help her move, biting his tongue to keep from crying out as she slowly rode him, rising up until he was barely inside of her, then lowering herself in a smooth stroke to take him deep once more.  He braced his good leg against the bed for leverage to help him thrust up into her, each stroke sending a jolt of sensation so intense that it was nearly painful through him.

His teeth were chattering, his body threatening to overload.  It was too good, and it had been too long, and he was going to disgrace himself if Belle kept doing what she was doing.  On the other hand, if she stopped, he was certain to implode.

Desperately, he moved his hand to the apex of her thighs.  At this angle, he was doing nothing but blindly fumbling, but after a moment, Belle let out a high-pitched squeal, telling him that he’d gotten something right.  Grinding his teeth, Gold struggled to hold back as he tried to find the right way to move his fingers that would bring Belle to ecstasy.  After everything she’d done for him, it would be the height of bad manners to leave her unsatisfied now.

Belle mewled, her lips drawing back to show her teeth as she picked up her pace, her movements eager.  His fingers were soaked with her juices, making it all but impossible to maintain the right angle, but she took pity on him, reaching down to cover his hand with her own and show him exactly where she wanted his touch.

“There… _right_ there…!”  She let out a gasping moan, her breasts heaving as she struggled for breath.  She ground down onto him as he thrust up, and Gold nearly bit through his tongue to keep himself in check.

“Oh god, I’m coming,” she whimpered as she dropped her head forward to look at him with dazed blue eyes.

She released his hand to dig her nails into his shoulders, and Gold doubled his efforts, rubbing frantically.  His own chest was working like a bellows, sweat pouring off of his body, and if she didn’t reach her climax soon, he was certain to disappoint her.

“Come on, Belle.  Come on, sweetheart,” he pleaded, his accent thick.

She pressed her lips together to muffle a cry, her body quaking, and the delicious contraction of her inner muscles around him as she ground herself down tipped him over the edge.  With a deep groan, Gold let himself go, pulsing into her as Belle draped herself over his chest, trailing kisses along his jawline as she crooned words of comfort and praise.

Gold sighed, his muscles relaxing fully for the first time in ages.  His head was spinning in a good way, his headache having faded to nothing.  He felt like he could melt into the mattress and sleep for the next week.  For once, the voice of his worries was silent, his mind quiet and peaceful.

Belle brushed a kiss against his lips before rolling off of him with a contented groan to settle beside him, not quite touching.  “How are you feeling?” she asked softly.

He considered her question as he lazily turned his head to look at her.  Belle was sprawled against the pillows, her hair tangled from their activities.  Gold smiled at the picture she made, feeling better than he had in an eternity.

His good humor faded when he spotted the shadow on her collar bone.  Propping himself up on one elbow, he leaned in to get a better look, his stomach clenching when his worst fears were confirmed— he’d bruised her.

Instantly, his head cleared as cold reality flooded back in.  What had he been _thinking_?  Belle was his best friend, the person he cared about most after Bae.  Instead of treating her with the respect she deserved, he’d dragged her into bed and been so rough with her that he left bruises.  

She’d hate him for this, he realized, feeling sick.  He’d betrayed her trust and ruined everything.  A pity fuck was one thing.  Their relationship could recover from that kind of mistake.  It couldn’t recover from this.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, hating how trite the words were.  

Her eyes fluttered open, Belle looking at him evenly for a moment before she sighed.  "That didn’t take long.  Why are you sorry?“

"For hurting you.”  He traced his index finger lightly over the bruise, careful not to apply enough pressure to hurt her.

“You didn’t.  It felt good.”

She was far too generous.  "For taking advantage of you.“

Even she wouldn’t be able to overlook that.  He’d ruined everything by thinking of nothing but his selfish need for comfort.  Belle would be well within her rights to walk straight out the door and out of their lives, and Bae would never forgive him.

"Elias…”  For an instant, Belle looked like she was about to cry, then she took a deep breath.  "I love you.“

It was the last thing in the world he’d expected her to say, and Gold flinched back instinctively.  "Belle…”

She smiled sadly.  "I’m in love with you.  I tried not to be, but I couldn’t help it.  You're… perfect.  You’re everything I want.  I loved everything we did together, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.  You didn’t take advantage of me.“

"Belle…” he tried again, struggling to process her words.  Belle _loved_ him?  How was that even possible?  What did that mean for them?

To his horror and shame, Gold felt a sudden surge of anger.  He couldn’t _deal_ with this right now.  Bae was getting worse by the day.  He didn’t have time to think about frivolous things like romance when his son was dying.

He flopped onto his back, glaring up at the ceiling.  He was a bastard.  Belle loved him, and all he could do was think about how inconvenient the timing was for him.  She had to be out of her mind.

“Hey…”  Belle rested her hand on his shoulder.  

When he turned to look at her, she smiled bravely.  “It’s okay.  I’m not expecting you to say it back.  I know you don’t have room for anything but Bae right now and maybe… maybe you never will.  I _get_ it.  I just wanted you to know.”

Her generous spirit brought tears to his eyes, Gold cursing himself for how badly he’d underestimated her.  Of course Belle understood.  How could he ever have doubted her?

“If you want to pretend this didn’t happen, I understand.  If you want to be friends who go to bed together sometimes, I’d like that.  I’ll take whatever you can give me, Elias.  We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”  Belle leaned close enough to kiss his cheek, then scooted back, giving him physical space as well as the emotional space she’d promised him.

“Do you want me to go back to my room?” she asked softly, giving him a small matter to focus his attention on.

If he was smart, he’d say yes.  He needed time and space to process this and inviting Belle to spend the night in his bed would only be sending her mixed signals.  She deserved better than that.

“Stay.”  Reaching out, he hauled her back into his arms, her warm body melting into his.  There was safety and comfort in her embrace, and he needed that tonight.  Tomorrow was soon enough to deal with everything else.

Belle kissed his jaw.  "Get some sleep.  You’ll feel better for it.“

Gold snuggled into her, accepting the love and support she was so selflessly offering him.  For tonight, he would be selfish.  Tomorrow…

Tomorrow could take care of itself.  


	16. Chapter 16

“I want to go _home_.”  Bae flopped back against the raised head of his hospital bed and glared up at the ceiling before letting out a dramatic sigh.

“It won’t be much longer,” Gold promised, taking advantage of Bae’s heaven-raised eyes to exchange a smile with Belle.  For the past three days, Dr. Whale had been pumping Bae full of steroids and antibiotics through his IV line, and although the boy was pale-faced and puffy, it was a very good sign that his son felt well enough to complain.

“I’m _bored_ ,” Bae whined.  

“Should we play a different game?” Belle suggested, pausing as she shuffled the Uno deck.  Privately, Gold thought that Bae’s annoyance owed more to the fact that he’d lost the last four hands than it did to his enforced convalescence.

“We already played all the games.”  They’d brought some favorites from home, and the hospital had a large cache that they’d been borrowing from, but Bae did have a point.  Gold doubted that there was a board game anywhere in this building that they hadn’t played at least half a dozen times.

“We could read a book.  Or we could watch a movie.”  Belle tucked the cards back into their box and picked up the stack of books they’d brought with them.

“I’ve read all the books.  I’ve read all the books in the _whole world_ ,” Bae complained, clearly in no mood to be cheered up.

“I’m sure that somewhere there is a book that you haven’t read yet,” Belle assured him, her dimple betraying her attempt to keep her expression neutral.

When Bae let out a theatrical groan, it was all Gold could do to keep a straight face.  He looked down at his feet as he gathered his composure, then tried a logical approach.  "Dr. Whale thinks that you’ll be able to go home tomorrow.  That’s only one more day.  Surely, there’s something that would entertain you for that small amount of time.“

"I want Olaf.”

“Olaf had to stay home with the housekeeper.  I’m sure he misses you too,” Gold assured his son.

“You could write him a letter,” Belle suggested.

“Olaf can’t read,” Bae reminded her.

Belle was undaunted.  "You can read it to him when we get home.  I’m sure it will make him happy to hear that you were thinking about him while you were gone.“

After giving her idea several minutes of careful consideration, Bae nodded and reached for his colored pencils.  "I’m going to draw him a picture too.”

“That’s a wonderful idea,” Gold praised, relieved that the latest bump in the road had been so easily overcome.  Understandably, Bae was not fond of hospitals, and being confined in one for days on end was enough to send his usually even-tempered son off the rails.

At least Bae felt well enough to be contrary.  Compared to where they’d been three days ago, that was a massive improvement.  The medications and the breathing treatments were working their magic, reassuring Gold that his son still had time to wait for his new lungs.

“I bet Olaf misses me a whole lot,” Bae announced, making Gold smile.  He enjoyed his son’s next words far less.  "I bet all my friends miss me too.  I can’t wait to go back to school.  Ms. Gale says that after vacation, we’re going to make mold.“

"Make mold?” Belle repeated, looking as confused as Gold felt.

Bae nodded.  "We’re going to have all different kinds of food and see which ones get moldy first.“

"That sounds absolutely disgusting.”  

His son nodded enthusiastically, and Gold swallowed a sigh.  He had yet to break the news to Bae that he wouldn’t be returning to his classroom.  Dr. Whale had agreed with his decision to pull the boy out of school, but there was no way that Bae would accept it without a fight, not when he had mold to look forward to.  Other than his hurt at not being invited to Mikey’s birthday party, Bae still didn’t seem to quite realize how much of an outsider he was.  He considered the other children his friends, and he wouldn’t be happy to lose that social network.

Eventually, he would have to tell his son the truth.  It wasn’t as though Bae would simply not notice that he was no longer attending school.  He might be able to stall until winter break had come and gone, but once the new year started, Bae would certainly expect to return to his classroom.  

He’d deal with it later, Gold decided, aware that putting off the unpleasant task would make it no easier in the long run.  Worse, telling Bae that he could no longer attend school was only one of the things that Gold was putting off.

He’d had sex with Belle.  And she was in love with him.

Resolutely, Gold shoved that memory to the back of his mind.  Belle was generous to a fault, and he was taking shameless advantage of that generosity.  She’d given him out after out— telling him that they could pretend it never happened and assuring him that she didn’t expect him to return her feelings.  Eventually, he would have to sit down and think through just what he felt for the woman who was his favorite person in the world after Bae and decide what he wanted their relationship to look like.  Did he love her?  Could he be the partner that she deserved?

Just the thought of trying to answer those questions exhausted him.  Right now, every emotional reserve he had was devoted to Bae.  His son needed every ounce of his energy and attention, and he couldn’t give Belle something he didn’t have.  She deserved better—far better—but she’d given him an out, and he was taking it.

When Dr. Whale strode into the room, Gold was grateful for the distraction from his thoughts even though the doctor’s visits usually heralded more treatments and more tests.  "Hi, Bae.  How are you feeling?“

"I want to go home,” Bae announced, holding up the picture he’d been drawing for Olaf.  "That’s my hamster.  His name is Olaf.“

In the picture. Olaf looked like little more than a blob with eyes, but Whale nodded in appreciation.  "He’s a fine looking hamster.”

“He’s _really_ smart.  He knows how to go through a maze.”  Bae’s eyes shone as he talked about his pet, and getting his boy a hamster was the best thing Gold had ever done.

“That _is_ smart.  I went to a corn maze once and got lost.”  Whale exchanged smiles with Belle and Gold.  "Maybe you should think about sending Olaf to med school.“

Unbidden, an image of Olaf with a tiny lab coat and a miniature stethoscope around his neck appeared in Gold’s mind, making him chuckle.  "That’s a thought.”

Whale returned his attention to Bae.  "I know you’re ready to go home, but do you think you can stick it out one more night?  I want to take another X-ray of your lungs and do a couple more breathing treatments, if that’s okay with you.  You can go home in the morning.“

The doctor talked to Bae like he was a grown adult, and Bae sat up straighter in bed.  The novelty of being asked if he was willing to go along with Whale’s plans did more to sweeten his temper than any amount of cajoling Gold or Belle could have tried.  "Okay.  I’ll stay.”

“Thank you very much.  May I listen to your lungs?”  

Once Bae granted permission, Whale sat down on the bed beside him to listen to his breathing, and Gold held his own breath as he watched, trying to read the doctor’s expression.  Whale had an excellent poker face, but he thought the other man was frowning a bit more than usual, which didn’t bode well.

“Okay, somebody will be in soon to take you down for your X-ray, and after I look at the pictures, I’ll talk to your papa while you do a breathing treatment.  Do you have any questions for me before we get started?”  No doubt Whale had a thousand things to do, but he gave Bae his full attention like he had all the time in the world.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Gold pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger as Belle smothered a laugh, but Whale didn’t even blink at the random question.  "Yes, I do.“

"What’s her name?  Is she pretty?”

By the time a nurse came in to disconnect Bae’s IV so the boy could be taken to radiology, they’d learned that Whale’s girlfriend was a dentist named Lucy whom he planned to marry someday and seen several pictures of her, his dog, and his house.  Whale had also been required to promise to take a picture of his car to show Bae tomorrow since he didn’t have any on his phone.  

Gold was _mortified_.

“Bae, it’s rude to ask personal questions,” Gold scolded his son once Whale escaped the room.

“He said I could ask anything.”  It was true that Whale had once told Bae exactly that, but Gold doubted that the doctor had foreseen being quizzed about his personal life.  

“That’s not what he meant.”

“He said _anything_ ,” Bae repeated.

An orderly came to get Bae before Gold could find a way to explain why his questions had been inappropriate, and Belle squeezed his arm as they moved to follow.  "At least he’s feeling better.“

If the price he had to pay for Bae’s health was being driven to madness, Gold would gladly pay it.  "Aye.”

It didn’t take long for the test to be completed, and Bae was whisked away to do another breathing treatment as Gold and Belle waited for Whale in his office.  When the doctor stepped into the room, his mouth was set in a grim line.

“The fibrosis is getting worse,” he said without preamble before flipping a light switch to plunge the room into darkness.

He turned on the illuminator to display an X-ray showing Bae’s ribs and lungs, which were marred by milky white lines.  "This is from September.  The lines are scar tissue.“

After giving them a moment to digest the X-ray, Whale hung another picture next to it.  "This is from today.”

“Oh god,” Belle murmured.

Gold reached out to take her hand, needing the comfort just as badly.  In the second X-ray, every pre-existing line was thicker and new ones had appeared, Bae’s lungs spiderwebbed with scar tissue.  In a little over three months, the damage looked to have doubled.  

“How did this happen?” Belle demanded as Whale turned the lights back on.  Her eyes were red, blotchy color staining her cheeks.  "It’s only been a few months!“

Whale nodded, looking exhausted.  "The disease’s progression is erratic.  He might hold steady like this for the next year.  Or…”

The doctor trailed off with a wince, but Gold could finish the sentence for himself.  "Or he’ll continue to deteriorate.“

The doctor nodded reluctantly.  "That’s a possibility.”

Whale and Belle were still talking, but Gold couldn’t hear either of them over the roaring in his ears.  Bae seemed to be getting better, but that was nothing but an illusion.  His son was getting sicker by the day, and if nothing was done, he was going to lose his boy.

Bae had to have a lung transplant.  He _had_ to.

“I want to give him one of my lungs.”

When Whale raised his eyebrows, Gold tried to swallow down his terror and present his case.  "I’m his father.  Surely, I’ll be a match.  I can get by with one.  You can cut the other one down and make it fit.“

He’d researched this possibility before.  The recovery time would be daunting, but Belle could be with Bae while Gold was down for the count.  As long as the two of them had each other, they would be fine.  It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it was better than nothing.

It was better than watching his son die.

"Mr. Gold… Elias…”  Whale’s eyes were so full of sympathy that it hurt to look at him.  "I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way.  If he was bigger, we would absolutely consider it, but Bae is just too small for adult lungs.  By the time we finished cutting it down, your lung would be all but unusable.“

"You have to try,” he pleaded, his voice thick.  

Belle squeezed his hand as the doctor sighed.  "We just need to give him more time.  If a pair of lungs doesn’t come along for him, we’ll do it your way just as soon as he’s big enough.“

"He’s not going to _get_ big enough!” Gold snarled.

With a stifled sob, Belle dropped his hand and wound her arms around his shoulders.  "You can’t give up.  Bae’s not a quitter.  You can’t quit on him.“

"You don’t know that,” Whale said calmly.  "I was reading about a woman who was diagnosed with this as a child.  Her doctor gave her less than a year, and she lived to be thirty-eight.  There is no reason to panic.  Bae’s situation isn’t dire yet.“

"Yet,” he repeated bitterly.

“I’m saying that we don’t need to go into crisis mode.  Yes, Bae is very ill, but he’s not knocking on death’s door.  We still have time.”  Whale fixed him with a stern look.  "Miss French is right: you can’t give up.“

Gold took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to calm his racing heart.  Every instinct he had was screaming at him to do more to help Bae, but right now, there was nothing more to be done.  Going into a panic would help no one.

"All right,” he said, reluctantly accepting the wisdom of Belle and Whale’s advice.  Since they weren’t as close to the situation, perhaps they could see it more clearly.

“Why don’t I arrange a time for you to speak with Dr. Hopper?” Whale suggested.

Gold waved off the idea.  The hospital’s psychiatrist meant well, but he’d never been comfortable baring his soul to strangers.  He’d found far more solace in Belle’s arms than he ever had in a session with Hopper.

He winced, reminding himself that he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about that.  "No, thank you.“

Whale regarded him steadily for long moments before shrugging.  "Suit yourself.  If you change your mind, give me a call or say something to one of the nurses.  You’re welcome to make use of his services too, Miss French.  Just say the word.”

Belle shifted a little in her chair.  "Not right now.“

Whale threw up his hands but he didn’t press the matter, something that Gold was grateful for.  After going over the plan for the remainder of Bae’s hospital stay with the doctor, they left his office, Belle lacing her arm through his the moment they were on the other side of the door.  "How are you feeling?”

“Helpless.”

She gave his arm a squeeze before releasing him.  "Yeah.“

Although she didn’t say anything more, she didn’t need to.  Belle understood what he was going through better than anyone because she was right there in the trenches with him.  She knew what it was like to hurt and worry and never know a moment’s peace, and that made her boundless patience and generosity even more astounding.  She gave and gave, asking nothing for herself, and all he did was take from her.

It wasn’t fair, not even a little bit, but Gold felt too drained to even attempt to break the cycle.  Without Belle to hold him together, he’d shatter into a million pieces.

"Do you mind if I take the second sleep shift tonight?” he asked, trying to distract himself from his worries by concentrating on practical matters.  During Bae’s prior hospital stays, Gold hadn’t left his son’s side, but with Belle to help watch over the boy, they had a little more freedom.  He’d reserved a room at a luxury hotel a few miles away, and the two of them took turns watching over Bae in the evenings while the other retreated to the hotel to rest.

A shower and six solid hours of sleep in a comfortable bed instead of on the miserable cot the hospital provided for parents made all the difference in the world, and Bae didn’t really seem to mind the arrangement.  The only objection the boy had raised was that it was unfair that he couldn’t go back to the hotel and swim in the pool.

Belle blinked at him in surprise.  "Are you sure?  Some rest might do you good right now.“

"I want to be fresh for the drive,” he explained.  If Bae was going to be sent home tomorrow morning, he needed to be fully awake and alert so he could get them all safely back to Maine, and his body liked waking up at nine far more than it liked waking up at three.

“You know, I _do_ know how to drive,” Belle pointed out.  "You don’t have to do it all the time.“

Gold wasn’t sure what she saw in his expression, but whatever it was made Belle burst into giggles, the sound coaxing a reluctant smile out of him as well.  "Oh, I get it.  You trust me with your son, but not your car.”

Instantly, guilt swamped him.  "I trust you completely.  I didn’t mean to imply… It’s not that I doubt your driving…"

Belle stopped walking, bringing him to a halt as well.  "Hey… it’s okay.  I was just teasing you.  I’ve driven the Cadillac before, remember?“

He swallowed hard.  "I was in a car accident, long ago.  That’s what happened to my leg.  Since then, I prefer to be the one doing the driving.”

“Hell.”  Reaching up, Belle wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug.  "I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.  I was just trying to lighten the mood by giving you a hard time.  I didn’t realize it was a sensitive subject.  I’m sorry.“

His arms looped around her waist as naturally as breathing, the feel of her warm body in his arms soothing him.  "You have nothing to be sorry for.  I just wanted to make sure you know that it’s not that I don’t trust you.  I just…”

“You prefer to do the driving,” she finished for him.  

She squeezed him a little tighter before stepping back.  "It’s fine with me that you prefer to drive.  I’m not offended.  I _am_ sorry that I stirred up bad memories.“

"You didn’t,” he assured her.  The accident was so far in his past that it seemed like it had happened to a different person, even if he was still living with its effects.  "I’m glad I didn’t offend you.“

Belle smiled a little and glanced down at her feet, a lock of hair falling forward across her face.  Without thinking, Gold reached to push it back, wondering if he’d imagined her little intake of breath.

Belle loved him, he remembered suddenly.  For some reason, she loved him, and even more unbelievably, she seemed to be attracted to him, which meant he probably hadn’t imagined her reaction.  

"I think you’re wonderful,” he murmured, wishing he could give her more.  With Bae’s health issues filling his world, he didn’t have room for anyone or anything else, but at least he could express his appreciation for her.

Belle’s eyes went glassy at his words, her tremulous smile making his stomach clench.  "Thanks,“ she whispered.

For a moment, they just looked at each other, then she slipped her arm through his once again and they resumed walking in a silence that wasn’t quite uncomfortable.   _Had_ the other night been a mistake?  Their relationship was different now, but it wasn’t necessarily worse.  It was just different.

He’d think about it later, Gold promised himself as they stepped through the door of Bae’s room.  Right now, his son needed his full attention.  Belle would have to wait.

If it bothered her, she didn’t let it show.  Belle’s smile was genuine as the three of them played games together, and when she left to get some rest back at the hotel, she embraced both of them as she said goodnight, her eyes clear and bright.  Her calm demeanor went a long way toward soothing Gold’s nerves.  If she could accept everything that was happening between them, so could he.

Despite Bae’s insistence that he was ready to go home, the boy refused to leave the hospital when he was discharged the next day until Whale followed through with his promise to show him a picture of his car.  Gold was baffled.

"Since when does he like cars?” Gold muttered to Belle as Whale showed Bae several pictures of a black Miata.

“I have _no_ idea,” she whispered back.  

“I’m going to have a car just like that someday,” Bae announced after he’d finished admiring Whale’s car.  "I’m going to go really fast and drive all over the world.“

"All over the world?  Are you going to drive to Scotland and see where Papa grew up?”  Whale’s eyes danced as he teased the boy.

Bae nodded enthusiastically, the joke flying over his head.  "Yes!“

"You’ll have to send me pictures.”  Whale ruffled the boy’s hair and gave Gold a meaningful look.

Half-heartedly, Gold raised his hand in acknowledgement of the doctor’s unspoken point— Bae wasn’t giving up, and that meant that he couldn’t despair.  As long as his boy was breathing, there was hope.

Bae spent the ride home pointing out every car that looked like Whale’s Miata as Gold tried to figure out where this new interest had come from.  Bae had seen all three of the _Cars_ movies, but they hadn’t made much of an impression on him until this point.  

At least it was a harmless obsession.  If Bae made it to his sixteenth birthday, Gold would happily buy him a dozen Miatas.  He would also hire the most intimidating driving instructor New England had to offer to make sure that Bae understood how important it was to follow the speed limit and other rules of the road.

The mental image of his son driving off without his papa at his side made him both want to smile and want to cry.  He longed for the miracle that would allow his dream to become a reality, but if it did, Gold had a feeling that he would have a very hard time letting his boy go.  

He revised the image to include himself in the passenger seat, and when that picture still didn’t look quite right, he inserted Belle between them, the three of them driving off into the sunset.  There.  That was better.

Despite being buildings devoted to healing, hospitals weren’t restful places.  Someone was constantly coming into Bae’s room wanting to give him medicine or take blood or check his vital signs, and it was no surprise to Gold when the boy started drooping early in the evening.  It would be at least a week until Bae regained his strength, but he allowed himself to hope that the boy _would_ regain it.  

“Can I go to school tomorrow?” Bae asked as he helped his son get ready for bed.

“Not tomorrow,” Gold stalled, the words feeling like sandpaper against his tongue.  

“I bet my friends miss me.”  Upon their return home, Olaf had been delighted to see his master, and he’d sat happily in Bae’s hand while the boy read him the letter he’d written and showed him the picture.  To express his appreciation, the hamster then peed on his hand and ate one corner of the paper, but Bae didn’t seem to mind.  Gold doubted that his classmates would show the same level of excitement.  

Tempting as it was to put this matter off indefinitely, it had to be faced sooner or later.  "Bae, do you know why you had to go to the hospital?“

"Because I got sick,” the boy answered promptly as they stepped into his bedroom to join Belle.

“And do you know _why_ you got sick?” Gold pressed.

Bae shrugged before crawling into bed, and Belle deliberately caught Gold’s eye before she looked at the door, asking silently if he wanted her to leave so they could have this discussion in private.

He shook his head, needing her moral support for the impending confrontation.  "Robyn was sick, and she came to school, and you caught her cold.  It was worse for you because you were sick to begin with, so you had to go to the hospital.“

"Uh-huh,” Bae agreed, clearly not particularly interested in the ins and outs of how germs spread.

“A lot of your classmates come to school when they’re sick, and that makes _you_ get sick.  If you get sick too much, it can hurt you, so that why we…”  Gold trailed off.  He couldn’t pass the buck on this one.  He’d made this decision, and he would accept the consequences.  "That’s why _I_ have decided that you’re not going back to school.“

He suddenly had his son’s full attention, Bae’s brow furrowing as he looked at Gold.  "I’m not going back to school?”

Gold swallowed hard.  "I’m sorry, Bae.  It’s too dangerous.“

Bae looked back and forth between him and Belle.  "No more school _ever_?”

“We’re going to hire someone to come here and teach you!” Belle said brightly.

“But I _want_ to go to school!” Bae all but wailed.  "What about my friends?  What about the mold?“

"You don’t have—”  Gold nearly bit his tongue as he realized what he’d been about to say.  It was true that Bae didn’t have any friends, at least none his own age, but the last thing in the world his son needed to hear was that particular truth.

At Belle’s sharp look, he corrected his course.  "You don’t have… to stop seeing them.  We can invite them over to play.  And there are lots of other children who do school at home.  We’ll meet up with them sometimes, and you can make some new friends.“

"And we can do mold here.  I bet Ms. Gale will tell us how to do it.”  Belle tackled the other half of Bae’s complaint.  

“It won’t be as fun here,” Bae protested.  "I don’t want to stay home.  I want to go to school and play with my friends and do mold _there_.“

"When you’re better, you can go back,” Gold promised, telling himself that he was being optimistic, not giving the boy false hope.  

“I’m better _now_!  Dr. Whale said I was better!”  

On the other side of the bed, Belle looked as miserable as he felt.  "I mean when you’re all the way better.  After you get your new lungs, we can reevaluate.“

Bae folded his arms across his chest, a thunderous frown on his face.  "I want my new lungs now.”

That was certainly the heart of the problem.  Gold tried to smile encouragement.  "I know you do.  I do too, but they’re just not ready yet.  You have to be patient.“

It was the best explanation he could think of for why Bae couldn’t have the transplant that he needed.  The boy didn’t have the slightest idea where the replacement organs would be coming from, and Gold wanted to keep it that way.  

Belle ruffled his hair.  "We can do school together!  I’m going to be doing one of my classes at home too.  Maybe you can help me with my homework.”

Bae seemed at least moderately interested in that prospect.  "Maybe I will.“

"Think how happy Olaf will be to have you home all the time.  He misses you when you’re at school.”  Silently, Gold applauded Belle’s strategy.  

“He could come to school with me,” Bae bargained.

Belle shook her head.  "I don’t think Olaf would be very happy at school.  It’s awfully big there, and he wouldn’t have his house to hide in.  He might be scared.“

"Olaf isn’t scared of anything,” Bae contradicted.

“He’s brave like you,” Gold agreed.

“I’m not scared of school.  I don’t want to stay home.”  

“Sometimes we have to do things that we don’t want to do.”  It was a shame that so much of Bae’s life was spent doing those things.  

“ _Papa_ …”  

When his son whined, Gold grabbed the boy by the back of his neck and planted a fierce kiss on the top of his head, trying not to break down.  "I’m sorry, Bae-Bae.  I know you don’t like this, but this is how it has to be.  It won’t be so bad.“

From the look on his son’s face, Bae didn’t believe him, but the boy allowed himself to be settled for the night.  Gold wasn’t a fool.  This was only a temporary reprieve.  Bae was too worn out from his hospital stay to put up a real fight.  Tomorrow, his son would have a thousand arguments for why he should be allowed to return to school, and he’d be forced to poke holes in all of them, but for now, the matter was settled.

After tucking Bae in, he wandered blindly out onto the balcony, turning on the space heater purely out of habit.  Right now, he was so lost in his own head that he didn’t even feel the cold.

He stared out into the darkened yard until Belle appeared at his elbow with his pink and yellow mug.  "I thought he took it pretty well.”

“He’s not done fighting.  Tomorrow will be worse,” Gold predicted.

He took a sip of tea, the hot liquid burning its way down his throat.  "Are we doing the right thing?“

"We’re protecting him,” Belle reminded him.

“Protecting him by taking away something he loves.  Is that the right thing to do?  Shouldn’t we be trying to make him as happy as possible until…”  He couldn’t finish that sentence.

“Well, you don’t let him eat ice cream all day every day,” Belle said practically.  "That would make him happy, but it’s not good for him.  Being around his germy classmates isn’t good for him either.  It’s not like we’re planning to torture him.  He might even _like_ being home schooled once we get started.  We’ll try it, and if he hates it, we’ll reevaluate.“

Once again, Belle managed to put everything into perspective in a matter of minutes.  Gold sighed, feeling his soul unclench.  She was right.  They should at least try this new plan before giving it up as a lost cause.

"I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he told her, his voice low and fervent.

Belle blushed at his words and took a hasty sip of tea.  She was a bit too hasty, and she made a soft noise in the back of her throat when the tea sloshed over her fingers.

She’d made a noise very much like that while they were…

Gold’s eyes fluttered closed as he relived the experience.  True, it had probably been a mistake, but for one night, he’d felt utterly safe.  He’d never known comfort like he found in Belle’s arms, and in his memory, that night stood out like a shining oasis of peace in the middle of the maelstrom that was his life.  Nothing could hurt him while he was buried inside of Belle.

An alarming thought occurred to him, and Gold wheezed as a variety of possibilities flooded his mind, each one more horrifying than the last.  "I didn’t protect you.“

"From what?” Belle asked.  When he turned to stare at her, she frowned at him, then his meaning seemed to register.

“Oh!  Oh god, no.  No, don’t worry about that.  I have an IUD.”  Her hand fluttered as she waved off his concern.

“I didn’t even think of it,” he tried to apologize.  That night, he hadn’t been thinking much of anything.

“It’s _fine_.  I’m impulsive, but I’m not irresponsible.”  Belle gave him a crooked smile.  "I don’t have anything if that’s what you’re worried about.  And I guess I just kind of assumed that you didn’t either.  Maybe I _am_ a little irresponsible.“

She bit her lip to stop herself from babbling, something that Gold found utterly charming.  He wasn’t the only one who’d been thrown off balance by their night together.  

"I’m clean as well.”  His doctor had checked him for everything under the sun after the Milah fiasco, and there’d been no one since.

“Then we’re good!”  Belle flashed him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.  

“Are we?” he asked softly.

“Do you _want_ to talk about it?”  She answered his question with one of her own.

“Honestly?  No.”  He’d always been a coward.

Belle settled back in her chair and devoted her attention to her tea.  "Then we won’t.  I’ll just say that I’m fine with everything that happened.  No regrets.“

There was no end to her generosity.  "I probably _should_ regret it, but I don’t.  That night… it meant a great deal to me.  Thank you.”

She sighed so softly that he almost didn’t hear it.  "You’re welcome, Elias.“

They finished their tea in silence, then Belle pushed out of her chair with a groan.  "It’ll feel good to sleep in my own bed tonight.  It’s funny.  All I’ve been doing is sitting around, but I feel like I ran a marathon.”

“Hospitals are like that.  It’ll take a few days to get back to normal.”  Just stepping foot inside the hospital drained him, something that Gold attributed to stress, and he felt the effects for days.  They’d been home for hours, but he still felt frazzled.

They both needed a good night’s sleep in their own beds, but Gold didn’t feel like sleeping.  He’d had days of nothing but stress and bad news, all capped off by an argument with Bae that was nowhere near over.  If he went to bed now, all he would do was toss and turn until he found himself in front of the freezer, ice cream in hand.

He needed something to blot out the miseries of the past few days, but for the first time in his life, Gold didn’t want ice cream.  He wanted comfort.  He wanted peace.  He wanted to feel something that wasn’t worry or stress.

He wanted Belle.

If, by some miracle, the other night hadn’t been a mistake, this _definitely_ was.  Belle had told him point-blank that she wasn’t averse to an encore of their activities, but she was blinded by her feelings for him, feelings that he was in no position to return.  He was taking advantage of her— _using_ her—and that was shameful.  His best friend deserved better of him.

Gold knew all of those things, but when Belle reached out to take his empty mug, he caught her hand in his instead.  "Stay with me tonight.  Please.“

Belle froze, her eyes shadowed.  She was going to say no, as well she should, and he knew it.  Bizarrely, Gold was almost happy about that.  He didn’t have the strength to protect her, but Belle could protect herself.  She wouldn’t let him hurt her.  The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt her.

He braced himself for her rejection, an apology hovering on his tongue, ready to be spoken.  He had no right to ask this of her.

Instead of pulling away, Belle smiled tenderly and reached up with her free hand to cradle his jaw, her gentle touch bringing tears to his eyes.

"Yes.”


	17. Chapter 17

Gold snuggled drowsily into Belle, unwilling to open his eyes and leave this cocoon of bliss behind to face another day.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d awakened feeling so _good_.  His body was loose and relaxed, his mind clear and calm, and all of that was thanks to Belle and the infinite generosity that led her to take him in her arms in his hour of need.

Gentle fingers carded through his hair, making him sigh with contentment.  Lazily, he blinked his eyes open to see Belle looking back at him, their heads resting on the same pillow.  Based on the level of light, it wasn’t yet dawn.

“How are you feeling?” Belle asked, her voice soft.

Gold took a moment to consider her question, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Surely, something horrible had happened yesterday that his mind was choosing not to remember, but nothing came to mind.  None of the problems he was currently facing were insurmountable.  The scarring of Bae’s lungs had worsened, but Whale said that there was no need to panic.  Bae wasn’t happy to learn that they’d decided to pull him out of school, but Gold was certain he’d be able to deal with his son’s rebellion.  

“Good,” he said honestly.  

Belle smiled at him, the corners of her eyes crinkling.  "Good.“

Gold found himself reaching for her and forced his hand to still.  This wasn’t the sort of relationship he had any kind of experience with.  Despite Belle’s feelings for him, they were nothing more than friends who went to bed together, and he had no idea what the rules were.  

Belle’s smile flickered when she noticed his abortive movement.  "Do you want me to go back to my room?”

“Only if you want to.”  He would much rather have her beside him, but he wasn’t willing to take more than she wanted to give.

Her smile returned.  "Okay.“

When she reached under the covers to take hold of his wrist and guide his hand to the curve of her hip, Gold decided that they were on the same page.  Still, they did need to talk about one more thing.  "Bae can’t know about this.”

“I wondered about that.”  Belle sighed in regret.  "Do you think he won’t approve?“

"Since he’s planning to marry you, he might never forgive me.”  Gold chuckled ruefully.  Bae hadn’t mentioned marrying Belle for several weeks, but that didn’t mean that the boy had given up on the idea.

Belle giggled.  "Good point.  I wouldn’t want to come between father and son.“

Slowly, Gold ran his hand over the curve of her waist to cover her ribs, the soft rush of her breath soothing him.  "I’m afraid he’ll ask questions that I won’t know how to answer.”

He wasn’t ready to have the birds and the bees talk with his son just yet, but that wasn’t his real area of concern.  If Bae caught him and Belle naked in bed together, the boy was certain to have questions that went beyond physical logistics, and Gold couldn’t hope to explain his relationship with Belle to his son when he didn’t understand it himself.  

To his relief, Belle didn’t seem offended by his explanation.  "I understand.  So, it will probably be best if I’m in my own bed by the time he wakes up.“

"He’s been better about knocking, but yes.”  If his mental calculation of the time was correct, there was no need to hurry, and Belle’s lips quirked as he tugged her a little closer.

“I take it that you don’t want me to leave just yet,” she murmured.

“I’d rather you didn’t.”  Right now, there was no room in his mind or his heart for anything except Bae.  He was a depleted well with nothing to offer Belle emotionally, and that was a shameful thing when she deserved the world.  At least he could give her this.  He could offer her pleasure.  

Their previous two encounters had both been wonderful, but they’d also been primarily focused on him.  Now, it was her turn if she was willing.

When Belle tried to tug him down on top of her, Gold realized that he had his answer.  With a smirk, he evaded her grasp in favor of pressing himself against her side so he could lavish her breasts with attention.  As he closed his mouth over one pink nipple, Belle’s soft gasp told him that he was on the right track.

The feel of her fingers clenching in his hair was the sweetest praise imaginable.  Physical pleasure was a poor substitute for love, but if it was all he could give her, he would give her all she wanted.  It was the least he could do after how generous she’d been with him.  He only wished he could give her more.  Belle _deserved_ more.

When her tugging became more urgent, Gold slowly worked his way down her body to the damp nest of curls at the apex of her thighs.  Belle stilled, her body tensing, and he glanced up in concern, hoping he wasn’t doing something she disliked.

The only way to know for sure was to ask.  "May I please you?“

Belle let out a shuddering sigh, then laughed breathlessly.  "Your manners are impeccable.”

Not sure if that was her way of giving permission, Gold waited, unwilling to do anything that might make her uncomfortable.  Beneath him, Belle shifted, the rich scent of her musk making him feel dizzy.  He’d almost forgotten how heady of an experience it was to be desired.  

The two of them gazed wordlessly at each other until Belle let out a giggle.  "Oh!  You’re waiting for an answer.  Sorry, I thought the ‘yes’ was implied.“

Chuckling, Gold pressed a kiss to her soft curls, loving the way she trembled.  When Belle spread her legs a little more to welcome him in, he settled between her thighs and paused for a luxurious moment to enjoy the feeling of being completely surrounded by her softness and warmth.  

Reminding himself that he was supposed to be pleasing her, not indulging himself, Gold applied himself to his self-assigned task, teasing her with small licks and kisses as he familiarized himself with the places that made her gasp.  Only once he was convinced that he had a mental map of all of her most sensitive areas did he allow himself to delve deeper, and Belle draped her legs over his shoulders, digging her heels into his back to urge him on.

Too soon, Belle tensed and shuddered, a strangled moan escaping her.  He gave her only a moment to collect herself before beginning again, hoping that he wasn’t being selfish.  The taste of her sweet juices and the feel of her warm thighs clenching around his head were the most erotic things he’d ever experienced, and he was already hopelessly addicted.  

It was easy to lose himself in Belle.  Like this, he could concentrate on nothing but the physical sensations as they fell into a rhythm together.  All of his anxieties receded, his worries about the future less real than the breathy noises Belle was making and the taste of her on his tongue.  For the moment, nothing outside of this bed existed, and even if he gave her a thousand orgasms, it wouldn’t come close to repaying her for that gift of peace.

Gold could have stayed in that wonderful place forever, but eventually Belle reached down to tug on his hair.  "Too much.”

With one final kiss, he reluctantly moved back so that he could look up at her.  Belle’s chest was heaving, her face flushed and hair tangled and damp from her exertions.  He’d never seen her look more beautiful.

Only when he moved to once again lie beside her did Gold become aware of the burning ache between his own legs.  He’d been so lost in Belle’s pleasure that he’d barely noticed his own arousal.

With a wicked smile, Belle reached out to wrap her hand around his dripping length, making him gasp.  "It’s your turn,“ she informed him.

"That _was_ my turn,” he corrected her, biting the inside of his cheek to maintain control as she used her grasp on him to guide him to the entrance of her body.

“You said it was too much,” he reminded her breathlessly, his body threatening to disgrace him as she rubbed the head through her folds, teasing both of them.

“I changed my mind.”

With a roll of his hips, he was in.  Gold buried his face against her throat to muffle his groan as Belle rubbed his back.  He was so far gone that he was only going to last for a handful of thrusts, but Belle urged him on.  "That’s it, darling.  Oh, that’s it.  I love having you inside of me.  You feel so good.  Do it, darling.  Do it for me.  Make yourself feel good.“

With a low cry, Gold surged against her, pressing himself as close as he could get as he spilled himself inside of her.  Belle sighed as she wound her arms around him to hold him against her and pressed a kiss to his temple.  

"Oh, I love you.”  She spoke so softly that Gold wasn’t sure that he’d been meant to hear her.  More than anything, he wished he could say it in return, but somehow he knew that Belle wouldn’t want that.  If he couldn’t say the words from the bottom of his heart, he wouldn’t say them at all.  He wouldn’t insult her by mouthing empty endearments.

Gold wasn’t sure when he slipped into sleep, but when he woke again, he was alone in bed.  He took a moment to press his face against the pillow where she’d laid her head, fancying that he could catch a hint of her scent trapped on the fabric.  Then, he headed for the bathroom to ready himself to face the day, unable to remember the last time his body had felt this good.  The echoes of pleasure were still thrumming through his veins, making him feel a decade younger.  Better yet, his mind felt rested and relaxed.  His worries still lurked in the back of his head, but they seemed smaller and more manageable this morning.

By the time he descended the stairs, Gold was practically whistling, and even the sour expression on Bae’s face as he joined his son in the kitchen couldn’t disrupt his good mood.  "Good morning.  Do you want pancakes or eggs today?“

"I want to go to _school_.”  

Just once, Gold wished he could be wrong when he predicted Bae’s reactions.  "I know you do, Bae.  I don’t blame you for feeling angry and frustrated.  It’s no fun not being able to do what you want to do.“

Bae was in no mood to be understood or commiserated with.  "You have to send me to school.  It’s, like, a _law_.  You’re not allowed to break the law.”

“The laws says that you must have an education, and you’re going to get one.  You might like doing school at home.  Why not give it a chance first?”  

His reasonable tone only seemed to irritate Bae more.  "It’s not _fair_.  I shouldn’t have to stay home because other people are sick.  Make _them_ stay home!“

"Oh, Bae.”  Gold gave up on breakfast and moved to wrap his arm around his son.  "I wish I could.  I tried.  I explained, and I asked, and I argued, and it didn’t work.  They didn’t listen.  I can’t make the other parents keep their children home when they’re sick, and that means you’re not safe at school.  The only way I can protect you is by keeping you at home.“

"They didn’t listen to you?”  Bae seemed perturbed by the thought.

It was the first time his son had to confront the reality that his papa wasn’t all powerful.  "No, they didn’t.  I’m sorry.“

Bae leaned against him for a long moment before letting out a massive sigh.  "This _sucks_.”

“Baden!”

Belle chose that exact moment to walk into the kitchen, her eyes going wide.  "What did I miss?“

Bae snickered.  "This sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks!”

Belle’s eyebrows lifted almost to her hairline.  "What sucks?  What’s going on?“

” _Sucks_!“

"All right, Bae, that’s quite enough.”  Gold concentrated on looking and sounding bored.  He’d already made a grave mistake by reacting the first time Bae used that word, all but guaranteeing multiple repeats.  There was nothing Bae loved more than getting a reaction.

“Sucky sucky suck,” Bae chanted.

Belle glanced back and forth between the two of them, clearly at a loss as to how to react.  Gold gave her his most benign smile as he ignored Bae as hard as he could.  At least the boy hadn’t chosen a more appalling word to be his new favorite.  "Belle, would you like eggs for breakfast?“

"Eggs suck.  School sucks.  Papa sucks,” Bae conjugated.

This was getting out of hand.  When Belle opened her mouth to scold Bae, Gold gave her a tiny shake of his head.  If they wanted this to stop, they couldn’t feed the beast.  

Without a word, he went to a cupboard and withdrew a box of Corn Flakes, which he dumped into a bowl.  After adding milk, he picked up a spoon and deposited the cereal in front of Bae, who looked down at it in horror.  "I don’t want cereal.  I want pancakes.  Corn cereal sucks.“

"Young men who use inappropriate words do not get pancakes,” Gold calmly informed his son.  "Young men who use inappropriate words get Corn Flakes.“

"I _hate_ Corn Flakes!”

For half a second, Gold thought the battle was over.  Unfortunately, Bae wasn’t done.  "Corn Flakes suck.“

He ground his teeth and looked at the frozen Belle.  "Plain, blueberry, or chocolate chip?”

“Plain, please,” she requested, her voice faint as she took a seat at the table opposite Bae, who was scowling down into his bowl.  When the boy gave her a pleading look, she pretended not to see him, something for which Gold mentally applauded her.  All the parenting books stressed the importance of presenting a unified front, something that hadn’t been an issue until now.

Later, they could discuss whether his discipline strategy was scarring Bae for life.  For now, there were pancakes to make.  "What book are you reading now, Belle?“

It was the most innocuous conversation starter that he could think of, and Belle ran with it, describing the plot of a book in which a Russian peasant girl teamed up with the god of winter to defeat a one-eyed bear.  At least that’s what he thought the book was about.  Gold was only listening with half an ear to her description, the rest of his attention concentrated on Bae’s breathing.  

His son was breathing hard, mostly in irritation, but he was pleased to hear no hint of a wheeze in his breath.  There was, however, a pronounced whine when he deposited two plates of pancakes on the table—one for him and one for Belle.  ” _Papa_ …!“

"Eat your cereal,” Gold said mercilessly.  The flakes were probably mush by now, but Bae had no one to blame but himself.

“Cereal su— it’s gross.”  Bae corrected himself at the last second.

Gold nodded his approval before turning his attention back to Belle, not quite ready to assume that he’d won.  It wouldn’t be the first time Bae had lulled him into a false sense of complacency.  "Have you read other books by that author?“

"It’s her first book, so no.  There’s a sequel out, though, that I plan to pick up.”  Belle was careful not to look at Bae while she ate her pancakes.

With a huff, Bae shoved one spoonful of cereal into his mouth and chewed far more than necessary, his cheeks bulging out.  Wincing, he swallowed.  "Yuck.“

"You shouldn’t have let it get soggy,” Gold pointed out.

“Can I _please_ have pancakes?” the boy begged.

“You may have one pancake _after_ you eat your cereal.”

Bae’s face fell.  Then, with a grumble, he started shoving cereal into his mouth as fast as possible, making Gold worry that he would choke.  "Eat like a person, not like a rabid animal.“

Somehow, the cereal disappeared without Bae gagging or repeating the verboten word, so Gold decided to count it as a win.  He passed his own plate to Bae so his son could finish his papa’s final pancake, then decided they were all ready to move on with their lives.

"I’m going to your school to pick up your things this afternoon.  Do you want to come or would you rather stay here with Belle?”  The sooner they made Bae’s withdrawal from school official, the better.  

Bae dragged his fork through the remains of the syrup, making a squeaking sound.  "Can I see my friends?“

It went against all of Gold’s instincts to agree.  There was no telling what kinds of exotic illnesses Bae’s classmates might be incubating, and keeping his boy from being exposed to that was exactly why he was withdrawing him from school in the first place.  On the other hand, Bae was facing a huge loss, and he couldn’t bear to take anything else away from his son.  "We can time it so we get there at the end of the day so you can say goodbye.”

Despite Bae’s complaints, it wasn’t hard to keep him distracted for the day, and he was so enthusiastic about being reunited with his friends that, for once, the boy was actually ready to leave on time.  They made it to the school ten minutes before the final bell,  Bae straining against his oxygen line like a dog on a leash.

Relenting, Gold handed his tank to Belle.  "I’ll handle the paperwork if you two want to go ahead to the classroom.“

"I’ll see you soon,” she agreed, and Gold lingered to watch the pair of them walk off down the hall before he turned his attention to the school’s secretary.  "I wish to withdraw Baden Gold.“

Of course, it wasn’t as simple as that.  There had to be a talk with the principal, in which the frizzy haired woman tried to change his mind.  Cynically, Gold reflected that she was probably far more concerned about losing Bae’s tuition than she was about his son’s educational future.

He took a deep breath through his nose and tried to see the situation through Belle’s more charitable eyes.  He could almost hear her pointing out that if the principal _hadn’t_ argued with him, he probably would have assumed that she was eager to get rid of Bae so she didn’t have to deal with all of the medical issues that came with him.  Since there was literally nothing the woman could do that would satisfy him, perhaps he should make some attempt to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Gold couldn’t quite manage that, but he _did_ refrain from snarling at her.  Overall, he thought he’d acquitted himself quite well.  Eventually, the papers were signed, and Gold made his way to Bae’s classroom just as the bell rang, feeling like a salmon swimming up stream as students flooded the halls.  

Inside Ms. Gale’s room, Bae was talking a mile a minute at Mikey, who to his credit, seemed to be listening.  Belle was watching the interaction like a hawk, poised to swoop in at the first sign of trouble.

"I’m sorry to hear that Bae is leaving.”  To Gold’s surprise, the teacher sounded sincere.

“I’m sorry that it’s come to this.  He enjoyed your class.”  It wasn’t Ms. Gale’s fault that the other parents were inconsiderate.  As far as he knew, _she’d_ never come to school while contagious.  

“If there’s anything I can do, just let me know,” she offered.

That triggered half of a memory.  It seemed that there was something that he’d wanted to ask the teacher about, but at the moment, he couldn’t quite remember what.  

Gold tensed when he saw Robyn join Bae and Mikey but relaxed when he realized the little girl was displaying no signs of illness.  Satisfied that the children were getting along, he caught Belle’s eye.  "We wanted to ask about something.  Do you remember what it was?“

"Ask about… oh!  The mold,” she reminded him as she came to join the conversation.

How on earth did he forget the all important mold?  "That’s right.  Bae was excited about the mold project.  Can you give us more information on that so we can try it at home?“

"Of course!”  The teacher grabbed a tablet so she could jot down instructions as she explained the project, which sounded simple enough to Gold.  

“If he was looking forward to that, he’d probably like the snot project too.  Want to hear about that one?”  The teacher sounded far too enthusiastic.  

“We certainly do!” Belle agreed, and Gold shook his head in bemusement as Ms. Gale explained how to make fake snot and what to do with it.  The teacher seemed to have no end of disgusting science projects planned, and by the end of the conversation, they had copious notes on how to do all of them.  Bae would be delighted.

The boy was subdued as he said his goodbyes to his teacher and allowed himself to be escorted out of the building.  Gold had hoped that this final visit would give him closure on this chapter of his life, but now he was second-guessing himself.  Instead of giving him closure, maybe he’d made things worse by reminding Bae what he was losing.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he helped Bae into the car.

His son nodded but didn’t say anything which was worrisome in and of itself.  On the other hand, Bae didn’t _look_ upset.  If tasked to describe the boy’s expression, Gold would have settled on 'pensive’.  Time would tell if that was a good thing or a bad one.

He exchanged a worried look with Belle as he got behind the wheel.  She arched her eyebrows, silently asking him what was going on, and he answered her with a small shrug.  For once, he didn’t have the slightest idea what was happening in his son’s head.  

Silence hung over the car, becoming uncomfortable, and Belle broke it as he turned the car onto the highway, heading home.  "Should we stop at the pizza place?“

"Am I going to die?”

Instinctively, Gold slammed his foot down onto the brake pedal, nearly causing a collision before the car behind them swerved around the Cadillac, its horn blaring.  Hastily, he pressed the gas, his heart racing as he tried to keep up with the flow of traffic.

“Why do you ask?”  Gold prayed that Bae wouldn’t hear the way his voice shook.  Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Belle pressing her lips together in a tight line, her face stark white.

He glanced into the rearview mirror to see Bae shrug.  "Robyn said her mom said I was going to.  So, am I?“

He was going to _murder_ Zelena Greene.

It was taking every bit of strength he had just to draw breath.  His lungs felt as though they were made of concrete, his ribs ready to crack every time he forced himself to breathe.  Dimly, Gold wondered if this was how Bae felt when he was having one of his attacks and marveled at his son’s strength.

Next to him, silent tears were running down Belle’s cheeks, and she was careful to keep her face turned away so Bae couldn’t see.  More than anything, Gold wished that she would say something wise and wonderful that would magically erase all of Bae’s concerns and fix everything, but that was unfair.  He was the parent here.  It was his job to handle this.

"Yes.”

Belle made a bizarre wheezing sound, but she didn’t contradict him, something that Gold was grateful for.  If he had to pause, even for an instant, he would never be able to get this out, and it was important that he do so.  If worst came to worst, death shouldn’t be something that Bae feared.  The best thing he could do was normalize it.  “Everybody and everything dies eventually.  Robyn will.  I will.  Belle will.  Olaf will.  You will.  So, yes, someday you will die.”

Bae squirmed in his seat.  "I don’t _want_ to die.  And I don’t want you and Belle and Olaf to die either.“

The boy sounded more like he was complaining about having to go to bed early instead of facing existential dread, so that was a good sign.  Maybe this conversation didn’t have to be as agonizing as he’d first thought.

"Unfortunately, you don’t get a choice.  On the bright side, I don’t think any of us are going to die any time soon.”  Silently, Gold prayed that the hamster would prove to have a very long lifespan.

“Like when?”  Bae wouldn’t be Bae if he didn’t ask questions that Gold didn’t want to answer.

“Oh… years and years from now, I would imagine.”  He kept his words purposefully vague and airy, unable to shake the feeling that that he would be tempting fate if he promised Bae that his papa would live to be at least eighty.  

“What happens when you die?” Bae asked, and he really should have seen that question coming.

Until now, Gold had always considered it a good thing that Bae’s life had been untouched by death.  His books and movies dealt with the concept, but those were just stories.  It had never been personal.  He had no grandparents or elderly relations to mourn, and until Olaf, the boy had never had a pet to lose.  Now, he wondered if he’d sheltered the boy too much.  How could the boy face his own mortality if he’d never even had to cope with a fish going belly-up?

He considered and rejected a variety of explanations. _It’s like going to sleep_ … No, then Bae would worry that he was going to die every time Gold tried to send him to bed.   _Sometimes, people get too sick_ … No, Bae was already sick, and Gold wasn’t ready to tell his son that his future was in jeopardy.  He doubted that he ever would be.

“When your body gets too worn out, it stops and your soul goes somewhere else.  Somewhere nice.”  He was painfully unprepared for this conversation, and it showed.  

“Like Disney World?”

Mercifully, Belle opted to join the conversation because Gold felt as though he was on the verge of hysterics.  To a seven year old boy, Heaven probably looked a great deal like Disney World, but the comparison was making his mind go down all sorts of strange paths.  

“My dad told me that it’s like going through a tunnel of light.  Then, when you get to the end of the tunnel, you step out into a beautiful place and all the people and animals you love who died before you are there to welcome you,” she explained.  

Clearly, Moe French was much better at this than he was.  

“Oh.”  Bae digested that for a moment, then frowned.  "But I don’t know anyone who’s dead, so I won’t know anybody.“

"It’s like _Mulan_.  Your Scottish ancestors will be there for you,” Gold said desperately.  

“But I won’t _know_ them.”

“My grandparents died a few years ago.  I’m sure they’ll be happy to take care of you if you die before Papa or Olaf or I do.  And I can show you pictures and tell you stories, so it’ll be like you know them,” Belle suggested, saving the day once again.

After due consideration, Bae seemed to decide that he liked the idea of having deceased great-grandparents, even borrowed one.  "That might be okay,“ the boy allowed.

A moment later, he clarified.  "I think it would be better if you died first though.  Not a lot first, just a little first.”

“I’ll do what I can,” Gold promised.  Nothing would please him more than to have his son outlive him because if the opposite came to pass…

If Bae didn’t have a future, Gold didn’t want to have one either.

He took a shuddering breath and tried to release the thought.  A warm hand came to rest on his thigh, reminding him wordlessly that he wasn’t alone, and he risked taking one hand off the steering wheel to cover Belle’s fingers with his own.  

The warmth of her hand soothed his jangled nerves, grounding him.  A look in the rearview mirror showed him that Bae was craning his neck to look at the passing cars, his son seemingly content with the answers he’d received.  This conversation was upsetting Gold far more than it was Bae.

“Do you have any more questions?”  His voice sounded almost normal, and he thought that Belle looked proud of him.

“Can we stop and get the Christmas tree?”

“Excuse me?”  After all of this time, he should be used to the way Bae jumped from one topic to another, but Gold had no idea how they’d gotten from a discussion of the afterlife to Christmas decorations.

“It’s almost Christmas, and we don’t have a tree yet, so we need to get one.”  Bae’s request was perfectly reasonable.  It was still two weeks until Christmas, but they usually had the decorations up by this time.  Bae’s illness and hospitalization had thrown off the schedule.

It seemed impossible that the 'what happens when you die?’ discussion was so easily resolved, but if Bae was ready to move on, Gold wasn’t about to argue.  "Yes, we can stop at the tree farm and pick out a tree.“

"And a little one for Olaf,” Bae added.

“And a little one for Olaf,” Gold agreed.  

Belle smiled as she squeezed his thigh.  "With everything that’s been going on, I almost forgot about Christmas.  Do you put up lots of decorations?“

"We put decorations _everywhere_!”  Bae’s eyes shone as he started to tell Belle about all of his favorite decorations, starting with the ceramic Santa village that was usually the first thing to be put out.

Listening to the two of them chatter about Christmas felt so cozy and domestic that it was impossible to believe that Bae might only have one or two holidays left.  Surely they had decades of celebrations to look forward to.  He and Belle would buy far too many presents and continue to fill Bae’s stocking even after he was too old to believe in Santa, and later, they would spoil Bae’s children the same way.

The image soothed his soul, easing the last of the sickening dread that had been stirred up by Bae’s questions about death.  For the time being, it could continue to be an abstract concept.

“I want a big tree.  The biggest tree there is!” Bae announced as soon as he stepped out of the car at the tree farm.  

When the boy headed deeper into the rows of trees, following the sound of the owner’s barking dogs, Gold and Belle followed at a more sedate pace.  "Are you okay?“ she murmured.

It was a conversation that he’d been putting off for too long, but it hadn’t been as bad as he’d feared.  However, Belle still looked fraught, and when she tried to smile at him, the expression didn’t reach her eyes.  "I think so.  Are you?”

“I just wish he didn’t have to think about things like that.  And I can’t get over the nerve of Robyn’s mother!  How dare she say something like that!”  Belle clenched an impotent fist, her body shaking.

Gold took advantage of Bae’s distraction to pull Belle into his arms, hoping the embrace would comfort her.  "She’s a wretched woman.  But it’s all right.  Bae might have more questions later, but it looks like he shook it off easier than we did.  You were _wonderful_.  I couldn’t have had that conversation without you.“

Belle sagged against him.  "I don’t want him to be scared.”

“I don’t think he is.”  Bae feared little, and Gold didn’t get the feeling that anything new had been added to that short list today.  Belle had made death sound like just another step in the journey, and he certainly hoped that she was right.

He hoped even harder that none of them would find out for themselves any time soon.

Gold put one hand under her chin and tilted her head back so he could look her in the eye.  "You’re marvelous.  Thank you.“

When her lips quirked in a small smile, he couldn’t resist the urge to steal a quick kiss, the fleeting contact warming him on this cold December day.  "Oh, Belle…”

He wasn’t sure what he was planning to say, but he never got the chance.  Bae appeared from around the side of a large evergreen, his brow furrowing when he saw them embracing.  "What are you doing?“

"Belle’s cold.  Come help me warm her up,” Gold beckoned.

Belle giggled when Bae hurried over to hug her from behind.  Gold adjusted his grip so he could hold both of them, one hand curling around the back of Bae’s neck so he could feel his son’s warmth.  Death couldn’t have him, Gold decided.  Bae was staying right here.

“I feel much warmer!”  Belle squirmed until she could wrap an arm around each of them, the three of them huddling together as the wind rustled the needles on the trees.  It was a cold day, but Gold had never felt warmer.

Too soon, Bae got bored with the three-way embrace.  "Come _on_ ,“ he demanded as he broke away.  "I saw a big tree over there!”

“Lead the way,” Belle encouraged.

Gold caught her arm as he moved to follow, keeping her close against his side.  "Shall we go help him pick out a big tree?“

Belle’s smile was luminous as she gazed up at him.  "The biggest one there is.”


	18. Chapter 18

His hands shook as he tried to find exactly the right angle, the low light making it all but impossible to see what he was doing.  Gold could feel Belle’s impatient breath panting against his ear as he fumbled, then she made a slight adjustment, bringing everything into perfect alignment.  With excruciating slowness, he pressed forward, a triumphant noise escaping his throat as the next piece of the slot-car racetrack clicked into place.  

Belle chuckled against his ear before leaning back to grab another piece of track.  "You just had to buy the biggest one, didn’t you?  We’re going to be at this all night.“

"It’s Christmas.  Santa bought it,” he defended himself.  Given Bae’s newly discovered fondness for fast cars, the boy was certain to love the racetrack, and Gold knew his son well enough to know that Bae wouldn’t have the patience to wait while they assembled the toy in the morning.  Therefore, it had to be done tonight.

“Then Santa should put it together.”  Despite Belle’s complaints, her eyes were sparkling, reassuring Gold that she was having just as much fun as he was.  

They’d been wrapping presents for weeks in preparation for tonight, but every year was the same: no matter how ready he thought he was for Christmas, Gold never got to bed before three in the morning on Christmas Eve.  There was simply too much to be done.  This year, however, he had a partner to help him create a magical scene for Bae.  Things weren’t going any faster with Belle’s assistance, but he was enjoying the process even more than he usually did.  She was good company.

Belle reached out to grab a chocolate chip cookie from the tin and held it so he could take a bite before eating the other half herself.  "Can we at least turn on a light?“

"Bae might see it and come to investigate.”  He hung sleigh bells on Bae’s bedroom and playroom doors every year, but his son still occasionally managed to get the drop on him.  The last thing they needed was for the curious boy to catch sight of a light from downstairs and decide to sneak down to catch Santa.  Assembling the toy by the light of the Christmas tree wasn’t easy, but it was better than the alternative.

Belle shuddered at the thought.  "Good point.  That would be _awful_.“

"How old were you when you stopped believing?” he asked as she leaned over his shoulder to hold the next piece of the racetrack in place so he could attach it to the pieces they’d already assembled.

She hummed against his ear, making him shiver pleasantly.  "I don’t remember.  Eight or nine maybe?  One of the older kids told me, and I cried for two hours.  What about you?  How did you find out?“

Gold’s mouth twisted.  "I never believed at all.  My father made sure of that.”

“Oh…”  Belle pressed a kiss to the sensitive patch of skin just below his ear.  "That’s terrible.“

He was aware that he probably went slightly overboard when it came to Christmas, but Gold wanted his son to have everything he’d never had.  If he had his way, Bae would be in high school before he stopped believing in Santa Claus.  

"I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky that Zelena didn’t decide to have her daughter break _that_ news to Bae too.”  Two weeks of distance had done nothing to appease his anger over that debacle.  Bae was too young to be introduced to his own mortality.

He grunted in satisfaction as the next piece clicked into place.  "Did you know that she rents a very expensive condo in Saco?  I had Midas buy the building.  I’d hoped to gift her with an eviction notice for Christmas, but I suppose it will have to wait until the new year.“

Zelena needed to _pay_ for what she’d done, and even though hitting her in the pocketbook was petty revenge, it was the best he could muster.  Murder was, unfortunately, illegal.

Belle sighed.  "I’m angry too.  She’s a horrible person.”

“But…?” he prompted.  From the tone of her voice, there was something she wasn’t saying.

“But I’m thinking about Robyn.  It’s not _her_ fault that her mother is horrible.  I hate to think of her losing her home.”  Belle reached for another piece of track.  "I don’t know.  It’s just an awful situation.“

"Hell.”  He’d been so focused on punishing Zelena that Gold had allowed himself to forget that her daughter would suffer too.  Was he the kind of person who would allow a child to be hurt just so he could get revenge on her parent?

It was disconcerting to realize that he wasn’t sure.  

“It’s something to think about,” he hedged before deciding to shelve the entire matter for later.  Nothing could be done until after Christmas, and that meant there was no need to make a decision now.  Tonight and tomorrow were meant to be a time of celebration.  For the duration of the holiday, he would concentrate on making good memories with his son and with Belle.  Boxing Day was early enough to decide how much of a monster he was.

“What’s an Australian Christmas like?  What’s your favorite memory?” he asked Belle in an effort to change the subject to a happier topic.  

To his relief, she allowed herself to be redirected.  "It’s not that different from an American one.  Or a Scottish one, I would imagine.  Santa, presents, reindeer… We do have a song about kangaroos pulling the sleigh, but that’s just a joke.“

Gold chuckled at the mental image.  "They wouldn’t be very aerodynamic.”

“After lunch, we usually went to the beach.  When I first came to the States, it felt strange to have a cold Christmas!”  Belle giggled at the memory.

A pang of guilt struck Gold.  It had never even occurred to him to ask Belle if she had plans or holiday traditions of her own that she wanted to honor this year; he'd simply swept her up into his own Christmas preparations.  "Do you usually go home for the holidays?“

"I can never afford to,” Belle said honestly.  "One of my friends would usually take me in so I wasn’t alone on Christmas, and I’d video chat with Mum and Dad, but no, I didn’t get to go home.“

Gold busied himself with assembling the track so he wouldn’t have to look at her as he made his confession.  "I tried to arrange for your parents to come here for Christmas, but I’m afraid I left it far too late.  They’d already made plans that they couldn’t break.”

“You did?”  He winced at the watery note in her voice, wondering how her parents had been able to pass up the opportunity to visit their daughter.  Then again, he couldn’t quite understand how they’d allowed her to move so far away in the first place.  Should Bae live long enough to decide to move halfway around the world, Gold was certain that he would follow his son.

“Aye.”  

Warm lips pressed against his cheek.  "That’s the nicest present anyone ever tried to give me.  Thank you.“

"I should have thought of it sooner,” he apologized.  

“You probably would have had to think of it in August.  Their schedule fills up pretty fast.  They’ve got a lot of friends, and they’re active in the community.  I think it’s wonderful that you thought of it at all.”  Belle reached for another cookie, offering him the first bite.

Gold risked nibbling playfully on the tips of her fingers as he took a bite.  While he was disappointed for Belle that she wouldn’t get to be with her parents on Christmas, he couldn’t say that he was sorry Moe and Collette had opted not to visit.  He was selfish enough not to want to share his two favorite people with anyone on such a special day.

“Naughty,” Belle scolded with a laugh as she leaned down for a kiss that tasted of chocolate.  She and Bae had spent two days in the kitchen baking cookies, and Gold had enjoyed watching them have fun even more than he was enjoying the fruits of their labors.  How had they ever managed to get along without Belle?

The racetrack came together slowly, but eventually they finished the task.  From there, it was just a matter of positioning it carefully in front of the massive pile of wrapped gifts so it would be the first thing Bae saw.  

With Belle’s help, Gold dragged himself off the floor and surveyed the living room.  "Are we forgetting anything?“

Belle glanced around, taking stock.  "The stockings are stuffed.  Santa ate the cookies and milk Bae left for him.  Presents are present and accounted for, and he’s getting almost everything on his list.  Our phones are charging, and we have plenty of batteries for the new toys.  I’m sure we forgot to send a Christmas card to _someone_ , but it’s too late now.  I think we’re good.”

“Since you sent a card to everyone in the country, I can’t imagine who you forgot.”  Gold glanced over at the display of Christmas cards that had taken over the mantle before being corralled into a basket next to the fireplace.  Belle, apparently, had an active correspondence list, and she’d even added people like Dr. Whale to it.  Bae had been thrilled by the flood of cards that had been arriving for the past month, especially since many of the cards mentioned him.

For a moment, he wondered what it would be like to have that many friends, then shook it off.  Just the thought was enough to exhaust him.  He was satisfied to live vicariously through Belle and hope her friends provided her with the emotional support that he wasn’t capable of giving her.  

“I only sent one to half the country,” Belle corrected, her eyes sparkling.  

“I admire your dedication to keeping the postal service in business,” he teased as he caught her hand to lead her upstairs.  

“So, how long is Bae going to let us sleep?” she asked once she had pushed his bedroom door closed behind them.

“Seven if we’re lucky.”  Gold glanced at his watch and winced.  That was less than four hours away.

Belle glanced at the bed and offered him an apologetic smile.  "I’m beat.  Do you mind if we don't…?“

Although their original plan was to be friends who occasionally went to bed together, Belle had spent every night in his arms since Bae’s release from the hospital, and he saw no reason that tonight should be any different even if both of them were too tired to do more than sleep.  "I thought, maybe, we could… cuddle.”

When Belle stared at him, Gold hastened to undo whatever damage he’d done.  "It was only a passing thought.  I’m sure you’ll be more comfortable in your own bed.  Please forget that I said anything.“

"No!”  Belle shook her head, her eyes suspiciously shiny.  "I’d like to… cuddle.“

For some reason, the idea of climbing into bed beside her just to snuggle and sleep felt more intimate than the sex they’d been having for the past few weeks.  Gold held his breath as he watched Belle claim her side of the bed, and it wasn’t until she smiled at him that he was able to take his place next to her and hesitantly hold out his arms.

When she snuggled into his embrace, the world went soft and fuzzy around the edges.  It was Christmas.  Bae was happily asleep across the hall, visions of sugarplums dancing in his head, and Belle was in his arms.  It truly was the most wonderful time of the year.

One moment he was pressing his face into Belle’s hair to breathe her in, and the next second, Bae was pounding on his bedroom door.  "Papa!  Wake up!”

Belle jerked awake, the top of her head colliding hard with his chin.  "Just a moment, Bae!“ he called as the doorknob rattled.

"It’s Christmas!” Bae yelled as Gold and Belle exchanged a frantic look.  It was Christmas morning, and any second now, Bae was going to come barreling in.  They were caught.

With a muffled yelp, Belle leaped out of bed and ran for the attached bathroom, hiding herself behind the door just as Bae lost patience and came racing in to jump on Gold’s bed.  "It’s Christmas!  It’s Christmas!“

"Merry Christmas!”  Gold pulled his son into a hug, as much to quiet the boy down before he triggered a coughing fit as to share in his joy.

“Can we go downstairs?” Bae begged, the boy eager to see if Santa had come.

“Of course.” Gold exhaled in relief as Bae solved the problem for him.  They would go downstairs, and he’d tell Bae to stay in the kitchen while he turned on the Christmas tree and lit the gas fireplace.  From there, Belle could come downstairs and join them, and Bae would have no idea that she hadn’t spent the night in her own room.

Bae squirmed out of his embrace.  "I’ll go wake up Belle!“

He should have seen that coming.

"Let her sleep a little longer,” he cautioned.  "Ladies don’t like it when you wake them up.“

Bae gave him an exasperated look.  "It’s _Christmas_.  She won’t want to sleep through Christmas!”

Desperately, Gold stalled.  "All right, you may wake Belle.  But get Olaf first and put him in his ball so he can come downstairs with us.  And don’t forget to close the door so he doesn’t run away and get lost in the house if he gets loose while you do.“

He had never seen Olaf move fast enough to make him think the hamster was capable of a great escape, but if Bae closed the playroom door, there was at least a chance that Belle might be able to slip into her own room without the boy being any the wiser.

Bae headed for the playroom at a trot.  "Wake up, Olaf!  It’s Christmas!”

On silent feet, Belle slipped out of the bathroom, her face flushed with suppressed laughter.  Gold couldn’t resist stealing a quick kiss before he checked to see if Bae had followed his instructions.  Mercifully, the playroom door was closed, and when he gave the signal, Belle sprinted for her own room, her hair streaming behind her as she ran.

She had no more than closed her bedroom door behind her when Bae emerged from the playroom, Olaf’s ball in his hands.  He put the hamster carefully on the floor, holding the ball in place with his feet when Olaf tried to head for the stairs, and pounded on Belle’s door.  "Merry Christmas, Belle!“

Yawning hugely, Belle opened the door and pulled Bae into a hug, looking for all the world like she’d just woken up.  "Merry Christmas!”

Disaster averted, Gold donned his robe and went downstairs to ready the scene, feeling remarkably clear headed considering he’d gotten less than four hours of sleep.  Panic had a wonderful way of focusing the mind.

The look on Bae’s face when he saw the living room was everything Gold could have hoped for.  The boy’s eyes went wide with wonder at the pile of gifts around the tree and the empty plate that had once held cookies he’d left out for Santa.  "Wow…"

Belle beamed, teary-eyed, as she leaned down to kiss the top of his head.  "It looks like you were good this year!“

For a moment, Bae bounced in place, then he ran for the racetrack.  "Cool!”

Gold grinned at his son’s reaction, feeling like a boy himself.  The hours he and Belle had spent putting the toy together were a small price to pay for the sight of Bae’s smile.  

Of course, the racetrack was only one of the presents they’d bought for Bae, and the next hours passed in a happy whirl of enthusiastic unwrapping.  Bae was delighted with everything, even the Aerogarden that Belle had chosen and Gold had second-guessed.  It wasn’t a greenhouse, but his boy was going to get a chance to try hydroponic gardening after all.  

In his ball, Olaf ran in and out of piles of gifts, bumping into everything until Bae gave him to Belle to hold while he helped the hamster open the presents in his small stocking.  Santa had spoiled Olaf rotten with treats, toys, and things to chew on, but Olaf seemed to derive more pleasure from eating the wrapping paper than admiring his gifts, leading to him going back upstairs to his cage before he could get himself into trouble.

For her part, Belle seemed genuinely pleased with her own presents.  Gold hoped that at least a few of the books from the pile he’d bought were new to her, and he hoped even harder that she would appreciate the present that was still stashed behind the tree.  Bae would have to open a few more packages before they’d be able to reach it.

“Do you want to give Belle your present?” Gold prompted in the meantime.

His son scrambled for the small box he’d stashed under the tree.  "This is from me!“ he announced as he deposited it on Belle’s lap before climbing onto the sofa next to her to watch her open it.

Belle examined the small, rather lumpy present with great attention.  "I can’t imagine what it could be!  Someone did a wonderful job wrapping it!”

Bae beamed at her praise as Belle tried to find a place to slip a finger beneath the copious amounts of tape the boy had used.  Finally, she managed to pry open one corner, allowing her to unwind the tape, a process that took the wrapping paper with it until she’d revealed a blue velvet box.

“You’re spoiling me!” Belle told Bae lightly before she flipped up the lid and her jaw dropped.

“I picked it out all by myself!” Bae told her proudly.

“He certainly did.”  Privately, Gold thought that the necklace might be too ostentatious for Belle’s taste.  The large, pear-shaped central diamond was encircled by smaller stones and flanked by clusters of diamonds arranged in a leaf-like pattern halfway up either side of the chain.  There was absolutely nothing subtle about it, but Bae had taken one look at it and insisted that it was the perfect Christmas present for Belle.

Oh well, if she hated it, she could trade it in for a different piece of jewelry or a small tropical island after Bae lost interest.

“It’s _beautiful_ ,” Belle praised, still looking a little shell-shocked.  

“Isn’t it pretty?  It’s really shiny!”  Bae squirmed with excitement.  "Put it on!  Put it on!“

Gold watched as Belle brushed her hair forward over her shoulder and fastened the necklace before sitting back so everyone could admire it.  She should have looked ridiculous wearing an extravagant diamond necklace with her flannel pajamas, but on her, the combination looked curiously elegant.  "It looks just right with your pajamas.”

She laughed at the compliment and pulled Bae into a tight hug, mouthing “Thank you” to him over the top of the boy’s head.  

Gold waved off her gratitude.  "Bae did it.  My present isn’t going to look very impressive in comparison.“

"You bought me something _else_?” Belle asked in disbelief.

“It’s behind the tree.  We haven’t gotten there yet.”  He watched indulgently as Bae caressed Belle’s necklace with fascinated fingers, then redirected his son.  "What else did Santa bring you?“

"I think it’s Papa’s turn,” Belle overruled him.

Gold blinked when she indicated for Bae to bring him a box just as lumpy as the one that had contained Belle’s necklace, albeit considerably larger.  "For me?“

He’d never seen any point in having Bae buy him a present.  The boy could hardly shop without supervision, and there was nothing festive about paying for his own gift.  Instead, each year he asked Bae to draw him a picture, and those pieces of art were some of his most prized possessions.  This year, Bae had drawn a picture of the three of them and Olaf at the Christmas tree farm, and Gold had been thrilled.  He was already making plans to frame it.  He would have been more than satisfied just with that, but Bae, it seemed, was full of surprises.  

"Belle took me!  You thought we were getting ice cream, but we weren’t!”  Bae looked utterly delighted to have tricked his papa.

Gold shook his head in wonder at how easily he’d been fooled.  He remembered the day Belle had dropped by his office while he was working to announce she was taking Bae out for ice cream.  At the time, he’d been a little hurt at not being invited.  He’d had no idea she had an ulterior motive.

He lifted Bae onto his lap to help him open the gift, a task that ended up requiring two sets of hands.  For a time, Gold wondered if he’d need a chainsaw before he finally managed to work his way around the tape.  

The plain white box he revealed was heavy, but otherwise, it offered no hint as to its contents.  "I can’t begin to guess.“

Bae hooted with delight.  "Open it!”

Unable to think of anything else to do, Gold took his son’s advice.  He opened the lid and pushed the tissue paper aside to reveal a vintage mechanical bank depicting a rocket ship that would shoot coins into a slot on the moon it was approaching.

Barely able to talk around the lump in his throat, Gold hugged his boy close.  "Thank you.“

"Isn’t it cool?  It works really good!  It’ll look just right with the other ones!”  Bae wriggled with pleasure at his papa’s reaction.

“It’s really cool,” Gold agreed, his eyes burning.  

To hide his tears, he pressed a long kiss to the top of Bae’s head until he felt like he’d regained control of himself.  Only then did he look up to shoot a grateful glance at Belle, who beamed at him.  "They had a few, but Bae liked that one.“

"It’s like _Star Wars_ ,” Bae agreed.  

“It’s wonderful, and I love it.  Thank you.”  The bank was in immaculate condition, but he barely noticed.  This was the first actual present he’d ever received from his son, and Gold would treasure it for that reason alone.  

“And this is from me.”  Without any other warning, Belle deposited a heavy box in his lap next to Bae.

“Will you help me open it?” he requested, and Bae eagerly tore into the package, sending shreds of paper flying.  Belle smiled at the sight and lifted her phone to capture the moment.

Gold lifted the box’s lid to see two large leather books nestled together, and his breath caught in his chest as he suddenly realized just what Belle had given him.  "Oh…"

With shaking fingers, he opened the first book to confirm his suspicions, pictures of him and Bae together greeting his eyes.  Belle hadn’t just forwarded him copies of all the pictures she’d been taking, she’d made scrapbooks as well, collecting memories from the past four and a half months into a form he could hold onto, no matter what.

“It’s us!” Bae exclaimed in delight.

“Yes, it is,” he agreed, his voice cracking.  Unable to say anything more for fear of breaking down, he tried to smile at Belle, hoping that she would understand how much her gift meant to him without him having to say the words.  

“You’re welcome,” she mouthed from her position on the couch, her own eyes bright with unshed tears.

Bae spent a few minutes flipping through the scrapbooks and identifying what he’d been doing when each picture was taken before losing interest and climbing down to go see what else Santa had brought him.  So overwhelmed was Gold by his gifts that it was a relief to resume watching Bae open his presents.  Somehow, he would have to find a way to thank Belle properly for this, but he couldn’t imagine how.

Hopefully, she’d like his present one-tenth as much.  At the time, Gold had thought himself clever for making the purchase, but now that the moment of giving was upon him, he was starting to have doubts.  

There was only one way to find out.  He pushed himself out of his chair and reached behind the tree, coming up with a large, flat package.  Bae watched eagerly as he tried to figure out how to wrangle both it and his cane.  "What’s that?“

"It’s for Belle,” he told his son as he took hold of one edge so he could carry it over to where she was sitting.

“It’s fragile,” he cautioned as he offered it to her.

“Must be Italian,” she murmured, quoting from _A Christmas Story_ , the movie they’d watched four times yesterday.

Her brow furrowed as she felt the shape through the wrapping paper.  "Some kind of picture?“ she guessed.

Gold smiled weakly as he collapsed back into his chair.  "I hope you like it.  If you don’t, I still have the receipt.”

Belle gave him a reproving look.  "I’m sure I’ll love it.“

With careful fingers she tore away the paper to reveal a portrait of cartoon Belle and the Beast, the enchanted rose displayed prominently in the princess’s grasp.  When he bought the painting, Gold had thought it was a playful homage to how they’d met, the artist’s rendition of the characters stylized enough to keep the picture from being childish.  Now, he worried that Belle would think it more suitable for an eight year old girl than a grown woman.

” _Cool_ …" Bae breathed as he examined the picture.  Belle said nothing, her lips pressed together in a tight line.

“We can return it,” Gold assured her, his stomach sinking.  "Just say the word.  You won’t hurt my feelings.“

With deliberate movements, Belle set the painting aside.  The moment it was safely out of the way, she launched herself off the couch.  A shocked Gold opened his arms just in time to catch her and found himself with a lapful of Belle.  

"I love it!  It’s beautiful!” she sobbed.

Relieved, he patted her back, conscious of Bae’s eyes upon them, preventing him from doing anything more.  "I’m glad.  I hoped you would.“

"Papa has a mug, and you have a picture.  I need a Belle thing,” Bae announced.

The boy’s innocent words broke the tension.  Belle let out a watery laugh as she reclaimed her seat on the sofa.  "You got a million presents today, and you’re asking for more!“

"Did you get everything you wanted?” Gold asked his son.

Bae looked over his haul with considering eyes.  "Almost.“

"Almost,” Gold chuckled, shaking his head.

“What did you want that you didn’t get?” Belle asked.

“A dog.”  Bae sighed.  "Papa said no, but I thought Santa might say yes.“

Gently Belle ruffled his hair.  "I bet Santa said no because he knew Olaf would feel sad if you got a dog and he wasn’t your best friend any more.”

“I could have _two_ best friends,” Bae reasoned.  

“Well, there’s always next year,” Belle comforted him.

Gold switched on the television and called up the Disney Christmas parade that he’d recorded earlier.  If anything could distract Bae from the disappointment of not getting a dog, it was Disney.  Later, they would have dinner, and after that, they would video chat with Moe and Collette so they could open the gifts they’d sent each other, but for now, they all needed some downtime.  

He joined Belle and his son on the sofa to watch the parade, feeling his late night catching up with him. Somehow, he wound up with Belle resting against his chest as Bae leaned on her, the three of them snuggled together in a comfortable pile.  Gold meant to close his eyes for only a moment and found himself dozing, keeping track of what was happening based on Bae’s exclamations.

He stirred when he felt Belle prying the remote out of his grasp and opened his eyes to see her hand it to Bae.  "Why don’t you find another Christmas movie?“ she suggested, sounding as sleepy as he felt.  Apparently, he’d missed the parade.

Bae, tired from the morning’s excitement, didn’t argue.  The boy flipped through the channels until he found something he liked.  "Cool!  Muppets!”

Gold snapped awake when he realized Bae had landed on the Muppet version of _A Christmas Carol_.  "Why don’t we play with your new racetrack?“

His son ignored him.  "Look, it’s Gonzo and Rizzo!”

“We could watch _A Christmas Story_ again.  You loved that!”  Gold sounded brittle to his own ears.

Belle glanced back over her shoulder at him, her face concerned.  "Is anyone else getting hungry?  Maybe we should start dinner?“ she suggested, willing to back him up even if she didn’t understand why he didn’t want to watch that particular movie.

Gold appreciated her efforts, even if they were for naught.  Without looking away from the television, Bae reached out to tug the platter of Christmas cookies that they’d been snacking on all morning a little closer so Belle could reach it.  On the screen, Gonzo was using Rizzo as a cleaning rag, and his son laughed uproariously at their antics.

Gold took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the sound of Bae’s merriment.  It was just a movie.  It was a _Muppet_ movie, of all things.  There was no reason that seeing Michael Caine sing with a collection of felt creatures should upset him.  Bae was enjoying it, and that was the important thing.  He could handle this.

On screen, Scrooge was gloating about his plans to evict the tenants who had opted to spend the mortgage money on Christmas celebrations instead of repaying their loans, a topic that hit uncomfortably close to home since, last night, he’d been doing the same thing in regards to Zelena Greene and her daughter.  Gold was motivated by revenge, not greed, but he had the uncomfortable feeling that he and Scrooge had a bit too much in common.

The mental comparison distracted him as Scrooge was visited by his late business partners and then by the Ghost of Christmas Past.  He barely registered anything that was happening in the film until Bae let out a delighted squawk.  "Her name’s Belle too!”

Until that moment, he’d forgotten that Scrooge’s former fiancée was named Belle, a coincidence that made Gold wonder if the universe was trying to tell him something.  

“She sings a lot better than I do,” Belle observed wryly as her movie counterpart shared a duet with Scrooge.

Christmas Present was the next ghost to appear, and Bae was instantly enraptured by both the enormous Muppet and by the game of Twenty Questions Scrooge’s relatives were playing.  The boy hit the pause button on the remote.  "I’m thinking of something!“

It had been a long time since Gold played this particular game, but the movie had refreshed his memory of the rules.  "Is it an animal?”

“Yes!”

“Is it Olaf?” Belle guessed.

Bae’s shoulders sagged.  "Yes,“ he grumbled.

Gold bit back a laugh as he reached past Belle to pat the boy’s shoulder.  "We’ll try again later.”

“I’m going to think of something _really_ hard,” Bae threatened.

Belle glanced back over her shoulder, her eyes dancing with mirth.  "Oops,“ she whispered.

As Bae restarted the movie, Gold slid his arm around Belle’s waist to shift her to rest more comfortably against him.  "Serves him right for picking something so easy,” he murmured, careful to keep his voice low.

“Kermit!”

Bile rose in Gold’s throat as Kermit appeared on the screen, singing as he carried his nephew Robin in the guise of Tiny Tim.  He’d almost forgotten why he didn’t want to watch this movie, but the sight of these particular characters brought it all rushing back.

Under other circumstances, watching Miss Piggy play the part of a Victorian homemaker would have been hilarious, but Gold was blind to anything except the worried looks Bob and Emily Cratchit exchanged as Tiny Tim started to cough, his small body shaking.  It was ridiculous to get upset over a felt frog, but this particular storyline hit far too close to home.

Reaching back, Belle slipped her hand into his, and Gold squeezed hard, needing her strength as the scene progressed.  He tried to remind himself that it was just a children’s movie, but when the Ghost of Christmas Present informed Scrooge that Tiny Tim would almost certainly die, it was all he could do to keep himself together.

When the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come arrived, things went from bad to worse.  Gold clenched his teeth so tightly that his jaw ached as the future version of the Cratchits mourned their lost son.  

“It’s all right, children,” Kermit was saying.  "Life is made up of meetings and partings.  That is the way of it.  I’m sure that we shall never forget Tiny Tim, nor this first parting that there was among us.“

It was too easy to see his own future playing itself out on the television screen.  On a day not too far from now, he and Belle might be left behind to grieve once Bae had slipped away, leaving behind only a handful of pictures and a pile of toys that had no one to play with them.

He was going to be sick.

Belle’s grip on his hand tightened fiercely, and the pressure distracted him from his terrible imaginings.  "He lives.  Tiny Tim lives,” she muttered into his ear, reminding him that this story had a happy ending.

Gold blinked rapidly.  On the screen, Scrooge was singing as he led a parade of Muppets up and down the streets of London, delivering gifts to all the characters they’d met earlier in the film, culminating in a visit to the Cratchit home.

“And Tiny Tim?” Rizzo asked, the rat sounding worried.

Gonzo was quick to reassure him.  "And Tiny Tim… who did _not_ die…"

“That’s good,” Bae approved.  

Belle’s eyes were red when they met his.  "He lives,“ she reminded him.  "Scrooge is redeemed, and Tiny Tim lives.”

If Scrooge becoming a decent person led to Tiny Tim’s survival, perhaps Gold could ensure the same for Bae.  "I’m not going to evict Zelena,“ he told Belle, his voice low.

It was foolish to base his life decisions on a Muppet movie, but Gold couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d be daring fate to do its worst if he enacted the vengeance he’d imagined.  Right now, he needed all the good karma that he could get.

Belle squeezed his hand.  "I’m glad.”

“I’m glad Tiny Tim didn’t die,” Bae announced as the credits started to roll.  "He’s just like you, Papa.“

"Like _me_?”  Gold was baffled.  How could Bae look at a fragile child with a wracking cough and see his papa instead of a reflection of himself?

“He walks with a cane like you,” Bae explained.

It was truly amazing how his son’s mind worked.  "Well, I’m not planning to die either,“ he assured the boy.

"Good.”  Bae disentangled himself from Belle and Gold’s embrace and sat up, stretching.  "I’m hungry.“

"Then it’s time to start dinner.”  With effort, Gold put the movie behind him and tried to focus on the present moment.  It was Christmas, and Bae hadn’t coughed once.  That was something worth celebrating.

When all was said and done, he was almost glad his son had insisted on watching the film.  There were worse harbingers of the future than _The Muppet Christmas Carol_.  If Tiny Tim could survive, so could Bae.  

His son’s health was all Gold wanted for Christmas.


	19. Chapter 19

“What did you and Dove do today?” Gold asked his son as the family gathered around the kitchen table for dinner.

“Salad?” Bae said doubtfully as he poked at the lettuce on his plate with his fork.

“It’s good for you,” Belle reminded him as she deliberately took a bite of her own salad.  "And it’s yummy too.“

Bae’s nose wrinkled, the boy clearly not agreeing with Belle’s assessment.  "Salad is yuck.”

“I asked you about school,” Gold reminded Bae, trying to get the conversation back on track.  A glance at the weekly lesson plans Dove submitted for his approval had told him exactly what the two of them spent the day focusing on, but he was still interested in hearing Bae explain what he was learning for himself.

Hiring a tutor had been one of the more difficult tasks Gold had ever faced, but Dove was a godsend.  The man was a giant, so tall that he had to stoop to pass through doorways, but despite his intimidating exterior, the man radiated kindness and patience.  

After a frustrating day of interviewing potential tutors, none of whom met his standards, Gold had been ready to call the entire thing off and teach Bae himself until Dove arrived on their doorstep.  Although his first look at the man had done nothing to reassure him, Belle had insisted on giving the big man a chance, and her instincts had been absolutely correct.  Dove was an excellent tutor, but more importantly, he was wonderful with Bae, who’d taken to him immediately.

After two months of home schooling, Bae still wasn’t entirely sold on the process, but he adored his tutor, and that was half the battle.  It wasn’t easy for the boy to spend his days cooped up in the house, but germs ran rampant during the grueling New England winters, and the cold, dry air was bad for his lungs.  The risk was simply too great.  Once the weather turned, they would make a point of getting out more so Bae could socialize with children his own age, but for now, Gold was keeping his boy home where it was safe.

“We’re learning how magnets work.  We made cars go.”  Bae shrugged a little.  "It was cool, I guess.“

"You guess?” Gold parroted as he exchanged a worried look with Belle over Bae’s head as the boy picked at his salad.  According to Dove’s lesson plan, today they were supposed to use the attraction and repulsion fields of magnets to race miniature cars, a project that Gold had assumed Bae would love.  His son, however, sounded less than enthusiastic.

“Are you feeling all right?” Belle asked, voicing the question that was uppermost in Gold’s mind as well.  

“I don’t know.  I guess.”  Bae continued to poke at his lettuce, his eyes dull.

Gold rose from his seat to take Bae’s plate and warm some chicken noodle soup for him.  His son wasn’t coughing, and he wasn’t complaining of chest pain, but the boy was listless, and that was never a good sign.  Perhaps soup would help.

When he brought Bae the bowl, he lingered to press the back of his hand against the boy’s forehead to check for fever, but his son didn’t feel hot to the touch.  Instead, his skin was cool and a bit clammy.  "On a scale of one to ten, how do you feel?“

"I don’t _know_ …” Bae whined, sounding like he was on the verge of tears.

“Okay, okay.”  Gold reclaimed his seat, resolving not to push the matter since he seemed to be doing nothing but upsetting Bae.  With any luck, his son was just grumpy and overtired, something that could be remedied by a quiet evening and a good night’s sleep.  

Mechanically, he ate his own meal, his attention so focused on Bae that he barely tasted it.  To his eyes, the boy looked pale, and he definitely seemed run down, but he did manage to eat all of his soup, a small victory.  

Despite Belle’s attempts to keep the conversation moving, a stilted silence hung over the table, the threat of Bae’s illness sucking all of the oxygen out of the room, and after dinner, things failed to improve.  As a general rule, getting Bae to watch a movie was a good way to trick his son into resting, but the boy usually kept up a running commentary on the film and sang along with the songs.  Tonight, he did none of those things even though they were watching _Moana_ , one of his favorites.  He barely even laughed at Moana’s chicken friend.

“I know what we can do,” Belle suggested once the movie had ended.  

Gold watched as Belle took the television remote and called up YouTube on the screen, a trick that he still didn’t know how to do.  With a smile, she searched for “Big Thunder Mountain Railroad” and found a video that took them on a virtual ride of the roller coaster.

“Here we go!” she said cheerfully, nudging Bae to raise his hands as the train climbed the first hill.

To his relief, the boy seemed to perk up as they watched the ride, and by the time the train returned to the station, Bae was acting more like his old self.  "Can we see the bears next?“ he requested

Gold held his breath as Belle searched, hoping that she would be able to find a video of the Country Bear Jamboree, but his worries were for naught.  Apparently, Disney fans were a dedicated group; every single attraction was represented by at least two dozen videos from every possible angle.

It was a pleasure to relive their trip through the filter of Bae’s favorite things.  Their week at Disney World had been the perfect vacation.  It had done Bae good to leave everything else behind and just be a normal child for a week, and they’d made wonderful memories to sustain them through times of strife.  

They’d also brought home the best souvenir of all time, Gold reflected, pressing his lips together to hold back a chuckle as he glanced at Belle.  He would have to remember that quip for later so he could share it with her.  She was certain to take the joke in the spirit it was intended— not as a means of objectifying her but as a playful nod to the way they’d met and an acknowledgement of how she’d changed both of their lives for the better.  

"I want to see the Belle show,” Bae demanded.

Gold, who’d been watching the videos with only half an eye, sat up a little straighter as an unsettling thought occurred to him.  "Are any of these videos of you?“

"Probably.  People take pictures and video every show.  I imagine some of that stuff ends up online.”  Belle did a search, revealing thousands of videos of her show.  Gold’s eyebrows lifted as he realized the first one had over a million views.

Of course, there was no reason to believe that the video was of _their_ Belle.  Princess Belle had a great many helpers, so it was likely that most of these videos featured a Belle they’d never even met.  Still, at least a few of them had to star the woman who was currently curled up on the couch with his son.

Gold leaned back in his seat, disquieted by the notion.  When Bae was chosen to play the role of the Beast at that very first show, his proud papa had videoed their dance for Bae to watch later.  How many other parents had done the exact same thing?  Even if none of that material ended up on the internet, thousands of households had pictures and video of their children with Belle.

For the life of him, he wasn’t sure why the notion bothered him so much.  Knowing that Belle had interacted with other children didn’t make her relationship with Bae less special.  She certainly didn’t request a private audience with every child chosen to be her Beast, and even if she did, she hadn’t given up her life for any of them the way she had for Bae.

Perhaps it was just that it felt like an invasion of privacy.  Belle was a person, not a tourist attraction.  "Does it ever bother you?“

At her quizzical look, Gold realized he hadn’t explained himself particularly well.  "That so many people have your picture?  Or being on YouTube?”

“That’s the job,” she reminded him.  "I guess it’s a little weird if you think about it.  Complete strangers have my picture!  But it’s not really _me_.  They have pictures of Princess Belle.  I just happen to be the one wearing the dress and the wig.“

During their trip, he’d taken pictures of Bae with various characters, and Belle made a valid point.  When he looked at Bae with Anna and Elsa or with Alice, he saw the character.  It had never occurred to him to think about the person wearing the costume.

She giggled.  "Besides, considering the contacts and the accent, they wouldn’t recognize me out of character if I showed up on their doorstep!”

“I did,” Bae said smugly.  "I recognized you right away.“

"Yes, you did.”  Belle gave the boy a cuddle.  

“Do you miss helping Princess Belle?” Bae asked, the boy’s innocent question sending a flash of guilt through Gold’s stomach.  Belle had given up everything to be here with them, and she’d gotten precious little in return.

“Sometimes,” she said carefully.  "It was fun to help Princess Belle, and I liked getting to meet all kinds of people, but I wouldn’t miss living here with you for anything.“

Bae nodded and snuggled into her, accepting her assurance with ease.  Gold was less sanguine.  Belle had given up her job and her friends to move to the middle of nowhere to help care for a very sick little boy.  Worse, she’d fallen in love with a man who had nothing to offer her.  Belle might be comfortable with her choice, but anyone looking at the situation objectively could see just how bad of a deal she’d made for herself.

He took a deep breath and tried to let go of the guilt.  He’d been honest with Belle from the start about what she was getting into, and for better or worse, she’d chosen them of her own free will.  Wrong decision or not, it was _her_ decision, and it was too late to change things now.

By the time the Belle video ended, Bae was half-asleep even though it was still an hour before his bedtime.  Any concerns Gold had about Belle were washed away in renewed worry over his son.  "Let’s get ready for bed.”

He tasted the sharp tang of fear when Bae didn’t argue, but Gold did his best not to let it show as he escorted his son upstairs and supervised the boy’s nightly routine.  A swipe of the thermometer told him that Bae’s temperature was normal, but despite the reading and the lack of coughing, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” he asked as his son finished brushing his teeth.

“My head hurts a little,” Bae answered.

Headaches were a normal part of life, but Gold’s paranoid mind still leaped to the idea of brain tumors and aneurisms before he forced himself to calm down.  "A good night’s sleep will take care of that,“ he promised, reassuring himself as much as his boy.  

"I’m tired,” Bae admitted.

“I can tell.  Let’s get you into bed so you can rest.”  Gold pulled the boy into a fierce hug, wishing there was more he could do.  He could pay for a tutor to protect Bae from his classmates’ germs and he could buy a security system to protect him from intruders, but he was powerless to protect his son from his own fragile body.  

“I wish we could go back to Disney World,” Bae mumbled as Gold guided him toward his bed where Belle was waiting to read him a story.

For some reason, the statement sent a chill down Gold’s spine.  Bae hadn’t said that he _wanted_ to go back or asked _when_ they were going back.  Instead, he’d said he _wished_ they could go back, implying that they couldn’t.  No doubt he was reading too much into his son’s choice of words, but Gold was seized by the sudden fear that Bae knew something that he did not.

“We will,” he promised rashly.  In Maine it was the middle of winter, but Florida was always warm and sunny, which meant the parks were open year round.  They could tell Dove to take a week off and leave tomorrow if they wanted to.

Maybe they should, he reflected as Belle read Bae his bedtime story.  It probably wasn’t feasible to leave tomorrow, but they could plan a last minute trip and go next week or the week after.  It might do them all good to get a change of scenery and a break from the endless winter.

Bae fell asleep before Belle finished the chapter.  She exchanged a concerned look with Gold across the boy’s bed before leaning down to kiss his forehead and slipping out of the room to leave father and son alone.

Gold hunched forward in his chair and listened to Bae breathe, wondering if he was imagining the rough note he heard.  It wasn’t a cough or a wheeze, just a hint of hoarseness that worried him.  Nowadays, everything worried him.

It was all he could do not to crawl onto the bed next to Bae and cling to his son.  If a crazed gunman was threatening his boy, he could shield Bae with his own body, but in this situation there was nothing he could do to protect his son.  Bae had to fight this battle for himself.

Maybe there wasn’t even a battle being raged right now.  Maybe Bae was just tired and had a headache and he’d wake up tomorrow bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.  They would plan a quick jaunt to Florida so they could get some sun and have some fun, and everything would be just fine.

Despite his attempt to be optimistic, Gold left the door to Bae’s bedroom wide open when he left, doing the same with his own bedroom door.  Even with the space heater, it was too cold to sit on the balcony, and he dragged his chair closer to the door where he would be certain to hear if Bae let out the tiniest cough.  No matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, part of his mind was certain that something bad was going to happen, and he needed to be ready to face it.

In an effort to distract himself, he pulled out his phone to check on airfare and room availability.  Would Bae want to stay at the Polynesian again or explore a different resort?  Should they get a separate room for Belle?  Obviously, they wouldn’t be doing anything while sharing close quarters with Bae, but would the boy accept them platonically sharing a bed?

That problem, at least, was easy to solve.  A quick search revealed the existence of bungalows on the Polynesian’s beach— private abodes with two bedrooms and a view of the castle as well as a private plunge pool.  The only downside Gold could envision was that if they stayed there, they might never want to return home.

“What are you doing?” Belle asked as she stepped into the room, mugs of tea in hand.

Gold held up his phone to show her the pictures.  "Making tentative plans for a vacation.  What do you think?“

Belle exchanged his mug for the phone and flipped through the pictures.  "Oh my… When do we leave?”

He chuckled at the lustful note in her voice.  "In a week or two?  We could all use a change of scenery.“

"That sounds wonderful.”  Belle handed the phone back as she claimed the seat beside him.  "Is that what you think is wrong with Bae?  Cabin fever?“

"You noticed too?” he asked.  He’d been hoping it was his imagination.

“He’s definitely down.  I don’t know if that means he’s sick though.  He said he feels okay, but…”  She trailed off with a shake of her head.

“But something is off,” he finished for her.  

“Yeah,” she agreed, her voice soft.

“I hope it’s just the winter blues.  His temperature was normal.  I can’t help but feel something is wrong though.”  Gold sighed and took a sip of tea, hating the situation.  Bae’s sickness brought too many variables with it, and the stress of never knowing when the floor would drop out from under them was enough to drive anyone mad.

“If nothing else, it will give him something to look forward to,” Belle suggested.

“Or we’d be taunting him with the promise of a trip his health won’t allow him to take,” he shot back, unable to repress his natural cynicism.

“Sick kids go to Disney all the time.  Look at Make-a-Wish.  If worst comes to worst, we’ll put him in a wheelchair and push him around.”  Belle’s staunch practicality gave Gold strength.

“You’re a wonder,” he murmured, almost inaudibly.

Her blush told him that she’d heard him.  "I’m just trying to help.“

"You do.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.”  Without Belle’s support, he never would have made it through the past six months.  

“Elias…”

Whatever she was going to say was lost as a harsh burst of coughing exploded from Bae’s room.  Cursing, Gold pushed himself to his feet and ran, not even feeling the catch in his knee as he and Belle raced across the hall.

“ _Papa_!” Bae wailed between coughs, and Gold blanched when he flipped on the overhead light to illuminate his son sitting up in bed, his pajamas and bedclothes soaked with blood.

“I’m here, Bae,” he assured the boy, trying to sound calm as he sat down at his son’s side and wrapped an arm around his shaking shoulders.  An instant later, Belle was there with the supplies, but even as Gold administered the inhaler, he knew it was futile.  This attack was beyond his ability to stop.

He tried, his hands steady as he dosed Bae with everything in their arsenal, but the coughing only intensified, the blood bubbling thick and fast from the boy’s mouth.

“We’re going to the hospital,” he informed Belle under the sickening sound of coughing.

Her face white, she nodded and leapt off the bed, running for the door.  By the time he’d maneuvered himself off the bed, she was back with a pair of shoes for him and a tank for Bae.

Gold shoved his feet into his shoes as Belle unhooked Bae’s oxygen line from his concentrator and connected it to the tank with practiced hands, keeping the supplementary supply of oxygen flowing into his son’s lungs.  

“You drive.  I’ll carry him,” she instructed, bundling Bae up in his bloody comforter before picking the boy up bodily.

“You’re okay.  Papa and I are here,” she crooned as she carried him downstairs, Gold a step behind them with Bae’s tank in his hands.  

The cough wracked the boy’s small frame, and for an instant Gold feared he was having a seizure until he spit out another gob of blood and sucked in a deep breath.  The respite was only temporary.  A moment later, he was coughing again, and Gold prayed inarticulately to a god he didn’t believe in that this wasn’t the end.

Belle crawled into the Cadillac’s backseat with Bae, holding the boy on her lap as Gold pulled the car out of the garage, not bothering to lower the door behind him before he was speeding toward the hospital.  

Over the years, he and Bae had gotten well acquainted with Storybrooke’s emergency room.  The small hospital lacked the state-of-the-art equipment and high-profile specialists that Boston had to offer, but the staff knew their business.  More importantly, it was only five minutes away.  Based on the amount of blood Bae was coughing up, they wouldn’t make it to Boston.

He jumped the curb, parking the Cadillac half on the sidewalk in front of the emergency room.  Practically before he’d come to a complete stop, Belle was out of the car and running for the door with Bae in her arms.  "I need help!“

Instantly, she was swarmed, two nurses taking Bae out of her arms to lay the boy on a gurney.  His brown eyes fluttered shut, his face deathly pale.  The only sign of life was the hoarse cough that filled the air, and for the first time, Gold was grateful for it.  As long as Bae was coughing, he was breathing.

He and Belle chased the gurney deeper into the emergency ward until an orderly planted himself in their path as the rest of the group disappeared behind a set of double doors.  "The waiting room is over there.”

“That’s my _son_!” Gold snarled, realizing that he’d left his cane at the house only when he found himself groping for a weapon.   _No one_ could keep him away from Bae.

“The doctors are with him.  You need to give them room to work,” the orderly said, his voice not unkind.

Gold was in no state to register sympathy.  Instead, he shoved himself forward, trying to push the other man out of his way as he called out to his son.  "Bae!   _Bae_!“

"This isn’t helping him, Mr. Gold.  Let the doctors do their job.”

With a wild cry, Gold clenched his fist and swung at the orderly’s face, only Belle’s sudden grip on his arm preventing him from committing assault.  "Elias!“

He staggered back, panting when she tugged on his arm.  "Come sit down.  Let the doctors help Bae.  We don’t want to distract them.”

The urge to lash out at her was nearly overwhelming, but the tiny part of his mind that was still sane recognized that Belle was on his side.  Barely able to feel his feet, Gold stumbled along beside her as she towed him over to a small waiting area comprised of half a dozen plastic chairs, a vending machine, and a window that overlooked the hospital’s parking lot.

“Sit down,” she urged.

His mind was spinning so fast that he couldn’t even comprehend the words.  With a sigh, Belle gave him a gentle shove, and Gold found himself sitting docilely in a chair, his body having folded up like a paper doll.  

He stared at the double doors that had closed behind Bae’s gurney, every sense straining to detect a hint of what was happening behind them.  No matter how hard he stared, he could see nothing but the cold gray metal of the doors.  There was nothing to hear except the rush of the heating system as it blew hot air over the building’s visitors.

What was happening?  Was Bae awake and frightened and looking for his papa or was the boy unconscious, unaware that they’d even left the house?  Were the doctors able to stop the hemorrhage or was Bae bleeding out while he sat here like a statue?

Would he still have a son when dawn came?

Next to him, a strangled sob jarred him out of his morbid contemplation.  Feeling oddly disconnected from anything that was happening, Gold turned his head to see Belle draw her knees up to her chest and wrap her arms around them, curling herself into a small ball on the chair beside him as she cried wrenching tears.

Her body was shaking, just like Bae’s had when the cough consumed him.  The similarity made him feel sick.  Her breath was coming in harsh gasps, as if she couldn’t get enough oxygen into her lungs to fuel her agonized tears, and Gold turned his head away, unable to look at her.  Her pain bludgeoned him.  Every tear that fell from her eyes was an assault.  

Bae was dying, and Belle was crying, and it was more than he could bear.

He should reach out to her, some part of his mind observed.  He should put his arms around her and offer her the comfort of his embrace.  They could cry together as they worried about Bae, and maybe they’d be able to hold each other together instead of falling apart.  Maybe if they clung together, some peace could be found.

Abruptly, Gold pushed himself out of his chair and limped the length of the waiting room to stare blindly out the window, turning his back on Belle both literally and figuratively.  Every sob that escaped her lips flayed strips from his hide, her tears more than he could endure.  He was suffocating in this small room, drowning on dry land.  He couldn’t save himself, let alone her, and acknowledging her pain would only compound his own.  She needed him, and he had nothing— absolutely nothing— to give her.  

Even when she cried herself out, he couldn’t move.  He couldn’t turn around and face her.  He couldn’t look at the pain in her eyes that was a reflection of his own.  He couldn’t be strong for her when he was cringing with fear.  He couldn’t support her when he was falling apart.

He couldn’t do anything.  Not for Bae and not for Belle.  Once again, when it mattered, Elias Gold was useless.

Eventually, the sound of footsteps intruded on the tense silence in the waiting room.  Gold turned from the window to look at the doctor who’d joined them, vaguely recognizing her as someone who’d treated Bae during one of his previous attacks.

There was a smear of blood on her blue scrubs.

Swallowing hard, Gold forced his eyes away from the smear, careful to look at nothing except her face.  Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Belle uncurl from her ball and sit up straighter.

“Well?” he asked, his voice harsh.

“We were able to stop the bleeding and control the cough.  We had to give him a transfusion to replace the blood he lost, but he’s resting comfortably.”

Belle let out a noisy sigh, sagging forward until her forehead touched her knees.  "Thank you,“ she muttered.  "Oh, thank you.”

“His condition should be monitored for a few days.  I’d be happy to admit him so we can care for him here, or if you would be more comfortable with your regular doctor, I can arrange for him to be transferred to Boston.”  

The relief of hearing that Bae had survived the attack was so intense that it left Gold feeling dizzy and half-sick, his body unable to cope with the rapid swings of emotion.  "Arrange for the transfer,“ he instructed, his knees so weak that he could barely stand.

The doctor nodded.  "We can leave within the hour.  One of you can ride with him.”

She waited for a moment, and when neither he nor Belle had anything else to say, she left them in peace.

With a sigh, Belle mopped away her drying tears with her hands.  "I’ll go home and pack bags for all of us, then I can drive the Cadillac down and meet you in Boston while you ride with Bae.  Does that work for you?“

Gold forced himself to meet her eyes, expecting to see recrimination waiting for him.  After everything Belle had done for him over the past six months, he couldn’t even force himself to comfort her when she cried.  That was a disgrace, and by all rights, she should be furious with him.

Instead, her face was calm, her expression betraying not even a hint of anger.  As he stared at her, her lips quirked in a tiny smile.  "I mean, I know how you feel about me driving your car, but I promise I’ll be careful.”

She was teasing him, he realized in amazement.  He’d treated her shamefully, and she was trying to make him smile.  

“That’s fine with me.”

“Okay.”  She stood and crossed to stand beside him, her movements slow and deliberate as if she was trying to avoid spooking a wild animal.

Once she was within arm’s reach, she put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed.  "He’s going to be okay.  The worst is over.“

"For tonight,” he couldn’t stop himself from saying, too aware that this was only a temporary stay of execution to rejoice.

“Tonight is all that counts,” Belle reminded him firmly.  "Is there anything special you want me to pack?“

When he shrugged helplessly, she leaned up to kiss his cheek.  "Okay.  I’ll use my own judgement.  Text me if you think of anything.  Give Bae my love, and I’ll see both of you soon.”

The touch of her lips burned into his skin like acid.  Gold watched Belle leave the waiting area, unable to even say goodbye.  Tonight, his worst fears about their relationship had been confirmed.  In the darkest moment when Belle needed him to be there for her, he’d turned his back on her.  She loved him, and he couldn’t even treat her with basic human compassion.

For the life of him, he didn’t know what she saw in him.  How could she look at him and see a man worthy of her heart?  Without Bae, he was an empty husk.  Every bit of emotional energy—of _humanity_ — that he had went to his son, and Belle deserved so much more than the pathetic crumbs that were left over for her.

None of this was fair to her.

When an orderly came to fetch him, Gold followed wordlessly, so choked with guilt that he couldn’t speak.  Belle loved him, and he couldn’t even be bothered to hold her when she cried.  He was a selfish beast.

Bae had already been loaded onto the transport vehicle by the time Gold got there.  A critical look at his son told him that the boy had more color, a sight that eased his mind.  When he leaned down to kiss Bae’s forehead, his skin was warm, and he stirred.  

“Papa?”

“I’m here, Bae-Bae,” he promised as he took the seat next to him.  

“Good.”  Bae was asleep again before he’d finished saying the word, but his lips curved a little.

Reaching out, Gold took his son’s hand as the doors closed and they started the drive to Boston.  Try as he might to focus on nothing except his boy, his mind kept returning to Belle, the guilt threatening to suffocate him.  

If she didn’t love him, it wouldn’t be so bad.  If she didn’t love him, it wouldn’t feel like he’d betrayed her every time he failed her.  

It didn’t make any _sense_.  He’d done nothing to win Belle’s heart, and he certainly wasn’t so innately lovable that she should be unable to resist him.  Just the idea of that was enough to make Gold snort with laughter.  There was no reason she should even _like_ him, much less love him.

Hell, maybe it was a form of Stockholm Syndrome.  She’d given up everything to live with him in a small town in the middle of nowhere, and Bae’s needs meant that, most days, he was the only adult she saw.  Maybe she’d fallen for him as a form of self-preservation, a way to content herself with her lot in life.

Gold winced as he shifted in the molded seat.  In truth, it didn’t matter why Belle had fallen in love with him.  What mattered was that she had and he was leading her on.  True, he’d told her that he didn’t have room in his life or his heart for anyone but Bae, but he belied that every time he kissed her.  Every touch was an unspoken promise, and he wasn’t capable of keeping any of them.

If he hadn’t encouraged her, Belle’s feelings probably would have burned themselves out by now.  Any fire would die if you didn’t feed it.  Instead, he’d added fuel to the flame by stringing her along, and that wasn’t fair.  

She deserved so much better than him.  He was a depleted well with nothing to offer her emotionally, and the sooner she realized that, the sooner she would be able to move on and find someone worthy of her.  Belle deserved a man who would worship her, a man who would make her his first priority.

He couldn’t be that man, and therefore, he had to let her go.

Gold sighed and leaned back in his seat as the miles flashed by outside.  He’d been incredibly selfish when it came to Belle, but he would do better from this point forward.  He would stop giving her mixed signals and be nothing more than her employer and friend.  No doubt, she would quickly come to her senses if he stopped clouding the issue with sex.

Somehow, he would find a way to get through the nights without her embrace to comfort him.  It was the right thing to do.  If he couldn’t even hold her when she cried, he didn’t _deserve_ her comfort.

If he didn’t deserve her comfort, he certainly didn’t deserve her love.  The sooner Belle realized that, the happier she would be.


	20. Chapter 20

“I suppose the pictures are self-explanatory,” Dr. Whale said quietly as he took a step back to let Gold  and Belle see the most recent X-ray of Bae’s lungs.

Gold barely heard him, his attention focused on the glowing picture that showed him the state of his son’s lungs as of earlier that morning.  The three most recent X-rays hung in a row on the illuminator, and bile rose in his throat as he saw the stark evidence of the progression of Bae’s illness.

The first X-ray, taken five months ago, showed a network of fine white lines spiderwebbing Bae’s lungs.  In the set taken three months later, the lines were thicker and more plentiful.  At the time, he’d been horrified.

All of that paled in comparison to today’s X-ray.  Now, there were blotches of white throughout Bae’s lungs, clumps of scar tissue that were severely limiting his lung capacity, and every blotch was connected by more thick lines.  To his untrained eyes, it was a miracle that Bae was able to breathe at all.

“Oh god…” Belle whispered as she reached out to take his hand.

The warmth of her touch was the only thing Gold could feel through the cold fog of terror that numbed him.  The fibrosis had gotten immeasurably worse in a matter of months, and the iron was building up in Bae’s lungs to dangerous levels, doing even more damage.  His son was getting worse by the day, and there was nothing he could do to help his boy.

“Does this change his prognosis?” Belle asked, her voice shaking.

Whale sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face, the doctor looking exhausted.  "The average life expectancy after diagnosis is three to five years.“

"It will be three years in June,” Gold bit out, the words burning his tongue like acid.

Belle stifled a sob as Whale nodded somberly.  "Yeah.“

In less than four months, Bae would have survived three years with this disease.  From that moment on, they would be on borrowed time.  If the boy lived to see his eighth birthday, it would probably be his last unless he got the transplant he so desperately needed.

His son was going to die, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"I’m planning to discharge Bae this afternoon,” Whale announced, breaking the strained silence.

The doctor’s words were a slap in the face.  Whale was giving up on Bae.  "You’re sending him home to die,“ Gold snarled, feeling Belle clutch his hand tighter.

Whale refused to rise to the bait.  "I’m sending him home because there’s nothing more we can do for him here.  He’s as healthy as we can make him, and he’ll be happier in his own bed.”

“He’ll want to see Olaf,” Belle agreed, treacherously siding with the doctor against him.

Abruptly, Gold jerked his hand out of her grip as he pushed himself to his feet and slammed out of the doctor’s office, his head spinning.  Some distant part of his mind knew that he was being unreasonable and unfair to both Belle and Whale, but he didn’t _want_ to be reasonable and fair right now.  His son was dying.  

Fuming, he stalked the halls of the hospital, catching occasional glimpses of worried parents and unhappy children as he tried to walk off some of his emotional turmoil.  It wasn’t _fair_.  The pediatric ward was full of sick and injured children, and he only needed one.  If just one of these children died, Bae could have his new lungs, and his son would be saved.  Was that really so much to ask?

Sick horror filled Gold as he realized what he was thinking.  He was actually wishing death upon an innocent child to save his own son.  

He was a monster.

Feeling nauseous, he staggered out the closest door and found himself in the hospital’s courtyard.  At this time of year, he was the only one willing to brave the cold, and Gold welcomed the knife-edge chill of the winter wind as it sliced through his suit, accepting it as punishment for his evil thoughts.  Instantly, his eyes started to water, but he refused to allow himself the comfort of tears.  He didn’t deserve it.  

The parents in this hospital loved their children as much as he loved Bae.  He was wishing a nightmare on them that he couldn’t face himself.  Worse, he was hoping for another child’s life to be cut short.  If Bae knew what he was thinking, his son would be ashamed of him.

Gold sucked in breath after breath of frigid air, feeling his lungs burn.  The physical pain was a respite from his emotional anguish, but more importantly, it was penance.  If he didn’t punish himself for his ugly thoughts, the universe might well decide to do it for him by taking away the only thing he couldn’t bear to lose.

He stood in the courtyard, enduring the sharp cold with grim determination.  It wasn’t until he realized that he could no longer feel his fingertips that he moved to step back inside, shivering violently at the first touch of heated air.  

In turn, he tapped each fingertip against the pad of his thumb, feeling his skin prickle and tingle at the contact as his blood started to sluggishly flow again.  At least he’d had the sense to come inside before he got frostbite, Gold reflected as he made his way back to Bae’s room.  He’d be no use to his son if he managed to injure himself.

When he entered Bae’s room, the boy was asleep, Belle sitting next to his bed and staring sightlessly at the book in her hands.  When she noticed his arrival, she half-stood but apparently second-guessed whatever she’d been about to do.  Instead, she slowly sunk back into her seat.  "Hey.“

Her eyes were wary, and Gold cursed himself for making her look like that.  Belle had given him more than he had any right to wish for, much less expect, and he never stopped finding new ways to hurt her.  

"I’m sorry,” he offered, the words sounding weak and thin.  The short apology didn’t begin to make amends for everything he’d done to her since she first came to Maine.

Belle shook her head, her demeanor warming instantly.  "Don’t worry about it.  I’m just glad you’re okay.“

Gold rather thought that he would never be okay again, but there was no point in worrying her further by mentioning that.  "Thank you for being patient with me.”

He moved closer to Bae’s bed, looking down at his sleeping son as his mind tried to overlay the image of the boy lying in a coffin.  Grinding his teeth, Gold forced it to the back of his mind as he stroked Bae’s hair off his forehead, greedily soaking in the feel of his warm skin as evidence that the boy still lived.

Bleary brown eyes blinked open.  "Papa?“

Bae was hoarse from the bronchoscopy, and the sound broke Gold’s heart even as he tried to smile down at his boy.  "Ready to go home, Bae-Bae?”

“I guess,” Bae mumbled.

His son’s lack of enthusiasm was worrisome.  "You guess?“ Gold asked, trying to keep his voice light.

"Yeah.”  Bae snuggled his stuffed Beast a little closer and closed his eyes again.

“He’ll feel better once we get home,” Belle promised, her smile strained around the edges.

There was probably truth to her words.  Hospitals were draining, exhausting places.  For the past week, Bae had been undergoing all sorts of different treatments and tests, doctors and nurses constantly coming and going, waking him up from a sound sleep to give him pills or take a blood sample.  It was no wonder that the boy was too tired to be enthusiastic about anything.

Still, when Dr. Whale came in to officially discharge Bae, Gold couldn’t help but note the differences between this time and his last hospital stay.  In December, Bae had been full of questions, demanding to see pictures of Whale’s girlfriend, dog, house, and car.  This time, he could barely keep his eyes open when Whale took out his phone to show him a video of his dog trying and failing to catch french fries.

The boy was just worn out and discontented with life, Gold tried to convince himself.  He needed a few weeks of rest at home and something fun to look forward to.  

With that thought in mind, he followed Whale out into the hallway so the two of them could speak privately.  "Belle and I were thinking about taking Bae back to Disney.“

The look on the doctor’s face told him everything that he needed to know even before Whale spoke.  "I understand where you’re coming from, but I don’t think that’s wise.”

“If he only has four months left, shouldn’t they be the best four months possible?” Gold countered, a pleading note creeping into his voice that made him cringe.

Whale fixed him with a stern look.  "Who says he only has four months?  Children don’t come with expiration dates.  The disease has progressed, but there’s no guarantee that he’ll continue to rapidly decline.  Right now, he’s stable.  He might not have another major episode for six months.  A year even.  We don’t know anything.“

"That’s the problem,” Gold muttered.  It was the uncertainty that hurt the most.

The doctor clasped his shoulder.  "You’re doing all the right things.  Make sure he gets lots of rest.  Keep him away from germs as much as possible.  In a couple of months, we’ll reevaluate, and maybe by then another Disney trip will be doable.  For now just keeping fighting the good fight, and don’t give up on Bae because he’s not going to give up on you.“

The stirring speech did little to ease Gold’s mind when Bae fell asleep in the backseat of the Cadillac before they’d even left the hospital’s parking lot.  It was easy for Whale to tell him not to lose hope.  The doctor didn’t have a terminally ill son.

"Whale says that Disney is out of the question for now,” he informed Belle once he’d pulled onto the interstate highway that would take them home.

She exhaled in a rush.  "I was afraid of that.“

"He said we could reevaluate in two months.”  He didn’t find much comfort in that promise, but Belle was more optimistic than he was.

She confirmed his appraisal by brightening.  "That’s good, right?  He thinks Bae can get better.“

"Stronger anyway.”  Bae wouldn’t get better.  Without a transplant, Bae _couldn’t_ get better.  The damage that had been done to his lungs was irreversible.  The only thing that remained to be seen was if the boy could adapt to his reduced lung capacity and bounce back.

“Should we get him a dog?”  

He hadn’t realized he’d even been thinking about the possibility of a new pet until he asked the question.  Pet dander wouldn’t be good for Bae’s lungs, but the dog would give the boy a reason to live.  It would bring some happiness to a childhood that was becoming increasingly isolated and difficult.

Belle leaned back in her seat with a sigh.  "I don’t know.“

"He wants one so badly.  It might do him good.”  Even though he was trying to sound like he was only thinking of Bae, Gold’s mind pointed out a darker truth.  He wanted to buy his boy a dog so that, if the worst should happen, he wouldn’t have to live with the guilt of knowing that he’d denied his son something he desperately wanted.

“Did you talk to Dr. Whale about it?”  

Gold ground his teeth and sucked in a deep breath through his nose as he tried to control a flash of temper.  It was a simple question.  Belle wasn’t challenging him or implying that he’d failed in his duties to Bae by not mentioning the issue to Whale; she just wanted to know what the doctor thought, since the hypothetical dog might impact Bae’s health.  

“No.”  Despite his attempt to rein in his temper, the word was still clipped and brittle.  Gold shook his head in disgust at himself, wondering for the thousandth time what Belle saw in him.  He was a miserable bastard when he was under stress, and his life was comprised of nothing _but_ stress.  At this point, he wasn’t even sure if he _had_ a best, but if he did, she’d certainly never seen him at it.

Oblivious to his self-condemnation, Belle reached out to pat his leg.  "That’s probably our first step then.  I can research hypoallergenic dogs and see if one of those breeds would be appropriate.  It’s not something I know much about, but we can find out.“

Her approach was the right one.  A dog was a major commitment, and thought needed to be put into the matter.  Still, Gold couldn’t quite dismiss the urge to ignore all of that and just get Bae a dog today.  The dog would make his son happy, and more than anything, Gold needed to see his boy smile.  "I was thinking about stopping at the pet store on the way home.”  

“Let’s not jump into this, okay?  You’re exhausted, and it’s never a good idea to make big decisions when you’re tired.  It’s important to do this _right_ ,” Belle urged, her eyes soft with compassion.  She _understood_ , and somehow that hurt more than if she’d told him he was being ridiculous.

Gold took a slow breath and tried to relax.  Everything she was saying was correct.  It would be incredibly irresponsible to buy a pet without thinking it through.  Getting a dog might make Bae happy, but if it made the boy worse, it wasn’t worth it.  If his son’s life could be measured in months instead of years, Gold wanted as many months as he could get.  "You’re right.”

“Of course I am.”  Belle gave him a crooked smile, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

Somehow, it worked.  Ten minutes ago, Gold had felt like his world was ending, but now he found himself returning her smile, wondering what sort of magic Belle possessed that allowed her to hold him together when everything was falling apart.

It would be nice if he could do the same for her, he thought bitterly as they lapsed into a comfortable silence.  Belle was a person, not a comfort-dispensing robot.  She had worries and fears, just like he did, and she deserved his support every bit as much as he needed hers.  If he kept taking from her without giving back, eventually he would drain her dry.

Belle was too kind hearted to protect herself from his emotional vampirism, and therefore, Gold would have to be the one to protect her.  If he couldn’t support her, the least he could do was ensure his claws weren’t embedded in every facet of her life.  Belle needed space to breathe, and he had to make sure that she got it.  

They pulled into their familiar driveway just after dark, and Belle let out a noisy sigh.  "I don’t know about you, but I’m glad to be home.“

Hearing her refer to the Victorian as home warmed him even as a pang of guilt struck him.  He’d given her all the physical comforts possible, but he’d been so wrapped up in Bae that he’d done nothing to help her make an emotional connection to the house or to Storybrooke.  It was another reminder of just how little he had to offer her beyond his wealth, and if there was one thing Gold knew, it was how little money was worth.

In the backseat, Bae roused, distracting him from his depressing thoughts.  "Where are we?”

For a terrifying moment, Gold feared that the boy had gone blind or lost his memory, but Bae rubbed his eyes before peering out the window, his pale face breaking into a small smile at the sight of the house.  "You must have drove really fast.“

"Driven,” Gold corrected absently, blinking as he second-guessed his own grammar.  Drove?  Driven?  Drived?  No, _definitely_ not drived.  

He shook his head to dismiss the nonsensical thoughts.  Belle was right.  He was exhausted.

“You slept through the whole trip, sleepyhead!” Belle was telling Bae when he managed to focus on the conversation.  "Are you glad to be home?“

"I want to see Olaf.  I bet he missed me a whole lot.”  That was more enthusiasm than Bae had shown for anything in the past week, and Gold allowed himself to hope it was a good sign.  

He carried the boy’s tank for him as he led Bae into the house, trying not to notice just how slowly the boy climbed the stairs.  A few months ago, it seemed like all he did was scold Bae to slow down and not run.  Now, the boy barely seemed to have the energy to reach the second floor.

Olaf was ecstatic to see his master, and the reunion helped to ease Gold’s fears.  With Bae smiling and laughing over his pet, things didn’t seem quite so dire.  Olaf wasn’t a dog, but Bae loved him every bit as much as he would have loved a larger animal companion.  Even better, Olaf didn’t require regular walks in sub-zero temperatures.

Even his excitement at being reunited with his pet couldn’t completely disguise Bae’s lack of energy.  Soon, the boy was yawning, and with Belle’s help, Gold got him tucked into bed, hoping that a good night’s sleep in his own bed would have Bae feeling more like his old self in the morning.

He leaned down to kiss the boy’s forehead before leaving the room so Bae could sleep in peace, Belle trailing after him.  They paused in the hallway, Gold’s mind as foggy as it would have been had someone replaced his brain with cotton wool.  He needed a good night’s sleep as much as Bae did, and he wasn’t sure if he even had the energy to disrobe before falling into bed.  It had been a hell of a week.

“Are you okay?” Belle asked, her concern palpable.

Gold managed a weary smile.  "Just tired,“ he assured her.

Instantly, she nodded her understanding.  "I hear you.  If you’re okay on your own for a few minutes, I think I’ll take a shower.  I feel _disgusting_.”

She tugged at her clothes as she pulled a face, and Gold chuckled, the sound rusty.  "Take all the time you need.  Take a bubble bath if you want.  You don’t have to babysit me.“

He should tell her that he wanted her to sleep in her own room from this point forward, but Gold couldn’t quite muster up the energy to do so.  Belle might want to know why he no longer wanted to share his bed with her, and just the thought of trying to find a way to explain that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he continued to take advantage of her made him want to yank the blankets over his head and never come out.  That was _not_ going to be an easy conversation.

"That’s not a bad idea,” she said ruefully.  "You’re sure you don’t mind?“

"Not at all.”  Giving her an hour to lounge in a bubble bath was a small enough thing to do for the woman who’d done so much for him.  With any luck, he’d be asleep by the time she finished, and that would give him an excuse to avoid any awkward conversations.  

Belle stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, and Gold was careful not to lean into the caress.  If he meant to stop stringing her along, he couldn’t allow himself to react to her touch.  Instead, he concentrated on keeping his expression neutral, even as Belle gave him a penetrating look.  He held his breath until she stepped into her bedroom, then let out a slow breath, feeling like he’d gotten away with something.

Gold retreated to his own room, half-tempted to lock his bedroom door behind him and let that send the message to Belle that he couldn’t bring himself to voice.  He shook his head in disgust at his own cowardice.  Belle would be far more upset about him locking her out of his bedroom like she was a leper than she would be with a gentle conversation reminding her that she deserved far better than him.  The door remained unlocked.

He wanted nothing more than to simply throw himself onto his bed and sleep for a week, but their hospital stay had left him feeling as grimy as Belle said she felt.  If he tried to take a shower, he’d probably fall asleep on his feet, but the least he could do was wash up and brush his teeth.  If he did that, he might even feel semi-human when he woke in the morning.

With a sigh, he limped into the bathroom, staring befuddled at the empty spaces where his toiletries were supposed to be.  Had they been burgled?

After a minute of deep cognition, he remembered that Belle had packed a bag for him before driving to Boston.  He’d used the missing items when he retreated to the hotel room at the end of each day to regroup, and they were currently in the Cadillac’s trunk since all three of them had been too eager to be home to think about mundane issues like unpacking.  If he wanted to shave, he’d have to fetch the bags at some point, but for now, he contented himself with splashing a few handfuls of hot water over his face and rinsing out his mouth.  At least he’d done something to get the lingering stench of hospital off of him.

Bracing his hands on the edge of the vanity, he leaned closer to the mirror, examining the deep lines around his eyes and the silver in his hair that seemed to be increasing every day.  Gold clenched his jaw as he stared at himself, wondering how Bae could look at him and see a papa to be proud of or how Belle could see a man worthy of her love.  All he saw was the face of a useless coward, a man who had failed at everything that mattered.

He couldn’t cure Bae.  He couldn’t comfort Belle when she cried.  

Gold glared into his own eyes, sick with loathing.  He was looking at a man who had failed his son over and over again.  A man who drained Belle dry and never gave anything back.  A man who had wished death on an innocent child to spare himself pain.

He _hated_ the man he saw in his mirror.

His hand tightened on the handle of his cane, and for an instant, Gold was tempted to smash the glass and obliterate his reflection.  He would rather destroy every mirror in the house than spend another minute looking at his own face.

Only the knowledge that the crash would wake Bae and bring Belle running stayed his hand.  Bae needed sleep, and Belle needed time to rest and relax.  He’d told her that he didn’t need her to babysit him, and it would be a sad trick to make a liar of himself before she’d even had a chance to enjoy her bubble bath.

He ground his teeth as he stared himself down, hating the expensive clothing and the way his shaggy hair framed his face.  There was nothing about that face _worth_ framing.  Anyone who looked at him would see a rich man, a successful man.  They wouldn’t see the pathetic failure he was at his core.  No one saw that.  No one but Gold himself.

Unable to break his own gaze, Gold fumbled through a drawer, searching for something— _anything_ — that would magically alter his physical exterior to reflect the cringing reality that lay beneath.  Even to himself, he couldn’t give voice to his real longing: he wanted some kind of talisman that would change him from the inside out into a man who was worthy of being Bae’s papa and Belle’s lover.

That sort of magic charm didn’t exist.  Instead, his hand closed around a pair of silver scissors, and his fingers tightened convulsively around the closed blades before he lifted his other hand to his head and grabbed a chunk of hair.

Gold watched with grim pleasure as he lifted the scissors, opening the blades wide before closing them around the hank of hair with a loud snip.  He opened his hand, a few cut strands clinging to his palm as the rest fluttered down to make a mess of the sink and countertop.   _Everything_ was a mess.  

He’d cut close to his scalp, the short tuft of remaining hair sticking out wildly from his temple.  Feeling oddly satisfied with the destruction he’d wrought, Gold grabbed another handful of hair and cut again and then again, his movements gaining speed as he hacked at his shaggy hair.

Individual strands hung in the air, glinting silver as they slowly fell to litter the floor as well as the countertop.  With each snip, he gained more confidence, hacking off larger chunks of hair each time until there was nothing left, his scalp covered by uneven tufts sticking out in all directions.  Gasping, Gold dropped the scissors and braced both hands on the vanity as he struggled to catch his breath.

He’d hoped for a miracle, but instead, he saw only his own face in the mirror, no more or less monstrous than before.  Cutting off his hair hadn’t broken a magic spell and turned him into a prince.  It just made him look like a hedgehog.  It was hardly an improvement.

“Elias?  Are you—?”  

The sound of Belle’s voice broke the mirror’s hold on him, and he looked away from his own reflection to meet her eyes as she stepped into the bathroom’s doorway, her mouth falling open at the sight of him.

“What did you _do_?” she whispered, looking like she was about to cry.

“I felt the need for a change.”  He heard the sarcastic lilt in his voice and felt the urge to stab the scissors though his own hand.  What the _hell_ was wrong with him?

Belle hurried closer, her arms lifting as she reached out to him.  At the last second, she stopped herself, her hands fluttering around his head, not touching what was left of his hair.  "Are you all right?  You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?“

He hurt himself just by existing, but if she was looking for blood, he could set her mind at ease.  "No.  I just…”

Without another word, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug, and Gold collapsed against her with a muffled sob, clinging to her warmth with everything he had.  This was wrong.  He didn’t deserve Belle’s comfort, but she was here and she was _offering_ , and he needed her so very badly.

He just wanted to stop hurting.

Belle didn’t let him go until he stopped shaking, and even then she only took half a step back so she could examine his head.  "I like it,“ she said staunchly.

In spite of himself, Gold found himself laughing, feeling as though he was on the verge of hysterics.  "I look like a hedgehog.”

“I like hedgehogs,” Belle defended, her fingers delving into the remains of his hair as she tried to smooth it into some semblance of order.

“Okay, it’s uneven, but it’s not _that_ bad.  Hang on, I’ll be right back.”

She darted out of the room and returned almost before he’d registered her leaving, returning with a straight-back chair in her hands which she deposited in front of him.  "Sit down, and I’ll see if I can even it out.“

Gold collapsed with a groan, losing himself in the blissful warmth of her fingers running over his scalp.  His head felt odd, lighter and colder without the familiar weight of his hair, but the feel of Belle’s fingertips on the remains of his hair was shockingly intense.  

Belle hummed softly as she worked, "Norwegian Wood” segueing into “Blackbird” and then Bob Seger’s “Mainstreet”.  Bae would be sorry he missed the concert, Gold thought drowsily as the snip of scissors punctuated the music.

“Done,” she announced after what might have been years.

Instantly, Gold mourned the end of the encounter.  With Belle humming to him and stroking his hair, the world felt less full of sharp edges.  "Thank you.“

He didn’t move, content to sit on the chair in the bathroom for the rest of the night.  Perhaps he would spend the rest of his life there.  Inside the bathroom, he felt as though he was shielded from the worst life had to offer.

To his surprise, Belle made no move to leave or encourage him to get up.  Instead, she rested her hands on his shoulders from behind.  "Do you want to talk about it?”

It was easier to bare his soul when he didn’t have to look her in the eye.  “I’m sitting around hoping for another child to die so my son doesn’t have to.  There are days I can’t look at myself in the mirror.”  

The bitter words hung heavily in the air around them, and Gold closed his eyes in despair.  If nothing else had convinced Belle that he didn’t deserve her love, this would.  Kind-hearted Belle would never be able to accept a man who thought such horrible things.

To his shame, she came to his defense once again.  "That’s not true.  You’re not _really_ hoping for a child to die.  You just want new lungs for Bae.  It’s not the same thing.“

When she leaned down to hug him from behind and kiss the top of his head, Gold couldn’t allow himself accept her comfort.  "It _is_ true.  That’s what I was thinking at the hospital.  There’s so many sick children, and I only need one…”

Said out loud to the only person whose opinion mattered to him, the words sounded even more horrific, and Gold braced himself for Belle's exclamation of disgust.  

“Which one?” Belle asked calmly.  "The boy we saw while Bae was getting his X-rays done?  Or the little blonde girl we passed when we were leaving?  She looked like she was about the same age as Bae.  Or what about Robyn Greene?  After what her mother said—"

“ _Belle_!”  Gold half-turned to look at her in disbelief, scarcely able to process her words.  She couldn’t seriously be asking him to pick a specific child to die so Bae could have new lungs.  She couldn’t really think even he was that cold.

She framed his face with her hands.  "See?  You can’t do it.  That boy and the blonde girl are strangers.  They don’t mean anything to you, but you can’t say ‘I wish that child would die so Bae can have new lungs.’  You’re not wishing death on anyone.  You just want to save Bae.  There is _nothing_ wrong with that.“

He couldn’t quite bring himself to accept the absolution she was offering him.  "I’m a monster.”

“Stop.”  She pressed a kiss against the corner of his mouth.  "You’re exhausted and worried and stressed out.  No one would blame you if you pitched a fit, but the only person you ever lash out at is yourself.  You’re not a monster.  You’re a father who loves his son more than anything in the world.“

"I need to—”

Belle cut him off.  "You need to _sleep_.  Come on.“

When she tugged on his arm, he stood without thinking and allowed Belle to lead him out of the bathroom.  He stood mute as she efficiently stripped him to his boxers then tugged the bedclothes down.  "In.”

It was so like the first night they spent together that Gold found himself smiling a little as he climbed into bed.  He’d told Belle his darkest secret, and she was still offering him her comfort.  If she didn’t see a monster when she looked at him, maybe he wasn’t one.

Instead of kissing his forehead and leaving the room, as she’d tried to do that first night, Belle crawled into bed next to him the moment he was settled and gathered him into her arms.  "Just close your eyes and rest.  And if you have to think about anything, think about what Bae’s going to say when he sees your new look tomorrow.“

He’d had every intention of doing the noble thing and sending Belle off to sleep in her own bed, but with her warm body next to him in the dark, Gold didn’t have the strength.  Instead, he burrowed into her, pillowing his head against her breasts as she stroked his short hair and soaked in her loving touch.  "He’s going to freak out.”

“He’ll get used to it,” Belle said practically.

Gold, who knew how little his son cared for change, wasn’t so sure.  "He’ll hate it.“

"Well, _I_ like it.”  Her fingers played with his shorn locks.

“Do you?”  Considering everything that was happening, worrying about his hair was beyond petty, but it still felt good to hear that Belle approved.

“Mm-hmm.  It highlights your face.  You’ve got great bone structure.”

“Bone structure,” Gold sniggered, so tired that he felt half-drunk.

With a patient sigh, Belle kissed his forehead.  "Close your eyes and sleep.“

"Sing to me?” he requested.  He wasn’t a child who needed a lullaby, but the sound of Belle’s voice drove his demons away.  If she sang, he might be able to quiet his mind enough to actually rest.

“Of course,” she said at once, pressing another kiss to his temple before she started to sing softly.

Gold didn’t recognize the tune, but he liked it instantly— something slow and pretty about sandalwood that soothed the broken places in his soul.  He closed his eyes and tried to stop thinking about what he deserved.  Bae was home, and Belle was in his bed, her love warming him.  He didn’t deserve either of them, but he was smart enough to know that they were the greatest gifts any man could ever receive.

He didn’t deserve them, but he could be grateful for them.  Gold snuggled closer and let his worries go as the sound of Belle’s voice lulled him to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

When Gold woke, he was alone.

Even though he’d vowed to end his sexual relationship with Belle so she would have the space she needed to rethink her feelings for him, it still hurt to wake without her beside him when he’d fallen asleep in her arms.  The pillow felt cold under his shorn head and even though he was buried under a pile of blankets, he was chilled without Belle to warm him.

With a groan, he forced himself to push the blankets down, hissing when bright light stung his eyes.  Gold blinked rapidly and reached for his phone, his jaw dropping when he saw the time.  No wonder he’d woken up alone; it was nearly one in the afternoon.  Belle and Bae had probably given him up for lost.

His bones cracked as he dragged himself out of bed, his limbs feeling weak and watery from his long sleep.  His cane, which he remembered leaving next to the sink, was hooked neatly on the edge of his nightstand, and when he managed to stagger to the bathroom, he discovered that the detritus of his impulsive makeover was gone.  The mounds of hair had been carefully swept away, and his toiletries were back in their usual places— Belle’s handiwork, of course.

He shook his head with a rueful laugh, once again amazed by her.  It wasn’t that she’d managed all of this without waking him up—Gold had a feeling that she could have brought a brass band into the bedroom and he wouldn’t have stirred—it was that, yet again, she was taking care of him like he deserved her love.  Her generosity humbled him.

By the time he’d finished going through the rote motions of shaving and brushing his teeth, his head felt a little clearer.  A long shower was a luxury to a single parent, and Gold decided not to feel guilty for indulging himself, the hot water stinging against his skin.  He’d showered at the hotel, of course, but just setting foot in the hospital made him feel like he had a layer of grime on his skin that the hot shower rinsed away.  For a whimsical moment, he felt as though all his worries and cares were washing down the drain as well.

Shampooing his hair was an odd experience.  His fingers kept grasping for hair that wasn’t there any more, his scalp feeling sensitive and vulnerable under his soapy hands.  This was going to take some getting used to.

Once he got out of the shower, Gold took his time dressing for the day, and when he finished he barely recognized the man he saw in his mirror.  The new hairstyle wasn’t particularly flattering, highlighting the fact that he’d gained weight, but the change in his hair didn’t explain the difference he saw in himself.  For one thing, he looked well-rested, and that was unusual.  The real change, however, was in his eyes.  There was a peace there that he couldn’t remember seeing before.

He’d told Belle his darkest secret, and she didn’t think he was a monster.  If she didn’t believe he was a monster, maybe he could believe it too.

The house was silent when he stepped out of the bedroom, something that sent a chill down Gold’s spine even as he tried to convince himself that Belle and Bae were just trying to be quiet so he could sleep.  There was no reason to believe that anything was wrong, and quite a few reasons to believe that everything was just fine.  For one, Belle would have woken him had anything gone wrong with Bae while he slept the day away.

Gold strained his ears as he approached the staircase, and by the time he was halfway down, he was able to hear quiet conversation and the clatter of dice coming from the kitchen, making him catch his breath in relief.  As he made his way to the kitchen, Gold clung to those cozily domestic little sounds, wishing he could bottle them.  

He made no real effort to be stealthy, but neither Belle nor Bae seemed to notice his approach.  Smiling to himself, Gold paused in the kitchen doorway to watch them examine the dice scattered across the table, the pair of them sitting opposite each other, their postures identical.  Each sat with one leg tucked under the other and their heads resting on one hand, matching expressions of concentration on their faces.  

Without thinking about it, Gold lifted his phone to snap a picture, chuckling when they both turned in unison to look at him.  "Good morning."

Belle giggled.  "Afternoon is more like it!  I was starting to think you went into hibernation.”

He accepted the teasing in the spirit it was offered, crossing to tug playfully on her ponytail.  "Good afternoon, then.“

With Bae there, he couldn’t say anything more, but Gold hoped Belle could see the gratitude in his eyes, not just for the luxury of being allowed to sleep in, but for the loving care she so selflessly gave him.  When Belle’s smile deepened, showing her dimples, he allowed himself to believe that she’d understood.

He used the end of her ponytail to tickle her nose, then let the hair drop as he turned to Bae, who was staring at him with his mouth open.  "Is there a problem?”

“What did you do to your _hair_?” Bae demanded in a tone of horrified fascination.

“I cut it.  Who’s winning the game?”  He’d known this was coming, and the only way Gold could think to handle it was to play off his new look as a very minor change, scarcely worthy of consideration.

“You look stupid.”

“Baden!”  To the best of Gold’s recollection, that was the first time Belle had ever used Bae’s full name.

Bae shrugged off her reproof.  "Well, he does."

"Even if you think so, it’s not nice to say things like that.  You’ll hurt Papa’s feelings.”  It was the sternest Belle had ever been with the boy.

“Then I won’t say he looks stupid.  I’ll just think it.”  Gold was reasonably sure that Bae was deliberately missing the point.

“Well, _I_ think Papa looks very handsome, and I think you should say you’re sorry.”  Belle’s staunch defense of his haircut warmed Gold.

Bae shrugged.  "Sorry."

"I accept your apology.”  Bae didn’t sound the slightest bit sincere, but Gold would take what he could get.  He’d known his son wouldn’t like the new hairstyle.

Bae’s nose wrinkled as he examined his papa, the boy looking at him like he’d chosen to wear a dead trout as a hat.  "Are you going to keep it like that forever or are you going to grow it back?"

"I haven’t decided yet,” Gold informed him carelessly.  He already regretted his impulsive actions, but Bae didn’t need to know that.  

“You should grow it back.”

“I will take your opinion under consideration.  Don’t let me interrupt your game.”  Deliberately, Gold turned his back on the table as he moved to fix himself lunch, indicating that the conversation was over.  He could feel Bae’s gaze boring into the back of his neck, but by the time he’d gotten the sandwich fixings out of the refrigerator, he could once again hear the clatter of dice.  

He exhaled slowly.  That had gone much better than he’d expected it to.  "Would anyone else like a sandwich?"

"Yes, please.”

“I guess.”

As Gold prepared lunch, he allowed himself to hope that the matter was settled.  Bae seemed intent on the Yahtzee game that he appeared to be winning, so maybe loudly voicing his opinion on the issue of his papa’s hair had gotten it out of his system.  Being informed that he looked stupid was a much lower price than Gold had expected to pay for radically altering his appearance with no warning.

He should have known that he wouldn’t be so lucky.  "Why did you cut your hair?“ Bae demanded as soon as he sat down to eat.

How was he supposed to answer that when he wasn’t entirely sure what the answer was himself?  He didn’t need to heap his emotional turmoil onto his son, but Bae would never accept ‘I don’t know’ as an answer.

Gold took a meditative bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly to stall for time as he searched for an answer that would neither upset Bae nor be too much of a lie.  "I was feeling sad, and I thought cutting my hair might make me feel better.”

Bae looked at his father like he had two heads.  "You don’t like getting your hair cut.  Why would cutting your hair make you feel better?"

"I thought that if I _looked_ different, I might _feel_ different.”  No doubt, he was modeling extremely unhealthy coping strategies for his son.

“Oh.”  Bae nodded as he digested his papa’s explanation.  "Did it work?"

"No.”

Bae looked so distraught at his answer that Gold hastened to continue.  "But then I talked to Belle, and she gave me a hug, and _then_ I felt better."

Under the table, Belle’s foot rubbed affectionately against his ankle, offering him support out of Bae’s line of sight.  Gold risked glancing at her, hoping she could read his gratitude in his smile.

Bae perked up.  "You should have talked to her first then.  Hugs always make _me_ feel better.”

Gold couldn’t help but chuckle at his son’s summation of the experience.  Yes, it would have been far wiser to just talk to Belle instead of wreaking havoc on his hair, but he’d been in no state to realize that last night.  At least the damage had been minimal.  Hair grew back.  "You’re absolutely right."

"Hugs always help,” Belle agreed.

Bae tilted his head to the side as he considered his papa.  "You don’t look _that_ stupid," he announced, magnanimous in victory.

"Thank you very much.”  Gold took a bite of sandwich to hide his smile.

“You still need to grow it back though.”

“I will put it on my To Do list,” Gold agreed, pretending not to see Bae roll his eyes at the response.

From there, the matter of his hair seemed to be largely settled.  Gold was permitted to join in the next round of Yahtzee, a game that he quickly proved to be terrible at, and if Bae took a little extra pleasure in watching his papa struggle, there were worse penances.

Even though Bae was taking more of an interest in things than he had at the hospital, it was obvious that all wasn’t well with the boy.  After two more rounds of Yahtzee, Bae was yawning, and he fell asleep less than ten minutes into _Finding Dory_.  At dinnertime he ate, but he failed to clean his plate, and he willingly went to bed an hour before his usual bedtime.  Gold tried to tell himself that the boy was still recovering from his hospital stay, but it was hard to be optimistic when Bae fell asleep before Belle had finished reading his bedtime story.

That night, Gold left the bedroom doors open again, just in case.  He didn’t have the same feeling of foreboding that he had the night Bae had his horrible attack, but there was no point in taking chances.  

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted when Belle came in with the tea.

“About what?”  She curled one leg under herself, turning her body to face him.

He huffed a laugh.  That was another thing Belle and Bae had in common: they knew how to ask the hard questions.  "About anything."

Belle put her hand on his thigh and gave it a comforting squeeze.  "You’re doing great.  I thought you handled the hair thing really well.  You were honest with him, but it was age appropriate.”

“Thank you.”  For years, he’d been parenting in a vacuum, and when Belle moved in, Gold had been unprepared for what it would mean to have someone else evaluate his performance.  To hear her say that he was doing it right meant the world.

“And thank you for letting me sleep in,” he added.  Taking care of Bae could never be a burden, but even he occasionally needed a break.

“You _needed_ it,” she informed him.  "You have to take care of yourself.  I think you forget that some times."

It wasn’t that he forgot.  That was a lesson Gold had never learned at all, and now that Bae needed so much, his own well-being had ceased to be any kind of a priority.  "I’m lucky that I have you to remind me.”

“Yes, you are,” Belle agreed and promptly stuck out her tongue to make him laugh.  

“I wasn’t talking about the hair though.”  Gold attempted to get the conversation back on track, even though he wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted to say.  "What do we do now?  Should we call Dove and have him start up with school again?  It might do Bae good to be back on a normal schedule, but I don’t want to rush him either.  Hell, should we even bother with school or just take the rest of the year off and try again next year?"

He winced as he said the words.  There was no guarantee that Bae would feel up to doing lessons with Dove next September.  There was no guarantee that the boy would even still be here at all.

"Let’s give him the rest of the week off and start fresh on Monday.  Maybe Dove can do half-days with him until we see how he bounces back.”  Belle’s calm practicality gave Gold something to cling to.

“He likes learning, and Dove makes it fun for him.  If it’s too much for him, we can dial it back to every other day.  That’s the nice thing about home-schooling.  We can do whatever we have to do to make it work for Bae.”  Belle tapped a thoughtful finger against her mug.  "I think it will do him good to have lessons to look forward to."

"He needs _something_ to look forward to,” Gold agreed.  Bae had lost almost everything over the last few months.  The boy needed something good to make up for those losses.  

If Bae only had a few months left, they needed to be the best months possible.

Belle nodded.  "What are you thinking?“

"I’m not thinking _anything_ ,” he snapped.  That was the problem.  Bae’s world was getting smaller by the day, and Gold couldn’t think of any way to make it bigger.

When Belle sat back in her chair, putting distance between them, he realized how unfair he was being.  "I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to snarl.  I just…"

The half-spoken apology was pathetic, but Belle leaned forward and put her hand back on his knee, her eyes warm.  "It’s okay.  I know how hard this is for you.“

"That doesn’t mean I get to take it out on you.”  Belle had done nothing but support him, and she kept taking the brunt of his mood swings.  He _had_ to do better.

“You always stop yourself and apologize.”  She was far too generous with him.

“It would be better if I didn’t do it at all,” he muttered, unable to accept her easy forgiveness.  His own father had expressed his feelings with his fists, and although Gold had managed not to follow that example, verbally attacking someone who only wanted to help him wasn’t much of an improvement.  

“You’re too hard on yourself.  I wish you could be kinder,” Belle said softly.

Her gentle reproof hurt more than if she’d raged at him.  "I’m sorry, Belle.  I don’t mean to be such a bastard.  You don’t deserve that, and I swear I’ll try to do better."

"What?  No.  Elias…”  Belle reached out to cup his chin in her hand, forcing him to meet her eyes.  "I meant I wish you could be kinder to _yourself_ , not to me.“

Gold lowered his eyes, unable to bear seeing the tenderness in hers.  No matter how many times he proved that he wasn’t worthy of her, Belle kept forgiving him, and her only concern was for him, not for herself.  

"You’re hurting.  You’re scared, and you’re sad, and you’re angry.  You can’t bottle all of that up.  If you don’t get it out, it’ll only make things worse,” she told him, her voice low and hypnotic.

Gold’s mouth twitched.  "So, you _want_ me to snap at you?“

It wasn’t much of a joke, and Belle didn’t laugh.  "Of course not.  But you could _talk_ to me.  Or you could have a good cry.  Or we could round up some cheap plates and smash them.  But eventually you’re going to have to do _something_.”

In spite of himself, he smiled at the image of the pair of them flinging plates at a brick wall.  "Bae would never forgive us if we smashed plates without him.“

Belle’s eyes sparkled.  "Maybe that can be our next field trip.  We’ll go out and buy a bunch of cheap stuff at thrift stores, then come home and smash it all.”

When he laughed, she joined him, releasing his chin as she sat back, the tension of the previous moment dissipating.  Selfishly, Gold was thankful for that.  Belle wasn’t going to let this drop, and he was intelligent enough to know that she was absolutely right: if he kept bottling his emotions up, eventually he would explode.  Someday, he was going to have to deal with them, but tonight, he just couldn’t face it.  If he fell apart tonight, even Belle might not be able to put him back together.

“Something for Bae to look forward to…” she mused as she took a sip of her tea.

“Not Disney.  Probably not a dog.”  Bae already had all the material things he could ever want.  Where was the thrill in yet another stuffed animal or toy?

“We can’t do anything outside until spring because the cold air is bad for his lungs.”  Belle sighed in frustration.  

“And we can’t go anywhere there’s a crowd because of germs.”  That didn’t leave too many options.

“I guess one of those indoor waterparks is out.”  Belle gazed into the depths of her mug as though looking for answers.  "Something for his birthday?  What do you usually do?"

"Last year he wanted a party with all his school friends.”

Belle winced.  "Did anyone come?“

"Oh yes.”  Gold allowed himself a dark smile at the memory.  "Threatening to evict people is a tremendous motivator.  Bae had a wonderful day.“

That was what mattered.  Bae enjoyed his party, blissfully unaware of his papa’s machinations, and his schoolmates seemed to have fun too.  Considering the fortune he’d spent on entertainment, treats and favors, the party had been a child-sized wonderland, and Gold considered it money well spent.  Still, he was in no hurry to repeat the stressful experience.

"At least he had a good birthday,” Belle echoed his thoughts.

“I wish he had friends.”  That was one thing his money couldn’t buy.

“He has so many people who love him— you and me and my parents and Dove… But I know what you mean.  It’s not the same as having friends his own age.”  Belle put down her mug and curled her knees to her chest, a picture of despondence.

The last thing Gold had wanted to do was transfer his own angst to her.  "Perhaps we should concentrate on what he _does_ have.  Would your parents be interested in visiting?  What about some of your princess friends?  Bae would love to introduce Olaf to Anna and Elsa.“

"I’ll talk to Mum and Dad.  And about my friends, are you thinking about a _visit_ -visit or a character visit?  I mean, they’d do it in a heartbeat, but those dresses are worth more than our lives and security is tight.  Maybe we could rent costumes locally…”  Belle trailed off as she took out her phone to search for costume shops.

Gold put his hand over hers.  "We don’t have to plan it now.  It’s late.“

Belle giggled.  "It’s only ten o'clock.”

Had he really only been awake for nine hours?  "It _feels_ late,“ Gold corrected himself.

"You’re not wrong about that,” Belle agreed as she put her phone back in her robe pocket.  At least she was smiling again.  He’d managed that much.

“Belle…”

“Yes?”  Her face was expectant, and Gold could feel himself wilting.  How was he supposed to look her in the eye and coldly tell her to go sleep in her own bed?  Even though it was for her own good, it would still feel like rejection.  It would hurt her, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.  

Now that he’d started, he had to say _something_.  "I’m very glad you’re here.  Thank you for… being you."

Her eyes went glassy, her tender smile breaking his heart.  "You’re welcome.”

Gold wasn’t sure if he was grateful or not that she didn’t tell him that she loved him.  Hearing her voice her feelings was a painful reminder of just how little he had to offer her in return, but he still cherished the words every time he heard them.  No one had ever loved him with the patient devotion that Belle did.  Other than Bae and Belle, no one had ever loved him at all.

By not sending her back to her room, he was leading her on, and even though he tried to tell himself that he was only trying to spare her pain, Gold knew he was being selfish.  There was enough unhappiness in Belle’s life.  He couldn’t stand the idea of inflicting more.  He couldn’t look into her eyes and see hurt that he’d put there, even if it was for her own good.

Instead, he drew her close in bed, reveling in the warmth and softness of her body beside him in the dark.  In a half-hearted attempt to avoid sending mixed signals, he kept his touches chaste, and Belle made no move to instigate anything more.  Instead, she tucked her head under his chin, letting him breathe in the scent of her hair as he drifted into sleep, her embrace silently assuring him that all would be well.

Optimism didn’t come naturally to Gold, and in the days that followed, it grew harder and harder to stay positive.  After a hospital stay, it always took time for Bae to regain his strength, but as days turned to weeks, it became increasingly obvious that this time would be different.

Bae’s breathing was labored, the wheeze now a constant companion, but there was no fever.  There was no infection to fight, just Bae’s small body struggling to get enough air into his scarred lungs.  Whale prescribed every pill under the sun, but even as he measured out the medication, Gold knew that it was hopeless.  This was the progression of Bae's disease, not an additional illness that he could overcome and recover from.  This was their new normal.  All that was left was to see if his frail body could hold out until new lungs became available.

As the days passed, Bae played less and slept more.  He talked less and coughed more.  The full-day schooling he’d been doing with Dove before his most recent scare dropped to half-days, and then to half-days every other day.  Even with that modified schedule, it was all the boy could do to keep his eyes open through dinner, and Gold couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard his son laugh.

He was terrified.

He did his best not to let it show, pretending that it was the most normal thing in the world for Bae to fall asleep less than five minutes into a movie.  He sat on the couch with Bae in his arms, staring blindly at whatever cartoon they’d put on for the boy as he held his sleeping son, greedily counting every breath the boy took and trying not to hear the rattle in his chest.

“It’s going to be okay,” Belle murmured from her position on the floor beside the couch.  

Her words were meaningless.  Belle could no more see into the future than he could.  There was no way she could know that everything was going to turn out right.  Still, Gold clung to her words as tightly as he clung to his son, needing her comforting lies more than he’d ever needed anything else.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered.

Belle leaned her head against his hip.  "Yes, you can.  You’re okay.  Bae’s going to be fine, you’ll see.  Everything is going to be okay."

"Keep telling me that,” he requested.  Maybe if Belle said the words often enough, they would magically become true.

He adjusted his hold on Bae so the boy rested more comfortably against his chest.  Freeing one hand, Gold reached down to thread his fingers through Belle’s hair, feeling the silky strands wrap around his digits like a caress, grounding him.  

“We’re okay,” she told him.  "It’s all going to be okay."

She kept up the soothing litany until Bae stirred, long after the movie had ended.  "How are you feeling?” Gold asked him softly.

Bae considered it for a moment.  "Tired.“

After a two hour nap, that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but Gold tried not to react.  "Do you want something to eat?”

Bae snuggled into him.  "I’m not hungry."

Although he’d never been a vegetable lover, Bae had always been a good eater, but for the past week, his appetite had been non-existent.  Gold swallowed hard.  "We’ll have some soup in a little bit. That will taste good to you.  What do you want to do in the meantime?”

Never in his life had he so badly wanted to play a round of Toilet Trouble.  Gold wanted to hear Bae suggest the vulgar game or plead to make fake snot.  He would have sold his soul to eat cardboard pizza and listen to robotic animals sing songs if Bae would just demand a visit to the chain restaurant.

He just wanted things to be _normal_.

Instead, Bae craned his neck to look down at Belle.  "Talk about your grandparents."

Belle’s eyes were huge, her face white, but she did her best to smile at the request.  Gold swallowed a mouthful of bile.  During their discussion about death, Belle had offered to tell Bae about her deceased grandparents so he would be certain to know someone in the afterlife if he happened to die before the rest of his loved ones.

Nothing had really come of that conversation, and Gold tried not to consider it an omen that Bae had chosen to revisit it now.  "Why do you want to hear about them?”

Bae shrugged.  "I just do.  It’s important.“

Gold closed his eyes to hold back tears, sinking his teeth viciously into his tongue in an attempt to use physical pain to distract himself as Belle sat up on her knees and launched into a story about how her grandfather had once built her a swing.

Her tone was light and cheerful, and Gold allowed the cadence to carry him along, making no effort to listen to the words she was speaking.  How did she do it? he wondered.  How was Belle able to put on a brave face and talk like all was well?  If he tried to say anything, he’d fall to pieces, but she was telling stories like she didn’t have a care in the world.

Her bravery shamed him.  No matter how dreadful things got, Belle never faltered, her light holding back the darkness.  What had he ever done to deserve her?

"…and his foot went right through the floor!” she was saying, apparently finishing a story.

Gold had no idea what the context of that sentence had been, but Bae let out a rusty chuckle, a sound Gold hugged close to his heart.  If the boy could still laugh, there was still hope.

“Let’s have some soup,” he suggested.  Bae needed to keep up his strength, and that meant that Gold couldn’t stop fighting for even an instant.  He had to make sure that the boy ate and rested and took his medicine and did everything else he needed to do to buy as much time as possible.

“I’m not hungry,” Bae protested, but when Gold refused to take no for an answer, the boy managed to eat almost an entire bowl of tomato soup.

He added another scoop to Bae’s bowl before it could get cold and when Bae started to yawn, Gold tried to keep him focused and awake.  "What do you want for your birthday?“

"Oo, good question!” Belle enthused, her eyes shining as she turned her attention to Bae.  "Eight is a pretty important birthday.“

"Can we get a dog?” Bae asked.

If the boy made it to his eighth birthday, Gold would buy him a damned elephant if he wanted one.  "I will consider it."

Bae pumped his fist.  ” _Yes_!“

It was the most enthusiasm he’d shown about anything since the attack, and Gold allowed himself to hope for the best even as his eyes showed him how pale and fragile Bae had become.  Compared to how he looked now, he’d been the picture of health during their Disney trip, and the contrast was frightening.

After they tucked Bae into bed that night, Gold remained at his son’s side, watching the boy’s chest rise and fall.  When he realized he was counting Bae’s breaths, he shook his head, trying to find something to think about that would distract him.  

His mind latched onto the idea of Bae’s birthday.  It had to be special, the best day of the boy’s entire life.  Bae didn’t have friends, not any his own age, but if he planned an elaborate enough event, it wouldn’t matter that the only people there were adults.

He could hire a circus to give a private performance.  Bae loved the circus, and he would be thrilled to have one in his own backyard.  Some of Belle’s friends could come in character to watch the show and play with Bae.  If he threw enough money at Disney, the costume issue would resolve itself.  Enough money could make any problem go away.

Almost any problem.

Gold clenched his jaw, trying to push that thought away by losing himself in party plans.  A circus… a few dozen characters… what else would Bae like?

By the time he took out his phone to search for a local pyrotechnics expert who could design a fireworks display, Gold knew that he’d gone off the rails, but he was speeding down a mountain in a car with no brakes.  He was out of control, but he didn’t know how to stop.  The party had to be perfect, absolutely perfect.  If it was, the universe would have no choice but to allow Bae to attend.

He was trying to decide if he should surprise Bae with Belle’s parents by having them appear as part of a circus act or by wrapping them up in a giant box as a present when Belle stepped back into the room, her eyes shadowed.  

"Come to bed,” she murmured as she put her hand on his shoulder.

“I…”  Gold looked down at his sleeping son, his chest still moving under the bedclothes.  One breath.  Two.

Belle’s grip tightened.  "Come to bed.“

Her voice was firm, and he found himself obeying it, his body moving without conscious thought.  "I was planning his birthday party.”

“Plan it tomorrow.  You need to sleep.”  Taking hold of his arm, Belle all but towed him toward their bed, and Gold followed on auto-pilot.  

“I’m not tired.”

“Yes, you are.  You just don’t know it.  Elias, please.  Just lie down and close your eyes.  If you can’t sleep, at least you can rest.”  When Belle gave him a gentle shove, Gold found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, his phone still clenched in his hand.  His fingers were cramping.

Belle knelt at his feet, and Gold watched as she carefully pried his fingers loose from the phone, unable to cooperate.  His body didn’t seem to be obeying his commands.

“There,” she murmured once she’d freed the phone from his desperate grip.  "Isn’t that better?"

Unconsciously, he flexed his fingers, feeling the circulation return to them.  "Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”  Belle leaned up to kiss his cheek before she placed the phone on the nightstand for safekeeping.

“Lie down,” she coaxed as she held the blankets back for him.

A wave of exhaustion swept over him as Gold leaned back, the pillows welcoming him.  Belle was right; she always was.  He was tired.

The shrill ring of his phone nearly made him jump out of his skin.  He froze, staring up into Belle’s eyes in shock.  It was after midnight.  There was no reason for anyone to call him after midnight except—

He jolted forward as Belle grabbed his phone in both hands.  "It’s Whale!“ she announced, her voice tight as she thrust the phone at him.

His hands were shaking so badly that he could barely hold the phone.  "What?”

It wasn’t much of a greeting, but Whale didn’t seem to require one.  "We might have lungs for Bae.“

The breath caught in Gold’s chest, emerging as a strangled wheeze as Belle sat down next to him, her body vibrating.  

"Might?” he managed, holding the phone so Belle could hear the doctor’s words.

“There was an accident.  The little boy…”  Whale trailed off and cleared his throat.  "Well.  The details aren’t important.  The parents are divorced.  The father has consented to donate.  They’re just waiting for the mother.“

Gold closed his eyes, barely able to process the words.  There was hope.  After everything, there was hope for Bae.  

"What do we do?” Belle asked, speaking when he couldn’t.  "Should we bring him in?  Do we—?“

"Sit tight until we know for sure.  Don’t give Bae anything to eat or drink and be ready to move.  When’s the last time he ate?  Drank?”

“He had tomato soup at six and a glass of water at eight.”  Gold had no idea how he remembered that.  His head was so full of white static that he wasn’t sure he could spell his own name.

“Okay, good.  I’ll be in touch.”  Whale hung up without saying goodbye.

Next to him, Belle had both hands over her mouth and she was breathing like she was dying.  "Oh god… oh god…"

When she put her hand in his, Gold held on with all his might, feeling like he was about to fall off the planet.  Somewhere out there was a pair of lungs for Bae.

Somewhere out there, a little boy was dead.

“That poor baby… his _parents_ …”  Tears were running down Belle’s face, and Gold couldn’t move to wipe them away.

“Aye.”  His voice was rough, his throat feeling like it was lined with sandpaper.  There was hope for Bae, but at what cost?  Tonight, two strangers were facing the nightmare that he was so desperate to avoid.

Why did life have to be so horrible?

“What do we do?” Belle whispered.  "Should we get dressed?  I can pack bags for us… make coffee… something to eat… Not for Bae, of course.  Should we wake him up?"

When she moved to stand, Gold yanked on her hand, holding her in place.  "Don’t do anything.”

He shook his head when she looked at him in confusion.  "Not until we know."

Gold wasn’t sure how to explain the fear that twisted in his gut.  It wasn’t real yet.  If they did anything,  this hope might evaporate like a mirage.  Any action that they took might be too much.  They couldn’t put any weight on this new ground until they were sure it was solid beneath their feet.

It wasn’t much of an explanation, but Belle nodded like she understood.  "Okay.”

She reached out, and he clung to both of her hands with both of his as he leaned his forehead against hers, feeling her breath panting against his face.  Gold closed his eyes and tried to think of nothing except those warm puffs of air, not sure if the world was ending or beginning anew.

Hands entwined, they leaned against each other and waited for the phone to ring.


	22. Chapter 22

Gold clung to Belle’s hands, his grip tight enough that he knew he had to be hurting her, but she didn’t murmur a word of protest as she rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb.  He wanted to beg her to talk to him, to distract him from the reality of what they were facing, but at the same time, he felt like any sound would be more than he could endure.  Even the sound of the wind blowing outside threatened to drive him over the edge.

Bae’s life hung on the phone call they were waiting for, and there was nothing he could do to influence the situation.

They could be out the door in fifteen minutes, he decided.  Bae could travel in his pajamas and sleep in the car, so that would save time.  Belle could dress and pack for herself as he got things together for Bae.  The boy would need some familiar comforts— his stuffed Beast, a few favorite books, slippers and a robe.  Gold himself wouldn’t need much beyond his toiletries and a few changes of clothes.  He didn’t plan to leave his son’s side even to sleep.

When he realized he was making plans, Gold cursed himself.  The future was still too tenuous.  If he put any pressure on it, even in his own mind, this hope would collapse under its own weight like a soap bubble.  He concentrated on the puff of Belle’s breath against his face, counting each individual rush of air as he tried to keep his mind blank.  

He made it to eight before he lost count, finding himself trying to decide which of Bae’s stuffed toys the boy would most like to have with him in the hospital during his recovery.  Grinding his teeth, he started again.  One.  Two.  Three.  

It was so quiet.

“What are you thinking?” Gold rasped, desperate to break the silence that was suddenly oppressive.  It was unfair to ask Belle to distract him when she was as nervous as he was, but he couldn’t help it.  Without her voice to ground him, he’d lose his mind.

“I’m thinking about what we should plant this spring.”

Her answer caught him so off guard that Gold opened his eyes to look at her.  Belle’s eyes were closed, clenched so tightly that deep lines radiated out from the corners, but her voice was calm.  "What?“

"I was trying to not think about anything, but I _can’t_ not think about anything, so I started thinking about that.  Something normal.  Something that isn’t important.”  She winced without opening her eyes.  "I’m sorry.“

Right now, there was nothing Gold wanted to think about more than the garden.  "What are we going to plant?”

Belle shuddered, but some of the tension left her face.  Gold closed his eyes again, rubbing his forehead against hers as she started to talk.  "Cucumbers by the garage.  Tomatoes in that sunny spot along the back.  Herbs by the back door.“

Every word soothed his panic.  Right now, it was winter, but spring would come.  The three of them would plant vegetables and watch them grow, and under Belle’s direction, this time their labors wouldn’t be in vain.  Bae would be thrilled to eat something he’d grown himself.  "What kind of herbs?”

“Basil.  You can’t screw that up.  Chives and parsley are useful.  Maybe cilantro.”

Gold pulled a face even though she wasn’t looking at him.  "It tastes like soap.“

"Oh, you’re one of _those_.”  Her voice was too strained to completely pull off the playful teasing she was striving for, but it was a near miss.  "All right, not cilantro.  Dill.  We could make our own pickles.“  

Canning and pickling were homespun arts that had gone out of style back in the days of Laura Ingalls, but for some reason, the idea of making homemade pickles with Belle and Bae captivated Gold.  "I want to do that.”

“It’s easy,” she promised.  "We can experiment with spices and all sorts of things.  Bae will love it.“

"Yes.”  His voice broke.  The more Belle talked about the future like it was a given that Bae would be there to grow tomatoes and make pickles, the more real it felt.  

The phone rang.

“Oh god,” Gold muttered as he groped blindly for the phone.  Whatever happened in the next five minutes would forever alter the course of his life, and it took all of his strength to answer the call.

“Yes?”

A pause answered him, and Gold’s heart sank at the silence on the other end of the line.  Before Whale said a single word, he knew it wasn’t good news.

“I’m so sorry,” Whale said quietly.  "The mom… she chose not to consent.“

"I understand,” he managed to say.  

The worst part was that he _did_ understand.  In that nameless mother’s place, he might well do the same thing.  If he was raising a normal, healthy child, and Bae died in a tragic accident, Gold could imagine himself being revolted by the idea of doctors cutting his son up to use for spare parts.  He would be so lost in his own grief that he wouldn’t be able to think about the other children who so desperately needed those organs.

“It’s just a setback.  It didn’t work out this time.  Next time it will.  You can’t give up hope,” Whale said quickly.

Unable to stand hearing another word, Gold ended the call and tossed the phone aside.  Belle was watching him, but he couldn’t look at her as he passed along the information.  "The mother refused.“

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Belle double over like she’d taken a punch to the stomach.  "No,” she whimpered.

Gold stared blindly down at his hands, feeling absurdly calm as Belle started to cry quietly.  "That’s it, then.  It’s over.“

Bae had been on the transplant list for two years, and this was the first time they’d even come close to finding new lungs for him.  He couldn’t last another two.  His son would probably survive to enjoy his eighth birthday, and he might even live long enough to pickle some cucumbers, but by this time next year, Bae would be gone, and Gold…

Gold would be dust.

The numbness left him, horror displacing his shock.  Bae was going to die.  His son was going to die.

His teeth chattered as a wave of nausea washed over him, and Gold dug his fingernails into his wrist, cursing the flash of pain that told him he was awake.  He was trapped in a nightmare, but there was no way to wake up.  

His son was going to die.

"No.”  Belle shook her head almost violently.  "I don’t believe that.  I _won’t_ believe it.  It wasn’t right this time for whatever reason, but there _are_ lungs out there for Bae.  There are.  There _have_ to be.“

Usually, Belle’s stubborn optimism reassured him, but this time it made Gold want to scream.  They’d lost their only chance of saving Bae, and there was no point in pretending otherwise.  "It’s _over_ ,” he snarled, beyond the point where he could modulate his voice out of concern for her sensibilities.  

“Elias…”

When she put her hand on his arm, he shook her off and stood abruptly, stalking the bedroom like a caged panther.  There was nowhere to go.  He couldn’t escape the hell he was living in by fleeing the room.  Belle couldn’t talk this crisis away.  There was nowhere to go and nothing to do.  Bae’s fate had been decided by a stranger, and there was _nothing_ he could do about it.

Gold flipped his cane over in a fluid movement to grasp the end of the shaft, holding it like a baseball bat as he eyed the top of his dresser.  One swing would destroy everything, but it would solve nothing.  Smashing everything he owned would just leave him with a pile of broken trinkets and wake Bae, who was sleeping across the hall, oblivious to the fact that an unknown woman had just signed his death warrant.

“Hey…”  Belle put her hand on the cane, careful not to touch him.

He was shaking, and for a shameful instant, Gold wondered what it would feel like to turn the cane on her in hopes that her sounds of pain would be louder than the screaming in his head.  It had always worked for his father after all.

The hideous thought made him gag.  Horrified by the depths of his own depravity, Gold turned his back on Belle and staggered away, flinging the cane to the far side of the room where it landed with a clatter, but even getting the weapon out of his hands wasn’t enough protection.  In the state he was in, he might well lose his mind and lash out at her with his bare hands.  Belle needed to be on the other side of a locked door, not within arm’s reach.  

“Get out,” he ordered, unable to think over the shrieking whirlwind that was all that was left of his mind.  His soul was tearing itself apart, fury and terror and self-loathing clawing at him until he could barely stand upright.

“No.  We don’t have to talk.  We don’t have to do anything, but you shouldn’t be alone right now.”  Belle’s support only made the searing pain worse.  If she had any idea what he’d been tempted to do, she would be appalled, but Gold couldn’t bring himself to worry about her opinion of him.  He couldn’t feel anything beyond the incandescent rage at the universe burning beneath his skin, and if she didn’t get away from him, Belle was going to get burned.

He’d stopped himself from acting on his dark thoughts, but Gold didn’t trust that they were gone for good.  Right now, Belle wasn’t safe with him.  He wasn’t entirely sure that he was safe with himself.

“I want to _hurt_ something,” he bit out.  

“I don’t blame you,” she told him, and Gold shuddered as she placed her hand on his back.  He’d tried to warn her, and she didn’t understand.

“You’re not _safe_ ,” he tried to explain.  He thrust his fingers into his hair, but thanks to his impromptu makeover, he couldn’t get hold of a good enough handful to pull.  Desperately, he raked his nails over his scalp, leaving burning lines, but it didn't hurt enough to appease his demons.  Grimly, he looked at the wall, wondering if bashing his head against it would help.

“No, don't…” Belle murmured, trying to catch his hands as he scrabbled at his head.  "Elias, don't…"

She gasped when he grabbed her wrists, and it was all Gold could do not to squeeze, feeling the fragile bones in his grip.  "You need to leave,“ he said as calmly as he could manage.  He was holding onto his control with his fingernails, and if Belle didn’t retreat to her own room, he had the sickening feeling that neither of them would like the consequences.

When all was darkest, he truly was his father’s son.

"It’s okay… it’s okay…” Belle crooned as he shuddered.

“No.  It’s not.”  His son was going to die, and he was a monster, and nothing would ever be okay again.

Belle sighed, her lips trembling.  "No,“ she agreed.  "It’s not.”

With a sudden movement, she jerked her wrists out of his hands, and Gold stumbled forward.  Before he could catch his balance, Belle slammed her mouth against his, her sharp teeth cutting into his bottom lip.  

Gold welcomed the sharp flash of pain and the taste of blood.  The sensation was shockingly physical, and for the duration of the kiss, his emotional turmoil receded, overwhelmed by the immediate stimulus.

Too soon, Belle stepped back, her eyes dark and wary, and when he felt his soul shriek in pain, Gold surged forward, desperate to drown it out.  Bae was going to die, and everything was in ruins, and he just wanted to escape.  There was no way out, but Belle could make him forget.

She yelped as he thrust his tongue past her lips to plunder her, his hands biting into her waist to yank her close.  Belle was soft and warm, comforting the sharp edges of his agony, and he wanted to lose himself in her, to forget how horrible the world was for just a handful of moments.

Dimly, he realized he was raking his nails down her back and tried to make himself stop, but an instant later he found himself doing it again.  He groaned when Belle grabbed his shoulders and dug her own nails in, relishing the distraction of pain.  She always knew what he needed.

When she tried to break the kiss, he bit at her lips, growling a protest.  She couldn’t make him stop.  He didn’t want to stop.  

“Hey… hey….” she soothed, squeezing the back of his neck in a fierce grip that made something in his soul unclench.  "I was just going to suggest we get on the bed.“

It was only then that Gold realized how heavily he was leaning on her, Belle supporting the majority of his weight.  That was a fine metaphor for their relationship, he thought darkly as she led him to the bed, tucking herself under his arm to steady him since his cane was currently on the other side of the room.  

He was thinking again, and with thought came nothing but pain.  He didn’t want to think.  He just wanted to touch and kiss and rut and _feel_ , physical sensation drowning out everything else.  The moment he hit the mattress, he yanked Belle down beside him, and when she warded him off with a hand on his chest, he nearly howled in frustration.

"You can be rough,” she said quickly.  "Don’t hold back.  If I need you to stop, I’ll tell you.“

Gold managed to jerk his head in agreement, barely comprehending her words.  All he knew was that Belle was pulling him in for another kiss, and he surged against her, thrusting his tongue as deeply into her mouth as it would go in an effort to drown in her.

Pressure was throbbing in the back of his head, making him feel like his skull was about to explode.  With a muffled sob, he tore himself away from Belle’s lips and attacked her neck, snarling as he caught a mouthful of her delicate throat between his teeth and tugged, worrying at her flesh until he found himself slavering on her, then opening his mouth so he could get more of her skin and sucking hard.

Grunting, he shoved her to the mattress without detaching himself from her throat, his body feeling heavy and barely under his control as he crawled on top of her.  His trousers chafed as he thrust against her belly, harder than he’d ever been in his life although there was no pleasure in the friction.  He didn’t feel anything in particular— good or bad.  He just _felt_ , and right now, that was enough.

When Belle ran her nails over his back, his shirt blunted the sensation, and he growled his displeasure.  With fumbling hands, he groped for the front of his shirt, his fingers shaking too hard to manage the buttons.  Instead, he tore at the fabric, heedless of the damage he was causing.  If he didn’t feel Belle’s hands against his bare skin, he’d lose his mind.

"It’s okay… it’s okay…” Belle crooned as she helped him remove the offending garment.  

Gold sighed in relief when she ran her nails over him again, tearing his mouth away from her throat just long enough to plead, “Harder.”

“Yes, darling,” she murmured, then she scratched him again, her nails leaving trails of fire down his back.  

He jerked and shuddered, the sensation overwhelming him, blotting out everything else.  " _More_.“

Instantly, she repeated the action, clawing long lines down the length of his back.  The touch burned away the fog of misery that clouded his mind, and he groaned as he latched onto her neck again, needing to suck and bite and ravage.

He was holding her hips hard enough to leave bruises, but he couldn’t bring himself to loosen his grip.    No matter what he did, it wasn’t _enough_.  Gold could do nothing intensely enough to quiet the screaming in his head, and he forced himself away from Belle’s throat with a strangled cry, fearing that he’d draw blood if he didn’t make himself stop.

With shaking hands, he caught hold of the hem of Belle’s pajama top, sitting back just enough to yank it off over her head, her hair fluffing wildly around her face.  The moment her arms were free, Belle grabbed his jaw, digging her nails into the vulnerable place just below his ear and guiding his face to her breasts.

Oh _yes_.  Gold groaned in delight as he rubbed his nose against the sensitive valley between her breasts before turning his face to nip at the soft mounds.  As Belle shuddered, he lifted his hand to cup the breast he wasn’t currently assaulting, pinching her nipple tightly as he squeezed hard.

With a hissed curse, Belle arched her back, pushing herself more fully into his hands, and Gold took advantage of her surrender, opening his mouth wide to take in as much of her as he could.  He needed _more_ — more sensation, more warmth, more Belle, and he wouldn’t stop until he had it.

As though sensing his desperation, Belle dug her nails into his sides, finding a spot just above his hips that made him snarl and buck, grinding himself mercilessly against her belly.    "Yes,” she whispered.  "Yes, darling.  That’s it.  Don’t hold back.  Let it out.“

Her words tickled something at the back of his mind, and Gold sobbed as he covered her mouth with his own to silence her.  His head was pounding, and if he let himself remember why they were doing this, he would be lost.

Instead, he shoved his tongue deep into her mouth, depriving both of them of oxygen until his head started to buzz, the pressure easing slightly.  That was better.  As long as he didn’t think, nothing could hurt him.  

Belle wrested her mouth from his, gasping, but before he could panic, she turned her head and caught his earlobe between her teeth, biting down hard.  Gold muffled a cry as she nibbled on his ear, her sharp teeth threatening to draw blood, and that was good too.  He wanted to bleed.  He _deserved_ to bleed even though he refused to remember why.

"What do you need?” she asked, her voice hoarse.

“More,” he begged, trusting her to interpret the word.  He didn’t know what he needed, but Belle always did.

She shoved him off of her, Gold landing on his back on the mattress beside her.  Before he’d fully processed the change in their positions, Belle straddled him, her warm weight astride his abdomen anchoring him to the Earth.  Catching his hands in hers, she guided them to the headboard.  "Don’t let go.“

The edges of the wooden slats cut into his palms as he wrapped his hands around them, holding on for dear life as Belle raked her nails down his chest.  When his back arched helplessly, she repeated her action, then turned her attention to his nipples, pinching viciously until he was a panting, writhing mess, his hips jerking uncontrollably, his cock throbbing against the front of his trousers.

Belle growled deep in her throat, her eyes dark as she gazed down at him.  Very deliberately, she licked her lips, then lowered her head to take his left nipple in her mouth, sucking hard before dragging her teeth over the tight bud.

The sensation went straight to his groin, but when he bucked his hips, Belle swung her leg off of him, glaring when he removed one hand from the headboard to reach for her.  Swallowing hard, Gold obediently replaced his hand, and Belle nodded her approval before reaching for his zipper, undoing it without making contact with his straining flesh.

From the other side of the bedroom door came the sound of a cough.

Instantly, Gold was on his feet and doing up his trousers, his erection wilting as he lunged for the door, not feeling the pain in his leg in his haste to reach his son’s side.  His heart pounded as he crossed the hall to Bae’s bedroom, but the cough didn’t repeat, and silence was more frightening than the worst attack.

When he switched on the overhead light, his son stirred, looking up groggily.  "Is it morning?”

Gold shuddered, barely able to stay on his feet.  Bae was fine, or as close to fine as he was capable of being.  He’d just coughed in his sleep like a normal child, and Gold had panicked.  "No.  Go back to sleep, Bae-Bae.“

Bae grunted a response, asleep again before Gold could turn the light out.  Shaking, he limped to his son’s bedside to kiss the boy’s forehead, trying not to wonder how many more times he would get the chance to do this.

Bae was going to die.

Pain shot through his body, so intense that he nearly cried out, and Gold pressed a hand to his mouth as he staggered out of his son’s bedroom.  When he returned to his own room, Belle was sitting on the edge of the bed, her pajama top once again in place and her eyes huge with worry.

"He’s fine,” Gold managed.  "Just a cough.“

Closing her eyes, Belle let out a sigh of relief as her shoulders sagged.  "Come to bed,” she encouraged, standing up so she could turn down the covers for him.  "You need some sleep.“

The pressure in his head was back, and Gold pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes.  "I don’t want to sleep.”

If he slept, he might dream, and only nightmares waited for him tonight.  Just the idea of lying down and closing his eyes made him sick to his stomach.  The last thing in the world he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts right now.  

Warm arms slid around his waist, and Gold shivered as Belle brushed a gentle kiss against his chest.  "Come to bed,“ she repeated in a different tone.

He threaded his fingers through her hair, tilting her head back so he could claim her mouth, seeking to regain the mood that they’d lost.  His head was buzzing, terrible thoughts circling like vultures, and Gold would do anything to drown them out.

Belle gasped as he slid his hand under the waistband of her pajama bottoms to palm the curve of her rear, and Gold tried to concentrate on nothing but the sweetness of her mouth and the feel of her soft skin beneath his hand.  Belle was here, warm and willing, and that was the only thing he needed to think about.  Nothing existed beyond this.

Urgently, he pushed her backwards, and Belle allowed him to steer her back to the bed.  "I love you,” she whispered when he released her lips, and Gold groaned, his body returning to full hardness in seconds at the sound of those words.

“Say it again,” he pleaded as he fumbled with her pajama top.  Right now, he wasn’t thinking about mixed signals or how unfair it was for him to demand Belle’s devotion when he couldn’t return it.  With everything falling apart, he just needed to wallow in knowing that there was still goodness in the world.  No matter how unworthy he was, Belle loved him, and he needed to feel the full force of that love to balance out all of the misery and pain.

“I love you.  I love you, Elias.  I _love_ you.”  Belle repeated the words until he seized her mouth, seeking to drink them from her lips so he could keep them safely locked away inside of him forever.  Her light was the only thing that could keep the darkness at bay.

With a groan, he rubbed himself against her stomach, his knees buckling at the shock of sensation.  When he crumpled, Belle tried to catch him, and they ended up in a pile next to the bed, their limbs tangled.  On another night, it would have been funny.

Tonight, Gold was beyond finding the humor in anything.  When Belle managed to sit up, he lunged forward, pinning her between the side of the bed and his body, her back against his chest.  She was plastered against him, but she was still too far away.  He needed to bury himself in her, to hide himself so deep inside of her that the nightmares couldn’t find him.  

“I need you,” he growled as he rubbed himself against her rear.

Belle let out a shuddering sigh and arched back, pressing herself against him.  "Yes.“

With desperate hands, he fumbled with her pajama bottoms and his own trousers, shoving both garments down as far as he could without releasing Belle.  The bunched fabric made the position awkward, but Gold made do, his weight bearing Belle’s upper body down onto the bed as he took himself in hand to line them up.

Growling, he sunk his teeth into the sensitive place where her neck met her shoulder as he pushed himself deep, Belle’s body welcoming him, soothing his demons.  Nothing was resolved, but here it didn’t matter.  Here, he could think of nothing but the tight grasp of her body around him and the way her heat burned away the aching grief.  None of that could touch him here.  

He thrust jerkily into her, his body unable to find any kind of rhythm.  They’d done this enough times that he knew how to please both of them, but tonight, his body was out of his control, his hips shunting frantically against her in an attempt to relieve the pressure surging in his head with pure physical sensation.

"Belle…” he muttered against her ear as he slid his hands under her pajama top to cup her breasts.  She would help him.  She was the only one who could.  " _Belle_ …"

Belle turned her head to rub her nose against his.  "I love you,“ she murmured, her voice breaking.  

He barely had enough sense left to slide his hand between her legs, biting his lip bloody in an effort to hold back as he stimulated her with his fingers.  He was shaking, fire consuming him from the inside out.  It was agony, and it was heaven, and Gold wanted it to go on forever because the rest of the world had finally disappeared, leaving nothing but him and Belle and the fire that bathed them both.

He slowed his movements, trying to drag it out.  His body was screaming for release like a kettle at the boil, but once he gave in, it would end, and he wanted to spend the rest of eternity in this wonderful place with Belle’s moans of pleasure in his ears and the taste of her perspiration on his lips.  He was safe in this place.  He was loved.

When her inner muscles fluttered around him, Gold groaned.  It was too soon, but there was no holding back the tide.  When Belle crested the wave, he went with her, slamming himself as deep as he could go and muffling his grunt against her hair as her inner convulsions wrung his own climax out of him, the pleasure so intense that it was nearly pain.  He’d never felt such glorious agony.

His climax wiped every thought from his head, leaving blissful silence in its wake.  Exhausted, Gold sagged forward, rubbing his face against the back of Belle’s neck as he struggled for breath, his body aching and head empty.  Beneath him, Belle shifted a little, and he wrapped his arms around her waist to hold her in place, blanketing her with his body.  He felt so warm.

Long before he was ready, reality started to trickle back in, and no matter how tightly he closed his eyes, Gold couldn’t shut it out.  His son was going to die.

"Oh god,” he muttered as he pulled himself away from Belle, flinching at the sight of bruises on her neck and hips.  Belle had offered him her body to comfort him in his grief, and in return, he’d hurt her.  He hadn’t relieved his tensions by beating her the way that Malcolm Gold had beaten him, but he’d done damage all the same.

“Let’s get you into bed,” she suggested as she turned around, revealing a dark mark on her breast that only his teeth could have made.  He was a damned animal.

He was his father’s son.

For some reason, Belle didn’t shy away from him.  Instead, she helped him get his trousers and boxers the rest of the way off before bundling him into bed, pausing only long enough to tug her own pajamas off before crawling in beside him and pulling him into her arms.  

“Try to rest.”  She guided his head to her shoulder, running her hand soothingly over his short hair.

“I hurt you,” Gold rasped, guilt threatening to choke him.  Bae’s looming death was too big and horrific to contemplate, but this was something he could face head-on.  He’d hurt Belle, and he deserved her censure, not her comfort.

Belle didn’t even pause in her ministrations.  "No, you didn’t.  I told you that you could be rough and that I’d stop you if it was too much.  It wasn’t.  You didn’t hurt me.“

"You have _bruises_ ,” he bit out, refusing to accept her absolution.  Belle was too kind for her own good, and if she wouldn’t defend herself, he would have to do it for her.

She ran her fingertips over his throat.  "So do you.“

Gold shook his head.  Belle had been rough with him because he asked her to be.  Once again, she’d given him exactly what he needed.  He, on the other hand, had been rough with her because he couldn’t regulate his own emotions.  He’d managed his pain by inflicting pain on her.  "It’s not the same.”  

“It’s exactly the same,” she shot back.  "I think we both needed that.  Sometimes rough… helps.“

The way she said it reminded Gold that he wasn’t the only one who was suffering tonight.  Belle loved Bae, and she had to be every bit as devastated by this turn of events as he was.  Arguing with her was the height of selfishness.  

They could deal with what happened tonight later.  Now was not the time.

"I’m sorry,” he said quietly, apologizing as much for his stubbornness as for the bruises.

Belle kissed the top of his head.  "Don’t be.“

Her quiet acceptance made him sob.  Gold pressed his face against her throat, trying to burrow into her as he cried, the tears not touching the ocean of grief that lived inside of him.  It wasn’t _right_ for a father to bury his child.  That wasn’t the way the world was supposed to work.  In Belle’s arms, he’d found respite, but that was only temporary.

He couldn’t live in a world that didn’t have Bae in it.  He just couldn’t.

Gold sobbed until his head ached and his ears rang, but there was no relief in tears.  By the time the storm ended, he felt as battered and exhausted as a shipwreck victim, hollowed out with grief.  His son was going to die.

Beneath him, Belle suddenly stiffened, and he couldn’t even find the strength to lift his head.  Whatever was wrong would have to wait.  He couldn’t take any more tonight.

"Elias!” she said urgently, and Gold roused from his miserable stupor, his brow furrowing when he realized the ringing in his ears wasn’t just an aftereffect of his outburst.

His phone was ringing.


	23. Chapter 23

Gold shuddered at the sound of the ringing phone, cursing the sudden rush of hope that it brought.  The last time the phone rang, Whale shattered his heart by telling him that the nameless boy’s mother had chosen not to donate her son’s organs, dooming Bae to a slow, inevitable death.  Gold had made the mistake of letting himself get his hopes up once, and having those hopes dashed had nearly destroyed him.  He couldn’t do it again.

“It’s Whale,” Belle announced as she reclaimed his phone from the nightstand.

Gold buried his face against her throat, unable to even look at the phone.  The mother had made her decision, and that was the end of the story.  Whale was probably just calling to make sure he wasn’t planning to throw himself off a bridge since their last conversation ended so abruptly, and he couldn’t bear to speak to the man, even though the mother’s decision wasn’t his fault.  The wound was too fresh.  "I can’t."

Belle, as always, came to his rescue.  "I’ll answer it."  

She shifted beneath him as she brought the phone to her ear.  "Hello?”

After a brief pause, she spoke again, “Yes, he’s fine.  He’s asleep, so I answered his phone.”

Gold lowered his head to hide his face.  He’d guessed correctly: Whale was calling to check up on him, and Belle was covering for his fragile state by telling the other man that he was asleep.  

Suddenly, Belle jerked into a seated position, throwing him off of her.  "She did?  Really?"

She looked down at him, her eyes brimming with tears, and Gold swallowed hard, trying to douse the traitorous spark of hope that was trying to rekindle itself.  "What?” he mouthed.

Belle glanced away from him to stare blindly at the discarded pieces of clothing littering the bedroom floor.  "We’re on our way," she said breathlessly before ending the call and tossing the phone aside.

Gold held his breath as she turned to him, her eyes blazing.  "The mom changed her mind.  Whale says to get there as soon as we can.  Bae’s getting new lungs!”

His brain couldn’t process what his ears were hearing.  Just when he’d given up all hope of saving his son, everything changed again, and it was more than he could take in.  "What?"

Belle framed his face in both hands and kissed him hard.  "He’s getting new lungs.  He’s going to be okay.  Everything is going to be okay now.”

An instant later, she leaped off the bed and ran for the bathroom.  Gold heard the shower go on, and for some reason, that made things start to click into place.  Tonight was the night he’d been hoping for for three years.  There were new lungs waiting for Bae.  

They needed to get moving.

What seemed like only seconds later, Belle was back, darting around the room stark naked and still dripping as she started to gather clothes and toiletries for him.  "I’ll pack for you and me and make coffee while you get dressed and get Bae ready.  Should I pack for him or do you want to do it?"

The way he felt right now, Gold wasn’t sure if he was even capable of walking across the hall.  Bae had a future now, and it yawned before them, huge and terrifying.  His little boy was going in for surgery, and he’d never felt more unprepared for anything.

"Belle,” he whispered, unable to say anything more, but she understood.

She stepped into his arms, her damp embrace the only thing holding him together.  "We’ll get through this," she promised.  "One step at a time.  I’ve got your back.  We’ve got this.  We can do this.”

There was so much confidence in her voice that Gold found himself believing her, his mind clearing.  One step at a time.  He could handle that.

“I’ll help him pack,” he decided.  He needed that private time with his son to get him through whatever was about to happen.

“Take a shower first,” Belle advised.  When he looked at her, her cheeks flushed pink.  "No need to advertise."

Gold barked a sudden laugh when he realized she was tactfully telling him that he reeked of sex.  No wonder taking a shower had been her first priority.  "Good advice.”

The hot water helped him focus, and by the time Gold stepped out of the shower, he had a plan of action.  His bedroom was empty when he left the bathroom, a packed bag sitting on his neatly made bed, and he could hear Belle moving around on the other side of the wall that divided their bedrooms.  He closed his eyes and took a moment to just appreciate the reminder that he wasn’t alone in this.  With Belle beside him, he could handle this.

He dressed quickly, relieved to see that Belle had left marks on his skin only in places that would be covered by his usual attire.  Hopefully, he’d been half as considerate of her.  He rather doubted that was the case, but Gold let the flash of guilt come and go.  There was no way of undoing his actions now, and compared to Bae’s approaching surgery, a few bite marks were hardly worth worrying about.  

When he stepped across the hall to Bae’s bedroom, Gold caught a flash of Belle, fully dressed and running for the stairs, overnight bag in hand.  It was amazing that Bae was sleeping through all of this, but when he switched on his son’s overhead light, his son was still sound asleep and drooling on his stuffed Beast.

Gold’s breath caught in his throat, his heart pounding painfully hard as he took in the picture that his boy made.  The surgery would be grueling, but surely Bae would pull through.  The universe couldn’t be cruel enough to give him hope and then dash it _again_ , could it?

When he rested his hand on his son’s head, Bae stirred and blinked up groggily.  "Papa?"

"It’s time to wake up.  Your new lungs are ready, and we need to go get them,” Gold informed his boy.

Bae groaned and rolled over to press his face into his pillow.  "Let’s pick them up later."

In spite of his own worries, Gold had to chuckle at the boy’s less than enthusiastic reaction.  Ruffling his son’s hair, he tried again.  "Come on, Bae-Bae.  You need to get up.”

It took some doing, but Gold eventually managed to roust his son out of bed and into clothes, selecting something comfortable and warm for the long ride to the hospital.  Once Bae seemed more alert, he broke the bad news, “You’re going to be in the hospital for about three weeks.  What do you want to take with you?”

“Three _weeks_?” Bae repeated, looking horrified.

“Three weeks,” Gold confirmed, trying to keep his tone light.  "Which of your books should we pack?"

Bae looked nettled, but he didn't argue as they selected a dozen of his favorite chapter books and his most precious stuffed animals to accompany him.  Gold packed the chosen items carefully into Bae’s Buzz Lightyear backpack, trying not to wonder if this was the last time he would stand in this room with his boy.  Bae desperately needed the lung transplant, but no surgery was without risk, and this one was far from being an exception.  

"Can I take Olaf?” Bae requested.

“Olaf doesn’t like hospitals.  He’ll wait here for you.”  Gold stepped back to give Bae privacy to say goodbye to his pet, keeping one eye on the boy to make sure the hamster didn’t accidentally find its way into Bae’s backpack.

“I don’t like hospitals either,” Bae groused as Gold led him out of his room, pausing only long enough to grab his own bag before leading the boy downstairs.

“I know, Bae-Bae.  Once you have your new lungs, you shouldn’t have to spend as much time there.”  If he could keep his son focused on the light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps Bae wouldn’t mind the hospital stay so much.  

“Ready to go?” Belle asked when they joined her in the kitchen.  She ruffled Bae’s hair with a smile that betrayed no trace of nervousness then took Gold’s bag from him, allowing him to concentrate on carrying Bae’s tank.

“Olaf wants to come too,” Bae informed her.

“I don’t think Olaf would be very happy in the hospital.  He needs to have his house to run around in.”  Belle opened the back door and ushered both of them out before turning to lock up behind them.

“He’s going to miss me a whole lot,” Bae predicted as Gold got the boy settled in his booster seat, his tank beside him.

“Maybe you can video chat with him.  I bet the housekeeper would help Olaf hold the phone.”  It was a brilliant compromise, and Gold mentally applauded her creativity.

In a matter of moments, the Cadillac was loaded and ready to go.  As he pulled out of the driveway onto the deserted road, Gold noticed the cooler at Belle’s feet and the travel mugs waiting in the cup holder, all of which he was careful not to call attention to even though his stomach was starting to rumble.  It would be the height of unfairness to snack in front of Bae when the boy wasn’t allowed to eat or drink.

“Are you excited about your new lungs?” Belle asked, looking back over her shoulder at Bae.

The boy wrinkled his nose.  "What are they going to do with my old lungs?"

Trust Bae to ask a question Gold had no idea how to answer.  What _did_ they do with old body parts?  Telling his son that they would be considered medical waste and incinerated probably wouldn’t go over well.  Then again, Bae might like the idea of having a part of himself be considered a biohazard.  It was hard to tell.

"Doctors will look at them and see if they can figure out why you got sick,” he answered after a minute of thought.  For all he knew, that might be the truth.  Bae’s disease was rare, and researchers might appreciate the chance to study its effects firsthand.

“That’s kind of cool,” Bae pronounced.

“They’ll learn a whole lot, and maybe they can learn how to make sure that other kids don’t get sick like you did.”  Belle beamed at Bae.  "It’ll be like you’re saving them.  You’re a hero."

Bae grinned, clearly liking that idea.  After taking a moment to enjoy the mental image of himself as a knight in shining armor, defeating the dreaded monster named Pulmonary Hemosiderosis, he spoke again, "How are they going to put the new lungs in?”

Belatedly, Gold realized that Bae was completely unprepared for what was about to happen to him.  He’d never explained where donor organs came from or how transplants worked, not wanting to terrify the boy unnecessarily.  Now, the moment of truth was upon them, and he wasn’t entirely sure if Bae even knew he was going to have surgery.

He took a deep breath.  "When we get to the hospital, the nurses will get you all cleaned up and give you a gown to wear.  Then, they’ll start an IV and give you something to help you sleep.  Once you wake up, you’ll have your new lungs."

Bae frowned.  "But how do they put them in?”

Gold turned desperate eyes on Belle.  He couldn’t say it out loud.  He just couldn’t.

“It’s like Operation,” Belle informed him, connecting the upcoming surgery to a game Bae was familiar with.  "They’re going to open up your chest so they can see your lungs.  Then they’ll take your old lungs out and put your new ones in."

Gold glanced in the mirror to see Bae give his chest a questioning prod.  "How do they open it up?” he asked in a wary voice.

“They use a very sharp knife to make an incision.  Then, when they’re all done, they sew you back up!”  Belle’s voice shook a little.  "Isn’t that cool?"

From the look on his face, Bae wasn’t sure if that was cool or not.  "Will it hurt?”

“It won’t hurt while it’s happening because you’ll be asleep,” Gold assured him.  

Part of him wanted to promise Bae that he wouldn’t feel a thing so as not to frighten him, but that wouldn’t be fair.  Once Bae came through the surgery, he’d realize that his papa had lied to him, and that betrayal would be worse than the pain.  "When you wake up, it will hurt, but the doctors will give you medicine to make it hurt less.  And you won’t mind so much because it will be a good pain."

Hoping that he was creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, Gold managed to smile at Bae’s doubtful look.  "Good pain?”

“Yes, it’s a good pain because you'll be hurting because you’re getting better.  Every day, you’ll heal a little more, and it will hurt a little less, and eventually, it won’t hurt at all.  Right now, when your chest hurts, it’s a bad pain because it means you’re getting sicker.  After the surgery, it will be a good pain because it means you’re getting well.”

“And you won’t need your tube any more,” Belle promised.

Bae brightened at that idea.  "Really?"

"You’ll have a machine that helps you breathe for the first couple of days while you get used to your new lungs, but after that, Belle’s right.  You’ll be able to breathe all by yourself.  No more tanks.”  Bae would always have to be careful of his health, but without his oxygen line, he wouldn’t stand out nearly as much.  That could only help him with his peers.  

His son might finally be able to make friends.

“Whoa…” Bae gave his tube a gentle tug.  "I’ve _always_ had tanks."

It hurt Gold’s heart to hear him say that.  Bae had needed oxygen since he was five years old, and he’d never realized that the boy didn’t remember a time when he’d been unencumbered by tanks and tubes.  Perhaps that was for the best.  The oxygen line was Bae’s normal.  If he didn’t know any different, he couldn’t resent it.  On the other hand, Gold _could_ remember a time when Bae was healthy, and he could resent the loss of those days for both of them.

There were no guarantees, but if this surgery went well, they might be able to get those days back again.  Bae would always need to be on medication and be careful of germs, but his new lungs should allow him to run and play like a normal child.

Gold wasn’t sure if he was glad or not when Bae dozed off.  If the boy was calm enough to sleep, he clearly wasn’t terrified by the upcoming surgery, and if he was asleep, he wasn’t asking questions that his papa didn’t know how to answer.  Then again, if the surgery went badly, this might be the last car ride he ever had with his son, and Gold wanted every minute of Bae’s time that he could get.

Thinking about that would just make him crazy.  He took one hand off the steering wheel to take a swallow of coffee, pleased by the artificial jolt of energy it gave him.  It was three in the morning, and it was going to be a very long day.

Hopefully, it wouldn’t be the last day he spent with his son.

"He’s very brave,” Belle praised.  

“He’s a trooper.”  His not-quite eight year old son had endured more than many adults, and his courage humbled his papa.

“I texted my parents.”  Belle bit her lip.  "I hope that’s okay."

"I’ll take all the good thoughts we can get.”  He didn’t really believe in the power of prayer, but Gold couldn’t help but feel that the more people were pulling for Bae, the better.

Belle opened the cooler and pulled out two sandwiches made of a slice of bread folded around almond butter and apple slices, then offered one to him.  "You should eat something."

Talking about the surgery had killed his appetite, but she was right.  "Thank you.”

“It was the fastest thing I could think to make.”  A frown crossed Belle’s face, and she pulled out her phone, heaving a sigh of relief at whatever she found there.

At his quizzical look, she smiled, a trace of embarrassment on her face.  "It’s a trick my dad taught me.  When you’re going away, you should take a picture of the stove dials right before you leave.  That way when you have a ‘Did I leave the gas on? moment, you have proof that you turned it off.  It works.“

Gold chuckled.  "I’ll have to remember that.”  It was actually a rather brilliant solution.

“How are you holding up?” Belle asked once they’d both finished their snacks.  

“I’m trying very hard not to think about anything.”  The future was a yawning chasm in front of them.  There was so much that could go wrong, and if it did, he didn’t think he’d be able to handle any of it.  Gold’s solution was to concentrate only on what was right in front of him.  Right now, he was driving to the hospital.  Once they arrived safely, he’d think about the next step.

“Gotcha.”  Belle stretched her neck and settled herself more comfortably in her seat.  "Do you want me to distract you or just sit quietly?“

Gold didn’t think he’d ever loved her more than he did in that moment.  Belle would go along with whatever he said, offering him her support in whatever form he needed it to take.  "Talk about our garden,” he requested.

As Belle described her plan to create a strawberry patch, it occurred to Gold that he’d just realized that he loved her.  He risked taking his eyes off the road just long enough to glance over, seeing her expressive hands move as she created an imaginary garden in the middle of the cold March night, and wondered why it had taken him so long to notice that he’d fallen in love.

Smiling to himself, he returned his attention to the road.  At some point, he would have to sit down and figure out just when his feelings for her had changed from friendship to love.  He would have to decide what that meant for them and whether he was capable of being the partner Belle deserved.  There were a hundred questions, and now wasn’t the time to answer any of them.  For now, it didn’t matter.  He loved her, and she loved him, and that was… nice.

Gold both wanted the drive to last forever and for it to end as soon as possible.  Bae’s new lungs were waiting for them, and that was as wonderful as it was terrifying.  This was Bae’s chance for a new lease on life, but the boy was small and frail.  Could he survive the surgery?  

One thing was clear: he couldn’t survive without it.

If they didn’t go through with this, he might have another year with his boy, a year that he would lose if things went badly.  However, if they didn’t go through with it, that year was _all_ that he would have.  He was gambling with Bae’s life, but since the choice was between certain death and possible death, it wasn’t a choice at all.  He had to give Bae a fighting chance.

Gold sighed, realizing that if Bae didn’t survive the surgery, none of those questions about Belle and their relationship would matter.  If he lost his son, there wouldn’t be enough of him left to love her.

After what seemed like both forever and no time at all, Gold pulled into the hospital’s parking lot.  "We’re here."

He spoke the words almost to himself, but Bae stirred, looking around drowsily.  "This isn’t where we usually go in.  You parked in the wrong place.”

“We’re going to the surgery center this time,” Gold corrected his son.  "They’ll move you to pediatrics in a couple of days."

Bae looked disquieted by the notion, but he climbed out of the car without protest, clinging to his backpack with both hands as if hoping Buzz Lightyear would protect him.  "What about the fish?  Will I get to see the fish?”

The entrance to the pediatric wing had an aquarium in the lobby, and Bae was either more attached to it than Gold had realized or the boy was stalling.  He wrapped his arm around his son and gently nudged him to start walking.  "You can see the fish when we go home."

"I want to go home now,” Bae mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Bae-Bae.  I know you’re scared.  I wish you didn’t have to do this, but you’re going to feel so much better once it’s all over.”  Not for the first time, Gold wished he could absorb Bae’s disease into his own body and free his son of the burden.

Bae stood up a little straighter, his small body stiffening.  "I’m not scared!“

"That’s good,” Belle told him as she came up on his other side.  "But if you were, that’s okay too.  It’s normal to be scared.  I get scared a lot.“

"You do?”  Bae looked up at her.  "What are you scared of?"

"I was very scared when I auditioned to help Princess Belle,” she told him, and Gold noticed Bae’s grip on his backpack loosen as the boy relaxed.

Bae’s brow furrowed.  "Princess Belle isn’t scary.  Not like Maleficent."

"I didn’t meet Princess Belle that day.  I met a lot of other people who looked at me and asked me questions and made me do things to see if I had what it takes to be a good helper.  I was afraid they would think I wouldn’t be very good at it.  If they didn’t like me, I wouldn’t get to help Princess Belle.”  

“But they _did_ like you,” Bae reminded her.  "So you didn’t have anything to be scared of."

"That’s true, but I didn’t know that then.”  Belle ruffled the boy’s hair.

By this time, they’d reached the door of the surgery center, and it took all three of them to figure out how to follow the arrows to find the check-in desk.  They took an elevator up two floors and, suddenly, they were there.  

Gold swallowed hard as he approached the desk.  "Baden Gold."

His stomach was rolling so much that Gold feared he’d lose the sandwich he’d eaten during the drive as he answered the woman’s questions and handed over copies of the insurance cards as well as his driver’s license and Bae’s birth certificate.  It only took a matter of minutes to get Bae checked in, but by the time the woman waved the three of them into the waiting room, his head was pounding.  

The waiting room was enormous, the size of the Victorian’s first floor, and it was filled with comfortable chairs and couches, potted plants, and a small nook with vending machines.  Soothing music was being piped in, but despite the attempt to create a calming atmosphere, none of the several dozen people currently waiting looked particularly calm.

He was going to be sick.

"Baden Gold?”  A door at the far end of the room opened to reveal a woman with a clipboard.

Bae groaned but trudged over to her.  The woman smiled brightly.  "Hello, Baden!"

She escorted them to a room slightly larger than a closet containing a bed, two chairs, a sink, and a great deal of medical equipment.  "The nurse will be with you shortly to prep Baden, and Dr. Whale will be in to answer any last minute questions.”

“Great.”  It was all Gold could do to keep from grabbing Bae and running.  Until this moment, Bae’s surgery had been nothing more than a nebulous concept, but now it was all too real.  They were going to cut his boy apart.

His head swam, and Belle gently pushed him to sit down in one of the chairs.  "Head between your knees," she whispered before stepping around him to catch Bae’s hand.  "Wow, look at this!  What do you think this does?”

Gold followed her instructions, sucking in shaky breaths until his vision cleared and he felt less like he was going to pass out.  When he lifted his head, Belle was distracting Bae by using the rubber reflex hammer to play a tune on the IV pole, and the boy was giggling.

“Come sit with Papa,” Gold beckoned, pulling Bae onto his lap and wrapping the boy up in his arms.  He rested his cheek against Bae’s hair, concentrating on the feel of his heart beating in his small chest.

Belle scooted the other chair closer and curled up in it, close enough to offer support without intruding on the moment.  "I love you very much," Gold told his son.

Bae squirmed a little.  "I _know_.  I love you too.”

There was so much he wanted to say to his boy, but if he started that, Bae would either think his papa had lost his mind or assume that he was about to die.  Gold settled for humming a half-remembered lullaby that ended up sounding a lot like “Yellow Submarine” until the nurse came in to prep Bae for surgery.

From there, it was a whirlwind of antibacterial wipes and IVs and special stockings and hugs.  Then there were more antibacterial wipes because they’d accidentally undone all of the nurse’s hard work by hugging Bae.  In the midst of this, Whale walked in, his eyebrows lifting when he looked at Gold.

“Love the new look,” the doctor told him.

Gold raised a self-conscious hand to his shorn hair.  "I look like a hedgehog.“

"He looks stupid,” Bae agreed.  "But only a little stupid, not a lot stupid."

"You are all terrible.  Papa looks very handsome with short hair.”

Whale shook his head.  "Apparently I walked face-first into some family drama.  You can tell me about it later.  All right, Mr. Bae.  The first thing I need to do is write my initials on your chest."

The doctor uncapped a felt-tip pen and opened Bae’s hospital gown to write "VFW” in bold letters on the boy’s chest.  "And I’ve heard all the VFW jokes, so don’t even start," the doctor told Gold with an impish smile.

"What did you do that for?” Bae asked, craning his neck to read what Whale had written on him.

“It’s to make sure we operate in the right place.  This way, no one can get confused and give you a new head instead of new lungs.”  

That explanation didn’t fill Gold with confidence, but Bae got a good laugh out of it.  

“After I leave, the nurse is going to come back and put some medicine in your IV that will make you feel sleepy.  You’ll say see you later to Papa and Belle, and we’ll wheel you to another room.  When we get there, you’ll fall asleep, and when you wake up, you’ll be in a room with lots of curtains and Papa and Belle will come in right away.  Do you have any questions for me?”  Whale directed the question to all of them, but most of his attention was on Bae.

The boy didn’t disappoint.  "How big is the knife?"

Whale blinked.  "Pardon?”

“Belle said you use a big knife to cut me open and put the new lungs in.  How big is the knife?”

Belle covered her face with her hand to hide her mortified expression.  "That’s not _exactly_ what I said."

Whale held his hands two feet apart.  "This big.”

Bae sat up a little more.  " _Really_?“

"No, not really.  It’s more like _this_ big.”  Whale moved his hands so they were four feet apart.

Bae’s eyes were the size of saucers as he looked at Whale doubtfully, clearly not sure if he believed the doctor or not.

Whale chuckled.  "I’m teasing you.  We use different size scalpels during the surgery.  Some of them are very tiny."  He held his fingers an inch apart.  "And some of them are bigger.  Do you have any other questions?”

“How long will it take?” Bae asked.

“That’s hard to say.  The surgery can last anywhere from six to twelve hours.  If I had to guess, I’d say yours will take about eight hours, but we don’t know for sure.  But you’ll be asleep, so it will be over before you know it.”

Bae would be asleep, but he and Belle would have nothing to do but wait and worry, and Gold had no idea how he was going to last six to twelve hours without losing his mind.  "Is it too late to back out?“ he asked, the question almost inaudible.

Belle took his hand and squeezed as Whale gave him a sympathetic smile.  "We’ll take good care of him.”

“You’d better.  He’s important,” Belle whispered, her voice cracking.

Whale nodded acknowledgement of her words before turning to smile at Bae.  "All right.  If you don’t have any more questions, I’ll have the nurse come in, and I’ll see you soon.“

To Gold’s despair, the nurse appeared almost immediately after Whale left the room.  "You’re going to feel very sleepy,” he warned Bae before injecting medication into the boy’s IV line.

“Can I take my Beast with me?” Bae requested.

“Papa and I will keep Beast company, and you can have him when you wake up,” Belle promised.

The boy nodded as he blinked heavy eyelids.  "Okay.“

Gold wanted only to take the boy in his arms, but that would undo all the careful cleansing he’d already gone through.  Instead, he leaned down to kiss the top of his son’s head, breathing in his scent in an attempt to memorize it.  "I love you.”

Bae was too far gone to say it back, and it took all the strength Gold had to stand back up.  When he did, Belle laced her fingers through his, holding on hard.  He watched as she leaned down to kiss Bae, her eyes red.  "I love you, my Beast.“

A pair of orderlies entered the room, transforming Bae’s bed into a gurney with the ease of long practice.  "You can follow until we get to the door to the waiting room,” the nurse advised.

Belle shouldered Bae’s backpack and her own bag and smiled bravely.  "We’re right behind you."

On leaden legs, Gold followed Bae, his eyes seeing nothing but his son’s pale face.  When they reached the waiting room door, it went against every instinct he had to let the strangers wheel his son away, and he watched until they rounded a corner, taking Bae out of sight.  

"It’s going to be okay,” Belle promised as she steered him through the door.

“Is it?” he asked bleakly.  In that bed, Bae had looked so small.  

“Yes,” she assured him, her voice firm.

During the time they’d spent with Bae, the waiting room had filled up.  Belle found them a two-person sofa next to a potted palm and across from a woman with short dark hair and a blond man.  The couple was clinging to each other, oblivious to anything else, and that suited Gold perfectly.  If anyone except Belle tried to talk to him, he might well start screaming.

He wrapped his arms around Bae’s backpack, clinging like a child with a teddy bear.  Next to him, Belle was staring down at her hands clasped in her lap, her fingers laced together so tightly that her knuckles were white.

He could feel her shaking, and Gold clenched his jaw to fight off a wave of nausea.  It felt as though they’d already been waiting hours, but a glance at his watch told him that it had only been five minutes.  There was no way he was going to survive this.

Silent tears dripped down Belle’s cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away.  It was like the night Bae had his attack all over again.  Belle was suffering, but he was too lost in his own worries to reach out to her.  He couldn’t carry the weight of his own pain, let alone hers.

Gold sucked in a ragged breath through his nose.  There was nothing he could do for Bae right now.  His son was in the doctors’ hands.  Belle, however, was right here.  He couldn’t take her pain away, and he couldn’t offer her comfort, but maybe they could be miserable together.

With shaking hands, he put the backpack down and reached for her.  "Come here."

Instantly, she burrowed into his embrace, and Gold pressed his face against her hair, trying to be aware of nothing except the weight of her in his arms and the scent of her hair in his nose.  He didn’t have any soothing words for her, but Belle didn’t seem to care.  As he ran his hand over her back, she slowly stopped shaking, and the repetitive movement calmed him as well.  

"I’m so scared,” he whispered, needing to say the words even if there was nothing she could do to make him feel better.

“So am I,” Belle whispered back, and for some reason, that helped.  Both of them clinging together in terror should have doubled the weight of the fear, but it seemed to lighten the load instead.  With both of them holding it, it was easier to bear.

Time passed slowly.  Belle occasionally roused enough to insist that they eat, and Gold could see the wisdom of her words even though the sandwiches she’d made turned to ash in his mouth and his stomach threatened to rebel.  Mostly, they huddled together, an island of love and worry in a sea of misery.  Sometimes Belle spoke about the garden they would plant in the spring, and sometimes Gold talked about his collection of antiques, detailing the history of each piece.  He couldn’t understand most of what Belle said, and he doubted that his own words made much sense, but that didn’t matter.  What mattered was that they were distracting each other, taking turns keeping their heads above water so they didn’t drown in their fears.

Neither of them said anything about Bae because there was nothing to say.  Gold’s life was no longer in his own hands, and he tried not to imagine what was happening in the operating room, unable to stomach the mental image of his son being taken apart like a car undergoing repairs.  Instead, he breathed and concentrated on every place that Belle’s warm skin touched his own, focusing on those small touches to keep from getting lost in his own mind.

Finally, hours later, a voice permeated the fog that clouded his mind.  "Baden Gold?“

Belle jerked in his arms as Gold lifted his head.  "Yes?”

A woman with a clipboard approached them, and Gold couldn’t tell if it was the same one from earlier.  His mind latched onto the question, worrying at it as he waited for the woman to speak the words that would either save or damn him.  

“Baden is out of surgery.  If you would like to wait in consultation room two, Dr. Whale will be in to speak with you.”

Somehow he’d expected something more, and he wasn’t the only one.  "Is Bae okay?“ Belle demanded.

The woman shrugged.  "The only information I have is that the procedure is over.  Dr. Whale will be able to tell you more.”

Gold exchanged a desperate look with Belle as the woman walked away.  This was the moment of truth, and he found himself rooted to the spot.  He would rather exist in this horrible limbo forever than have to hear Whale tell him that the surgery had failed.

“I can’t move,” Belle whispered, echoing his own thoughts.

He couldn’t be strong for himself, but he could be strong for her.  Gold pushed himself to his feet and held a hand out to her.  "Yes, you can.  I’ve got you.“

"Okay,” Belle breathed, staring at his hand.  "Okay.“

When she reached out to him, Gold closed his fingers around hers and pulled her gently to her feet.  "One step at a time.  We can do this.”

Belle swayed on her feet for a moment before squeezing her eyes tightly shut.  "We can do it together,“ she agreed.

When she opened her eyes, her face was calm, and some of that calm transferred itself to Gold.  Whatever was coming, they would face it together.

Hand in hand, they stepped through the door of the consultation room.


	24. Chapter 24

His son’s bed was empty.

Gold gazed blindly down at the crisp sheets, the leftover pad thai that he’d eaten for breakfast threatening to make a reappearance.  Intellectually, he knew that either he or Belle must order food in the evenings, but for some reason, he could never remember eating it fresh.  In his mind, it was always leftovers, and for the rest of his life, the memory of this time would always be inextricably woven with the taste of greasy takeout.

When his head swam, he sat down heavily on the side of Bae’s bed and inhaled deeply through his nose in an effort to settle his stomach.  His hands were shaking so he clenched them around the handle of his cane to stop the tremors.  If Belle was here, she would probably tell him to put his head between his knees, but Belle wasn’t here.  He did it anyway.

He was being ridiculous.

Once his mind stopped racing, Gold lifted his head again, shaking it at himself.  He’d spent so many years waiting for the floor to drop out from under him that he’d trained his mind to leap to the worst possible conclusion at the slightest provocation.  Yes, Bae’s hospital bed was empty, but that was no reason to panic.  Belle had stayed with the boy during the early morning hours so Gold could return to their hotel for a shower and a few hours of sleep in a real bed.  If something had gone horribly wrong with Bae’s recovery in his absence, she would have called him.

With hands that continued to shake despite his attempts to reassure himself, Gold pulled out his phone and texted Belle.  "Where are you?“

A moment later, his phone chirped.  "The long hallway outside the PT room.”

As he read the text, a picture appeared on his phone that instantly set Gold’s mind at ease.  True, Bae was sitting in a wheelchair, but the boy was grinning broadly, and from the blurriness of the shot and the way his hair was blowing back, he was apparently trying to set a land-speed record with the wheelchair.  Even better, there was no tube in his nose.  

Chuckling, he texted back.  "I’m on my way.“

Later, he would confess to Belle that he had taken one look at Bae’s empty bed and been overwhelmed by visions of what could have happened had Bae’s surgery failed.  For now, Gold planned to just revel in the fact that it had been a resounding success.

The first few days in the ICU had been grueling.  Bae spent two days on a ventilator while doctors and nurses circled him like vultures, checking his vital signs approximately every five minutes and taking regular tissue samples to make sure that Bae’s body wasn’t rejecting his new lungs.  Neither Gold nor Belle had left his side, and their patience had been more than rewarded on the third day when Bae was taken off the ventilator and allowed to draw his first full breath into his new lungs.  

Gold had cried like a baby that day, and the memory of the amazed smile on Bae’s face when he took his first breath with clear lungs was enough to bring tears to his eyes, blurring his vision as he approached the transplant wing’s physical therapy room.

"Look out!”

A hasty sidestep got him out of the path of a speeding wheelchair.  As it swerved around him, a small blond girl flashed him a cheeky grin, and Gold’s eyebrows lifted.  Apparently he’d blundered into the path of a race.  He hadn’t realized there was another child on this floor.

“Papa!”  Bae’s voice was hoarse and croaky, but his smile was incandescent.

To Gold’s surprise, the boy didn’t stop to say hi but kept pumping his arms, undaunted in his effort to catch the blond girl.  Bae, it seemed, had made a friend, and at least for the moment, she was far more interesting than his papa.

He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that.

“Hey!”  Belle appeared at his elbow, taking advantage of the children’s distraction to lean up and kiss his cheek.  

“Hey, yourself.”  Gold slipped his arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.  Belle had been a rock through all of this, and he never would have made it this far without her.  

The middle of a hospital corridor wasn’t the right place to say such things, so he limited himself to more mundane issues.  "I’m afraid I ate your pad thai.  I hope you weren’t saving it for dinner.“

Belle waved off the not-quite apology.  "No problem.  We’ll order something else before I leave tonight, and I can pick it up on the way back to the hotel.”

“So, who’s that?” he asked as the blond girl completed another circuit of the hallway and came into view again, Bae just behind her.

The corridor was perfectly suited for wheelchair racing, making a long oval around the physical therapy room where Bae had started rehabbing from his surgery.  The therapists had the boy on a rigorous program of breathing, cardiovascular, and strengthening exercises, the skilled technicians making the exercises feel like play.  Gold was aware that they were pumping enough painkillers into Bae that they could probably chop his hand off without him noticing, but so far, it was working.  The only thing Bae had complained about was the feeding tube that was required to prevent him from aspirating anything into his new lungs.  Perhaps it was the resiliency of youth, but his son was bouncing back faster than Gold had dared to hope.  

“That’s Emma,” Belle informed him.  "Her parents are over there.“

Gold followed her gaze to see a vaguely familiar couple standing at the other end of the hall—a woman with short, dark hair and a blond man.  "Do we know them?”

“Oh good, it’s not just me.”  Belle gave him an abashed smile.  "They look _so_ familiar, but I can’t place them.“

Gold took another look, unable to shake the feeling of familiarity, but his mind refused to cough up any specifics.  "We’ve probably seen them around here in passing.  What’s Emma in for?”

“Heart transplant.”

“Poor lass,” he said automatically, but when Emma zoomed past them, she didn’t look like she was in need of any sympathy.  Her face was pale and pinched, but she was beaming as widely as Bae was.

“I guess they’ve just been missing each other in therapy all week, but now they’re making up for lost time.  They’ve been best friends for…”  Belle glanced at her watch.  "…Ninety-six minutes.“

"That’s wonderful,” Gold breathed.  Bae had never had a best friend before, and this was a friend who could _understand_.  If Emma had just had a heart transplant, she knew what it was like to be the sick one, the one who didn’t fit in.  If both the children were recovering at the same time, they could keep each other’s spirits up.  He and Belle could offer the boy comfort and reassurance until they turned blue, but it wasn’t the same as talking to someone else who was going through the same thing.

Another thought made him catch his breath.  "If she’s been here all week…"

Belle nodded instantly, following his train of thought.  "I know.  I thought the same thing.  They might have the same donor.“

Gold leaned on her as he digested the thought.  There was something lovely in the idea that the same child's organs lived on in Bae and Emma.  It was a connection between them that went beyond friendship into something so mysterious and deep that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to fully comprehend it.  

At the same time, thinking about it made his chest ache.  Bae and Emma had a new lease on life, but that poor child would never play again.

They had a miracle, but a heavy price had been paid.

He bowed his head for a moment in respect for that nameless child, then let himself concentrate on the good.  That tragedy had created at least two happy endings, and Gold was currently living one of them.

” _That’s_ how we know them.“  His mind finally produced the relevant information as to where they’d seen Emma’s parents before.

At Belle’s quizzical look, he explained, "In the waiting room when Bae had his surgery.  They were sitting opposite us.”

Belle’s mouth opened in a silent O as she glanced at the couple.  "I think you’re right.“

"Of course I’m right.”  Gold tickled her side through her shirt.  "I’m always right.“

Belle snorted.  "That’s true as long as we ignore all the times you aren’t.”

Laughing, Gold leaned down to claim a quick kiss, feeling almost absurdly light-hearted.  He wasn’t a man to whom optimism came naturally, and they were far from out of the woods.  Rejection was a constant threat.  Bae’s illness could return, and even if it didn’t, as a lung transplant recipient, the odds weren’t exactly in his favor.  Half of lung transplant patients didn't survive more than five years post-surgery.  Of course, as a little voice in Gold’s head that sounded a lot like Belle pointed out, that meant that fifty percent _did_ survive.  However, even if Bae beat the odds, he was still at risk for dozens of other problems that were caused by immunosuppressants.  

Yet even though all those things were true, he couldn’t help but feel that the monster had been defeated.  Bae had his new lungs, and everything was going to be _fine_.

“Emma!  Emma, slow down!  You don’t want to get too tired!”

Apparently, Emma’s mother didn’t share his positive mindset.  As the woman called after her daughter, Emma braked hard and rolled her eyes before abruptly changing directions, leading Bae into a small alcove with puzzles and games.  

“Maybe you should go back to your room,” the woman fretted, and Emma ducked her head, looking like a hunted animal.

Gold didn’t realize what he was planning to do until he’d already started moving to cut the other couple off at the pass, buying the children more time to spend together.  It felt strange not to be the overprotective one for a change.  "You must be Emma’s parents.  We belong to Bae.  I’m Elias Gold, and this is Belle.“

"Hey,” Gold wondered if it was his imagination that the blond man looked a little relieved as he stuck his hand out.  "I’m David Nolan, and this is my wife, Mary Margaret.“

"It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Belle held her hands out to Mary Margaret.  "It looks like we’re all in the same boat, aren’t we?  It’s nice to talk to someone else who understands.“

"You look so _young_ ,” Mary Margaret marveled before shaking her head at herself.  "I’m sorry.  That was incredibly rude.  I’m exhausted.“

Gold held back a laugh when he realized that the other woman had mistaken Belle for Bae’s biological mother.  At the same moment, his stomach gave a funny little flip at the thought of her carrying his child.

To cover his reaction, he joked, "She does look good, doesn’t she?  A nip here…  A tuck there…”

Belle gave him a blistering look before smiling sweetly at the Nolans.  "Ignore him.  He gets embarrassed easily.“

At David’s perplexed look, she explained, straight faced, "I had Bae when I was fifteen.”

Gold flailed so wildly at her outrageous statement that he nearly hit himself in the face.  "Belle!“

Mary Margaret looked utterly horrified, and David’s eyebrows were threatening to disappear into his hairline.  When Belle continued to smile serenely at the other couple, Gold blinked first.  "You’ll have to forgive us for the inappropriate humor.  We’re all a little punchy.  Belle is Bae’s stepmother.”

“Oh, thank god,” Mary Margaret mumbled, and David let out a shout of laughter.

The other man clasped him enthusiastically on the upper arm.  "You dog!  You had us going!“

For better or for worse, the ice was thoroughly broken after that.  Belle and David chatted away like old friends, commiserating about the terrible hospital food and the insane hours kept by the nursing staff, while Gold silently admired her ability to set anyone at ease.  He hoped she wouldn’t be too upset about the label he’d found for her.  Even if she decided today that she wanted nothing more to do with his papa, Belle was more Bae’s mother than Milah had ever been.  No matter what happened between them, ‘stepmother’ was the most appropriate appellation he could think of.

They distracted the Nolans for as long as they could, but eventually, Mary Margaret insisted on taking her daughter back to her room.  Emma and Bae, who’d had their heads together whispering furiously about something, looked mutinous, but she refused to be dissuaded.  "You can talk to Bae more tomorrow.”

“Emma has a dog,” Bae announced as Gold and Belle pushed him back to his own room.  "And she has a scar too, but it’s not as big as mine.“

Gold opened his mouth to tell the boy that he really shouldn’t be comparing scars with a member of the opposite sex, then closed it again.  The children were seven years old, and they weren’t exactly playing doctor.  Why introduce a concept that Bae wasn’t old enough to understand?

"Tell me about Emma’s dog,” he invited, ignoring the other comment.  It seemed like the best way to handle things.

“He has curly brown fur and floppy ears, and his name is Graham Cracker, but she just calls him Graham.  She says she’ll show me a picture tomorrow.  I want to show her a picture of Olaf.”  Bae’s voice cracked a little bit, his throat dry since he wasn’t yet allowed liquids.

“And she didn’t believe Belle was a princess,” he pouted.

“We’ll show her pictures tomorrow,” Belle promised, and the boy brightened before yawning.

Gold had to admit that Mary Margaret had a valid point.  The children were too enthusiastic about having a new partner in crime to judge when they were overdoing it, and they both needed to rest.  Careful not to tangle his IV line, Gold helped Bae into bed and tugged the covers over him, smiling a little at the irony of him having considered another parent overprotective.  

He would have to find out where the Nolans lived and see if they could organize playdates after the children were released from the hospital.  Emma was the first friend Bae had ever made who was his own age, and Gold was prepared to move mountains to make sure they could continue to spend time together.  

New lungs and a new friend.  This had been quite a momentous hospital stay.

“Sorry about earlier,” Belle said softly once Bae had drifted off.

When Gold glanced at her, she gave him an embarrassed smile.  "I think I went a little too far with the teen pregnancy joke.  I was nervous.“

"I started it,” he admitted.  He held a hand out to her, and Belle took it, allowing him to pull her down onto his lap.

“We didn’t exactly make a great first impression.”  Belle leaned against him, adjusting herself carefully to avoid putting weight on his bad leg.

“Ah well.”  Gold rubbed his nose against the side of her face.  "No harm done.“

If she was apologizing for her joke, he should probably apologize for putting her on the spot.  "I hope I didn’t upset you when I told them you were Bae’s stepmother.”

“Not at all,” she assured him at once.  "I liked the sound of it.“

Even he couldn’t misinterpret those words, and a thrill went through Gold.  He hadn’t yet given any real thought to his future with Belle, let alone discussed it with her, but it seemed like her thoughts were trending along the same lines as his own nebulous ideas.  

Belle scraped her nails lightly over the back of his neck.  "It’s so nice that Bae made a friend.  He’s waited a long time for this.”  

“He certainly has.”  He’d been afraid that Bae would never know the pleasure of having a friend his own age, and the universe had dropped Emma into his lap.

“Maybe she’ll be able to come to his birthday party.”  Belle sighed a little.  "If he feels up to having a party.“

"Look how far he’s come in a little over a week.  He’ll be up for a party, even if it has to be a little belated.”  The first few months of Bae’s recovery were crucial, but they would still find a way to celebrate.  The boy had more than earned it.

Belle chuckled and turned her head to kiss his cheek.  "Look who’s being optimistic.“

"I can’t help it.  Apparently, you’re contagious.”  It amused him to think of optimism as something one could catch like the common cold.  

The pair of them traded gentle kisses until Belle yawned, then slapped a hand over her mouth.  "Sorry!“

Gold wound a lock of her hair through his fingers.  "Why don’t you take a break?  Go back to the hotel and take a nap.  Have a bubble bath… get something to eat.  Find yourself a bookstore or maybe call your parents.  You need to take some time for yourself.”

“What about you?” she asked softly.

He’d come a long way since his panic attack upon arriving at the hospital to see Bae’s empty bed.  "I’m okay.  I think I just want to spend some time watching him sleep.“

"Want me to bring something back for you?”

“Coffee and something chocolate with no nutritional value,” he requested.  

The corners of Belle’s eyes crinkled as she gave him an indulgent smile.  "I can do that.“

Gold handed over the keys and kissed her goodbye before settling in to watch Bae’s chest rise and fall.  The boy was still too thin, but his face had more color now, and sometimes it was hard to remember that he was only a week removed from his surgery.  Earlier today while he was playing with Emma, he’d looked like a normal, healthy child, and that sight gladdened Gold’s heart more than anything else ever had.  

Under the bedclothes and his gown, a healing incision bisected Bae’s chest horizontally, making him look a bit like he’d been the victim of a magic trick gone wrong.  For the first few days, the wound had been uncovered as the doctors drained fluid away from the surgical site, but now the staples and raw flesh were covered by a long bandage that would remain in place for the next two weeks.  Even after his body healed, he would have a scar, but knowing Bae, the boy would appreciate that.  He would appreciate the ache of his healing flesh less as Whale started to wean him off of the painkillers, but with the novelty of being able to draw a full breath and his new friend to distract him, Gold was confident that Bae would be able to endure.  

His son had a long road in front of him, but for the first time, Gold was certain that the boy would be able to overcome all of the obstacles.  He had what he’d always wanted: a future with his boy.

He wanted Belle to be part of that future, he admitted to himself.  When he referred to her as Bae’s stepmother, nothing had ever sounded more right.  His first marriage had been an unmitigated disaster, but if Belle was his wife, everything would be different.  She was everything that Milah wasn’t: supportive, kind, and loving.  

The only question was whether he could be the husband that she deserved.

Gold wasn’t foolish enough to believe that he’d been a paragon during his first marriage.  He’d made more than his share of mistakes with Milah, and he’d certainly made plenty of mistakes with Belle.  Yes, he’d comforted her while Bae was in surgery, but that didn’t make up for all the months he’d spent leeching off of her strength.  He’d lashed out at her and taken advantage of her.  Worst of all, he’d actually thought about hitting her on that terrible night when all hope seemed lost.  It had been only a passing impulse, but to have that thought even for one second was one second too many.

He pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger and sighed.  That was something he would have to deal with later.  On some level, Gold understood that it wasn’t entirely healthy to keep pushing difficult thoughts off until a future date, but at least now he had a future in which to deal with them.  Bae was going to have a life, and that meant that he had one as well.

That brought up an even more pressing concern.  How would Bae feel about Belle becoming his stepmother?

The boy adored Belle, and Gold couldn’t imagine Bae objecting to the idea of her becoming a permanent member of the family, but if Bae was still planning to marry her himself, he might not be pleased if his papa stole her away.  

As he mulled that over, a nurse came in to reconnect Bae’s IV line and start him on another bag of fluids.  After she injected a syringe of medication into the line, she turned to him.  "I’m giving him a lower dose of pain medication on Dr. Whale’s orders.  If he complains of pain, just buzz and we can give him more.”

Gold nodded agreement, torn between nervousness and satisfaction at the information.  Weaning Bae off of his pain medication was the next step in his recovery, and every step he took was one step closer to being able to go home and get on with his life.  At the same time, his son’s body had just endured major trauma in the form of surgery, and Gold hated the idea of his little boy suffering any discomfort.  Bae had been through enough.

When the nurse left the room, Gold resumed his vigil, his eyes focused on his son’s sleeping form.  Even after a week, he still did a double-take when he saw Bae without the tube in his nose, but he couldn’t imagine a better problem to have than being forced to get used to the sight.

Eventually, Bae stirred, blinking sleep out of his eyes and wincing as he struggled to sit up.  

“Here, Bae-Bae,” Gold said as he used the bed’s remote to raise the head, letting Bae sit without straining his healing chest.  "How are you feeling?“

Bae considered that for a moment.  "My chest hurts a little.”

Gold cursed mentally, careful to keep his expression neutral at the disappointment.  "Do you want me to call the nurse and get you more medicine?“

To his surprise, his son shook his head.  "I don’t think so.  It’s not a bad hurt.”

“If you change your mind, just let me know.”  He didn’t want Bae to suffer for a single minute longer than he had to, but if the boy was comfortable with the lower dose of pain medicine, that was a _very_ good sign.

Hoping to distract him from the discomfort, Gold broached a subject that he hoped would prompt Bae to think happier thoughts.  "You and Emma seem to be pretty good friends.“

Bae nodded.  "She’s cool.  Well, kind of cool.  She doesn’t know _anything_ about CCR.”

Gold bit his tongue to suppress a laugh.  Before Belle came into their lives, Bae hadn’t even known that a band named Creedence Clearwater Revival _existed_.  Now, he was a music snob.  "Maybe you can teach her some of your favorite songs.“

"That’s a good idea.”  Despite his words, Bae didn’t look particularly excited about the idea.

Perhaps he’d misjudged the situation.  "If you don’t like playing with Emma, you don’t have to.“

"Where did my new lungs come from?”

Bae’s question came out of nowhere, catching Gold off-guard.  "What do you mean?“

"Emma said that another kid died, and they took out his heart and gave it to her, and they took out his lungs and gave them to me.  Is that right?”  Bae turned pleading eyes on him.

In the privacy of his own mind, Gold said several very bad words as he struggled to come up with a way to explain the process of organ donation to Bae.  He’d done his son no favors in sheltering him from this information, and, selfishly, he longed for Belle to help him navigate this minefield.  Why did Bae always save his most difficult questions for when she wasn’t around?

“She’s basically correct.  Remember when you gave the toys you didn’t play with to children who didn’t have any toys?  It’s like that.  When people die, they don’t need their organs any more, so they can give them to other people who _do_ need them.  There was a little boy who had an accident, and since he didn’t need his lungs and heart any more, his parents decided to give them to you and Emma because you did need them.”  It took all his concentration to keep his voice calm and even as he delivered the lecture.

Bae looked like he was on the verge of tears.  "I don’t want dead lungs!  And I don’t want that boy to be dead!“

Oh hell.  "They’re not dead lungs.  If they were dead, they wouldn’t work, but they do.”

Bae took a deep breath, apparently testing that theory.  "See?  They work just fine.  They’re _your_ lungs now, Bae.“

His son’s lip wobbled.  "But…”

Gold scooted his chair closer, then gave up and joined his son on the bed, wrapping his arm around the boy.  "It’s sad to think about that little boy dying.  It makes me sad too.  But that happens sometimes.  People die when we don’t want them to.  You didn’t make it happen.  If the doctors didn’t give you his lungs, he would still be dead.  The only difference would be that you wouldn’t have new lungs.“

"It’s stupid, and it’s not fair.”

“That is a very apt summation.”  At Bae’s puzzled look, Gold translated, “You’re right.”

Bae pressed a little closer.  "I thought Emma was making it up.  She thinks she knows everything because she’s already eight.“  

"I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself.  I didn’t want to make you sad.”  This was a conversation he should have had with his boy a long time ago.

“S'okay.”  

Gold kissed the top of his son’s head, aware that it wasn’t really okay.  This concept was too big for Bae to digest all at once.  They would circle around to it again and again over the next few months, but at least the hardest step was behind them now.

More than anything, he wanted to make this better for Bae, but this wasn’t something that could be soothed over with a kiss or a new toy.  “Would you like to send the parents a letter?  You could tell them a little about you and thank them for letting you have their son’s lungs.  It might make them feel better to know that you’ll take good care of them.”

Closing his eyes, Gold tried to put himself into those parents’ shoes.  If he lost Bae to a tragic accident would it help to know that his boy’s heart and lungs had saved other children or would it be rubbing salt in the wound, a reminder that those children lived when his own son was gone?

Much as he liked to think that he would be able to be noble and unselfish, Gold wasn’t sure how he would react to such a letter.  In a way, it was a moot point since he didn’t even know those parents’ names, let alone their contact information.  He could give the letter to Whale and let the doctor use his own judgement.  If writing a note gave Bae closure, it was worth doing.  After all, no one would force the parents to read the letter if they didn’t want to.

“That might be nice,” Bae allowed.

“You think about it,” Gold encouraged.  “If you want to write to them, we’ll do that.”

Bae nodded, clearly not certain what he wanted to do, but there was no need to hurry.  Thanks to those generous parents, his son now had all the time in the world.  

Seeking to lighten the heavy mood that had fallen over the room, Gold asked, “So, what else does Emma think she knows?”

Bae sniggered.  "She thought Belle was my _mom_.“

This was the perfect opening to discuss how Bae would feel about Belle becoming his stepmother, but Gold’s tongue didn’t want to shape the words.  His vision of the future was a fragile thing, and he wasn’t sure it could withstand the kind of questioning Bae would give it.  Nor was he sure he was ready to hear Bae reject the idea of gaining a new stepmother.

Fortunately, Bae seemed capable of carrying the conversation by himself.  "I told her that I don’t have a mom, and she said that if you marry Belle that’ll make her my mom.”

“Oh?” Gold managed.  

“Yeah.  Her mom’s mom died, and her mom’s dad got married again, so now her mom has a new mom.  Her mom’s dad died, but her new mom is still her mom, and her mom makes everyone be nice to her even though nobody likes her because she’s her mom.”

Gold nearly went cross-eyed trying to follow that explanation.  "Emma’s grandfather remarried after her grandmother died, and Emma’s mother still has a relationship with his second wife even though her father passed away?“

"That’s what I _said_.”

“Technically, Emma’s grandfather’s second wife would be Emma’s mother’s stepmother.”  He was starting to get a headache from trying to keep the Nolan family tree straight, and Gold wasn’t sure if he should be worried about what Bae had told Emma about _their_ family.  

“Okay.”  Bae nodded like his papa had said something wise.

Gold was totally lost.  "I thought you were planning to marry Belle.“

Bae scrunched up his face.  "I was, but… I think she’s a _little_ too old.”

At the last second, Gold managed to turn his laugh into a cough.  "I see.“

"I think, maybe, it would be better if _you_ married her.  That way, she has to stay with us forever, and I can have a mom.”  Bae’s eyes were bright as he made his suggestion.

All of his worries had been for nothing.  Gold still had to prove to his own satisfaction that he could be the husband that Belle deserved, but if Bae was in favor of the idea, the biggest hurdle had already been cleared.  "You’d like that?  Having Belle for a mom?“

"I think so.  She’s already sort of like my mom, so I think it would be nice if she was my really-for-real mom.”  

Bae made a good point.  From the moment Belle and Bae met, she’d cared for him like a mother, and it was good that Bae recognized that.  All the same, Gold couldn’t resist teasing his boy.  "Since you’ve decided you don’t want to marry Belle, do you have someone else in mind?“

Bae squirmed.  "Not really…”

In his experience, that usually meant yes.  "Not really?“

"I mean, I could _maybe_ marry Emma, but she’s kind of bossy.”

This time, Gold made no effort to contain his laugh.  When Bae shot him an aggrieved look, Gold ruffled his hair.  "You’ll learn to get used to it.“

Bae looked doubtful, but he didn’t argue as he leaned his head against his papa’s shoulder and drifted back into sleep.  Once, his son’s fatigue would have terrified him because it was a sign that the disease was sapping his strength.  Now, Gold could smile as Bae drifted off midway through a conversation.  His small body was channeling all of its energy into healing, leaving little left over for talking about girls.

Gold gazed into the middle distance, struggling to put a name on the emotion that had made his heart clench when Bae ignored him in favor of playing with Emma.  It wasn’t sadness, exactly, and it certainly wasn’t jealousy.  Perhaps it was just recognition that there would come a time when he was no longer the center of Bae’s world.  It was normal for children to pull away from their parents as they got older, and now Bae had time to do just that.  He would always love his papa, but as he grew up, Gold would no longer be the sun he orbited around.

He’d lived forty-three years without his son, yet Gold couldn’t remember who he was without Bae.

When his phone vibrated, Gold pulled it out, smiling to see a text from Belle.  “Hey!  Dark chocolate frosting or peanut butter?”

His stomach growled a little at the question.  “Is both an option?”

“Both is ALWAYS an option.”

He chuckled at her enthusiasm.  “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”

Her response text arrived instantly, making Gold regret teasing her.  “Tell me.”

“Someone has supplanted you in Bae’s heart.  He’s decided to marry Emma instead.”

He typed the message out as quickly as he could to set her mind at ease, and when Belle sent back an emoji sticking out its tongue at him, he knew he was forgiven for his clumsy attempt at humor.  “Maybe that’s for the best.  I prefer older men.”

Since Gold wasn’t yet ready to tell Belle that the boy had suggested that his papa marry her instead, he had no idea what to say in response.  No matter how he meant it, ‘That’s good because I like younger women’ sounded _dreadful_.

In desperation, he replied with a heart emoji, trusting Belle to interpret it correctly.  He still had to figure out if he was capable of being the man she deserved, but if he was, the problem of deciding what to do with his life wasn’t a problem at all.  As Bae recovered, the boy was still going to need massive amounts of care and attention, but without the fear of his son’s death hanging over his head, Gold felt like he could breathe again.

His son would always be the most important part of his life, but Bae didn’t have to be the _only_ part any more.  

Bae had a future now.  Maybe his papa did too.


	25. Chapter 25

“Do it again.”

Obediently, Gold tossed the acrylic crystal ball into the air and caught it on the back of his hand before rolling it from his right hand to his left, then across his palms and and back again to hold it out with a flourish before Emma’s amazed eyes.

“Again!”

“Emma, manners,” Mary Margaret scolded her daughter.

“Do it again _please_ ,” Emma corrected herself, leaning closer as she waited for Gold to work his magic on the crystal ball.

From his position next to Emma, Bae looked smug as he elbowed her gently.  "See?  I _told_ you.  Belle is a princess, and Papa can do magic.“

Belle was curled up on a sofa in the pediatric ward's seating area next to Mary Margaret, and she grinned at him when Gold stole a glance at her.  The way Bae was talking made them sound like fairy tale characters, but if they were, he wasn’t complaining.  After some tribulations, people in fairy tales tended to live happily ever after, and since their family had come through their tribulations with flying colors, he rather thought they’d earned a happy ending.

After two weeks in the transplant ward, Emma had been stepped down to the pediatric unit, and Bae had followed her two days later.  His son was on a liquid diet, something that didn’t seem to bother Bae too much since it meant he was allowed all the ice cream he wanted, and there were still therapy sessions twice daily, but before too much longer, they would be able to take Bae home and start getting on with their lives.

The boy would still need to take a medicine cabinet’s worth of pharmaceuticals, and the handbook of rules he needed to follow as a transplant patient was roughly the size of a dictionary, but none of that mattered.  His son was going to live.

Under normal circumstances, Bae would be climbing the walls to get out of the hospital, but this time he seemed perfectly content to stay as long as Dr. Whale wanted to keep him.  Having a friend was making all the difference in the world.

Unfortunately, once he was released, he and Emma would be separated.

Gold frowned at that as he repeated his trick for Emma.  The Nolans lived in Boston, which was close enough for regular playdates, but seeing each other for a few hours a month wasn’t the same as living in each other’s pockets like the children were able to do at the hospital.  Gold knew that Bae wouldn’t be sorry to go home, but the boy was going to miss his friend.

"Again!” Emma demanded.

“Hold out your hand,” Gold countered.  When the girl did so, he showed her how to hold her fingers before depositing the ball carefully on the back of her hand.

Emma’s eyes went wide.  "Oh crap.“

"It’s really hard,” Bae told her helpfully.  "I broke a vase and a window trying to do it.“

"You broke _three_ vases,” Gold reminded his son.  Bae made a face in response.

Mary Margaret squirmed in her seat.  "Maybe you shouldn’t do that.  You don’t want to hurt yourself.“

Emma’s eyes narrowed in concentration, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she stared at the crystal as though she would make it levitate by force of will alone.  "I can do it.”

Gold hesitated, torn between encouraging Emma and undermining another parent.  As she was wont to do, Belle solved the problem for him by distracting Mary Margaret.  "You said that you enjoy bird watching.  Are you familiar with the lyrebird?“

As Belle launched into an impromptu lecture about the Australian songbird, Gold showed Emma how to tilt her hand to get the ball to roll where she wanted it to go.  Her first three attempts hit the table with a thunk, and he fielded the fourth before it could hit Bae, but on her fifth try, she managed to roll the crystal from her fingers to her wrist and back.

"Awesome!”  Emma looked delighted with her accomplishment.

“I can do that too.  That’s _easy_ ,” Bae informed her.  

“Emma is just starting to learn, and she’s doing very well,” Gold reproved his son.  

Emma made a rude noise and shoved the crystal at Bae.  "So do it.“

Gold hid a smile behind his hand at Bae’s discomfited expression.  Apparently, the boy hadn’t expected the challenge, and now he was going to have to put his money where his mouth was.  Emma was very very good for him.

Bae placed the crystal on the back of his right hand, and with tremendous concentration, sent the ball on a rather wobbling journey to his wrist and back.  Gold was willing to bet that the boy had just gotten lucky, but Emma seemed satisfied.  "Okay.  You can do it.”

Relieved, Bae handed the crystal back to her.  "You can try again.“

As the lesson continued, Gold discovered that reverse psychology worked exceptionally well to motivate Emma.  Any hint that something might be too hard for her raised her hackles, and she brought her full stubbornness to bear on the task until she’d mastered it.  Bae was even easier: if Emma could do something, he wanted to be able to do it too.  By lunchtime, they could both roll the crystal from the back of one hand to the other, and they hadn’t broken a single thing in the process of learning.

Bae’s face fell when Gold handed the crystal ball off to Emma before Mary Margaret took the girl back to her room to eat and rest.  

"Thanks, Bae’s dad!” Emma chirped.

The form of address made him chuckle.  "You’re welcome.“

"Why’d you give it to her?” Bae demanded as Gold and Belle wheeled the boy back to his own room for the midday meal.  

“Because she liked it.  You have your own crystal,” Gold reminded his son.  If Emma enjoyed the ball, she could have it.  There were two more at the house, and he could always order another one for himself if Belle didn’t want to share hers.

“But my crystal is at _home_.  If she practices, she’ll get better than me.”  Bae pouted as Belle helped him climb back into his hospital bed.

Gold tweaked the boy’s nose.  "Then I guess you should have practiced more when you had the chance.“

” _Papa_ …"

Fortunately, a candy striper arrived with the lunch trays, saving them from further whining.   Bae’s tray had broth and applesauce with pudding for dessert, a meal that looked better than the rather sad, soggy turkey sandwiches that had been provided for him and Belle.  

“Yummy,” she murmured as she pulled her chair close around the bedside tray that served as a table for all three of them.

“Do you want me to go get you something else?”  Gold put his sandwich down and patted his pocket to make sure he had his wallet, eager to fetch Belle something more palatable to eat.

“What are you hungry for?” he pressed.  The thought of providing food for her satisfied some primal instinct buried deep within his soul that harkened back to the days of the hunter-gatherers.  Running out to pick up fried rice or a lentil salad wasn’t as heroic as taking down a woolly mammoth with a spear, but it was as close as he was going to get in the twenty-first century.

Belle put her hand on his thigh and squeezed.  "No, it’s fine.  I was just joking.“

"It’s no trouble,” Gold assured her.  "I can get you whatever you want.“

Belle shook her head and took a bite of her sandwich to demonstrate that she was content with the hospital food.  As she chewed, Bae piped up, "You can get me ice cream.”

“You have pudding,” Gold pointed out.  

“I could have ice cream _too_.”

“Maybe later.”  

Disappointed, Gold turned his attention to his own sandwich.  It was foolish to place such a premium on the idea of picking up lunch, but he wanted to do this for Belle.  For months, she’d been taking care of him.  Now, it was time for him to return the favor.  How could he ask her to share his life if he couldn’t demonstrate that he could be a good partner?

Buying her lunch wasn’t proof that he was good husband material, but at least it was _something_.  Right now, Gold _needed_ something, even though he was self-aware enough to realize that he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Belle.  Little as he deserved it, Belle loved him.  Before he asked her to commit herself to him more than she already had, Gold needed to prove that he could be worthy of her love.  

It was a task easier said than done.

Gold knew how to be a good father, but if he’d ever known how to be a good husband, he’d forgotten.  If he could fulfill Belle’s needs, that would be a good start, but she didn’t seem to need anything.  Belle was completely self-sufficient, and that was a problem.  He’d been leaning on her so heavily since the day they met that it hurt Gold’s soul to think that she wasn’t comfortable leaning on him in return.  He wanted to be her strength, the rock she built her life on, and he couldn’t even buy her lunch.

Maybe he needed to take more initiative.  Instead of asking if she wanted him to get her lunch, maybe he should just do it.  He made decisions all the time for Bae, and that usually worked out fairly well.  Then again, he wasn’t Belle’s father.  The last thing he wanted was to take a paternal role in her life.  He wanted to be her partner, not her parent, and that meant listening to her and taking her wants into consideration, even when she didn’t want anything.

Somehow, Gold had expected Bae’s surgery to solve all of his problems, but that wasn’t what was happening.  Now that he no longer had to fear his son’s imminent demise, all of the smaller issues that he’d been putting off thinking about were rearing their ugly heads.  Apparently, his life wasn’t allowed to be easy.

“See?  It wasn’t that bad.”  It wasn’t until Belle spoke that Gold realized he’d mindlessly finished his sandwich, not even tasting it.  Of course, considering the other meals he’d had from the hospital's cafeteria, that might have been for the best.

“Not bad at all,” he agreed, trying to smile.

When Bae yawned, Gold busied himself with clearing away the detritus from lunch and getting the boy settled so he could sleep.  On the other side of the bed, Belle adjusted his blankets and ran her fingers through his hair.  "He looks so much better.“

"I can’t believe how fast he’s bouncing back.  If it was me, I’d probably still be lying around sulking about my chest hurting.  He acts like nothing happened.”  Gold marveled at Bae’s rapid recovery.

Belle smiled.  "He can’t let Emma show him up.  If she’s up and around, he wants to be too.“

He hadn’t realized it before, but Belle was right.  "It’s nice to see his competitive nature being used for good for a change.”

“And Emma’s probably thinking the same thing.  They’re peer pressuring each other into getting well.”  

“They’re good for each other.”  Maintaining a relationship between the children when their families lived in different states was another problem for which he was going to have to find a solution.  Eight years old was a bit young to have his own phone, but if it allowed Bae to stay in touch with Emma, it might be the perfect birthday present.

“I’m _so_ happy that he finally has a friend.”  Belle gave his arm an affectionate squeeze as she brushed past him to retrieve the laptop bag she’d brought with her to the hospital.

“What are you going to do?” Gold asked as he watched her settle her computer on Bae’s tray table.

Belle sat down and tugged the table closer.  "I thought I’d take advantage of nap time to try and get some of my classwork done.  I’m way behind.“

With all the drama surrounding Bae’s health, he’d almost forgotten that Belle had opted to take a class this semester.  "Is there anything I can do to help?”

Belle tilted her head to the side as she considered it, and Gold held his breath, hoping that she would come up with a way he could be useful to her.  To his dismay, she shook her head.  "I don’t think so.“

If he couldn’t help, the least he could do was avoid distracting her.  "In that case, I think I’ll stretch my legs.  Should I bring you a coffee when I come back?”

Her slight smile warmed him.  "I’d like that.“

Pleased to have something to do for her, Gold leaned down to brush his lips against hers.  "In that case, I’ll see you in a bit.  Enjoy your studies.”

Feeling slightly less useless, Gold kissed his sleeping son’s forehead and left his hospital room, finding himself at loose ends for the first time that he could remember.  There was nothing that he needed to do and nowhere that he needed to go, which was an uncomfortable sensation.  He was so accustomed to always having something that needed to be done for Bae that he wasn’t quite sure what to do with time on his hands.

Perhaps having some downtime would do him good.  Gold tried to think positively as he strolled the hospital’s halls.  There were so many things that he’d been putting off thinking about that having some time for reflection might help.

The trouble was that there were so many different issues that he had no idea how to begin.  What was the most important thing to deal with?  

He needed to find a way to prove that he could be the partner that Belle deserved and to assure himself that the horrible impulse he’d felt to hit her had just been a moment of temporary insanity, not evidence of a deep character flaw.  He had to find a way to ensure that Bae and Emma’s friendship wouldn’t end once the children were released from the hospital.  Somehow, he had to process his guilt that his son owed his life to another child’s death.  He also needed to figure out how to step back and let Bae start to develop interests outside of his papa and remember how to be Elias Gold the man, not just Elias Gold the father.

And there was a birthday party to plan.

Gold could feel perspiration trickling down the side of his face as the laundry list of issues he’d been ignoring continued to unfold in his mind, reminding him _why_ he’d been ignoring them to begin with.  He was already overwhelmed, and he hadn’t even started delving into anything yet.

Although he’d had no particular destination in mind when he left Bae’s room, his subconscious had apparently been working overtime because when Gold looked up, he realized that his feet had brought him to the counseling center where Dr. Hopper had his office.  Apparently, the universe was trying to tell him something.

In the past, he’d found his sessions with Hopper only moderately helpful, but right now, Gold felt as though he could use all the help he could get.  When he approached the therapist’s office to find his door open, Gold opted to interpret it as a sign.

Hopper looked up when he rapped on the door frame, rising from his position behind his desk at once to escort him in and close the door behind him.  "How can I help you, Mr. Gold?“

Although he’d decided to seek out Hopper, Gold had no idea how to explain what was bothering him.  He sat down heavily on the therapist’s leather couch and stared at his hands for long moments as he tried to find the right words.  It felt like his head was filled with static, preventing him from putting together a coherent thought.

Hopper sat opposite him, his face calm and sympathetic.  The therapist didn’t say anything, giving him space to work through his thoughts on his own.  

"I…” Gold began, then stopped, not sure what he wanted to say.

When the therapist nodded encouragement, he tried again.  This time, when he opened his mouth, _everything_ came pouring out.

Gold had no idea if the torrent of words made any sense, but Hopper listened attentively to it all as he talked about his fears for Bae and his love for Belle, his grief at the loss of a child he’d never met and his worry that he was incapable of being Belle’s partner, his concerns about his son’s new friendship and the fact that he’d forgotten who he was when he wasn’t being Bae’s papa.  He talked about the awful night when he’d thought all hope was lost and the horrible impulse he’d had to take his anguish out on Belle.

Eventually, he ran out of words and sat gasping on the couch until Hopper offered him a box of tissues.  Until that moment, he hadn’t realized he was crying.

“This is a time of tremendous stress and upheaval.  It’s perfectly normal for you to feel overwhelmed,” Hopper assured him.

Gold pinched the bridge of his nose, not sure if he felt better or worse for getting all of that out.  "I thought everything would be better now that Bae’s on the mend.“

"You’ve been channeling all of your energy into one direction.  Now that that’s no longer necessary, all of the areas of your life you’ve been neglecting are demanding your attention.”

“I'm sick of dealing with all of this.  Every time I think I can see light at the end of the tunnel, another problem crops up.  I just want to get past all of that and be happy.”  There was so much in his life to be happy about— Bae was going to live.  He had Belle.  All he wanted to do was relax and enjoy his life.  His damned mind just wouldn’t cooperate as it constantly scanned for more problems for him to worry about.

Hopper steepled his hands in front of him.  "Picture a house.  There’s a large hole in the roof.  The floors are warped.  The paint on the walls is peeling.  The stove doesn’t work.“

Baffled, Gold tried to follow his instructions, wondering what the therapist was getting at.

"What do you fix first?”

“The hole in the roof,” Gold answered.  As long as the house was exposed to the elements, more damage would continue to occur.  

Hopper smiled at him.  "So, you focus all of your energy on fixing that hole.  What happens once it’s fixed?“

"The house is still a mess.”  

“But there’s not a hole in the roof any more.  So, next you fix the floors.  Then the stove.  Then you repaint.  Now what do you have?”

Finally, Gold made sense of the metaphor.  "The big problem in my life is fixed, so now I have the time and energy to fix all the smaller ones.“

"Exactly.  When the roof was leaking, you didn’t notice the peeling paint.”

“I’m certainly noticing it now,” he said, his voice dry.

“And that’s normal.  You won’t be able to fix everything all at once, but you _will_ be able to make progress.  You just need to focus on one thing at a time to keep from getting overwhelmed.  If you tried to refinish the floors and paint the walls and fix the stove all at the same time, you wouldn’t accomplish anything but making a bigger mess.”

Much as he hated to admit it, Hopper had a point.  He couldn’t solve every problem today or even this week, but he could pick one and make some headway.

If he could only focus on one thing at a time, he should probably concentrate on the most important issue.  “I want to ask Belle to marry me.”

Whale would have offered him congratulations, but Hopper said nothing at all, just waited for Gold to fill the silence.

After a minute, he did.  "But I don’t know if I should.“

"And why is that?” Hopper prompted.

“Belle deserves the best.  I don’t know if I can be that man.  I haven’t been much of a partner to her so far.”  He loved her, but love wasn’t always enough.  Their relationship was painfully lopsided.  It was only in the past few weeks that he’d been able to break out of his self-absorbed shell and offer her the support that she gave so generously to him.

“Belle is the only one who can answer that question,” Hopper told him gently.

The therapist was right, but that wasn’t the real problem, at least not all of it.  "I don’t know if I can trust myself with her.“

When Hopper nodded at him to continue, Gold struggled to put his most horrible thoughts into words.  "Bae almost didn’t get his new lungs.  The night he had his transplant, Whale called to say that they might have lungs for him, then he called back and said the mother wouldn’t donate.  She changed her mind later, but I didn’t know that then.  I was devastated.”

“Of course you were.”

“Belle was with me, and I was so _angry_.  I just wanted to hit something… to break something…  And for an instant, I wanted to hit _her_.”

The memory of that awful night made his stomach curdle.  Gold wrapped his arms around his middle and swallowed hard.

“Why did you want to do that?” Hopper asked softly.

“Because I’m a monster.”  Gold’s mouth twisted into a bitter line.  "My father used to hit me when he was angry.  Apparently, I’m more like him than I realized.“

"In a moment of stress, you thought about using a coping strategy that was modeled for you during your formative years.  Why didn’t you do it?”

How could the therapist ask such a thing?  "Because I didn’t want to hurt her.“

"So, you rejected the idea of violence.  You deliberately chose not to hurt Belle.  You decided not to emulate your father.”

Hopper was giving him too much credit.  "I didn’t do it, but I thought about it.  I had that thought… that awful thought.  What if I don’t stop myself next time?“

"Elias, _everyone_ has thoughts like that.  If your father abused you, I’m surprised you don’t have them more often.  Intrusive thoughts are even more common in times of stress.  If you find yourself fixating on them or they occur so frequently that they disrupt your quality of life, further treatment may be called for, but I see no cause for alarm in what you describe.  In a moment of stress, you had a violent impulse that you chose not to act on.  Have you felt that impulse again?”

Gold shifted in his seat.  "Well, no.“

Hopper gave him a small smile.  "It’s human nature to want to lash out when we’re hurting.  If you found it difficult to quell your violent impulses, I would be concerned, but as it stands, there’s no issue here.”

Could it really be that easy?  Gold couldn’t quite bring himself to mention the rough sex they’d had that night, but Belle had assured him that she’d needed it as badly as he did.  Perhaps he’d worried for nothing.  In his darkest moment, he’d chosen not to follow his father’s example.

Gold hadn’t realized just how much the memory of that night had been bothering him until Hopper’s words lifted the weight from his shoulders.  He wasn’t a ticking time bomb, poised to hurt those who meant the most to him.  He was just a man who’d had an evil thought in a moment of stress and chose not to act on it.

Even at his worst, he wasn’t Malcolm Gold.  He wasn’t capable of that.  

He slumped back against the sofa, feeling light-headed.  "Thank you.“

There were still more problems that needed to be dealt with, but Gold didn’t think he could handle baring his soul any more today.  Instead he would take Hopper’s advice and deal with one thing at a time.  Right now, he was just going to enjoy knowing that he wasn’t his father’s son.

Before allowing him to leave, the therapist urged him to take time each day for self care, and for the first time, Gold was tempted to listen to him.  Now that things were no longer so dire, he might be able to actually _read_ all of those murder mysteries he’d bought instead of just allowing them to gather dust on his nightstand.  

As he left Hopper’s office, Gold envisioned a scene that he hoped he could bring to life: Bae and Emma playing in the yard on a sunny summer day as he and Belle watched the children from a comfortable glider, sipping wine and discussing the books they were currently reading.  

It was a lovely picture, and for the first time, that kind of ease and peace seemed within his grasp.  Life wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot, but it was better than it had been in years, and with Belle beside him, things could only get better yet.  All he had to do was prove himself worthy of her.

"Hey!”

Gold glanced back over his shoulder and paused when he saw David Nolan jogging to catch up with him, an engaging smile on his face.  "Hello.“

Since David was almost certainly heading to the pediatric ward, just like he was, Gold resumed walking, the other man falling into step beside him.  "Man, this has been a crazy ride, hasn’t it?”

“It’s been a roller coaster,” Gold agreed.  He and David Nolan were polar opposites.  In another life, they would have nothing to say to each other, but a twist of fate had made them both members of an exclusive club that no one wanted to join— the club comprised of parents of terminally ill children.  With that to bond them together, mere personality quirks were meaningless.  They understood each other on a molecular level.

“It’s hard to believe it’s only been a few weeks.  A month ago, every time I tucked Emma into bed, I was afraid she wouldn’t wake up, and now look at her.  She’s laughing and playing like a normal kid.”  David shook his head in wonder.  "I keep waiting for the floor to drop out from under me.“

"I know _exactly_ what you mean.”  He’d spent too long being terrified for Bae to let that fear go so easily.  In time, he would find his footing, but for now, it was hard to believe that disaster wasn’t lurking just ahead.

“Bae’s been great for her.  She always had trouble making friends since there was so much she couldn’t do.  It’s nice to see her being silly with someone her own age.  And I love the songs he’s teaching her!  The one about the baboon is my favorite.”  David grinned at him.

Gold’s mind raced as he tried to figure out which song David was talking about.  Belle had taught Bae a number of songs about animals, but unless he’d missed a verse of “Octopus’s Garden,” none of them were about primates.  "The one about the baboon?“

David nodded.  "Yeah, you know— ' _There’s a baboon on the right_ …’”

Gold missed a step as David sang the chorus of “Bad Moon Rising” or at least his approximation of the lyric.  The actual line was ' _There’s a bad moon on the rise_ ’, but David looked so pleased with himself that Gold couldn’t bring himself to correct the other man.  "Ah.“

As David sang the line again, Gold wondered where the mondegreen had come from.  Had Bae misheard the lyric and taught Emma the wrong words or had David misunderstood his daughter?  He wasn’t sure which possibility was more amusing, and he couldn’t wait to tell Belle about this, preferably out of Bae’s earshot.  If his son actually thought the song was about lurking baboons, Gold wasn’t going to be the one to disillusion him.

Thoughts of Belle reminded Gold that he’d promised to bring her a coffee upon his return.  David gave him a puzzled look when he halted in mid-stride, and Gold gave him an abashed smile.  "I need to visit the cafe.  I promised Belle coffee.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea.  I’ll get Mary Margaret a hot chocolate.”  

Gold had assumed their meeting was coincidental, but now he wondered if it was his imagination that David was following him like a dog.  There was something golden retriever-ish about Nolan’s handsome, open face and easy smile.  David Nolan was the sort of man who’d never had an unkind thought in his life, but Gold found himself liking the other man in spite of that.  

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you.”  David inadvertently confirmed his suspicions as they walked.

“You _are_ talking to me,” Gold pointed out, his voice dry.

Another man would take offense at the barb, but David only chuckled.  "Yeah, I guess I am.  Anyway, I wanted to ask you about Storybrooke.  That’s where you live, right?  Mary Margaret and I have been thinking about moving out of the city.  Emma needs room to run and play now that she _can_ run and play.  We were thinking a little town like Storybrooke might be perfect for us.“

Gold had worried about how to foster the friendship between Bae and Emma across state lines, and a solution was being deposited in his lap without him having to do a single thing.  Perhaps he worried too much.  If he just gave his problems a little breathing room, maybe they’d solve themselves.

To have Emma in the same town would be the best birthday gift Bae could receive, and Gold would move heaven and earth to make that happen.  "It’s a charming little town— beautiful scenery, good schools.  My family has been very happy there.  I… know a bit about the town’s real estate market, so I’m sure I could help you find something that would suit you.”

He would let the Nolans live in his best property rent-free if it meant Bae got to keep his best friend.  

“Maybe after things settle down a little we can come up for the weekend and check things out,” David suggested.  

“We’d enjoy showing you around.”  Bae would be wild with excitement at the chance to show off Olaf and his castle to Emma.

Gold was still smiling about the idea after he and David went their separate ways, and when he stepped into Bae's hospital room, Belle’s eyebrows lifted as she looked up from the card game she was playing with Bae, her classwork abandoned.  "What’s up?“

"Just in a good mood,” Gold deflected as he handed her the latte.  If he told Bae about the proposed visit too soon, the boy would be impossible to live with.  He’d share the good news with Belle once they had a moment to themselves.

Belle gave him a searching look but allowed herself to be put off.  Instead, she took a sip of coffee and sighed happily.  "Perfect.“

He’d done well, Gold decided, pride filling his chest.  Pulling up a chair, he joined her and Bae.  "What are you playing?”

Bae graciously allowed him to join the next hand of Rummy, and the three of them played together until a candy striper arrived to take their dinner order.  Bae, naturally, demanded ice cream, but when Gold looked to Belle to see what she wanted, she demurred.

“If you don’t mind, I might go back to the hotel early tonight.  I have a paper I need to write.”  

“But I want to play more cards,” Bae protested.

“Belle’s school is important,” Gold reproved his son.  "We’ll miss her tonight, but we’ll have plenty of time to play with her after her work is done.“

When he glanced at Belle, her eyes were shining, and she mouthed "Thanks” at him over Bae’s head.

As far as Gold was concerned, he hadn’t done anything to deserve her gratitude, but he mouthed “You’re welcome” back.

“Good luck with your paper.  Take all the time you need, and text me if there’s anything I can do to help,” he encouraged out loud, trying to set a good example for Bae.

When he gave his son a meaningful look, Bae added his own grudging good wishes.  "I hope you get done fast.“

Well, it was a start.  

"I’ll be here when you wake up,” Belle promised Bae, clearly intending to keep to their normal routine and relieve Gold in the small hours of the morning so he could get a few hours of sleep at the hotel.  

“Take the whole night if you need it.  I’ll be fine here.”  If Belle wouldn’t let him do anything else for her, the least he could do was be supportive of her schooling.  A night on the hospital room’s uncomfortable cot wouldn’t kill him.  He’d spent more nights on those cots than he could count over the past three years.  

Belle put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed hard.  "I will if I need to,“ she promised before leaning down to kiss Bae good night.

"She shouldn’t have to do school.  She’s a grownup,” Bae complained once Belle had left the room.

“Some grownups like school.  Belle likes to read, so she’s getting a degree in literature and learning how to write books.”  

Bae pouted.  "She said she would write a book for me, but she never did."

Gold chuckled.  "She probably hasn’t had time.  You keep her pretty busy.”

“I guess.”  Bae sighed noisily to indicate that he was suffering terribly for the lack of a Belle-written book just for him, then he shook off his sour mood.

“When are we going to ask Belle to marry you?”

Gold choked on his own saliva at the matter-of-fact question.  He should probably consider himself lucky that Bae had waited until Belle left to ask such a thing.  "We?  I hadn’t realized this was going to be a joint effort.“

"If I don’t help you, you might do it wrong,” Bae explained, displaying a disheartening lack of faith in his papa.

Gold laced his fingers together.  "And what do you know about asking people to marry you?"

"You have to do it somewhere nice, and it has to be a surprise, and you have to give her a big ring,” Bae announced.  

When Gold stared at him, he elucidated, “Emma told me.”

Less than two weeks ago, Bae had complained that Emma thought she knew everything because she was four months older than he was.  Now, he seemed content to consider his friend an expert on all topics.  That didn’t take long.

One thing was certain: there was no way Bae could be allowed to help him pick out the engagement ring.  Considering the diamond necklace he’d decided to give Belle for Christmas, Gold feared what the boy would select with Emma’s insistence on 'a big ring’ to guide him.  He had visions of the boy choosing a diamond so large that poor Belle wouldn’t be able to lift her left hand.  

“These things take time,” he stalled.  Dr. Hopper had assured him that he wasn’t a threat to Belle, but Gold still hadn’t proved to anyone’s satisfaction that he was a worthy partner for her.  

“But why?” Bae persisted.  

“Because… they do.”  It wasn’t much of an explanation, and his son looked thoroughly unimpressed.

“Emma says she’ll help if you don’t know how to do it.”  

Rapidly, Gold rethought the idea of waiting.  With Emma and Bae on the case, it was only a matter of time before someone blurted out something that they shouldn’t, and having an eight year old propose for him wasn’t exactly romantic.  

Why _should_ he wait?  It was true that he and Belle had known each other for less than a year, but a year with a child as sick as Bae had been wasn’t like normal time.  Their relationship had been a trial by fire, and it had brought them closer together instead of driving them apart.  

Gold wanted to prove that he could be the partner that Belle deserved, but maybe Hopper was right.  The only one who could decide that was Belle herself.  If she thought he was a man worth having when he was at his worst, who was he to argue?  He would lay his heart at her feet and let her decide if she wanted to accept it.

“It’s generous of Emma to offer her help, but I think this is a matter best settled between the three of us, don’t you?”  He wouldn’t let Bae pick the ring, but the boy had to be involved in the proposal.  He and his son were a package deal, and he would be asking Belle to become both wife and mother.  

Bae squirmed with excitement.  "Are we going to ask her soon?“

Gold took a deep breath to swallow a sudden flutter of nerves.  "Yes.  We’re going to ask her soon.”

From there, the matter would be in Belle’s hands.  If she accepted him, he would spend the rest of his life proving that he could be a worthy partner to her.  If she refused…

He refused to even consider that possibility as Bae asked suspiciously, “ _How_ soon?”

The sooner he asked, the sooner he would have his answer.  "Very soon.“


	26. Chapter 26

“Here you go, sweetheart,” Gold said softly as he deposited a tray holding a glass of iced tea and a dish of pretzels on the corner of the vanity that served as Belle’s desk.

He kept his voice low so as not to distract her if she was intent on her work, but Belle glanced up from her laptop screen long enough to smile at him.  "Thank you.“

"Is there anything else you need?”  Belle was taking advantage of Bae’s nap time to work on her classwork, and if he couldn’t help her, the least he could do was keep her supplied with snacks to keep her energy up.

“Not right now, but maybe a brownie later?” she asked.

Pleased by the request, Gold leaned down to brush a kiss against her lips.  "Your wish is my command.“

"Olaf!  Wake up, Olaf!”

Across the hall, Bae had apparently woken from his nap and was determined to rouse his pet for playtime.  "I’ll pull your door shut when I leave."

Belle glanced over her shoulder in the direction of the playroom, her face agonized.  "I should go play with him.”

When Bae was released from the hospital, Gold had looked forward to coming home and having things get back to normal.  Now, two weeks later, he was starting to understand that he didn’t have the slightest idea what normal was supposed to look like.  When he asked Belle to move in, things had been simple— he would pay her an exorbitant amount of money to be Bae’s constant companion and playmate.  Now, things weren’t nearly so clear.

Belle wasn’t yet his fiancée, but she was so much more than just Bae’s nanny.  He still deposited ten thousand dollars into her bank account every month, but this house was her home, not her workplace.  Instead of being constantly on call, she needed time to pursue her own interests.  Her schoolwork was no less important than Gold’s business dealings or Bae’s hobbies.  If they were going to be a family, they needed to figure out how to fit all the pieces together so that everyone’s needs were met and no one was being shortchanged.

One thing was certain: if this relationship was going to work, Bae couldn’t be the center of the universe any more.  

The boy was on a strict regime of medications and therapies, necessitating visits to their local hospital at least three times a week for outpatient treatments and tests.  Sometimes, it seemed like they spent more time regulating his health now than they had when he was dying, but Gold didn’t begrudge a single minute now that his boy was going to live.  Even so, he could admit that Bae tended to be demanding, wanting everyone’s attention at all times, and indulging him was no healthier than neglecting him would have been.

“Olaf and I can entertain him.  You concentrate on your schoolwork until you want to take a break.”  Gold wrapped a lock of Belle's hair around his finger and tugged gently.  "He’s not going anywhere.“

They were five weeks removed from Bae’s lung transplant, and Gold was finally starting to believe those words.  The shadow of fear he’d been living under for so long was dissipating.  Bae was still a sick little boy, but he was getting better every day.  His son was going to live.

"Then I’ll see you later,” Belle promised, her eyes warm with affection.

It was all Gold could do not to lean down to claim another kiss, but he restrained himself.  Belle took her studies seriously, and she wouldn’t appreciate him distracting her.  "I look forward to it."

With a last glance, he verified that she had everything she needed before he let himself out of her room, closing the door behind him.  For good measure, he pulled Bae’s door closed as well, wanting to give Belle as much of as a buffer as he could.  Bae was a delight, but his son’s exuberance wasn’t conducive to studying.

"I want to teach Olaf to fetch.  Emma says that Graham knows how to play fetch.”

Playing fetch was a skill that came naturally to dogs, less so to hamsters.  Gold didn’t have the slightest idea how one went about training a rodent, but he was willing to learn.  "We can try.  What do you want him to fetch?"

"Graham fetches tennis balls.”  Bae gave Olaf a doubtful look as he answered his papa’s question.

The white hamster looked up at them placidly from its pile of bedding, only moderately interested in their discussion of his potential fetching abilities.  "Maybe something smaller?"

After some rummaging, Bae came up with a neon green bouncy ball.  "How about this?”

“It’s better than a tennis ball.”  Feeling out of his depth, Gold retrieved his phone from his pocket and searched for a hamster training tutorial.  To his surprise, he actually got some results.  

He pulled Bae onto his lap and held the phone so both of them could read the screen.  The website suggested training methods for simple tricks like teaching the hamster to stand on command and jump through a hoop.  Nowhere did he see any mention of fetching, but hopefully, Bae could be distracted by the other possibilities.  "Why don’t we start by teaching him something easy and work our way up to fetching?"

The directions were simple, and Bae squirmed off his lap to run for Olaf’s treats.  With careful hands, the boy lifted the hamster out of its cage and put it gently on the table before holding a treat above Olaf’s head.  "Stand!”

Olaf stared at him.

Undaunted, Bae wiggled the treat and tried again.  "Stand!"

Olaf looked at the treat and then back at Bae as Gold stifled a laugh.  

" _Stand_ , Olaf," Bae repeated, a note of impatience creeping into his voice.

After a few moments of consideration, Olaf went up on his hind legs and craned his neck to take the treat from a beaming Bae.  "Good boy!”

The boy grinned at his father.  "He’s _really_ smart.  He knows how to do it already."

"It says you have to practice with him a few times a day for at least two weeks.”  If Bae kept the treats coming, in time Olaf would figure out what the boy expected him to do when he was told to stand.  Consistent practice was the key, but Bae wasn’t particularly good at consistency.

“I’m going to practice with him all the time,” Bae announced.  "I want him to do tricks for Emma."

With his friend to motivate him, Bae might just follow through on this course of action.  "I’m sure she’ll be impressed.”

David and Mary Margaret had promised to attend Bae’s birthday party at the end of the month, using the visit as an excuse to see if Storybrooke was right for their family.  None of the adults had mentioned the potential move to the children, not wanting to raise their hopes, but even if it didn’t pan out, Bae and Emma’s friendship was still going strong.  The two of them talked over video chat at least every other day, and they were showing no sign of losing interest in each other.

“You’ll have to work with him hard if you want him to be ready to do his trick at your party,” Gold cautioned.

“Emma will be there.  And Belle and MoMo and Kiki and Dove…” Bae ticked off the names of the guests on his fingers, practically glowing with anticipatory delight.

Last year, Gold had been forced to threaten the parents of Bae’s classmates in order to ensure attendance at the boy’s birthday party.  This year, the guest list was shorter, but every person on it would be happy to be there.  It was amazing how much things had changed over the past year.

Bae got another treat out of the box and held it above Olaf’s head.  "Stand!"

This time, the hamster was quicker to cooperate, and Bae proudly stroked his furry head.  "Olaf wants to show Belle his trick.”

Gold was quick to speak up before Bae could decide to drag the hamster across the hall for a demonstration.  "Belle is working on her schoolwork.  You can show her later."

"She’s _always_ working,” Bae whined.

Since Belle went with them to every one of Bae’s outpatient therapy sessions and spent the bulk of her time playing with the boy, Gold considered that assessment rather unfair.  "She spent all morning with you, and I’m sure she’ll want to play more after dinner."

"She’s supposed to play with me _all_ the time.”

Over the course of Bae’s illness, Gold had worried about where to draw the line between making the boy's life as happy and comfortable as he could and the possibility of overindulging him.  Now that Bae was on the mend, it was becoming obvious that he’d spoiled the boy a bit too much.

“Belle loves you, and she wants to spend lots of time with you, but she needs time to herself as well.  You wouldn’t like it if you were working on a project and we kept interrupting you.”  Bae was accustomed to being the center of attention, but he needed to understand that other people were allowed to have lives and interests that didn’t always revolve around him.

Bae scrunched up his face.  "No, but you could _help_ me.  Why can’t we help her so she gets done faster?"

Gold, who felt Belle’s absence as acutely as Bae did, wished it was that easy.  "Because that’s not how college works.  The best way we can help her is by being quiet so we don’t distract her.  Why don’t you keep teaching Olaf, and then when Belle is ready to take a break, you can show her his trick?”

“College is stupid.  I’m _never_ going to go to college,” Bae announced as he found another treat for Olaf.

“We’ll see.”  For the past three years, he’d been afraid that Bae wouldn’t make it through elementary school.  The prospect of worrying about higher education made Gold feel slightly giddy.  His son had a future now.

Bae got Olaf to repeat the trick for a third time before depositing the hamster back in his cage.  "Go wash your hands," Gold reminded him.

"I am… I am…” Bae dragged his feet on his way to the bathroom, but he soaped his hands for the requisite thirty seconds.

“When are we going to ask Belle to marry you?” the boy called from the bathroom over the sound of running water.

“Bae!”

Instinctively, Gold glanced in the direction of Belle’s room.  The playroom door was still closed, but Belle was right across the hall, and if his son wanted this to be a surprise, they were going to have to be a bit more circumspect.

“I want to know.”  Bae trotted back in, apparently believing that his papa was protesting the content of his question and not the volume of his voice.

“It’s supposed to be a _surprise_ ,” Gold reminded him.  "It won’t be a surprise if you go around yelling about it."

"Emma says you should do it at my party.  She wants to watch.”

“Have the two of you spent a lot of time talking about this?”  Gold wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about having two second graders planning his life.

Bae nodded happily.  "She has lots of ideas."

Gold winced.  "I can imagine.”

After a moment, he collected himself.  "I’d rather not do it in front of an audience.  This is something private."

"Can Olaf help?”

The random question caught him completely off guard.  "Olaf?"

"He can help give her the ring.  We could tie it around his neck so he can carry it.  Emma says that Graham can carry all sorts of things.”  Apparently Bae was feeling competitive about their respective pets.  

Since Gold didn’t know much about hamster anatomy, he wasn’t even sure if Olaf _had_ a neck.  "I don’t think that’s such a good idea.  We wouldn’t want him to lose the ring.  Or eat it."

He could just imagine the diamond disappearing into one of Olaf’s cheek pouches, and that wasn’t quite the tone he was hoping to set for this proposal.  On the other hand, maybe it would be better that way.  At the very least, it would be more honest.  If Belle chose to become his wife, she was signing up for a life filled with absurdity.  Bae alone would see to that.

Bae pouted but eventually relented.  "Okay, maybe not.  But I have to help you pick out the ring.”

On that front, Gold was going to have to disappoint his son.  "I’m afraid I’m way ahead of you."

Boston offered both more options and more anonymity when it came to procuring an engagement ring than Storybrooke did.  Here, if he slipped away from the house to buy a ring, with or without Bae, town gossip would ensure that Belle knew about it by dinnertime.  In Boston, where none of Belle's friends could identify him at a glance, he had the privacy to select the perfect ring without the worry that someone would tell her what he was doing.

At Bae’s puzzled look, he explained, "I already have her ring.”

Bae’s mouth dropped open, his brows drawing together as he looked up at his papa in horror.  "You bought her ring _without_ me?"

"Ah, Bae…”  Gold reached out to ruffle the boy’s hair.  

“That’s not _fair_!”

“When you decide to ask someone to marry you, you’ll understand.”  It wasn’t much comfort, but it was all Gold could think to say.  

“I want to see it,” Bae demanded, folding his arms over his chest as he gave his father a suspicious look.  Clearly, his son didn’t trust him to choose something acceptable.

In that, he could humor his son.  "Come with me."

Feeling as though he was in a spy film, Gold opened the playroom door just enough to peek into the hall and verify that Belle was nowhere to be seen before leading the boy hastily to his own bedroom.  

He’d stashed the ring box in the pocket of one of his least-worn suit coats, and Gold was careful to keep his back to Bae as he retrieved it.  Despite that precaution, it would probably be smart to stash the ring in his office safe until it was needed.  Bae meant well, but he didn’t quite trust the boy not to rummage around until he found the ring and then feed it to Olaf in an attempt to prove that the hamster was qualified to be a ring bearer.  

Gold wasn’t sure what would be worse if that came to pass— the ruined surprise or the vet bills.

His fingers caressed the velvet box nervously as he moved to sit next to Bae on the bed.  Feeling oddly shy, he proffered the box for his son’s approval.  "This is it.”

He held his breath as Bae took the box from him and flipped it open, the boy staring doubtfully into its depths.  "It’s not big enough."

Gold resisted the urge to snatch the box protectively away from his son and tried to see the ring through Bae’s eyes.  The two carat round diamond was surrounded by a halo of much smaller diamonds, all sparkling happily on a rose-gold band.  He’d thought that it would look perfect on Belle’s fourth finger, but now he was questioning his own taste.  

"I thought it was pretty,” he defended, realizing belatedly that he probably shouldn’t put too much stock in Bae’s opinion on this matter.  When it came to jewelry, Bae was firmly in the “bigger is better” camp.  His son was likely to reject any diamond smaller in diameter than a quarter as too small.

“I think Belle will like it,” he said with more confidence.  He’d yet to see her wear the necklace Bae had given her for Christmas outside the house, although she occasionally humored the boy by wearing the extravagant piece while they were lounging at home.  Gold thought he knew her well enough to predict that she would prefer an engagement ring that was less flashy than anything Bae would have chosen.

At his son’s skeptical look, Gold compromised, “If she doesn’t, we can return it, and she can pick out exactly what she wants.”

“I _guess_ that’s okay,” Bae relented.  From the expression on the boy’s face, he wholeheartedly believed that they’d be returning the ring.

Time would tell which one of them better understood Belle’s jewelry preferences, and that was assuming she was willing to wear his ring in the first place.  For all that Bae seemed to assume that the upcoming proposal was a mere formality, Gold was less certain.

If they were a normal couple, he would have spent months, if not years, patiently courting Belle.  There would have been romantic candlelit dinners and weekend getaways to exotic locations.  He would have presented himself to her parents for approval, and once he’d proved himself worthy, he would have asked for her hand in marriage.

So far, Gold had done exactly none of those things.  Takeout took the place of candlelit dinners.  Instead of exotic vacations, the only place they ever went was Boston, although Gold hoped that would change once Bae was further along in his recovery.  He thought her parents liked him, but he’d yet to actually be in the same room as Moe and Collette French.

By any rational standards, it was far too soon to propose, and Gold could only hope that he wasn’t making a mistake.  It was foolish, but he couldn’t bring himself to wait.  He was as impatient to call Belle his wife as Bae was to have her for a mother.

Bae’s illness had pushed the fast forward button on everything in his life, and his relationship with Belle was no exception.  A year ago, he hadn’t even met her, but she’d become an integral part of his life from the very first day.  When he asked her to become Bae’s nanny, Belle had informed him that she had a tendency to be impulsive.  Now, he was going to follow her lead.

“So, when are we going to ask her?”

“Soon,” he answered, the same thing he’d been telling Bae for the past three weeks.  From the impatient look on the boy’s face, the answer was wearing thin.

“ _Where_ are we going to do it?  Emma says it has to be somewhere nice.”  Mercifully, Bae lowered his voice.

“I’m open to suggestions.”  Gold wasn’t sure if he was expecting useful advice or if he just wanted to see what his seven year old son would consider an appropriate location for a marriage proposal.

“We should go back to Disney.”

He didn’t know why he was surprised.  "I know you want to go back, but Dr. Whale says you aren’t allowed to travel yet.  I promise we’ll go to Disney once you’re more used to your new lungs."

Bae pouted.  "But I want to ask her in the Beast’s castle.  'Cause that’s where we met her.”

To Gold’s surprise, his son was making an excellent suggestion.  Bae wasn’t begging to visit Disney so he could ride the rides— or not _just_ for that reason.  Proposing to Belle in the very room where they’d met would be a lovely gesture.

“That’s a beautiful idea, Bae.  We’ll have to wait a little while, but I think she would like that.”  Proposing in a roomful of people held little attraction, but surely there was a way they could get the library to themselves for a little while at the end of the day.  If he could contact some of Belle’s princess friends, they should be able to point him in the right direction.

The idea would require him to slow down a bit, but maybe that was for the best.

“But I don’t want to wait,” Bae protested.  "I want to ask her _now_."

"You can’t have it both ways,” Gold reminded his son.  Dr. Whale had instructed them to stay within a three hour drive of the hospital for the next three months, and even after that, they were going to have to limit Bae’s exposure to germs.  Disney was out of the question until those restrictions were lifted.

Bae made a growling noise.  "Okay, okay.  We’ll do it somewhere else."

"Think about things that Belle likes,” Gold prompted, half-expecting Bae to decide that the pizza place would make an acceptable substitute for Disney World.  A seven year old’s concept of ‘somewhere nice’ wasn’t quite the same as an adult’s view.

“She likes books… and flowers… We should go somewhere where there are lots of flowers.”

Gold’s breath caught in his throat at Bae’s burst of inspiration.  Considering how much time he and Belle spent talking about their plans for the garden, somewhere with flowers would be perfect.  It was still early April, but soon the spring bulbs would be blooming.  "I may have an idea."

The Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens were an easy drive from Storybrooke.  Although Gold had never been there, he’d heard that they were exquisite, and when he pulled their website up on his phone so Bae could look at the pictures, the boy squirmed with excitement.  

"There!”  He stabbed his finger at a picture of a waterfall.  "We should do it right there."

It was a beautiful spot, and Gold swallowed a sudden flurry of nerves.  Belle wouldn’t suspect a thing if he suggested they visit the Gardens.  He would say something about the fresh air being good for Bae and getting ideas for their own garden, and she would assume it was nothing more than a family outing until he pulled out the ring.

At this time of year, the showiest flowers wouldn’t be in bloom, but they should have the place nearly to themselves.  As far as he was concerned, that was a fine trade-off.  "We’ll do it right there.”

“When?” Bae asked again.

According to the website, the Gardens didn’t open until the following weekend, and Bae grumbled a bit at the delay.  If he was honest, Gold was no more pleased to have to wait than his son was.  He wasn’t usually prone to being impulsive, but the sooner he could call Belle his fiancée, the happier he would be.  Nothing would make him feel more secure than to make her position in their family official.  

When his phone vibrated and Emma’s face appeared on the screen, he immediately handed it to Bae.  "Tell her I said hi."

Before Bae could demand to show the ring to Emma, Gold pocketed it and left the room.  At the rate they were going, it would be a miracle if they managed to keep this proposal a secret, but even if someone let the cat out of the bag, it would still be unfair to let everyone he knew see the ring before Belle herself did.

At least one good thing would come out of being forced to wait another week, Gold reflected as he went to check on Belle.  The extra time would give him more chances to prove that he could be a thoughtful partner.  Perhaps when she was ready to take a break, she’d allow him to give her a shoulder rub.

The door to Belle’s bedroom was wide open, revealing no hint of Belle herself.  The tray he’d used to transport her snack was missing from her makeshift desk, so perhaps she’d gone to the kitchen to replenish her supplies.  So much for proving himself; he was already being derelict in his duties.

Bae darted across the hall, running for his playroom.  "I taught Olaf to do a trick,” he boasted to Emma, barely looking at his papa.

Gold shook his head with an amused smile and made his way toward the stairs.  Bae would be occupied for the next hour or until Mary Margaret forced Emma to end the call.  

As he’d expected, he found Belle in the kitchen, staring blankly at the coffeemaker.  "I can do that for you, sweetheart."

"Oh!”  She jumped at the sound of his voice and let out a breathless laugh.  "I didn’t hear you come in.  I was a million miles away."

With efficient movements, Belle measured out the coffee and water and set the coffee to percolating.  With that done, she took a seat at the island and looked expectantly at him.

Reassured that he wasn’t interrupting her, Gold claimed the seat beside her.  "I promised you a brownie, didn’t I?  I’m sorry.  I got distracted.”

Belle waved off the apology with a careless hand.  "Don’t worry about it.  I needed a break.  My eyes were starting to go crossed."

"You mustn’t overwork yourself,” Gold scolded gently.  

With a rueful smile, Belle admitted, “I’ve been pushing it so I can get done.  I just have this one last paper to finish, and then I’m done with everything except my final.  I know I haven’t been much help lately, but I swear I’ll do better.”

Belle had done so much for him and Bae that it had never entered Gold’s mind that she might feel like she wasn’t pulling her weight.  He rested his hand on top of hers, applying firm pressure as though he could press his next words into her.  "You have nothing to apologize for.  You’ve already done more than I could ever ask.  I don’t begrudge you time to work on your studies, and Bae needs to learn that you have a life that doesn’t involve him.“

For an instant, Belle’s eyes looked glassy, and she quickly looked down at where his hand rested on hers, making Gold wonder if he had been seeing things.  "Thanks,” she whispered.

“Are you… all right?” he asked.  If he’d upset her, he wanted to know how so he could be sure never to do it again.

“I’m fine,” she said at once, her voice bright.  When she lifted her head, she was smiling, but Gold couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

It wasn’t her fault if she didn’t feel like she could be honest with him.  For months, Belle had been supporting him, but he’d done precious little to return the favor.  He’d given her no reason to trust him to help her with her problems.  

“You know… you can talk to me about anything,” he said, the words sounding painfully inadequate to his own ears.  

“Everything’s fine,” Belle informed him as she pulled her hand out of his grasp and stood to pour herself a cup of coffee.  "Do you want one?"

He wasn’t in the mood for coffee, but sharing a drink would give him an excuse to talk to her for a little longer and hopefully get to the bottom of whatever was wrong.  "Yes, please.  Thank you.”

Even with the strained mood in the kitchen, the sight of his pink and yellow Princess Belle mug made Gold smile.  "Do you miss being a princess?" he asked, not sure what he would do if she said that she did.

At his question, Belle made a soft noise of pain, and Gold stood hastily, wondering if she’d burned herself.  "Belle?”

“What’s going to happen?”  She kept her back to him, addressing the question to the coffeemaker.

Gold reached out to her, then let his hands drop when he realized that she couldn’t see him.  "What do you mean?"

"Bae’s getting better.  He has Emma now.”  

Those were both good things, but she didn’t sound particularly happy about them.  Gold’s mind raced, wondering what point she was trying to make.  "Isn’t that good?"

"It’s _wonderful_.”  Belle’s voice broke, her shoulders hunching like she was in pain.

“Sweetheart…”  Belle was giving no sign that she wanted him to comfort her, but Gold couldn’t just stand there and stare at her while she suffered.  He moved close enough to rest a hand on her shoulder, feeling Belle shudder at his touch.

“Come here?” he begged, tugging gently in the hopes that she would turn around.

For a moment, Belle didn’t move, then she pivoted and stepped blindly into his arms, pressing her face against his chest so he couldn’t see her expression.  "You asked me to move in because Bae was sick and lonely," she said, her voice muffled.  "That's not true any more."

Finally, things clicked into place.  Impossible as it seemed, Belle was feeling insecure about her place here.  Somehow, she’d gotten it into her head that they no longer needed her, and nothing could be further from the truth.

"And that was the smartest decision I’ve ever made.  I don’t know what I’d do without you, sweetheart.”  Gold pressed a kiss to the top of her head.  "This is your home now.“

He was being rather presumptuous.  With one hand, Gold cupped Belle’s chin and tilted her head back.  "Are you happy here?”

Her eyes were red but she smiled bravely.  "Oh yes."

He leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose.  "Then I want you to stay forever.”

When Belle snuggled into him, Gold wrapped his arms firmly around her, feeling the weight of the ring box in his pocket.  The temptation to get down on one knee and propose to her now was almost overwhelming.  Once she had his ring on her finger, Belle could have no doubt about how permanent her place in this family was.  

If he did that, Bae would never _ever_ forgive him.

“I guess I was being silly,” Belle murmured.  "Everything just feels so different now."

"It _is_ different,” Gold agreed.  Once, he’d described life with Bae as a roller coaster ride.  At any moment, the boy could have a major attack and send them crashing down a hundred foot drop or Whale could call with the news that lungs were available, sending them flying back up again.  Now, although Bae’s health was still precarious, they were once again on an even keel.  The roller coaster ride was over.

It had been so long since he last had his feet on solid ground that Gold couldn’t remember what it felt like.

“This is new territory for all of us.  Bae doesn’t remember a time before he got sick.   _I_ barely remember that time.  I was a different man then.  You came into our lives at our lowest point and made everything better.  Now we have to figure out who we are without all of that fear hanging over us.”  Bae’s illness had changed him irrevocably.  He would never again be the carefree man he was before his son’s diagnosis, but if Belle liked the man he’d become, Gold could live with that.

“I was thinking about Bae’s surgery as an ending, but it really isn’t.  It’s a beginning.  This is a new beginning for us,” Belle said softly.

“That’s exactly what it is,” Gold agreed.  Fairy tales had happy endings, but now that Bae was going to live, they had a happy beginning.  That was better.

Belle squeezed him a little tighter, then took a step back.  "I think we’re going to be okay."

For some reason, the way she’d phrased that charmed him.  "I think so too.”

Gold wanted to tell her that he loved her so badly that he could feel the words burning on his tongue, but he swallowed them back with effort.  If he said those words, nothing would stop him from proposing to her, and it wasn’t fair to do that to Bae.  

Instead, he took a more indirect approach.  "You said that you have one last paper to finish.  Dare I hope that you’ll be done by next weekend?"

Belle’s eyebrows lifted with curiosity.  "I should be.  Why?”

“The botanical gardens open next weekend.  I think we could all use some fresh air.  Should we make a day of it?”  Gold had to bite his tongue to keep his expression casual.

“Oh, that sounds great!  And pretty soon it will be warm enough for us to plant our own garden.”  Belle’s eyes went distant, as if she was envisioning bringing their imaginary garden to life.

She took a dreamy sip of her coffee and immediately pulled a face.  "Cold!“

Chuckling, Gold took her mug from her and placed it in the microwave.  "Allow me to work my magic.”

Belle gave him a fond smile.  "I’m glad you want me to stay.“

Once the microwave had done its job, Gold returned her mug, stealing a quick kiss in the process.  "I’m glad you want to.  Is that better?”

After a tentative sip, Belle nodded her approval.  "Much better.  Thank you."

Casting a reluctant look at the door, she sighed, "I guess I should get back to work.”

“The sooner you start, the sooner you’ll finish,” he said practically.

“I hope Bae won’t be too put out with me for ignoring him.”

“He’s talking to Emma.  He wouldn’t notice if both of us disappeared off the face of the Earth.”  For an insane moment, Gold was tempted to suggest they take advantage of Bae’s distraction to spend a little… private time together, but he ruthlessly shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind and told his libido to calm down.  Belle had work to do, and there would be time for that sort of thing once she was finished with her paper.  For instance, next weekend.

She would look gorgeous wearing nothing but his ring.

Gold cleared his throat and looked down, adjusting his stance so his body’s reaction to that image wouldn’t be as obvious.  "Off you go, then."

Belle blew him a kiss as she left the kitchen, and once she was gone, Gold sagged into a chair and took a healthy swig of his own cold coffee to cool his ardor.  Once, he’d told Bae not to wish his life away, and that was still good advice, but even so…

Next weekend couldn’t come soon enough.


	27. Chapter 27

“Where’s the waterfall?  I want to see the waterfall!”

The Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens were lovely and far larger than Gold had anticipated.  Although he’d read the information on the website, he didn’t truly comprehend just how large three hundred acres could be until he was faced with the problem of finding one specific waterfall.  Even this early in the season the grounds were spectacular, but it was hard to appreciate the view with an impatient seven year old in tow.

So far, they’d explored the butterfly house, the five senses garden, and the children’s garden, taking frequent stops for rest in deference to Bae’s ongoing recovery.  Since it was a cool, overcast day, the three of them had the place almost entirely to themselves, but Gold found himself unable to relax and enjoy the beautiful surroundings.  With every step he took, the ring box in his pocket seemed to grow heavier, filling him with apprehension for what was to come once they found the waterfall.

Belle, who had taken charge of the map, took it out and held it so Bae could see.  "We’re here, and the waterfall is _all_ the way over there,“ she explained, using her finger to mark the locations.  "Maybe we should save it for next time.  You don’t want to overdo and get too tired.”

Since Bae had decided that the waterfall was the perfect spot for a marriage proposal, the boy looked horrified by Belle’s casual suggestion that they skip seeing it.  "But I _want_ to go there!  I’m not tired!“ he protested.

"Look!  They have a kitchen garden!  That means plants you can eat, just like at Epcot.  Why don’t we check that out and get some ideas for things we can plant in our garden?”  Belle caught Bae’s hand in hers and led him away from the path that would take them to the waterfall, oblivious to the urgent looks Bae was shooting back over his shoulder at his papa.

Gold trailed after them, trying to think of a way to redirect Belle without making it obvious that he was doing so.  "I wouldn’t mind seeing the waterfall myself.  Why don’t we take a break for lunch after we see the kitchen garden?  After a good rest, the walk won’t seem so bad.“

Belle glanced back at him, her eyes bright and happy.  "I’m up for it if you two are!”

If she was on her own, Belle would be able to explore every nook and cranny of the gardens.  It was his bad leg and Bae’s fragile health that were slowing her down.  Bae was recovering beautifully from his lung transplant and so far his body was showing no signs of rejection, but he’d been a very sick little boy for a very long time.  He wouldn’t recover his stamina in a handful of weeks or even months.

Even though Bae’s life was no longer in immediate jeopardy, the boy still had a long road to travel.  Gold allowed himself to fall a step behind to better take in the sight of Belle and Bae walking hand in hand, the pair of them chatting happily away.  He knew that Belle loved Bae and, for some reason, him, but in asking her to become his wife, he was asking her to commit herself to a life that wouldn’t be easy.

“Slow down, we lost Papa,” Belle chided Bae when she noticed Gold lagging behind.  With a brilliant smile, she extended her hand to him, inviting him to join them.

His heart feeling lighter, Gold hurried ahead to clasp her fingers.  It wouldn’t be an easy life, but if anyone could shrink all their problems down to size, it would be Belle.  Gold could only hope that he’d done enough to prove that he could be a good partner to her in return.  If she turned him down, it would break his heart.

To his surprise, exploring the kitchen garden managed to distract Bae from the day’s mission.  Every vegetable he saw, he wanted to add its twin to their own garden, and if they tried to grow even a fraction of the plants that Belle was making notes about on her phone, they wouldn’t have a yard left by the time they were finished.

“You don’t like peppers,” Gold reminded his son as Bae admired the colorful bell peppers on display.

“I like _these_ peppers,” Bae corrected him.  "I want to plant red ones and orange ones and yellow ones.“

"But not green?” Belle verified as she dutifully typed the note.

“ _Maybe_ green but probably not.  There are lots of other green things.”  Bae darted off to look at the tomato plants, leaving the adults to trail after him like ducklings.

Some of the tension that Gold had been carrying lifted as Belle slipped her hand into his once again.  "I think our garden just got a lot bigger,“ she whispered.

"Just don’t let him plant zucchini,” Gold pleaded.

When Belle’s eyebrows lifted, inviting him to explain, he swung their clasped hands gently and complied.  "During my first summer in Storybrooke, I made the mistake of not locking my car.  I came back to find the Cadillac filled with zucchini.“

At the time, he’d thought he was the victim of an odd vegetable-based prank.  Eventually, he’d figured out that Storybrooke’s gardeners just got desperate as their zucchini crops piled up, and he didn’t fancy the mental image of himself roaming the streets of Storybrooke at night, trying to find places to dump surplus produce.

Belle snickered.  "Back home, it’s grapes, not zucchini, but I can relate.”

“Grapes I could live with.  They’re more versatile.”  In a pinch, one could make juice or jelly.  With a little research, they might even venture into making their own wine.  Zucchini, on the other hand, tended to taste like zucchini no matter what was done to it.

Belle gave him a gentle nudge.  "Says the man who has never eaten grapes three meals a day for weeks on end.“

Chuckling, Gold leaned down to nuzzle the crown of her head.  "True.  I’ll yield to your experience.  No grapes and no zucchini.”

Eventually, they managed to drag Bae away from the garden and into the cafe for a leisurely lunch.  Considering his son’s enthusiasm, Gold made a point of ordering salads, and when the salad arrived so bedecked with edible flowers that it looked like a small patch of the garden had crept inside onto their plates, Bae called his bluff and devoured his own plate and half of his papa’s salad as well.

“What’s this?” the boy asked, his cheeks bulging with greenery as he pointed at something on his plate.

“It’s a radish, but I don’t know what kind,” Belle identified for him.

Their server was able to clarify that it was called a watermelon radish when she delivered their lobster BLTs, leaving Bae baffled.  "It doesn’t taste like watermelon.“

"No, but it kind of looks like one.”  Belle picked up a slice of her own radish to call Bae’s attention to its red flesh and green skin.

The server smiled at the two of them, and Gold echoed the sentiment, wondering what the woman saw when she looked at their table.  Husband and wife and beloved son?

It was more likely that she’d pegged Belle as Bae’s mother and him as the grandfather, he thought sourly as he took a hasty sip of his iced tea.  Belle and Bae made him feel young, but moments like this were a reminder that, in reality, he was twice Belle’s age.

But age was just a number, he thought hopefully.  Belle knew how many more candles would be on his birthday cake in comparison to hers, but she still loved him.  He didn’t expect her to simply ignore the fact that if she married him, she was likely to outlive her husband, but maybe it wouldn’t be a deal-breaker.

They needed to find the waterfall before he drove himself mad worrying about all the ways this proposal could go horribly wrong.  

Dessert was maple creme brûlée, and by the time they’d finished the sweet treat, Gold felt as though he could walk ten miles with ease.  Even so, he carefully examined Bae for any sign that the boy’s energy was flagging, and when he took him into the bathroom to wash up after lunch, he questioned him directly.  "Do you feel well enough to walk all the way to the waterfall and back?“

Bae looked at him like he had two heads.  "We have to!”

“We don’t _have_ to.  We saw a dozen beautiful spots today.  What about the fountain?”  There was no law saying that the proposal had to happen by a waterfall.  Belle’s answer was unlikely to change depending on the setting.  He was the same man whether he was standing by a waterfall, near a fountain, or in a hospital.  

“It has to be the waterfall.  It’s _important_ ,” Bae insisted.

Bae looked so determined that Gold had an epiphany.  Choosing the location was Bae’s contribution to this proposal.  The boy hadn’t been allowed to help select the ring, so it was important to him that he put his fingerprints on this in some way.

He pulled his boy into a tight hug.  "All right.  We’ll walk to the waterfall.“

Gold held on until Bae squirmed loose.  Gently, he smoothed down Bae’s fluffy hair and glanced at himself in the mirror.  "How do I look?”

He’d worn his very best suit and favorite tie for the occasion, and he’d gotten up early to polish his shoes to a mirror shine.  Shaving had taken twice as long as usual, but as Gold eyed his jaw critically, he was pleased with the result.  His hair, however, was another story.  It was finally starting to grow out a bit, but the length was awkward, and there was far too much visible gray for his comfort.

Bae barely glanced at him.  "You look fine.  Let’s go.“

Gold rolled his eyes, mentally filing away this moment to use against his son in the future, perhaps on the evening of Bae’s first official date.  

Despite his worries, the trail leading to the waterfall was an easy walk, shaded by trees and passing by enough sculpture to keep Bae from getting bored.  As they walked, Gold stole glances at Belle out of the corner of his eye, admiring the way her hair fluttered in the breeze and the wonder in her blue eyes as she took in the beauty of their surroundings.  He, on the other hand, was blind to anything but her.

"There it is!” Bae exclaimed.

From the pictures, Gold had expected the waterfall to be bigger, but Bae looked as impressed as if it was Niagara Falls.  Belle looped her arm through his, pressing close against his side as she smiled at Bae.

“Take a moment and catch your breath,” Gold cautioned his son, feeling suddenly shaky.  He’d rehearsed this moment in his head a thousand times, but now that it was here, his tongue felt as though it was made of lead.

With her free hand, Belle pulled out her phone and took a few candid shots of Bae admiring the waterfall before she called his name to get his attention and commanded, “Smile!”

Bae smiled obediently, then turned his attention to his papa, hopping impatiently from foot to foot.  "Can we do it now?  Can we?“

Puzzled, Belle slipped her phone back into her bag and stepped back so she could look at both of them.  "Do what?”

Gold felt as though he was standing on the edge of a precipice, but if he didn’t jump, Bae was going to push him over the side.  "Bae and I have a question to ask you,“ he croaked, his accent thicker than it had been since he left Glasgow.

"Okay,” Belle said carefully as she linked her hands in front of her.  A moment later, she let them go, her arms swinging at her sides, then she clasped them behind her as she bounced lightly on the balls of her feet, a nervous smile flickering across her face.

“Papa and I want you to marry us!” Bae trumpeted.

“Oh!”  Belle let her hands fall again as her mouth opened on a noise of surprise.

Wincing, Gold hoped it was a pleasant surprise.  In hindsight, he and Bae should have rehearsed this moment because having his son blurt out the proposal wasn’t quite the way he’d planned to do this.

Well the cat was out of the bag now.  Bracing his weight on his cane, he lowered himself to the ground until he was kneeling in front of Belle, then he took her hands in his, wondering if she could feel the tremble in his fingers.  "That’s not how I was planning to say it, but yes, I very much want to ask you to marry me.“

Bae squeezed his way under Belle’s arm to press himself against her side.  "If you marry Papa, you’ll be my mom,” he informed her.

“And you’d like that?” Belle asked the boy, her voice shaking.

Bae nodded eagerly and wrapped his arms around her waist.  "Yes!  I want you to be my mom.“

When she looked down at him, Gold tried to smile.  "I meant for this to be more romantic.  I’m sorry.”

Taking a deep breath, he tried to say out loud the words he’d said in his head so many times.  "Belle, I couldn’t have made it through this last year without you.  Bae and I were in a dark place, and you brought light into our lives.  You completed our family.  I hope that we make you one tenth as happy as you make us because we can’t get along without you.“

The words felt awkward and inadequate, but Gold didn’t know how to fix that.  If he said more, he was going to start crying, and he’d spent too many years shielding Bae from his tears to be comfortable crying in front of his boy now.  Later, he would tell Belle all the things that were too personal to say even in front of Bae.  For now, he could only ask the question he’d been longing to ask for what felt like years.  "Will you marry me?”

“And be my mom?” Bae added.

When Belle tugged one hand out of his grasp, Gold’s heart sank, but instead of pulling away from him, she simply wrapped her arm around Bae to hug him against her.  "Yes,“ she whispered, her eyes glassy.

The wave of relief that washed over him was so intense that it was almost painful.  For all of his shortcomings, Belle had deemed him worthy.  She’d agreed to be his wife.

"You will?  You’ll marry us?” Bae demanded, his eyes shining with excitement.

Belle let out a watery laugh at the boy’s phrasing and kissed the top of his head.  "Of course I will!“

Gold fumbled in his pocket, relieved that they were far enough away from the waterfall that he was unlikely to drop it in the water.  "Thank you, sweetheart.  I swear that I’ll make you happy.”

“You do,” Belle assured him, then she smiled down at Bae.  "You both do.“

It took some effort to flip the box open with only one hand, but he couldn’t seem to release his grip on Belle’s fingers.  Once he managed the trick, he held it up for her approval, and she let out a noisy gasp.  "Oh wow.”

“If you don’t like it, we can take it back,” Bae told her helpfully.

“It’s _beautiful_!”  Belle leaned down to brush her lips against his, and Gold nearly melted into a puddle at her feet.  After all of the trials and tribulations, everything was finally going right.  Belle was going to marry him.  They were going to be a family.

Bae pouted at her praise for the ring, but to Gold’s relief, the boy didn’t point out that he considered the diamond far too small.  It was better to spare Belle from trying to find a tactful way to tell the boy that his taste was ostentatious at best.

With wide eyes, Belle watched as he carefully slipped the ring into place on her fourth finger where it sparkled happily, looking like it had been made especially for her.  

“My wife…” Gold murmured, still scarcely able to believe his good fortune.  Bae was going to live, and Belle was going to be his wife.  Life was perfect.

After Belle and Bae helped him regain his feet, the three of them curled up together on a stone bench near the waterfall’s base.  "Is this why everyone was so eager to see the waterfall?“ Belle asked.

"We’ve been planning this _all week_.  We surprised you!” Bae said smugly.

“You certainly did!”

“At first, Bae wanted to go back to Disney so we could propose in the Beast’s castle where we met you.”  That extravagant gesture hadn’t materialized, but hopefully Belle could appreciate the thought.

“That would have been very nice too, but I’m glad you did it like this.  This can be our special place, and it’s a lot easier to get to than Disney is,” Belle pointed out.

“Can I call you Mom now?” the boy requested.

Belle sniffled, but her smile never faltered.  "You can call me whatever you want.“

"I might forget sometimes,” Bae warned her.  "But even if I call you Belle, I _mean_ Mom.“

It was amazing how little had changed, Gold reflected as he basked in the moment.  Now that Belle was going to be his wife and Bae’s mother, everything was different, but their easy companionship felt just the same.  It was as though she’d been wife and mother from the very start, and it had just taken all of them this long to realize it.

"I wanted Olaf to carry the ring, but Papa said no,” Bae told Belle as they started the long walk back toward the front of the gardens.

Belle nodded.  "I’m sure he would have enjoyed helping, but I don’t think he would like the gardens.  His little legs would get very tired from all the walking around.“

Gold could tell that Bae’s legs were getting tired too, but with frequent stops for rest, they made it back to the Cadillac without incident.  In the backseat, Bae chattered about his plan to tell Emma all about the proposal, and he seemed to be leaning towards bringing her to the gardens when she visited for a dramatic reenactment of the event.  Without looking away from the road, Gold took one hand off the wheel and reached for Belle’s hand, enjoying the feeling of having a true partner at his side.  Bae was too much for any one person to handle.

Between the fresh air and exercise he’d gotten that day, Bae was half-asleep by the end of dinner.  Gold managed to convince him to wait until tomorrow to call Emma by suggesting that he tell Olaf all about the day instead, and from there, it was fairly easy to finagle the boy into bed.  

Once Bae was asleep, Gold opted to skip the usual extended bedtime ritual in favor of slipping out of the room with Belle once she’d finished reading the nightly chapter of _Hexwood_.  

"You just relax, sweetheart,” he urged.  "I’ll get the tea tonight.“

Earlier, in a fit of optimism, he’d secreted a bottle of champagne in the very back of the refrigerator, and Gold smiled to himself as he popped the cork and poured two glasses.  It wasn’t tea, but he rather thought that this night called for celebration.  It wasn’t every day that he got engaged.

When he returned to his room— their room now— Belle was already curled up in her usual chair on the balcony, her eyes shadowed.  Gold cleared his throat to alert her to his presence, then offered her a flute of champagne.  "I thought we should celebrate.”

Instead of smiling, Belle abruptly placed the glass on the side table between their chairs.  "I have some things I want to ask you.  I didn’t want to say anything in front of Bae.“

Oh hell.

Gold all but collapsed into his own chair, his head spinning.  How could he be so _stupid_?  Months ago when he first asked Belle to become Bae’s nanny, he’d been careful to do so out of his son’s earshot, knowing that to ask her such an important question in front of the boy would be to pressure her.  Today, he’d inadvertently done just that.  All he’d wanted to do was include Bae in this monumental change in their lives, but from Belle’s point of view, he’d backed her into a corner.  She could hardly look Bae in the eye and turn down their proposal.  

She didn’t agree to marry him because she wanted to.  She agreed because he’d given her no other choice.

"I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” he promised.  If Belle wanted a full recounting of his life until this point, he would give it to her, warts and all.  She deserved to know everything about him before she decided if she wanted to shackle herself to him permanently.

Before she could ask anything, Gold spoke again, unable to stop himself.  He’d made a colossal blunder this afternoon, and the least he could do was acknowledge how badly he’d handled the proposal and apologize.  "Belle, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to put you on the spot today.  Bae wanted to be part of it, and I wanted to involve him.  I didn’t think about how much pressure we’d be putting on you.  If you only accepted so you wouldn’t disappoint him, I understand.  I won’t hold you to it if this isn’t what you want.  I’ll find a way to explain it to Bae.  Don’t worry about that.“

To his surprise, Belle reached out to rest her hand over his, then gently pried his wine glass out of his clenched fist and placed it safely next to her own.  "I’m not going to change my mind.  I said I’ll marry you, and I plan to do it no matter how this conversation goes.  I just have some questions, and I want you to be honest with me.”

Even though she was promising to be his wife, it still stung a little that she felt the need to admonish him to be honest.  "I’ve always told you the truth.“

"Yes, you have,” she agreed, smiling a little.  "It’s one of the things I like about you.“

When she continued to regard him in silence, Gold shifted, not sure what he was supposed to say.  "You said you had questions?” he prompted, hoping he wasn’t missing some unspoken message that she was trying to send him.

“I do have questions.  Actually, I guess I only have one.”  Belle laced her fingers together in her lap, gazing down at them.

“Why do you want to marry me?”

Gold had expected her to ask for a recounting of the events that led to the breakup of his first marriage or request an overview of his family history.  He hadn’t seen this coming.  "Excuse me?“

She nibbled on her bottom lip.  "Did you ask me to marry you because you want me to be Bae’s mom?  Or was there something more?”

With that question, Gold finally understood.  He’d made a mistake in involving Bae in the proposal, and he’d made an even bigger one by not telling Belle how he felt about her the moment he realized he was in love with her.  Considering how close-mouthed he’d been, it was no wonder that she suspected he was marrying her just so he could secure her as a permanent fixture in Bae’s life.

He swallowed hard, determined to make this right.  "Sweetheart, no.  I mean, I _do_ want you to be Bae’s mother, but that’s not why I proposed.  I… I don’t know how to live without you.  This past year, you were only thing that kept me going.  When things were at their worst, you gave me hope.  I… Belle, I can never thank you enough for that.“

Belle sighed.  "You’re grateful.”

She wasn’t wrong, but he felt so much more for her than gratitude.  "I love you, sweetheart.  I know that I haven’t given you any reason to believe me.  I haven’t been any kind of partner to you.  I’m not the man you deserve, but I _love_ you.  I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of you if you’ll give me the chance.“

Gold stumbled to a halt as Belle closed her eyes and let out a soundless sob.  "Belle?” he whispered, not sure if he’d made things better or worse.

When she opened her eyes, they were glassy, but she was smiling.  "You know… I was pretty sure that you loved me.  I just wasn’t sure if _you_ knew.“

Her unexpected response caught him so off guard that Gold found himself laughing breathlessly.  Perhaps the situation wasn’t as dire as he feared if Belle was willing to believe that he loved her.  "I wish I could tell you when I fell in love with you, but I honestly have no idea.  I realized it when we were driving to Boston for Bae’s surgery, but I’m sure I loved you long before that.  I just didn’t notice.”

Hesitantly, he reached out to take her hand, and when Belle met him halfway, he knew they were going to be okay.  "I’m afraid I’m a bit emotionally stunted.“

Her fond smile made his stomach flip over.  "Not stunted, just a little slow.  Besides, you had plenty of other things to worry about.  The important thing is that you got there.”

He ran his thumb over her knuckles, his heart thrilling at the feel of the diamond ring she wore.  "I’ve done a rotten job of showing you how I feel.  I’m sorry about that.  I swear that I’ll do better.“

Belle tilted her head to look at him from another angle.  "That’s the second time you’ve said that.  What are you talking about?”

If she was willing to overlook his failings, Gold hated to call her attention to them, but he’d promised her honesty.  "You’ve been a pillar of strength this whole year, and I haven’t given you much in return.  That night when Bae had that horrible attack, I couldn’t even comfort you when you cried.  I know how lopsided things have been, and it’s not fair, and it’s not right.  I’ll do better, sweetheart.  I’ve been trying, but I know it’s not enough.  If you’ll be patient with me, I’ll prove to you that you can count on me.“

After he made his vow, Belle gazed at him in silence for so long that Gold wondered if he’d inadvertently said something dreadful.  "Belle?”

“How long have you been worrying about this?”

Gold shrugged.  "Well, it’s been obvious from the start, hasn’t it?  Relationship are meant to be a two-way street, but you’ve been doing all the work.  You’ve been comforting and supporting me for months, and I’ve done nothing but take advantage of your generosity.  I’m truly sorry about that, sweetheart.  I’m trying to do better.“

Belle shook her head.  "I had no idea you were thinking like that.  Elias, of _course_ I’ve been the one supporting you!  Bae is your son.  I love him too, and I hope that one day you’ll let me adopt him, but I know it’s not the same.  I had my parents and my friends to support me so I could support you because you needed it more.”

It couldn’t possibly be that easy.  Instinctively, Gold dropped her hand and shied back, refusing to accept the absolution she was offering him.  "A husband should support his wife.  You deserve better from me.“

"Look, if my father had a stroke, I would expect you to support and comfort me, and I probably wouldn’t have much left over to give back to you and Bae.  That’s not a moral failing.  That’s just _life_.  Sometimes you’ll need more and sometimes I will.  That’s okay.  I think it all evens out in the end.”  Reaching out, Belle seized his hand again and held on hard.  

“Please stop worrying about this.  I don’t feel like you used me or took advantage of me.  Everything I did for you, I did because I wanted to.  I _love_ you, Elias. ”  Belle lifted their clasped hands to her mouth to kiss his fingers.  "Stop badmouthing the man I love.“

"Oh, Belle…” Gold’s voice shook.  If he lived a hundred years, he would never understand what he’d done to earn her love.  "You deserve so much better than me.“

Looking exasperated, Belle opened her mouth, then she closed it again, a thoughtful expression crossing her face to replace the exasperation.  "Who _does_ deserve me?”

Her question made him blink.  "What?“

"Just for argument’s sake, let’s say that you’re right— you don’t deserve me.  So, who does?  If you had to pick someone who _is_ good enough for me, who would it be?”  

The thought of Belle with another man made Gold’s soul hurt, but he tried to answer her honestly.  Try as he might, he could imagine no man who was enough of a paragon to be worthy of Belle.  A prince of some kind?  Yet social position was no indicator of character.  Belle deserved a man who was good and kind and noble.  Someone who’d never so much as had an evil thought, let alone performed an evil deed.

A single name popped into his head, and he blurted it out without thinking.  "David Nolan.“

Belle nodded her agreement.  "All right.  Let’s say that David Nolan is worthy of me  If he shows up tomorrow wanting me to run away with him, do I have to say yes?  After all, he deserves me.”

Gold didn’t have the slightest idea how they’d gotten onto this topic.  "I doubt that will happen.  He’s too loyal to Mary Margaret.“

Belle’s grip on his hand tightened slightly.  "This is a _thought experiment_ , Elias.  Work with me.”

He couldn’t see the point in imagining something that would never happen, but if it was important to Belle, he would try.  "All right.  David divorces Mary Margaret and decides he wants you instead.“

If David was willing to abandon his wife and child in favor of running away with another man’s fiancée, he would no longer be the man that Gold thought he was.  He certainly wouldn’t be worthy of Belle in that scenario, but before he could point that out, Belle made a correction, "Let’s say that Mary Margaret divorced him.  Anyway, he’s single, and he wants me.”

He hated this thought experiment.  "And…?“

"Do I have to give him what he wants?  Since he deserves me?”  Belle gazed steadily at him as Gold tried to figure out what she was getting at.

The answer seemed too obvious to be correct.  "Of course not.“

A small smile played at Belle’s lips.  "Why not?”

“Because that’s not taking your wants into consideration.  You don’t have to give yourself to a man just because he wants you no matter how much of a paragon he is.  You should only give yourself to the person _you_ want, the person _you_ choose.”

As he spoke, Belle’s smile gradually widened.  "And that’s exactly what I’m doing.  I want _you_.“

She’d set the trap so neatly that Gold hadn’t realized he was walking into it until it was too late.  "Ah.”

When Belle explained the matter to him like he was Bae’s age, it made perfect sense.  It really _was_ that simple.  Belle loved him, and she’d chosen him.  He was enough for her.

If she considered him worthy of being her husband, it would probably be wise to stop arguing with her.  "I love you, sweetheart.“

Belle gave his hand a gentle tug, pulling him close enough for a kiss, and when their lips touched, Gold could feel her smiling.  "I love you too.”

With that, the matter appeared to be settled.  As Gold sat back, he wondered if this was the appropriate moment to suggest a toast to their future, but as he considered reaching for his glass, Belle spoke again, “So, if you realized you loved me before Bae had his surgery, is there a reason you didn’t tell me?”

When she put it like that, it was no wonder she’d questioned his motives for proposing.  He couldn’t have handled this worse if he’d tried.  "At first, it never seemed to be the right time.  We were so wrapped up in Bae’s recovery that we barely had a moment to ourselves, and I didn’t want to just blurt it out in the middle of the PT room.  I wanted it to be special.“

He’d had good intentions, but he’d rather dropped the ball on making that romantic moment materialize.  

"And when we got home?” Belle asked.

“I wanted to tell you.  I nearly did so many times.  But I knew that if I told you that I love you, I’d end up saying _everything_.  I didn’t trust myself to be able to stop before I asked you to marry me, and I couldn’t do that to Bae.  He was _so_ excited about being there for the proposal.  I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint him.”  Maybe it would have been better if he’d done just that.  Bae would have gotten over his hurt feelings eventually.

“I suppose I chose his feelings over yours, and I feel terrible about it.  I didn’t think of it that way.  I was envisioning it as a family moment— the moment we _became_ a family.  I didn’t mean to make you wonder if I was asking you to marry me just so I could stop paying your salary.”  He managed a weak smile as he made the joke.  "I’ll try to make it up to you.“

Belle stood up from her chair, and Gold grunted in soft surprise when she deposited herself unceremoniously on his lap.  Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her as she rested her head against his shoulder.  "It was a _beautiful_ proposal.  I’m glad Bae was part of it.  I just wish you’d told me first.”

Gold nuzzled his face against her hair.  "I’ll tell you every day— ten times a day.“

"I’d like that,” she whispered.

There was no time like the present.  "I love you, Belle.  The past year has been the hardest of my life, but it’s also been the best because it gave me you.  I know you only pretended to be a princess, but you are one in every sense of the word.  I love your kindness and your wit and your intelligence, and I’m thankful every day that you choose to share your life with me.“

He pressed a soft kiss against her temple.  "Will you marry me, sweetheart?  Be my wife and Bae’s mother?  Will you make me the happiest man in the world by wearing my ring?”

Belle sniffled and clutched him a little tighter.  "Oh yes.  I love you, Elias.  I’ll be proud to call you my husband.“

Feeling teary himself, Gold leaned down to capture her mouth with his own, taking advantage of Belle’s distraction to tug off her engagement ring just so he could have the pleasure of sliding it onto her finger once again.

Belle let out a watery chuckle when she realized what he was doing.  "Sneaky.”

“Magic,” he shot back, making an extravagant gesture before slipping the ring back into place.

Holding her hand in his, he gazed down at the glittering diamond.  "Bae was very upset with me for going to pick this out without him.“

Belle winced in sympathy.  "I can imagine.  It was probably for the best though.”

“He told me in no uncertain terms that it was too small.”

“If it was any bigger, I wouldn’t be able to lift my hand!”

Gold chuckled.  "He had very clear ideas about how the proposal was supposed to go.  Apparently, Emma told him all about how to do it.  We may have to reenact the moment for her when the Nolans come to visit.  You’re going to get tired of hearing me ask you to marry me.“

Belle snuggled into him.  "You can propose to me every day if you’re going to say such lovely things.”

“Every day for the rest of our lives,” he promised.  The thought of the two of them, decades from now, reliving this moment when they were gray haired and lined with age filled him with contented warmth.

With the hand that wasn’t currently curled in Belle’s chestnut hair, Gold reached for her glass of champagne and handed it to her before picking up his own.  "To happy beginnings?“ he offered.

Belle smiled through her tears as she clinked the rim of her glass against his.  "To happy beginnings.”


	28. Epilogue

Gold had his doubts about the wisdom of this excursion, but Bae had pleaded to visit Disney World, and there was little he could deny his boy, not when there was no guarantee that he would have his son beside him for much longer.

Running his hand over his face, Gold tried to focus on the positive.  Right now, Bae was beaming, his smile nearly splitting his face in two as he gazed out the monorail window as they waited to depart from the station at the Polynesian Resort.  While most teenagers went through a period of at least a few years where they considered themselves far too grown-up to enjoy something as childish as a trip to Disney World, Bae’s love for the parks had never faltered, and when he begged to celebrate his fifteenth birthday with a trip to Florida, Gold hadn’t been able to bring himself to say no.  Too soon, the boy would be off to college, and after that he might be too busy with classes and friends to have time for things like family vacations.

As the monorail lurched into motion, Belle gave him a gentle nudge with her foot.  "You’re a million miles away."

"Just thinking,” he assured her, leaning closer to claim a quick kiss from his wife and chuck Gideon under the chin.  Right now, their toddler son was happy on his mother’s lap, but once they reached the park, Gold foresaw disaster.  

Three year old Gideon’s favorite person in the world was Bae, and Bae, far from resenting the new arrival’s intrusion after twelve years of being an only child, adored his little brother.  The two of them were as thick as thieves, and that was why Gold couldn’t help but have a bad feeling about this vacation.

If Bae was doing something, Gideon firmly expected to be included.  To his credit, Bae had endless patience for his little brother, certainly more than Emma had for her own younger sibling, and he didn’t seem to mind incorporating a toddler into his adventures.  That, however, was at home.  Disney World was different.

The Magic Kingdom was a place where families could have fun together, but even Disney magic couldn’t rewrite the laws of physics.  Gideon was brave as a lion, having inherited the same fearless streak that Belle and Bae shared, but he was a tiny thing, even for a three year old.  There would be no roller coasters for Gideon today, and Gold knew his younger son wouldn’t take kindly to the realization that he wasn’t tall enough to ride everything that his big brother could.

It hadn’t been a problem when Gideon was an infant, content to doze in his stroller while his parents and older brother explored the park, but now that he was old enough to pay attention to what was happening around him, the situation was more delicate.  Privately, Gold would be perfectly happy to entertain Gideon instead of having his teeth rattled out of his head on Space Mountain, but Gideon would be outraged at being left behind while Belle and Bae went to ride.  Gold could clearly envision the tantrums that were in his immediate future.

Things like this were why he’d fully intended to wait until Gideon was a little older to bring his second son back to Disney World, but Bae’s insistence on celebrating his birthday in the park had short circuited those plans.  A less doting father would have put his foot down, but Gold was constitutionally incapable of denying Bae anything he wanted on his birthday.  

It wasn’t so very long ago that he’d feared Bae wouldn’t live to see his ninth birthday, let alone his fifteenth.  Every new candle on his son’s cake left Gold weak-kneed with gratitude, and if he went overboard in celebrating, well, at least they had something to celebrate.

Seven years after his surgery, Bae was defying the odds.  In the intervening time there had been setbacks and scares and frantic drives to the hospital, but at some point, things had stabilized.  Once Bae passed the magic five-year mark of living with donor lungs, the future was clear:  Bae was going to outlive his papa.  All was as it should be.

“Look, Gideon!  Giddy, look!  Over there!”  

Instantly, Gideon heaved himself up to stand on Belle’s lap and press his face against the monorail window so he could see what Bae was pointing at: an exquisite Victorian chapel on its own private island near the Grand Floridian resort.  

“That’s where Papa and Mom got married,” Bae informed his little brother.

The memory of that glorious day made Gold sigh as he reached for Belle’s hand and squeezed.  Considering how they’d met, there hadn’t been a doubt in either of their minds that they had to be married at Disney World, and standing hand-in-hand with Belle at the altar, Cinderella’s Castle in the distance, had been a fairy tale moment come to life.

She’d never looked more like a princess than she did that day.

Gideon nodded, his small face serious.  "I was there."

Chuckling, Gold reached out to tickle his son’s pudgy side.  "I’m afraid you weren’t.”

They’d invited everyone else they knew, from the Nolans to Belle’s parents, college friends, and fellow princesses, but Gideon hadn’t even been a twinkle in anyone’s eye at that point.  Until Bae’s health was firmly under control, they hadn’t dared consider expanding their family.

Gideon turned away from the window, his lower lip wobbling as he turned a look of pure betrayal on his papa.  Before his son could burst into tears at the great insult of not being invited to a wedding that happened before he was even conceived, Gold slid his hands under the boy’s arms and pulled him close enough to bury his face in Gideon’s neck and make rapacious growling noises into his ear as he pretended to devour his second-born.

Soon enough, Gideon was crowing with laughter, his pique forgotten, and Gold adjusted his hold on the boy so Gideon could sit on his lap with one of his papa’s hands supporting his back as the toddler played with Belle’s sparkling bracelet, the same one Bae had selected for her so long ago.

Under Gold’s hand, he could feel Gideon breathing, and as always, he took a moment to focus on the rise and fall of his chest.  It was foolish.  The chances of Gideon developing the same rare disease that nearly killed his older brother were infinitesimal.  They’d had every possible test done both during Belle’s pregnancy and after Gideon’s birth to make sure that any potential health issues were identified and treated before any damage was done, and every test had been negative.  Gideon Gold was as healthy as a horse.

All of those things were true, yet Gold still caught himself counting Gideon’s breaths the same way he did Bae’s whenever his eldest sat still long enough.  Some scars were too deep to ever fully heal, but at least they didn’t hurt any more.  His family was happy and healthy and together, and that was the only thing in the world that mattered.

“There’s the castle!  And look at the train!”  

Gideon launched himself at his older brother, letting Bae hold him up to show him the wonders of the Magic Kingdom.  Smiling at the sight, Gold wrapped his arm around Belle, feeling his wife relax into him as they admired their boys.

It was funny.  Bae looked more like him every year while Gideon was the spitting image of Belle, but the brothers still managed to look astonishingly alike.  

“What are we going to do first?” Belle asked softly as the monorail approached the station.

“Wherever Bae wants, I suppose.  It’s his birthday.”  It felt both strange and exhilarating to turn responsibility for the day’s itinerary over to his son.  Ceding control didn’t come naturally to him, but for today, all he had to do was follow Bae’s lead and concentrate on enjoying himself.  

“What’s our first ride?” he called across the monorail’s cabin to Bae.  "Pirates?"

Even though he’d vowed to follow Bae’s lead, Gold couldn’t help but try to guess what his son would want to do.  Bae would almost certainly want to ride one of his favorite attractions first, and Adventureland was the traditional starting point for every Gold family trip.  

To his surprise, Bae shook his head.  "Nope.  Gideon needs to see the Belle show.  We’re going to do that first.”

“What a lovely idea.”  Belle beamed at their son as she leaned into Gold’s side.

Bae jostled Gideon on his lap.  "Mama used to live here and be a princess."

Gideon seemed willing to accept this on faith, but Gold couldn’t help but correct his son.  "She’s still a princess.”

“Oh stop it.”  Belle’s dimpled smile belied her affectionate scolding.

Ducking his head, Gold claimed another kiss.  "Do you ever miss it?  Being a princess?“ he asked softly once their lips parted.

Belle hummed a little as she considered the question.  "It _was_ fun.  I loved the costume and seeing all the kids.  And checking out all the hot dads who brought their sons through.”

Feigning offense, Gold tickled her side.  "I’m not sure I like the sound of that.   _All_ the hot dads?"

Belle’s eyes sparkled as she relented.  "Well, _one_ hot dad.”

“That’s better.”

“I guess I miss it sometimes.”  Belle nuzzled his jaw.  "After all, it was the second-best job I’ve ever had."

"What’s the first?” he asked, confident that he knew the answer.

“Being Bae’s nanny,” she replied, catching him off-guard.

“Not being my wife?”  Even if she was only teasing him, that still hurt a little, insecurities that he’d thought were long gone once more rearing their ugly heads.

Belle’s eyes softened.  "Being your wife isn’t a _job_ , it’s a privilege."

With a single sentence, the insecurities were banished again, and Gold melted into her, losing himself in the sweetness of her mouth and the warm safety of her love.  

"Are you guys coming or are you going to make out on the monorail all day?” Bae asked, his voice a mix of affectionate tolerance and teenage embarrassment.  

“We’re going to make out.  Have fun with your brother,” Gold informed him.

“Come _on_ , Papa.”  By the time Gold looked up, Bae was already on the monorail platform, Gideon on his hip.  He hadn’t even noticed that they’d stopped.

Belle followed his befuddled gaze and dissolved into laughter at the impatient look on Bae’s face.  "Can I interest you in going around again?" Gold murmured.

"Tempting, but it _is_ his birthday,” she reminded him, offering him a hand to help him stand up.

The moment they joined Bae on the platform, the boy passed his brother to Belle and pulled out his phone, tapping away as they walked down the ramp toward the park entrance.

“Really?  We’re at Disney World.  Surely something here can keep your attention,” Gold chided.

Bae flushed a little and tilted the phone’s screen away from his papa, not quite fast enough to prevent Gold from catching a glimpse of Emma’s face.  Apparently, even Disney wasn’t engaging enough to keep Bae from texting or snap-tweeting or whatever teenagers were doing now with his best friend.

“Tell Emma I said hi.”

“ _Papa_ …”

Gold took pity on the boy and fell back a step, exchanging an amused look with Belle.  The pair of them had a friendly wager going on just how long it would take Bae to notice that he’d fallen in love with his long-time best friend, and it seemed like the moment was getting closer.   _Finally_.  Bae, it seemed, was almost as oblivious to that sort of thing as his papa had once been.

With tremendous dignity, Bae stowed the phone back in his pocket as they went through security and scanned their MagicBands, a novelty for Gideon who was only now old enough to need one.  Once they managed to drag the toddler away from the magic post that lit up with Mickey’s outline every time he touched it with his wristband, they were ready to start their day.

“What do you think, Giddy?” Belle asked as she scooped the toddler up in her arms, holding the little boy so he could look around.

Gideon’s eyes were as wide as saucers as he looked around the courtyard.  As he took in the scene, a train chugged into the Main Street station above their heads, and Gideon’s face broke into an enormous smile.  "Train!“

"Big train,” Bae agreed, ruffling his little brother’s hair.

Gideon’s gaze was locked on the steam engine.  "Want to ride train."

"We’ll ride it later,” Bae promised.  

“Want to ride _now_!”

Gold slid his arm around Belle’s waist and pressed his face against her hair to hide his laughter as Bae and Gideon negotiated.  Bae had fifteen years of practice at getting his own way, but Gideon was as strong-willed as his mother.  Perhaps he’d worried for nothing.  Gideon wouldn’t allow himself to be left out of anything.

Soon enough, the four of them were seated on the train, Gideon looking smugly pleased with his victory from his position on Belle’s lap.  Seated between his wife and his elder son, Gold wrapped an arm around both of them and dropped a kiss on the top of Bae’s head.

“This is the first ride we ever did.  Do you remember that, Bae-Bae?”  That first visit to the park felt like it had happened a thousand years ago, and it also felt like it had been only yesterday.  In the meantime, Bae had come a long way from that pale, fragile boy with a tube in his nose.

His son grumbled a little at the childish nickname, but he didn’t pull away.  Instead, he smiled at the memory of that first Disney trip.  "I thought the animals were real.“

The train passed several Old West vignettes that included animatronic animals that were less than convincing to adult eyes.  To a child, however, real deer and alligators lurked beside the tracks, and Gideon squealed with delight at the sight.

There were times when Gold missed the seven year old Bae who believed in magic and thought his papa knew everything.  His son was growing up far too fast, but when he remembered that there had been a time he feared the boy wouldn’t grow up at all, he knew that he had nothing to complain about.  

"I’m happy,” he said out loud to no one in particular.  It had taken him a long time to stop feeling like the floor was going to suddenly drop out from under him, and even now it did him good to stop for a moment to appreciate just how wonderful his life truly was.

Belle rested her head against his shoulder.  "Me too.“

"Yeah,” Bae said, his voice gruff, but the boy leaned into his other side.  

As the train chugged along its circuit, Gold held his family a little closer and sighed in contentment.  Disney World was a place for magic, but there was nothing more magical than having the three people he loved best held safe in his arms.

He nuzzled his face against Belle’s hair.  "Marry me?"

Years ago, he’d teasingly promised to propose to Belle every day for the rest of their lives, and Gold had kept that promise even though they’d been wearing matching rings for more than half a decade.  It was a ritual now, private shorthand for _I love you more than words could ever say, and no matter what happens, I’ll be okay as long as we’re together.  Thank you for being my wife, my life, my everything.  Thank you for loving me._

When Bae got sick, Gold had prayed for a happy ending, but with Bae’s new lungs and Belle at his side he’d gotten something even better.  He’d gotten a happy beginning.  

Belle turned her face to kiss his jaw, and he could feel her smile.  "I’d marry you every day.”

“Gross,” Bae grumbled, but his son was smiling.  

Gideon squirmed, demanding his mama kiss him too, and Belle obliged him, making lip smacking noises to make the boy giggle.  Gold chuckled helplessly, his heart so full that his chest could barely contain it.

Their happy beginning got happier every day.


End file.
